Note: I’m not really feeling this chapter. I don’t really know why. You know what I was feeling? NIAGARA. My mom came home to find me weeping, listening to Chris Brown on repeat.
Oscar
1. He always knew he was gay.
Ever since he can remember, Oscar Martinez knew he was different. Of course, growing up in a Catholic household, learning of Saints and Martyrs and God, he didn’t originally assume he was gay. He was just different. When he was six years old, his best friend Andrés told him about the girl he had a crush on, Lupe. As his friend continued to chatter on about how they were going to get married the next day under the tree by the swing set, all Oscar could think of was who he should marry. Immediately he thought of Manuel, the boy who sat next to him in school. That really freaked him out. Over the years, he realized what his feeling were, and that talking about it with his friends and family would not be a smart idea. Once he left for college in California, he began to tell more and more people about his sexuality. He had his first boyfriend that year, his name was Miguel. Miguel...like Michael...
2. He likes Angela.
Sure, she’s angry and uptight and completely prejudiced against him, but he can’t help but feel sorry for her. It’s not her fault how she was raised, the ways that her family taught her to treat people who are different. Against his better judgement, he really thinks she is a good person, just buried in loneliness and Bibles. Yes, his family is religious, and yes, he went to Church and Sunday School and everything else growing up, but he can’t help but think that she really had it forced upon her. Like her father was a Reverend and her mother was the Virgin Mary Re-incarnate. He once invited her out to lunch after an accountants meeting at Corporate. She said no. The next day however, she brought him a copy of “The Bible For Dummies”... so there’s that.
3. He wants to get married.
They say that every little girl dreams of their perfect wedding. All stereotypes aside, when he was a young boy, Oscar imagined his. It was supposed to be in the summer, in the Catholic Church he went to every Sunday, with it’s cream colored walls and beautiful stained glass. Never did he think that he would end up somewhere that not only refuses to recognize homosexual marriages performed in Pennsylvania, but all gay marriages performed anywhere in the world. When he was younger, and each new boyfriend felt like “the one”, he thought about moving to Massachusetts or Canada. Now, he’s 42 years old, single, and probably never going to get married. It’s a shame, because he always wanted to be a father. What adoption agency in the continental U.S. is going to give a single, middle-class, Mexican homosexual a baby? Maybe he can have one of Angela’s cats or something.
...Nevermind.
4. He wishes he were more impulsive.
That’s the one thing about himself that he is really unsure of. He has always been the good, stable accountant. He always pays his bills right away, never goes on vacation anywhere that doesn’t have clean water, always lays out his clothes for work the night before. For once he’d like to just go crazy. Maybe wait a few days before paying his bills. Maybe picking out his clothes in the morning. Maybe he could go somewhere without fresh water. It would still have to have access to bottled water (he’s not an animal). He used to find solace in the fact that Pam and Toby, the people he most got along with in the office, were just the same as him; scared. Then Pam gets her act together and calls off her wedding for another man, and Toby moves to Costa Rica. Not only is he being impulsive, but he decided to go somewhere with barely any clean water. Muy, muy tonto.
5. He has a straight-crush on Salma Hayek.
Because, really, she’s just hot. She’s voluptuous and beautiful and completely sexy. Once, while he and Gil were watching Entertainment Tonight he wondered whether his crush on her made him straight, or at least bisexual. Then, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt came on. It was at the sight of them that he realized that that just wasn’t possible. He looked at Brad Pitt, and felt a Salma Hayek-like excitement, and then looked at Angelina, and felt nothing. That was the moment he knew, no hesitation, that he was gay. No straight man in their right mind would look at the most beautiful woman in Hollywood, and feel so...bored.
End note: Muy, muy tonto, means “very, very stupid”, for anyone who’s curious.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
live-love-laugh-FLOSS is the author of 1 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 6 members. Members who liked Five Things You Don't Know (or maybe you do) also liked 276 other stories.
