Fancy New Flenderson
by Steph
Summary: He wasn’t the same person as the guy featured in the documentary. His whole life had changed. A sequel to my What the Kids Are Watching/Breakdown fics.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
However Lacy and Carrie are mine.
--
He never told Kelly this, but he once had the pleasure of catching part of the documentary one weekend. He had watched himself, noting the bags under his eyes, the hunch of his shoulders. He watched the way he interacted with his coworkers, the way he interacted with Michael and Jim and Pam and it horrified him.
He turned the television off and sat on the couch for a very long time. He wasn’t the same person as the guy featured in the documentary, he reminded himself. He was happier, more centered, more relaxed.
His whole life had changed. There were now fashion and gossip magazines strewn throughout his apartment, more stylish clothes in his closet, a pink toothbrush in the silver cup by the bathroom sink. He could hum the lyrics of songs he never would have listened to in the past, he knew which one was Serena and which one was Blair and that they were both awesome but in totally different ways and he now knew more about Lauren and Heidi and Spencer and Whitney than he did about some of his own relatives.
He tried not to think about the documentary as he got off the couch to straighten up a little. He put a kettle on for tea and opened up a box of the oatmeal raisin cookies they both liked even if she teased him sometimes about them being too healthy.
She was coming over tonight, he thought to himself, smiling.
He was not the same person he was last year. He just wasn’t.
It was such a good feeling.
--
Kelly had known several things about herself from the time she was a girl. She knew that when she grew up she would have wonderful, stylish clothing and that she would be surrounded by a fun group of friends who would always be throwing crazy parties. She knew that her job, if she absolutely had to work, would involve being on the phone, because she loved talking to people.
She knew that when she fell in love for real it would be with someone ridiculously handsome, someone who made all her friends jealous, someone who would like all the same things she did and would be so fun and exciting that there would never be a dull moment.
Instead she was dating Toby, her coworker, her annex-mate for so many years, who she always thought was cute in his tired, sad way even if he wasn’t gorgeous. She was dating Toby who was soft-spoken and serious, smart and slightly damaged, depressed enough to have been admitted to a hospital.
And her friends didn’t understand it. They just saw this guy, more than ten years her senior, shy and slightly self-conscious and they weren’t quite sure what it was that Kelly saw in him. The only one who didn’t say anything critical was Lacy, but Lacy was kind of a slut and she liked all of Kelly’s boyfriends.
Sometimes Kelly didn’t understand it either.
All she knew was tonight Sasha had seen the documentary and Toby was upset about it and the two of them sat on his couch and she was kissing him over and over, telling him he wasn’t a loser. She kissed away the tears and told him how awesome he was and he said someday he would marry her and that made her so happy and he was kissing her back and she was pulling him so he was half on top of her and yeah if she thought too much about this situation maybe it was kind of weird and yeah right now she could have been at Brianna’s party where there would be all kinds of fun, hot guys around.
But she was here instead. Here on his couch, kissing and more kissing and caressing his skin and she didn’t care if there were a zillion parties she was missing, because right now she was here with Toby and there was nowhere she would rather be.
--
Kelly was not the kind of person who slept way on one side of the bed, almost falling off. She slept as close to him as possible, limbs splayed out, entangled with his. Sometimes before she drifted off, she would burrow her face into his chest, his back. Sometimes he woke up with an elbow pressed into his hip or an arm spread across his stomach.
Kelly was a big fan of spooning.
After years of sleeping alone this was something to get used to. He got used to it. Found that he loved having her so close. It was comforting.
She smiled in her sleep. A small, almost mischievous smile that left him wondering what she was dreaming. What magic she found while she slept.
He told her this once and then, feeling both bashful and curious, asked her if she ever watched him while he slept. Did he smile in his sleep too?
“Oh no,” Kelly said. “You still look sad.”
The small alarm clock read six-thirty. He had not slept much last night. He could not shut his mind off. He could not stop thinking about Sasha seeing the documentary.
He hoped she would forget all about it. He hoped that the reassurances from himself and his ex-wife (a united front for once) had helped. He hoped his speech last night, given over a gooey banana split, had convinced her that he was happy, cured.
