Pam Beesley had been kissing Jim Halpert for exactly 15 minutes. She’d checked. Occasionally she’d see the clock in the corner of her eye as she was about to pull away and tell herself that she’d stop him in another minute or two, she really would. She just needed a minute, just another minute. Of this.
She finally gently pulled away from his embrace, but she was still clasping his hand firmly. Still pushing her body towards his.
“Pam.”
“Jim”
The words came out simultaneously. Both of their speakers desperate to get the words out of their head. Before they lost them. Before they lost the courage.
She squeezed his hand tightly. “Jim, I came here not to kiss you, but to tell you, to tell you that this needs to stop, I am getting married, I can’t feel like this married, I can’t do this married and....” Her voice faltered as she saw the tears trickle down his eyes. She had to force her voice to continue “I am, I am getting married.”
It sounded unnatural. It sounded wrong. She knew that.
She didn’t loosen her grip on him, knowing as soon as he left, as soon as either of them walked away, that the full consequences of her words would hit her. With him here she could still take them back. Or kiss him.
One of the two.
***********
Karen saw Roy approaching in the distance and walked up to greet him with a hug. She liked Roy. He seemed decent enough. He also seemed a little juvenile at times, but she didn’t tell Pam that of course.
“Hey, so the warehouse looks pretty good, huh? How was Poor Richards?”
“Yeah, well we ran out of cash after a while, so thought we’d hit the party a little early than planned. Free bar! Yeah!” he high fived Daryl who walked past with a tray of beers. “You look pretty. That’s uh a pretty dress.”
He also has no idea how to compliment women Karen thought.
“Ah thanks, Pam helped me picked out. Where is she? I thought she was going to find you?”
He shrugged. He didn’t seem concerned. “So shots Fillapelli! You in?” He motioned towards the bar.
She shook her head. “I'll pass, I’m actually going to head up to the office, I’m freezing here, with the air con on full blast and I left a sweater on my chair. Have fun.”
She approached the steps of the warehouse with a determined air. She was going to grab the sweater then search high and low for Jim, ask him to take a walk with her outside and then tell him how she felt. Seeing Roy had reassured her a little. It had always been Pam and Roy.
Hopefully by the end of night it would be Karen and Jim too.
***************
Her voice was faltering, she was faltering. Jim knew that. He sensed she wasn’t sure, not really. He sensed that if he said the words loud enough he might be able to convince her.
“so I guess you don’t want to hear what I have to say, don’t want to know what I was going to say to you tonight.”
She knew. He knew she knew. Because she kissed him again.
This time he stopped her, after a minute or two. “You know, so ask me to say it, if you want to know, if you want to hear it....”
“I feel the same” she said “You don’t need to say it when I feel the same, but I’m getting married Jim, I’m getting married and...” she leaned up to kiss up him again.
He didn’t respond to her advances. "So this" he said "is when you’re in or out" with a sense of constructed determination that he certainly didn’t feel. But he needed to do it. He needed to know what he meant to her.
“I don’t want you to kiss me again. I don’t want you to tell me you feel the same. I just want you to make a decision. I can’t be afterthought. I want you to be with me. Not Pam and Roy, but Jim and Pam. Are you in or out? No halfway."
She stared at him for a minute, half playing with her wedding ri, half tilting her head towards his in the hope that he'd kiss her again. Then she spoke.
"I’m out"
He knew deep down it was coming but it didn’t make it any easier.
At first he waited in silence. Waiting for her to come back and do something, say something, anything to stop his heart from breaking. But after five minutes, he started to sob and it had quickly consumed his whole body.
He stayed that for quite a while. Sobbing in his own world. Failing to notice anything around him. Not least, Karen, who was on the other side of the office door.
Watching him.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I am so loving writing this story, I am really enjoying it! Plus I am an English teacher so it is so nice to actually practice the writing skills that I try and teach!
The reviews so far have been great! Thanks so much for those who have reviewed so far, your comments mean a lot to me!
I couldn't resist doing another chapter, so next one's up.
The reviews so far have been great! Thanks so much for those who have reviewed so far, your comments mean a lot to me!
I couldn't resist doing another chapter, so next one's up.
Chapter End Notes:
Hmm, I think the last line makes Karen seem a little bit serial killer which is not where this fic is going at all! lol! Reviews really appreciated, even if you think I should turn this into a horror fic and have Karen pull disturbing faces as she waits for her prey! Tell me!
