"Mr. Halpert...please...just...please..."     

"What are you saying?"    

"Mr. Halpert-"    

"NO. W-WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!"

"We're never going to get this nursery straight at this rate," Pam huffed, blowing hair out of her face and looking at up at Jim from her position on the floor. Piles of soft pinks, yellows, and pastel green surrounding her. Her milky legs crossed, tucked under a rounded belly that her tank top couldn't quite cover completely. She looked absolutely adorable.

"We? Who's this infamous 'we'? I believe only one of us is doing all the heavy lifting," he smirked, pushing the newly assembled changing table against the wall.

"You're right. It's a hard job but someone has to do it. And that person...is me," she cheekily replied, reaching out and wiggling expectant fingers at Jim. He knew very well what that meant.

He snorted in agreement, and went over to her, pulling her up to a standing position gently. She smiled up at him and he kissed her forehead, brushing aside some of her fly away curls. "We'll get the room finished. I promise."

"Baby suite."

"I'm sorry but...what was that?" He looked down at her as she looked in deep thought.

"In the magazine, they call it a baby suite."

"Really?"

She nodded and began ticking off which of the magazines she had read that in. He just lifted one curious brow at her and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm not calling it that."

"Yeah, you will."

Jim shrugged, winking at his beautiful expectant wife. "No, I will not."

No one told them a nursery would be so time consuming. Jim figured if they had known they would have gotten started on it earlier, like before she conceived. But that was neither here nor there. Pam was having their baby in three more weeks and he would finally get to meet his daughter face to face. They were finally becoming adults responsible for raising a human being. Wow. Surreal.

Two years ago, he was in New York interviewing for a job to get away from her and whatever it was their friendship had mutated into. Two years ago, he was with another woman, trying to build a relationship on a shaky foundation. Jim saw no children in that future. He saw no future in that relationship. All he ever knew was that he loved Pam. And now, after so many missteps and misunderstandings, they were here. Putting together a nursery for their new arrival. He still marveled at it sometimes, how things came to pass. How life fell into place when it seemed shattered beyond repair for so long. Sometimes, he would look at her when she was something as simple as washing dishes, and he just felt his heart leap into his throat. They were meant to be. He kind of always knew that.

A baby, of course, makes three. It was absolutely the best news ever. It wasn't like they planned it honestly. Not so soon into their marriage. After all, it had only been five months since their wedding, and no way no how were they done with the honeymoon stage of things. But Pam was more moody than usual and achy all over. He believed she suspected it long before she decided to buy a test and let him in on the secret. The way her lips curved up nervously as they both hovered over the pregnancy test stick, Jim fumbling with the instructions. That little plus sign changed everything.

They were initially nervous about being pregnant. After all, neither of them had ever done it before. The longest Jim held a baby was when his nephew was born, twenty minutes tops. The moment the kid started crying he happily handed him off to his sister in law. Jim was pretty good with older kids, the ones who knew how to talk. But Pam was a nervous wreck about motherhood in general. She fretted constantly that their daughter would hate her. Jim tried to console her but she made up in her mind that once the umbilical cord was cut, the baby would instantly hate her.

They even waited for awhile before telling anyone. Especially people at work. Something ominous about Angela's stare or Michael's hands fondling Pam's belly made them keep the pregnancy to themselves for a little while. Of course the moment Pam started showing, they had to let the cat out of the bag. And sure enough, the reaction was just as expected. Angela smirked and accused Pam of being pregnant before they got married. Kelly squealed and then cried and then recovered quickly enough to ask could she name the baby. Oscar, Stanley, Meredith and Phyllis congratulated them properly. Kevin giggled and pointed out that meant they were having sex. Dwight accused Jim of having a weak and ineffective gene pool and Pam should pray that her child is at least able to tie her own shoe or write her own name. Andy made veiled references that had Tuna not cock blocked, Pam might be pregnant with his baby. Toby took a half a day after the news. Creed asked when Jim married Meredith.

So the baby was already offering them so much with the insanity of their life.

"Okay, so what else do we need to get?" Pam replied, as she stood in the middle of the room-nursery-baby suite.

He leaned against the door frame, surveying the delicately colored hues on the wall and the beautiful lace window treatments Pam insisted he put up. This room was perfect. His daughter would come to a home that loved her. That alone made him feel so much warmth inside.

"Jim?"

"Well...we don't need anymore diapers, at least I don't think. The two closets full of them should be enough."

Pam sighed. "I think we're almost ready."

Jim could only smile back. "I think we've been ready. Now we're just overcompensating..."

"Jim?"

In his sleep induced haze, Dwight, who was oddly enough dressed like Abraham Lincoln and holding a goat, shook his shoulder to wake him.

"Dammit, Jim. Wake up."

He jolted forward, sitting straight up in bed before his eyes landed on Pam's face.

"Jim. It's time...I think."

Before she could finish the sentence, he leaped out of bed and grabbed his sweatpants. They had a drill before, a routine all mapped out. One that was seemingly hard to remember as he frantically darted across the room gathering things they knew they needed. In his head he ticked off the most important things, like her overnight bag, her insurance card. A teddy bear he got her at a carnival on their third date.