Sasha had known about Kelly too. He wasn’t sure how.
He looked over at Kelly, still asleep, secret smile playing across her lips. She had been so wonderful last night. Caring and supportive and kind.
He told her last night that he would marry her someday. He would too. Not now. He wanted to be completely well, completely emotionally ready. But it would definitely happen. He loved her and it would happen.
The wedding talk didn’t scare him. Kelly had talked about weddings the first month they had dated. Hinted not-so-subtly about ring styles and color schemes and doves and rice. Exactly the kind of talk that had freaked out a kid like Ryan.
But Toby wasn’t a kid. He was 41, divorced with a daughter he didn’t see enough. And being married to a beautiful, fun woman he loved sounded great to him.
And poor Kelly would be marrying a loser.
He frowned to himself. No. He couldn’t think like this. He was doing well. He wasn’t the same person he was in the documentary. Kelly brought out the best in him; someone who was relaxed and sort of funny. He could be romantic too. He brought her roses on Valentine’s Day and made her dinner on her birthday which was “so awesome!”
But there were things that he couldn’t change. He was still 41, still divorced. He wasn’t great looking. He wasn’t charming and fun like she was; he still tended toward social awkwardness around people he didn’t know. He had met some of Kelly’s friends once and couldn’t think of anything to say to them. He had the feeling that several of them were laughing at him; the only one who was friendly to him was the blonde who twirled her hair when she spoke to him and touched his arm when Kelly went to get another drink.
“What was that?’ he asked Kelly afterward.
“Lacy,” Kelly said. “She’s just a huge slutty slut.”
“Oh,” he said, not sure how to respond. “Huh.”
“We’re total BFFs,” Kelly said.
He thought again about the stupid documentary, of everything that had led to what his ex liked to refer to as his “episode.”
He wasn’t that much different, was he? He still didn’t stand up to Michael, still cowered in the back while everyone else was being social.
He watched Kelly for a few more seconds, adorable in her pink pajamas decorated with doughnuts, before whispering, “Don’t you know that you can do so much better than me?”
--
One of Kelly’s favorite things about Toby - besides the fact that he didn’t treat her like she was stupid and actually seemed to like hanging out with her - was his willingness to talk to her.
It started with all those phone calls in that confusing transition period from coworkers, to friends, to really close friends, to boyfriend and girlfriend.
It took him a little while to relax around her, to be comfortable enough around her to start confiding in her, trusting her enough to know she wasn’t planning to tell Michael and Dwight and Jim and Pam every secret.
She listened. She didn’t talk over him or tell her that what he was going through was just like this or that celebrity like she might have done in the past. She listened to him discuss his parents’ bitter divorce, his sister’s issues over the years, his own divorce which he tried to prevent with everything he had and his love and concern for his daughter. She listened to him speak so openly to her in a way that was so different from Ryan or Darryl and so different from how she had always thought of him: her quiet, slightly boring neighbor in the annex. Maybe that’s what made her fall in love with him in the first place.
He really seemed to value her opinion. Not just on things like fashion, but on important things too.
Something was off this morning though. Today he wasn’t talking much. He was making blueberry pancakes and the air was filled with wonderful, delicious smells and she was chattering excitedly about the day ahead and what they could do. She was leaning toward maybe a day full of movies and they would take turns choosing what to watch (he knew some really cool old movies that were romantic and she loved the outfits!) and it would be awesome.
He had a rough night last night with Sasha seeing the documentary she thought as she watched him measure out the pancake ingredients. He was very methodical about everything. She hoped he would let her flip the pancakes. That was her favorite part.
He had a rough night, but she hoped that what happened on the couch had helped somewhat. When they were through, when her heart was still beating like crazy and her breath was coming out all funny, he had stroked her face until she met his eyes. There was such a gentleness to his touch and love in his gaze as he had whispered that he loved her.
“I love you too,” she said and the two of them had stayed there on the couch for awhile.
“I love you,” she said again now and she grinned because she did and she had their whole day planned out and she was starving and there would be pancakes shortly.
He looked up from the pancakes and there was something strange in his expression, something unhappy and unsure, before he said, “I love you too, Kelly.”
