Andy
1. He made up the name Nard Dog.
It happened by accident. He and his bud got totally WASTED one night when he was at Cornell, and thought of nicknames for each other. His bud thought of “Dawg”, like Stanley would say it, but then Andy totally added the Nard. He’s been using it ever since, hoping it would catch on, and his co-workers would use it as a verb. “You totally Nard-Dogged the s*** out of that sale, Nard Dog!”. They haven’t used it yet, but 10 years is a rather short time for a new word to become used in regular conversation…. Right?
2. He dropped out of Cornell.
Just for a month, and he totally got back in once his father explained the situation (and possibly donated a library). His buddies from Here comes Treble had decided to go on tour across the great state of Pennsylvania singing at nursing homes and petting zoos. It was a great gig. After a while he kind of got sick of old people and goats, so he decided that he should go back to school. Plus, he missed all the babes. Chicks just aren’t as babe-a-licious once they pass 70, or are surrounded by kids and goats. Once he got back to Cornell he met Joan, the sexiest law student he’s ever hit on (and there have been a few). He said to her, “Would milady like to beer me a snog?” in his best British accent. He almost got to first base that night.
3. He is a hopeless romantic.
When he was five years old, he met his first girlfriend. Well, that’s using the term girlfriend a tad loosely. She threw wood chips at him when he told her he loved her. His first real girlfriend, Liza, broke up with him because he came over every night with some of his buds and sang “I will always love you” by Whitney Houston. 10 years and 4 girlfriends later, he began to back off. Women just weren’t responding to his homemade singing-cards and surprise acapella performances at work. One night, he brought his blind date to the movies, and ran into his parents, who happened to be there. She thought it was “weird”. Oh well. Andy Bernard is a total catch. He has beautiful periwinkle eyes, almost-washboard abs, an eco-friendly car (hellooooo Cameron Diaz), and is the fourth best salesman in the office. Oh, and he graduated from Cornell, one of the best ivy league schools on the Eastern Seaboard. Ever heard of it?
4. He plays the ukulele.
He started in fourth grade, and fell in love. His teacher told him to keep it, hoping it would instil a love of music in him. It totally did. It was great for finding a pitch during a performance with Here Comes Treble, as well as the occasional accompaniment for songs like “Over the Rainbow” and “Every Rose has it’s Thorn” by Whitesnake. He finds that the ukulele makes a great conversation starter, especially with the ladies. When his frat house had a party (and let him come to it), he would pick out a woman that he could tell appreciated a good ukulele player. Usually he was wrong; they didn’t like it. Once in a while though…
5. He auditioned for American Idol.
It was stupid, really. He sang “I am Beautiful”, by Christina Aguilera. Randy said he was “Righteous, dawg”, as though that was a bad thing. Paula was obviously hiding her admiration in a humoured smile when she told him he was cute. Simon said he was horrible, in that stupid British accent. Why would someone fake an accent that horribly? That was when it happened. Rage blackout. He threw the water he was given on the camera, and was escorted out by security. As he was leaving he called Ryan Seacrest an “un-educated loser who totally didn’t go to Cornell”, and followed it with a loud (and pitchy) “Roo-doo-doot-doo-doo!”. He never saw himself on the gag reel.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
I'm sorry it took so long!
I'm sorry it took so long!
