Chapter Ten

“’unda Ifthlin s’Pam.” She says with a huge yawn.

“Keeping you up Beesly?” A voice on the other end chuckles.

She’s beyond relieved it was only Jim calling. God that would have been embarrassing.

“Yes. It’s your fault.” She says with a pout. He’d called her last night and they’d stayed on the phone for hours. As a result, she’d gotten nearly no sleep but she wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

She remembers their conversation vividly as she twists the phone cord in her fingers. She smiles widely as she whispers. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He replies and she can tell in the way that he says it he’s smiling. She gazes over at his empty desk and wonders again why the hell she told him to move to Stamford.

You know why. Two more weeks, Pam. Two more weeks.

He’s thinking of the words she spoke last night. The flirty banter that went on way after they should have been sleeping. He knows if they venture down that road again today he won’t get a minute of work done.

Since he misses it, more than he cares to admit, he decides to talk about something else entirely.

“Tell me. What’s going on there? Give me the play by play.” He says as he leans back in his chair and clasps his hands behind his head.

She dutifully obliges. “OK. So. Dwight has now volunteered to be an EMT.” She whispered. “You know how he’s been dying to get into another uniform.”

“NO.” Jim laughs at the image of Dwight arriving on the scene of any emergency. As if car accidents and fires weren’t horrific enough…

She bites back a laugh. “YES. And all morning he’s looking for someone to practice CPR on…”

“Please no…” He shivers.

“YES. So I told him I think I have incurable gingivitis and that I wouldn’t want to spread it to him.”

His stomach turns at the image she just put in his mind. “OK. You have no idea how the thought of Dwight making out with you before I get another chance to is creeping me out.”

Pam cringes and squirms in her chair. “Oh GOD. I didn’t even think of it that way.”

He has zero remorse. He’s still nauseous at the idea of Dwight’s mouth anywhere near hers. “Yeah well. Now you’re as miserable as me.”

And now she’s done it. All he can think about is kissing her. His face breaks into a huge grin and his voice lowers to a husky whisper. “So. Tell me something. Do you really have incurable gingivitis? Because, we never discussed this…”

She blushes and she’s about to reply to him when the door swings open. The smile leaves her face as she sees who’s coming in.

“I’ve got to go…” She says quickly.

Immediately, he can tell there’s something wrong. It’s obvious in the way her voice has become almost lifeless.

“Pam?”

“I’ll call you later.” She whispers as she hangs up the phone.

And suddenly, all he hears is silence. He stares at the receiver, worried.

Pam shakes back her hair and makes her eyes meet Roy’s.

“Hey.” She says softly.

“Hey.” He shifts the box he’s carrying in his arms. “I found some more of your stuff…”

“Thanks.” She takes it from him gratefully.

He looks down at her and tries again to find the words that might make her change her mind. Instead he finds himself saying, “I would have waited till later but I know you leave right at five now with the drive and all…”

She knows how hard it is for him, to come up here like that. To let everyone see how over it really is. She gives him a small smile. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

He glances over at Jim’s desk and then looks back at her. “So Halpert really checked out of here huh?”

She averts her eyes from his and looks down at her keyboard. “Yeah. He..umm…transferred. To Connecticut. It’s a great opportunity for him...”

He knows her so well that he picks up on something in the way she answers his question. And he can’t believe he’s been so blind. The guys had ribbed him for years but he never paid attention. He never really believed it could be true.

His voice becomes dangerously quiet. “You left me for him.”

She opens her mouth to answer but no sound comes out. Her eyes finally meet his and he can see that he’s right.

“Don’t do this, Roy. Please.” She begs him, in a hushed whisper. “Not here.”

“You left me? For HIM?” He says, his voice rising.

“Don’t.” She says again.

“The pathetic thing is - he’s not even here anymore and it still doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head at her.

“ Roy…” She can’t believe that this is happening. She should have known better. Everything was going so well.

“You could have just told me.” Roy is shaking with anger as he moves to the door. “Ten years Pam.”

She visibly jumps in her seat as it slams behind him.

Pam sits there a few long moments, willing herself not to cry as the phone rings off the hook. She punches the code for automatic voicemail and pushes back from the desk, running off to the ladies room.

The whole office is silent as they watch her disappear behind the door. Kelly giggles and whispers “Omigod” as Phyllis simply sits and smiles knowingly.

Michael sits at his desk and smiles widely for the camera. “People think the paper biz is without drama – but I like to think we here at Dunder-Mifflin tear at those stereotypes and rip them to shreds.”

He can’t be more proud of his metaphor when he adds. “Like sands through the hourglass…those are the Days of the Young and the Restless.”

xoxoxoxoxoxo

It was awful. There was no other way to explain it.

Unable to leave things the way they were, Pam met him after work and the conversation went on…and on and on. And no matter how Pam tried to persuade him, Roy was convinced she’d been cheating on him all along.

And in the end, she just wound up crying, because what else can you do when someone believes the worst of you?

