2:06 PM
He sees Karen sitting next to the fountain. She's sort of dreamily staring off into space with a blissfully content expression on her face. He takes a deep breath and approaches.
"Hey," he says, and she looks up and smiles.
"Hey you. How did it go?" She beckons for him to sit next to her. He obliges.
"It went okay." He can't look her in the eye.
"Just okay? Does that mean I got the job?" She playfully pokes him in the ribs and giggles.
He doesn't laugh. "Actually... you probably did."
Her smile fades. "Oh Jim, I'm sorry. What happened?"
"No, I, uh... I withdrew from consideration." He glances at her, but only for a second.
She's silent for a moment, then, slowly: "Why, Jim?"
"I can't - I can't be here. I can't move here, I mean. I need to stay in Scranton." He's looking at her now, and feels a twisting in his gut as he sees her eyes well up with tears.
"Why, Jim?" she repeats, needing more.
He stares off into the distance, trying to determine how to best answer her. He feels exhausted, and is sick of lying.
"I'm still in love with her."
And there it is.
She can't fight back the tears now. She desperately wipes them from her eyes.
"Go," she says.
"Karen - "
"Just go. I... can't be near you right now. Just go!" She raises her voice, and people are starting to look.
"I can't leave you here," he says quietly.
"Yes. You can. Get out of my sight, Jim, so help me God..." She turns away and buries her head in her hands.
He gets up, unsure of what he should do.
"Get the fuck away from me!" she yells, and that's that. He backs away, turns, and heads down the street towards the hotel parking garage where his car is waiting for him.
5:01 PM
Pam stands and walks slowly toward the door. She's shaking.
Everyone is gathering their things to leave for the day. She doesn't see Jim anywhere. She heads back through the kitchen and to the breakroom, but he's not there. She wonders if she should leave along with everyone else, or if she should wait. Still teary-eyed and trembling, she walks back over to her desk where she sees a Post-it note attached to her monitor.
outside. -J
Smiling, she collects her things and heads to the elevator. He is waiting for her near her car.
"You came back," she says.
"Yeah." He grins.
She's still not sure what this means. She wants to ask but she can't find the right combination of words, so instead she blurts out, "Where's Karen?"
He looks down at the ground and shuffles his feet. "New York."
"Oh." Well, that didn't clear anything up. So she tries a different approach. "Is she okay with us going to dinner?" She waits, hopeful.
He lets out a rueful chuckle. "Don't worry about that. We, uh, broke up."
"Oh," is all she can say. Her stomach flutters. Should she say she's sorry, offer her condolences? It would be a lie, and she has been trying to be more honest lately.
But he doesn't give her any time to think about it any further. "So I was thinking I will pick you up at 6:00? Is that okay?"
She nods. "Yes, that's fine. Um, do you know where I live?"
Jim shakes his head and laughs. "I guess that would be helpful, right?" She takes a pen from her purse and rips a page out of her planner, then scribbles her address and hands it over.
"See you at six, then."
6:02 PM
Don't throw up, he tells himself. It's just Pam.
Just Pam. It's never been "just" Pam. He gulps and knocks on the door.
She's wearing a pretty purple blouse, and her hair is down. He allows himself to stare for a second, then hands her the flowers.
"These are for you," he says.
"Thank you. They're beautiful." She turns to get something to put them in. "Come on in for a minute while I put these in some water."
He feels fidgety as he stands there in her living room. She was right; this place was small. Her kitchen is attached to the living area so he watches as she gets a vase out from under the sink and fills it with water. When she turns around he's looking at the pile of books and magazines on the coffee table.
"Sorry the place is such a mess," she says. "I would have cleaned it, if..." She trails off as he meets her eyes. They both stand there for a moment, transfixed. She breaks the spell almost immediately though. "Should we go?"
6:47 PM
They are sharing a bottle of red wine. She's on her second glass already, while he's just sipping his first. She feels lightheaded, and realizes she should be eating the chicken parm in front of her - otherwise, the alcohol will go straight to her head.
She has already told him about her stint as Secret Assistant To The Regional Manager. It was so good to hear him laugh again. She wants to ask him about New York, but she's afraid. She's having too much of a good time to weigh it down with "important" things.
"I missed you," he says suddenly.
She starts to feel teary again, but that's when the waitress comes over and asks if they need anything. They don't.
