Chapter Thirteen

There’s a lot about it that’s easy. This whole - being more than friends – thing? Piece of cake.

They already know how to make each other laugh, and they already know what makes each other tick. They already have a history, they already have a past. With all the things they already know and have it’s easy to start moving towards the future.

Her first week in Stamford they don’t see much of each other. She’s commuting to Scranton, he’s closing a big sale. They’re still moving slow and it’s actually nice. The anticipation reminds Jim of the years he’d sit across from her wondering, hoping…

It’s just now his reward was a bit more than just hearing her laugh or making her smile.

On her first day of work at the gallery he picks her up to take her to lunch. When he pulls up at Chili’s she refuses to get out of the car.

“No.” She shakes her head at him.

“Don’t tell me you’re intimidated by a chain restaurant, Beesly.” He gives her a lopsided grin.

“Not intimidated.” She insists as she shakes her head at him. “Just mortified. Jim c’mon. There are a hundred other places we could go…”

“Today is a day to face challenges. So. Let’s see you sneak in under the radar.” He whispers as he holds his hand out to her.

She takes a deep breath and links her fingers with his. “I hate you.” She mutters.

“Not really.” He laughs at her.

“Yes. Really.” She says but a smile tugs at her lips and proves her a liar.

It’s busy and bustling and crowded with lunch goers. Jim walks straight to the hostess stand and gives Pam’s hand a squeeze. “Hey. How you doing? Table for two please.” He says with a grin.

The perky hostess looks down at her floor plan and then up at him and smiles back. “Sure. It’s about a ten minute wait. Can I have your name please?”

“Absolutely.” He bites back a laugh. “You can just put us down as Drunk…” He jerks his thumb in Pam’s direction as he finishes. “…and Disorderly." He rest his elbows on the counter and whispers. "Hey - do you want to check her ID? Run it through the database?”

“JIM.” Pam smacks his arm and glares at him.

The hostess gives him a blank stare, unable to process the joke.

“Or maybe just Jim.” He finally manages through his laughter. “Either one is fine.”

Still confused she hands him a pager and moves on to the next person in line.

As they wait in the bar, Pam remains silent. She crosses her arms in front of her and continues to stare him down.

He sticks out his bottom lip and pouts. “Oh stop. You know you love me.”

“At the moment? That’s debatable.” She replies, scowling.

“Hey. It’s not my fault you can’t handle your liquor.” He gives her a look.

“Jim.” She sighs as she tries to think of a way to get him to take her somewhere else.

But of course, the pager beeps and suddenly they are being ushered to their table.

“I highly recommend the boneless buffalo wings…” He says as he opens the menu.

“I highly recommend you shut it, Halpert.” She says wearily as she takes a sip of her water.

He chuckles as he looks at the beverage menu. “Wow. You sound cranky. Need a little El Nino Margarita to get you through the afternoon?”

She glares back at him.

He shrugs at her. “I can’t help it if I have a fondness for Chili’s. It’s where I first knew you were hot for me.”

“Oh really?” She says, seemingly disinterested. She studies her menu even though she knows exactly what she’s going to order.

“Yes. It’s where you first kissed me.” He says with a grin.

“I don’t remember that at all. I must have been incredibly intoxicated.” She says, still not looking at him.

“Must have.” He kicks her gently under the table, his voice softening. “So. C’mon. Tell me. How’s your first day so far?”

Abandoning her annoyance with him she places the menu down and gives him a huge smile.

“I love it.” She sighs.

“Really.” He grins back at her. “I couldn’t tell.” It’s obvious, the change in her. He looks at her with admiration. She looks, simply lovely, with her hair pulled back in a pony tail and her trendy floral top and he almost can’t believe she’s the same Pam he’s known all these years.

He has to say he likes this version just as well as the old one.

“I ab-so-lutely love it. Anne-Marie – who runs the gallery? She’s so cool. I’m going to learn so much.” She stops talking just long enough to order her salad and starts right back up as the waiter slips away. “Jim - she told me to bring in some of my sketches. She’s really encouraging me to put together a collection of my own.”

Having seen what she’s capable of - Jim would have said the exact same thing, but he knows it means more to her to hear it from a fellow artist. And he agrees wholeheartedly. She’s definitely got a gift. He’s so incredibly proud of her he can’t stand it.

“You totally should.” He says excitedly.

“OK. The thought of that is terrifying.” She says, her voice shaking a bit.

“OK. Well. You have a while to go before it happens, so don’t freak out right now.” He reaches over and grabs her hand. “Pam. That’s great.”

“I know.” She looks over at him, her eyes sparkling.

They talk through lunch about the kinds of paintings and drawings she’d want to include. She’s already spent her first paycheck in her mind thinking of all the new supplies she’s going to need to buy. And so casually that neither of them realizes the implications they make plans to go to the Cape one weekend so that she can paint the seashore.