And pushing ahead because that’s what she did in times of uncertainly, she smiled wider and said, “Kelly Flenderson has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
He didn’t say anything. The only sounds were the sizzle of the pan, the soft instrumental music on the radio in the background (he always liked having music when he cooked) and as the silence filled the room she began to feel more and more panicky.
“Because we’re totally getting married,” she said. There was no question.
He looked up from the pancakes. “Kelly,” he said softly.
She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes. “Toby.”
“I just...”
“No!” she said. “You told me. You told me last night we were going to get married!”
He took out a plate, slid two pancakes on to it and brought it to the table. He set it down in front of her and frowned. “I just... are you really sure you want to get married to me?”
Well, that was just the stupidest question she had ever heard. “Of course,” she said softening the tone of her voice just a little bit. “I’ve always wanted to be married.”
“I know,” he said. “But maybe... you want to be married more than you want to actually be married to me.”
It was a horrible thing to say. Mean. She pouted. “That was mean.”
He nodded, ashamed. “I’m sorry. I just...especially after last night...I just wonder if maybe you wouldn’t be happier if you were with someone...who isn’t....me.”
She could feel her perfect day filled with pancakes and movies slipping away. She didn’t know if she should be pissed at him for ruining their day or take him into her arms and convince him how much she loved him.
“I mean... I’m so much older than you and...” His voice trailed off and he looked away from her.
“So what. Older guys are better. And I want to marry you and we’ll have kids...”
Oh she loved the idea of kids. Of giving Sasha a baby brother or sister. Or a brother and a sister. She could already picture their kids. Beautiful multiculti babies who were super smart like Toby and fun and happy like her who celebrated everything from Diwali to Hanukkah.
“But...” He sighed and looked at his hands and she felt herself getting angrier. Why was he doing this? “I just want to make sure you’re sure because you might be better off.... no, I mean I know how much you want to get married and if it’s more that than you want to marry me and I just think if we got married for that reason it would be wrong and...”
He said that last bit as one long, continuous mumble and she frowned again at his regression to his pre-having an awesome girlfriend state.
He continued mumbling. “If we got married for the wrong reasons then there would be problems especially if there were kids involved and I don’t want that to happen and...”
With one quick swoop, she pushed the pile of newspapers on the floor. She looked up at him, petulant, challenging, before feeling the slightest bit guilty.
Toby wasn’t the only one regressing.
“You’re stupid,” she told him. “Because I’m awesome and people as awesome as me aren’t common. And just because your first marriage was messed up doesn’t mean this one would be.”
That was hurtful. She didn’t even need to look up from the pile of rapidly cooling pancakes to know that the wounded puppy expression would be on his face, but she did anyway.
Yep. Wounded puppy times a thousand.
“I’m sorry,” she said standing up, picking up the newspaper and walking over to him. She put her arms around him and squeezed. “I’m sorry, but you were kind of being a dick.”
He stepped away from her slightly, mouth tight. “I’m sorry, but I was just trying to...”
He didn’t finish his thought and she was still in a kind of pissy mood and she knew she should leave before she said anything else.
So she did.
--
One night, only a few weeks into their new relationship, it rained. More accurately it poured and there was hail and thunder and lightning and she told him he would be an idiot if he ventured outside to drive home and would only end up killing himself and she really didn’t want that.
Neither did he, he thought to himself. Neither did he.
The two of them listened to the rain and the hail from the warmth of her bed, a faded quilt keeping them toasty. She talked easily about the weather and how sometimes she liked this kind of gloomy weather, because you could drink hot cocoa and sit by the fire (not that she had a fireplace or anything but it would be so cool if she did) and snuggle. She promptly rolled toward him, wrapped herself around him and nuzzled his neck.
Oh yeah. He was really starting to like the gloomy weather too.
“Sometimes I think I like cold weather better than hot weather,” she said. “But when it starts warming up and getting sunny, I’m always ready. I like warm weather clothes better. I love sundresses and cute strappy sandals.”
“I like warm weather,” he said. “A lot of place I’ve lived have been warmer than here. California, Hawaii...” He pulled her closer to him, causing her to giggle. “I bet it’s beautiful in Costa Rica right now.”
