He is devastated.
He has said words he could not have imagined saying.
And she has said words he had never thought he would hear.
He always thought of having her as something he could call reachable when he knew more than the sky is blue that she is everything but that. And yet here he is on her wedding day, standing with her in secret behind tall, white pearl donned doors, and he doesn’t see her as reachable anymore.
“I just can’t do this anymore,” she whispers, her fingers burning as they grasp the golden loop newly adorned on her finger.
There is a shriek of emptiness within him that rumbles throughout him.
“I don’t think I can, either.”
“What happened to us, Jim?”
“What do you mean?” The anger has not dwindled yet.
She is silent, fishing for words. Two tears slip down her rose-dusted cheeks, but her mascara has not begun to run yet.
“We were such good friends. Wasn’t enough for you?”
He pauses. The truth can hurt.
“No,” he whispers, looking down. “No, it wasn’t. And I’m sorry for that.”
“So am I.”
He takes a deep breath. He knows he’s ruined the rest of her night, let alone the days to come. And excruciatingly, he realizes that he loves her enough to let go. He just wishes it were that easy.
“I promised myself more than this, but sometimes people change,” she says quietly. She begins to reclaim her calmness. “Things happen and we move on. Thank you for trying and for being honest,” tears flush her green irises as she finishes, “But I’m sorry I couldn’t.”
Before he turns to leave, because he’s realized that he really should, this time, for good, he takes one more chance.
“Were you honest all these years?”
“Maybe,” she pauses. “I don’t know.”
“Tell me the truth.”
She looks at him, her eyes pleading as they silently beg for a way out of this.
“No,” she whispers, the word almost incoherent. “No, Jim. I haven’t been. But it’s too late now.” She lifts up her left hand, the diamond glimmering under the florescent lights above them.
At that moment, it seemed to him that time stood still, and his passion for her surged within him. When he looked into her light eyes and saw that her lips were poised between a cry and silence, he learned the most important part of their relationship. It required no explanation, just as the world needs none as it travels though endless time. What he felt at that moment was that he was in the presence of the only woman in his life, and that, with no need for words, she recognized the same thing.
He was more certain of it than anything in the world.
“How can you say that?”
“What do you mean how can I say that? I’m married, Jim. Married!”
“It’s just not fair! We had years to avoid this! You’ve had over a decade to realize that he isn’t right for you!”
“You really have to stop with this. I. Love. Roy.” Each syllable stung.
“Well guess what, Pam. If it hasn’t been obvious, I. Love. You.”
He had always been told by his parents and grandparents that he must fall in love and really know a person before becoming committed. But maybe people who felt that way had never fallen in love to this degree. Maybe those people weren’t denied and accepted, only to be denied again. Those people weren’t like him and Pam. They didn’t know what it was like to ache for something better.
His eyes are hot with tears as the back of his throat stings. He doesn’t regret anything anymore.
“I just wish you felt the same way,” he whispers, his eyes on the floor.
“I did,” he almost asks her to repeat herself because her words are as faint as a sigh, “but there isn’t anything we can do now, Jim. This has to end.”
“I’ve realized that. I’m sorry, Bees–” he stops midway through her name. He can feel his lungs constricting and his heart beat slows.
There is a sharp intake of breath as folds her fingers together and looks at the ground, her pose similar to when he told her these truths the time before. Except when that occurred, she wasn’t married. She still had a choice.
“Anderson.” The word is final.
He does not know how the next part of their lives will turn out, or if it will work at all, but at least he knows the truth about the past three years of his life. And, with that, he can move on, with or without her, knowing that he tried his best.
He always knew he loved her. And now he knows she has felt the same.
They loved each other enough to let go.
They loved each other enough to realize that there is an end for everything.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is the last installment of this series. I planned to end it completely different, with some romantic escape or something of that sort, but that isn't realistic. I'm sorry if you are disappointed with the ending, because, admittedly, I kind of am. I'm just glad that it's over. It took me a while to write this last piece, because I really didn't know what to do with it.
Hopefully you can enjoy it anyway!
Hopefully you can enjoy it anyway!
Chapter End Notes:
The end. I wish it was happier. It's actually pretty depressing and I regret how it turned out. Maybe one day I'll write an epilogue for this... like, a year or two down the road or something when they see each other and maybe she's divorced or... I don't know! Whatever, I think I'm going to stick with fluff for a while. ;)
Dwangie is the author of 25 other stories.
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