She drives home, tears blurring her vision for most of the drive and she couldn’t believe the sight waiting for her when she drove up to her parents’ house.

Jim was right there, sitting on the steps of the porch, waiting for her.

She puts her car in park and then as fast as she can manage she runs straight to him.

“Hey.” He whispers as he catches her in his arms.

“What are you doing here?” She sobs into his shoulder.

“I heard what happened.” He says with a shrug. “First Phyllis emailed me.” He chuckled in spite of it all. “She’s very happy for us by the way…” He held her closer as he went on. “Then – I talked to your Mom. Then – I took a half day - got in my car and drove straight here.” He presses a kiss to her temple. “Now that you have the whole story - how you doing?”

“Awful. Terrible. You have absolutely no idea.” She sniffles as she inches closer. Sighing she leans back and moves to sit beside him. “You drove here? Don’t you have to work tomorrow? You are crazy.”

I’m crazy alright. Crazy about you. “It’s nothing.” He says simply.

“It’s not nothing.”Pam replies,her tears finally slowing. She places a hand on his arm and gently rubs it back and forth. She slides her hand down and links her fingers with his. She feels warm from her head to her toes as she gazes over at him, still not able to believe he’s really here.

She rests her head on his shoulder and sighs. “He’s so angry with me. And I just…” She pulls her hand from his and involuntarily her finger moves to fiddle with her ring – which she keeps forgetting isn’t there anymore.

Jim notices and his heart aches a little. You thought it was all behind you didn’t you? Why did you think it was going to be easy?

Is it cheating? Pam thinks, unable to get Roy’s words off her mind. If we didn’t really do anything is it still cheating? Is that what I am? Am I a cheater?

He simply sits there and waits for her to finish her thought but it doesn’t seem like she will.

As the words come out of his mouth he’s already kicking himself. “You still care about what he thinks, huh?”

It was an incredibly stupid thing to say. She looks at him, eyes wide. “Of course.”

“Of course.” He says bitterly.

She regards him closely, completely shocked at his reaction. “Are you mad at me?”

“No.” He says with a shake of his head.

She can hear it in his voice. He says he’s not mad but it certainly doesn’t sound like it.

Pam sits up straight and continues to stare at him. “You really don’t like him.”

“Not true.” He bites his lip to keep from saying what he really wants to say. “I just don’t like what he does to you.”

“No. You don’t like him.” She counters.

He can see she’s not going to let this go. So he decides to just put it out there. It’s true anyway. “OK. I don’t like him.”

“You don’t even know him.” She says defensively.

She’s driving him crazy. This was supposed to go a whole other way. She’d cry on his shoulder and realize how much better things were now. He’d take her somewhere for dinner and finally kiss her goodnight, because he’d be damned that if even as he’s annoyed with her he didn’t want to kiss her right this second.

As a matter of fact, that’s what he envisioned when he drove down here. But it’s not how it’s playing out now. Instead he’s angry for, what seems even to him, no real reason except for the fact that she’s still not all his, not completely, not yet.

He can’t keep himself from replying. He moves to stand and steps a few feet away from her. “OK. You got me there. I don’t know him. But what I do know, I don’t like.”

“You never even gave him a chance.” She whispers.

What are you doing? Why are you arguing with him? Over this? It makes no sense. He drove all this way to see you. Why are you giving him such a hard time?

His jaw drops as he stares at her. He takes a deep breath, trying to keep himself calm. “Are you kidding me Pam? What is this? Do you have this picture of me and Roy one day just shaking hands and going out for a few beers? Cause I can tell you right now that’s never going to happen.”

And she knows he’s right, but right now she’s feeling so guilty she feels like she owes Roy…something.

She keeps going even as a voice in her head keeps screaming. STOP. “You think he’s an idiot but he’s not. He can be really sweet, and he really means well…”

And he can’t take it one more minute. He can’t take the sound of her voice telling him how great a guy Roy is. Not when he knows the truth. Roy’s a jackass. He treated her like crap and he had to watch it for years and do nothing. And if she couldn’t see it – he had no idea how he’d ever convince her.

Two steps forward, five leaps back.

He can see it now. He can feel it all slipping away from him and it scares him so much his voice starts to shake. Still the words that come out are not what he planned. They’re not what he really wants to say at all.

“Hey Pam? Little tidbit for you. I didn’t drive for five hours to hear about all the wonders of Roy.”

Her face falls and he wants to curl up into a ball and die. What are you doing? You’re messing this up. Don’t you see that? Stop it. Keep it up and you’ll lose her before you even had her.

Don’t do this, Pam. Stop it. You knew he and Roy would never see eye to eye. Why are you pushing this? It makes no sense. Two weeks. Remember? You made a decision. You chose him. Two weeks.

She hates the sound of her own voice as she hears herself say, “Oh yeah? Then what did you drive here for?”

Stop it. Say something else. Say something better.

He takes a steadying breath. “You.” He whispers as he stares at her sadly. “I drove here for you.”