“Costa Rica?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said. And because she sounded somewhat interested, he told her everything. How he stole a magazine from his dentist’s office once because they had a feature on Costa Rica. How he had cut out one of the pictures from the article, a colorful picture of the beach and carried it with him. He rhapsodized about sand beneath your toes, the sun on your skin, the sound and smell of the ocean, about surfing and swimming and how he could imagine himself just letting go of everything in the tropical paradise.
She didn’t say anything at first and he wondered if he had been babbling, if he had bored her with his musings. He wondered if she thought he was crazy for holding on to a stupid beach photo, for pinning so much on a place he had never been and would probably never go.
But no when she finally turned to face him, she had the most curious expression on her face.
“I’d have to get a new bikini,” she told him. “A pretty pink one.”
He didn’t know how to respond. He had always assumed he’d go alone. Why not? Up until a few weeks ago, he had always been alone.
And now he wasn’t alone. Now he was with Kelly. And she didn’t seem to think that dreaming of an island vacation was foolish or impossible.
“You’d...you’d want to come with me?”
She shoved him. “Do I want to go on some beach vacation with you? Totally! You’re going to need someone to rub sunscreen on your back. And it's going to be me."
“Yes,” he said, this incredible light, happy feeling filling him. Now she was the one dreaming - telling him about walking together on the beach at sunset, and the kind of clothes they’d need to buy and she saw a movie once where people had sex on the beach (real sex, not the drink) and that looked kind of gross to her and she hoped that he didn’t want to do that.
“No,” he said. “Don’t worry.”
“Good,” she said. She leaned over and kissed him. When she pulled back, she said, “I like it when you smile.”
He liked it when he smiled too. It had been awhile.
“We have to get a nice hotel, Toby. Is that okay? You don’t want to stay at like some crappy beach hut or something? We can get a hotel, right?”
“Sure,” he said. “Of course.”
At this point, he would have promised her anything.
Today it wasn’t raining. It was perfectly sunny, the kind of day where he should have been out running or doing something. But instead he sat alone in his apartment, beating himself up for the way he handled his earlier conversation with Kelly.
Now they probably would never go to Costa Rica. All he would have was the same faded picture he could take out and look at to torment himself. He had been so close to that ultimate goal of bliss.
He had screwed up today, he knew that. But it had been done with the right intention. He didn’t want Kelly to be unhappy. If she married him just to be married, then she’d be unhappy.
If they were together - no, not together but married - for the wrong reasons and things went wrong, it would be horrible and that’s what he was trying to get Kelly to understand.
Because as bad as it was to break up with someone, it was nothing compared to getting divorced.
--
Kelly was pissed. She drove home, speeding, but not really caring. She was too mad to care. All this time she had been dating an idiot. Someone who was stupid and unaware of how she was the most awesome thing around.
Okay maybe that wasn’t completely accurate. He was definitely an idiot, but he seemed to realize her awesomeness.
He had been fine last night. He had promised her that he’d marry her and then suddenly he just woke up and changed his mind. That wasn’t right.
Her eyes brimmed with tears, but she furiously blinked them away. She would wait until she was safely home. Although there was part of her that loved the idea of being in an accident and him rushing to the hospital and then, so relieved that she was okay, getting down on one knee right then and there, the other part of her knew that she didn’t have that many sick days left at work and she shouldn’t waste them on a stupid car accident.
The smart part of her, the caring, mature Kelly that had unexpectedly emerged after she had started dating him, knew that it wasn’t completely fair of her to be so angry at him. She knew Toby had weird self-esteem issues, knew that from the beginning.
She remembered once they were on one of their first real dates - not a movie at her apartment - but at a fairly nice restaurant. And he had made some reference that she didn’t get and instead of rolling his eyes at her or telling her that she should be interested in more than celebrities, he patiently explained what he meant.
She sipped her soda and said, off-handedly, “You are so different from Ryan and Darryl.”
She had meant it as a compliment, meant it as a thank you, but he hadn’t taken it that way. He had assumed it was an insult, had taken a sudden interest in the menu, and she had wondered then, as she wondered now, what it must be like to take everything in the worst possible way.