He grabbed all these things in his arms and turned to help lead her down the stairs when he saw how pale her face looked.

"Pam?"

She looked up slowly, dark circles under her eyes as if she hadn't slept a wink. She tried to give a weak smile, but the corners of her mouth only twitched slightly before she took a deep breath.

"Contractions? How far apart are they? Should I time them?" he asked, quietly.

She shook her head. "We have time. It's just...it feels worse than I thought."

Jim could tell she was extremely unnerved by this whole thing. But he would make it his mission to ensure that she would deliver this baby comfortably. "Are you ready to go? Or do you need a minute?"

She touched her stomach as if it burned and then she sighed deeply. "I think we should go now. We can call the folks in the car."

He nodded and helped her stand, then gathered the items again and moved downstairs to start the car. She didn't look good. She looked in pain. And the whole time he was calling her doctor while driving to the hospital she looked even worse. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she seemed ill, but she didn't say much. He called their parents and each set said they were on their way to the hospital as well to be there.

Every now and again, he would reach over to touch her hand and she would give him one of the weakest smiles. And he was afraid then. Something was wrong. Something was off and he had no idea what. By the time they reached Mercy Hospital, she was nearly slumped over.

"Pam? You gotta talk to me. You're not okay. What's wrong?"

"It's just the contractions or something," she muttered, her head in between her legs. "I'm pretty sure labor is supposed to hurt."

"But-"

"I'm fine, seriously. Just...get a wheelchair or something."

He unbuckled himself reluctantly and walked over to get alert the attendant and they got Pam out of the car and into the wheelchair. A valet was kind enough to park the car, and Jim walked inside with his wife, still not convinced that she wasn't in more pain. Thank god they pre-registered, he thought as the nurse asked a few more questions before they were wheeled to one of the labor and delivery rooms. There, two nurses attended to Pam, taking her blood pressure and talking to her as Jim stood helplessly by with all the crap he walked out of the house with.

He had no idea what his role was in this. Whether he should get the ice chips or massage her back or what.  The nurses placed Pam on the bed and began to put IVs in her arm, relaying information the entire time. Jim was nervous. He had no idea what to do or say. They were supposed to take the stupid Lamaze classes this Friday. Too late for that.

Finally one of the nurses noticed him standing in the corner. She smiled gingerly. "We're going to examine your wife to see if she's dilated yet. You can stay if you'd like."

He swallowed the dry lump forming in his throat and moved slightly as they pulled the curtain and began to check Pam.

"She's dilated. About ten."

"Really?" the other nurse replied, concerned.

Pam oddly looked uninterested in the whole thing.

"Okay, page Dr. Kronowitz. I'll prep her."

Jim watched the nurses part ways and the nurse that approached him before approached him again. "Your wife is nearly dilated. We're getting the doctor and then we're going to have her push, okay?"

He nodded and the nurse smiled. "I'm going to give you some scrubs to wear, okay?"

"Sure, they're like professional pajamas," Jim joked.

"Exactly," she smiled back, walking over to a cabinet and pulling out the scrubs. "You can slip them over your clothes."

He went to work on that, also trying to focus on the task at hand and not think of college funds or birthday parties, or the boys he would have to threaten when they come around his daughter. Jim tried to think of how small she would be. What features she would take from them both. The doctor walked in them, acknowledging Jim and then checking Pam.

Dr. Kronowitz asked Pam a series of questions, which she barely answered. Jim looked over to see her looking extremely pale and the doctor began to rattle off orders to the anxious nurses.

"Get her prepped. We have to do a C-Section. Call in Dr. Cowans. Now!"

Jim fumbled with his scrubs as he watched the nurses dart in and out and then Pam's monitor began to go haywire.

Before he could get over to her, a nurse pulled him. "Mr. Halpert, we need you to step outside for a moment."

"No. Wait...Pam?"

"Sir...we need you to step out for a moment."

"What's wrong with her? What's happening to her?"

"Sir-"

"NO! What's happening to her?!"

It took three nurses to push him out of the room. A frantic Jim paced back and forth, angry and worried out of his mind, because no one was giving him answers and his wife was in that room. He knew he had to give them space to work, to make Pam better, but he wanted to know...needed to know what the fuck was happening. Tears sprang forth and his face burned hot. Jim slumped against the wall directly across from the room, running his hands through his hair.

Pam would be okay. She's Pam. She has to be okay. It's probably just a precaution. Probably. Maybe...

Suddenly the door flung open and they were pulling her bed out into the hall, shouting orders at each other. He jumped up and went to ask but they whisked past him quickly.

"Pam?! HEY! That's my wife! What's happening?" He gripped his head in his hands, panic all over him, devastation. Please don't let it be the baby, please don't let it be Pam. Take him, God. Take him instead.

Another nurse approached, her face grave. "Mr. Halpert, your wife is experiencing shortness of breath, and extreme discomfort. We believe it's amniotic fluid embolism. It's very rare, but some amniotic fluid has gotten into your wife's blood stream and she's having an allergic reaction to it. We must get the baby out. Now."