7:26 PM
Okay, so Pam's a little tipsy now. She's feeling bolder as they share a tiramiscu and chat about the time Michael had a funeral for a bird. ("I totally thought Creed was making that up!" he says.)
She takes a deep breath and says, "So... what happened in New York? Did you get the job?" She's holding that breath, waiting for his reply.
He surprises her by reaching out and taking her hand. "No, I didn't get the job. You're stuck with me for the time being."
She feels giddy and amazed and just wants to kiss him right then. She squeezes his hand and opens her mouth to say something, but the stupid waitress is there again, with their check. Jim smiles at her and waits for her to leave, then says to Pam, "I think we need to talk. Do you want to go... somewhere else?"
"We could go back to my place," she says quickly. "I mean, to talk."
"That sounds great."
7:48 PM
Her keys are at the bottom of her purse and by the time she digs them out she's shaking. She still feels slightly drunk but she's very much aware of his presence next to her. She manages to get the door open, and she gestures for him to enter.
"So I didn't give you the tour before," she says. "Uh, that's the kitchen. And over there is the bathroom and the bedroom. And that's it."
He smiles brightly at her.
"Sit," she says, pointing to the couch. They both sit down at the same time. Neither one says anything at first, then they both speak at the same time.
"So, I - "
"I was just - "
They both laugh nervously. Pam says, "Okay, you go first."
He nods, gathering his composure.
"I just wanted to say... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I've treated you the past six months. I've been a real ass, and I hope I haven't - " He searches for the words. "I hope I haven't ruined any chance for us."
She shakes her head, biting her lip. "I'm sorry too, Jim. I never meant to hurt you, before. I... " She starts to get choked up, and can't form a cohesive sentence.
"Hey," he says gently, tentatively wiping a tear from her cheek with his thumb.
"I love you," she blurts out, then quickly raises her hand to her mouth. "Oh my God, was that... too forward for a first date?"
He is mesmerized, and speechless. He's looking at her mouth, wanting desperately to kiss her, only he feels like he's frozen in space and time.
She wants him to say something, anything, because she feels like an idiot.
But now he is the one nearing tears. "I... never thought I would ever hear you say that." They both laugh, and she reaches for his head and pulls his mouth down to hers. The kiss is totally different from the last one they shared - this one more frantic, more passionate. She tastes like wine and tiramiscu. She leans back and takes him with her, so he's lying on top of her. He's leaning on his elbows and her hands are in his hair. He pulls away for a moment to look at her, and whispers, "I love you. I never stopped."
8:09 PM
Her shirt is off and his pants are unbuckled. His right hand is on her breast and the other is cradling her head. She reaches down into his boxers and takes him in her hand. He moans softly and she whispers, "Is this okay?"
"Do you even need to ask?" he replies, closing his eyes tightly. After a few minutes he grabs her hand and gently moves it away. When he speaks she can barely hear him. "Do you have any... condoms?" He feels her deflate somewhat.
"Shit. No."
"I have some in the car," he says quickly.
She smiles. "Hurry."
He jumps up and zips his pants, nearly catching himself in the zipper. "I'll be right back!" He's out the door in a millisecond, running down the stairs and out to the parking lot. He throws open the trunk and reaches for the side pocket of the overnight bag, where he had packed the box of condoms.
For his trip to New York with Karen.
Fuck, he thinks to himself, as he picks it up. Two of them were gone. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but the realization that not twelve hours earlier he had been fucking another girl in a hotel bed is devastating to him. Oh my God, I am such an asshole.
8:15 PM
She's wondering what's taking him so long when she hears the door open. She gives him her brightest smile, but it quickly fades when she sees the expression on his face.
"Jim? What's wrong?"
He's not sure how to answer. He had stuffed some condoms in his pocket but now he wasn't sure if he should use them.
"It's just that..." He looked at her, so beautiful and eager and wonderful and everything he ever wanted. He sits next to her and softly touches her cheek. "I was... um, with Karen."
"I know," she replies.
"No, I mean, like, today." He looks away, to the floor.
"Oh!" She sits up. "Oh."
"It's not that I don't want to... I mean, I just feel like, you know..." God, she's so beautiful. "I mean we still could..." I'm so weak, he thinks.
She stares back at him, but her expression is unreadable.
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
