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When J.D. was two weeks old, Jim went back to work. David Wallace had graciously told him that he could take a month off, but Pam had insisted that he go back. They needed the money, after all, and even with insurance, the hospital bills wouldn’t be cheap.
Jim arrived to a warm welcome. Michael nearly knocked him down when he walked into the office.
“Jimbo!” he shouted. He embraced Jim awkwardly, and then stepped back to look at him proudly.
“Look at you…” he said. “Big Daddy. Daddy-o. Hey, was it freaky? Seeing him come out of Pam’s vagina?” He turned to the camera. “Medical. Not offensive.”
“She had a C-section, Michael.”
“Yeah, I knew that. They still had to open up her vagina.”
“Okay! Who wants to see pictures?” Jim called, desperate to change the subject.
Everyone gathered around Jim’s desk as he brought up a slideshow on his computer and proudly showed off the dozens of photos of J.D. Dwight, however, quickly lost interest.
“Pointless,” he scoffed. “Schrute babies could survive without all that machinery.”
“Really?” Jim deadpanned. “Even if they were born early?”
“Please. Schrutes are always punctual… Except for Mose.”
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Dwight: Mose was born early. He weighed 3 pounds. His mother fed him with an eyedropper, and he slept in a drawer by the wood stove. He didn’t need that fancy machinery, and he turned out fine.
*********
“Ohmigod, he’s SOOOOOO cute!” Kelly squealed. “He’s so hairy. What’s up with that?” Jim frowned, suddenly feeling very protective.
“Preemies are born with a lot of hair on their bodies,” he explained. “Keeps them warm.”
“Like Chewbacca!” Michael offered.
“Yeah, not… quite.” Jim muttered. He moved on to picture of Pam holding J.D.
“Wow, her boobs are huge!” Michael exclaimed. Jim quickly exited the slideshow as Kevin giggled.
“Okay, picture time’s over!” he announced. “I have to get back to work.”
“Yeah,” Michael said. “Gotta rake in the bucks. Gotta build your egg… your egg nest.”
“Nest egg,” Dwight corrected him.
“Whatever!” Michael called as he walked into his office. Everyone went back to their desks, congratulating Jim as they dispersed.
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Angela: “I’m happy for them. A baby is a wonderful blessing from God… even if he was conceived illegitimately. They’re married now, but,” she looked intently into the camera, “They’re not fooling anyone.”
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Oscar: “I’m glad the baby’s doing well. I think him being born early is a blessing in disguise. December 30th… Tax deduction.” He suddenly looked guilty. “Was that insensitive?”
*********
As Jim had predicted, he didn’t have a very productive day. Pam interrupted him several times by texting him with pictures of J.D.
“Jim, let me remind you that this is work,” Dwight said when Jim received his 10th text from Pam. “You are not getting paid to fiddle with your little phone.” Jim ignored him. “Jim! Are you hearing me? You are stealing company time! Jim!” He groaned in frustration. “That’s it. I am writing you up.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault,” Jim finally said. “Pam’s texting me. Are you telling me to ignore my wife? The mother of my child?”
“She should know better than to bother you at work.”
“Oh, she does. She just doesn’t care.”
“Fine.” Dwight pulled a notebook from his desk drawer. “I’m writing her up, too.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Summary - Jim goes back to work.
I think this chapter is also kind of clunky, but I had to include a chapter with the rest of the ensemble.
A little different format to include talking heads, which are in italics.
Also, I know that with the most recent episode, Jim has been promoted and has his own office, but when I started this, he didn’t, so just pretend he’s still just assistant regional manager, okey doke?
I think this chapter is also kind of clunky, but I had to include a chapter with the rest of the ensemble.
A little different format to include talking heads, which are in italics.
Also, I know that with the most recent episode, Jim has been promoted and has his own office, but when I started this, he didn’t, so just pretend he’s still just assistant regional manager, okey doke?
Chapter End Notes:
A hairy preemie :o)
Meh. I've got some crazy-bad writers' block going on.
Reviews are awesome-sauce! Review NOW kthnxbye.
Also, the story of Mose is actually the story of my great-grandmother. Except she actually DID turn out fine. And she lived to be 89. :o)
And the December 30th = tax deduction comes from my friend, who had her twins at 34 weeks (due to a placental abruption) on December 30th. We joke that she did it on purpose for the tax deduction.