Like just because your ex-wife had been kind of a bitch to you didn’t mean that every woman in the world was like that. Maybe you’d be lucky enough to find some young, hot woman who would find your sad eyes and soft voice to be everything that she needed.
And then maybe you’d be an idiot about it and ruin everything.
Oh no, she thought to herself. They would be getting married.
She had it all pictured. She already knew the type of dress she wanted: traditional, but not old-fashioned. She had the place in mind where she wanted her wedding to be held. She knew what colors they’d use (pink) and what the invitations would look like (pink!). Her bridesmaids (her sisters and maybe Brianna and Lacy) and flower girl (Sasha) would be in pink as well.
It would seriously be the most beautiful thing ever. So much cooler than Pam and Jim’s upcoming wedding.
She even had the honeymoon planned. And it would be the best honeymoon ever.
Now back at her apartment, she wandered into her bedroom. Her bed was messy, clothes everywhere, but she ignored it. Her gaze lingered briefly on the picture taped to her mirror.
It was of Toby, taken about a month ago. He had done a marathon and made good if not great time and had placed in the middle of the group. You wouldn’t have known it to look at him though. You would have thought he had won with the way he was all flushed grinning at whoever was taking the picture.
Which was her. He was grinning because she had called him a stud.
He was grinning at her because she had told him she was proud of him.
She bet if she brought that picture to work no one would recognize him. That’s how happy he looked; he was like someone completely different.
She loved that she had that grin captured forever in that picture. Even though later that day the slight flush on his nose and cheeks had turned into an uncomfortable sunburn (and had necessitated a run to the drugstore for some slimy aloe vera gel) and on Monday morning Michael had once again called him a loser, the picture was proof that Toby had it in him to be that happy.
She tore her gaze away from the picture and went through her underwear drawer. She pushed away all her pretty lingerie and the potpourri sachets and found the envelope marked HONEYMOON.
Any time she had a little extra money, whether from the rare bonus at work or presents from her parents, she put some into her envelope. She had been doing this for awhile and had a decent amount saved.
She glanced at the picture of Toby again. He had no idea she was saving money like this, had no idea what she had planned for them.
But she bet that if he stopped being an idiot and proposed, her plan would make him grin like that again.
“Costa Rica,” she whispered to herself, before she started to tear up again.
End of Part One
Story Notes:
The following is a sequel to Breakdown which was a sequel to What the Kids Are Watching In a nutshell, the series dealt with Season 4 Toby and his bizarre behavior. Instead of him just turning creepy, he was having some sort of breakdown and was hospitalized. While in the hospital, Kelly took care of him in her own special Kelly way, bringing him food and US magazine and they begin, slowly, to become really good friends and then starting a romantic relationship. When the documentary airs, Sasha sees part of it and watches her dad being treated so poorly (and realizing that his sadness is in part because of this). This upsets Toby and the beginning of this fic overlaps with the end of Breakdown, after he goes to comfort Sasha and then comes back to Kelly, needing some comfort of his own.
So, this may be a little confusing, but for this fic series what we saw in Season 4 ended at Did I Stutter? and these events happen about a year after that. So no Costa Rica trip, no broken neck, no Holly Flax and Ryan is still living the life in NY.
I need to give two big shout outs. One to Holly, who has been the biggest encourager of mine for the longest time. She wrote the light smut for this epic and provided feedback and betaing. My other beta was Mansion, who seriously listened to all my ideas and pushed me in the right direction and loved discussing Toby about as much as I did. Thanks to you both for so much.
So, this may be a little confusing, but for this fic series what we saw in Season 4 ended at Did I Stutter? and these events happen about a year after that. So no Costa Rica trip, no broken neck, no Holly Flax and Ryan is still living the life in NY.
I need to give two big shout outs. One to Holly, who has been the biggest encourager of mine for the longest time. She wrote the light smut for this epic and provided feedback and betaing. My other beta was Mansion, who seriously listened to all my ideas and pushed me in the right direction and loved discussing Toby about as much as I did. Thanks to you both for so much.