He nearly died right then himself. He could barely choke out. "A-Are they going to be okay?"

"I don't know. We have to wait and see. This is so rare, it's a surprise our OB-GYN encountered it once before. But the good news is she's only three weeks premature, the baby's lungs might have developed enough. We have an excellent neo-natal division."

"Please...um..." At this point, Jim let the tears flow openly and he put his lip to try to maintain some kind of composure. "Please take care of them. They're all I have."

The nurse nodded. "I'm sure they will get the best of care. I can walk you to the waiting area. Perhaps your family is waiting there."

They walked in dead silence into the waiting area, Jim reeling and spinning within himself. As soon as he reached the room, he saw his parents and Pam's parents sitting there, smiling expectantly.

One look at his face and their faces fell.

"Jim?" Pam's mom, Ellen whimpered out nervously. Her father, Ron took a step forward, his face in complete confusion.

Jim's parents Kenneth and Larissa stood close together, Kenneth grabbing his wife's hand, bracing for the bad news.

"Um..." Jim looked down at his feet, noticing he still had the scrubs slips on. "Pam...um...Pam is suffering from amniotic fluid embolism...where like the fluid got into her blood and now she's reacting to it. They have to do an..." he gasped and he struggled to keep himself together. "A C-Section."

"Is she okay?" Ellen yelped, and then covered her mouth, tears springing to her own eyes.

"I-I don't know," was all Jim could reply.

For the next hour, Jim sat in the waiting room, his head in-between his legs as he struggled to breathe. Nothing could happen. He couldn't think of the possibility of them losing this baby. He didn't even want to fathom it. And just to think, earlier today, he was so happy, so anxious. So nervous about being a father. Now it was all he wanted to be and he prayed he would be able to experience that. Pam's parents paced the floors, and Jim's parents tried to comfort him to no avail. Tom and his wife Nancy showed up and they were filled in. Everyone was so scared. They patted Jim on his back and tried to make him think positively but he couldn't. Not until he could hold his baby and look at Pam. He was biting absently on his thumb nail when the doors opened and the doctor stepped into the room, with another doctor.

"Mr. Halpert?"

Everyone stood up then. "Yes?"

The doctor looked absolutely pained and Jim just knew. He just knew then. Something had gone terribly wrong.

"What is it? Is Pam okay? The baby?"

"Mr. Halpert...I'm so sorry..."

The words floated through the air and covered the room like a dark storm cloud. At first he didn't think he heard them right. His body felt every sharp pain, like he'd been hit by a train. This wasn't happening. They were supposed to come here and have a baby and leave out a few days later, happy and with a new person to call their own. They were supposed to buy a dog. Vacation in Nags Head.  They had so many plans, they probably couldn't do them all, but when Pam got better...she'd be better and they'd do them all, right? A cry broke out of Ellen's lips and she fell against her ex-husband as he gripped her and cried as well. Jim realized that they were telling him either his wife or child was dead.

"No..." he shook his head in disbelief and growled out. "No. Don't you dare come in here and tell me that."

"Mr. Halpert...please...just...please..." They were taken aback by the anger in his voice.

"What are you saying?"

"Mr. Halpert-"

"NO. W-WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!"

"Unfortunately, we were unable to save Pam. Her reaction was swift and by time we performed the c-section, her blood was unable to clot."

Jim's eyes slammed shut and he begged for all this to be a nightmare of some sort. He exhaled deeply and opened his eyes to see the doctor look at him, sad for him. "I...she was fine earlier. No. There's got to be..."

"We tried everything we could to save her. I'm so sorry for your loss."

"You...no. This..." he couldn't even speak anymore. All he heard was the sounds of disbelieving cries from his family. Ellen was sobbing uncontrollably in the corner, practically screaming. His own mother was breaking down and Tom was wiping tears out of his eyes. "I...what about...My baby too?"

"We were able to save your daughter. She's healthy and on her way upstairs. It's just a precaution."

"She's okay?"

"She's fine. She's six pounds and six ounces. She's nineteen inches long."

Ellen sniffed. "Can we see her? Can we see them both?"

"I want to be with my wife." Jim huffed out, completely destroyed. "I want my little girl and I want to be with Pam."

The doctors nodded. "Whatever you need, Mr. Halpert. You can be with Pam and then we'll take you to see your daughter."

"I want to see her. She...she shouldn't be alone. I shouldn't have left her alone."

"Oh Jim, honey," Larissa hugged him tighter.

"We'll give you a moment and then we'll take you to see her, okay?"

He didn't know how to deal with that many emotions. Denial, anger, grief, hate, loss, fear, and relief. He slumped back down into the chair and all the tears shook his body. And as his mother and father tried to comfort him, there was no comfort in the world that could make this better. Nothing. He wanted to die. He never felt so empty than right now. He felt like someone had ripped his heart out and burned it beyond repair.

"I just want to be with her..." he whimpered.