As she sits across from him and knows, simply knows he’s as excited about all this as she is every second she’s more sure she’s made the right choice. Because as she sits there across from him she’s happy - happier than she ever dreamed she could be.

xoxoxoxoxo

Two weeks later and it’s getting less easy. Even so he loves the things he now gets to know about her.

Now he knows she can’t carry a tune to save her life. He’s caught her singing as she does her makeup, before they go out for dinner and she’s so awful he can’t even believe how cute she is.

Now he knows she’s got dozens of sketchbooks and now he knows she sketches him when she thinks he’s not looking.

Now he knows she likes to paint barefoot…that when she does she throws her hair up in a knot and sticks an extra paintbrush through it to keep it secured. And now he knows that he finds her irresistible when she does that.

Now he knows she snores a little when she falls asleep on his chest as they lay together on the couch watching movies.

Now he knows she’s a neat freak who can’t leave the dishes until the morning.

Now he knows that she sighs and leans into him when he presses a kiss to the nape of her neck as she stands at the sink.

Every day he gets to add another thing to the list of what…now he knows.

But there are still a slew of things he hasn’t crossed off yet. For example, he doesn’t know how it feels to fall asleep with his skin next to hers and he doesn’t know what it’s like to kiss every inch of her.

But he wants to. God. He wants to.

xoxoxoxoxo

It’s been a month since she’s moved to be with him, and every day she’s surprised at all the things she learns.

She learns how he is such a creature of habit. She had a clue because he ate the same thing for lunch at work every day but she didn’t know before now that it extended to breakfast…and dinner. Corn flakes every morning, pizza every Friday. She decides she needs to get him to venture out a bit.

She learns that he does his laundry on Tuesdays, because there’s nothing really good on TV until later in the evening and even with that he’s got TiVo so it’s not really an issue. He’s done some research he tells her, and he’s noted that Monday is a big laundry day since it’s when people come back from weekend trips. By Tuesday some of the frenzy has died down.

She knows he’s not kidding. That he really has given it that much thought. And he’s such a complete dork she can’t even believe it. Since she’s one too she thinks it works out really well.

She learns he can cook – nothing fancy but he’s actually capable of making a meal on his own. He’s particularly good at making pasta and she’s learned that he sometimes pretends he’s Emeril as he putters around the kitchen. And on a random Thursday when she’s come home from work he’s there, standing in her kitchen, wearing a chef’s hat.

Dork.

She catches him looking at her sometimes and she knows what he’s thinking. She can’t say he’s alone because she feels the same way. She knows what that look means but it scares her.

Not just scares her. She’s frightened out of her mind.

When his arms close around her and his lips touch hers it’s…amazing. When his fingers trail along her skin and he whispers in her ear the things he says are so beautiful it makes her want to cry. But it’s only when his hands inch lower and his breath comes quicker and she stops him, gently pushing him away that the tears actually come.

“Wait. Jim…Hold on. I’m sorry.” She whispers.

Yeah. Me too. “Sure.” He nods and closes his eyes, resting his forehead on hers. He tries to think of something, anything else but the way she looks lying beneath him.

“Jim…” She places a hand on his arm as she moves to sit up.

He flinches and pulls back sharply. “You’re going to need to give me a minute.” He says, his voice tight.

It’s not supposed to be this way. You’re here with the woman you fully intend to spend the rest of your life with and just when things get interesting – suddenly - you’re back in high school.

When he’s finally able to stand without much effort he grabs his keys off her nightstand and begins to straighten his clothes. “I should go.”

“Jim…” She blinks back tears as she watches him tuck his shirt back in. She reaches out and grabs her own shirt, holding it in front of her. “I’m…”

He doesn’t want to hear it. He looks at her, her hair curling wildly around her face, her cheeks flushed, her skin…

He takes another steadying breath and starts counting to ten, wishing nothing more that someone would come by and douse him with cold water. “Yeah. I know. It’s OK.”

She doesn’t know how exactly to explain herself. She’s just scared. Scared to change everything. She knows once they do that there’s no turning back.

Even still she argues with herself in her mind. But you want him, you know you do. Why can’t you just let yourself have him?

She wishes she could bring him back, but she knows the moment is long gone. “I just…”

“Pam. It’s OK. I know what you said. You need to go slow I get it.” He averts his eyes from hers. “The thing is - you say that and then all of the sudden we’re…” He trails off and meets her eyes again. “I just can’t keep doing this. You’re killing me.”

“I’m sorry...” She looks down at her bedspread.

He shakes his head at her. He’s trying to be understanding but it costs him dearly. “Don’t be sorry. I understand. I do. It’s just that…”

She pulls her top back on and shifts to rest her back against the headboard, kicking herself because she knows that she’s the problem. “I know.”

He gazes over at her and realizes he keeps forgetting. He’s loved her for so long he keeps forgetting that she’d loved him for a much shorter length of time.

“It’s just that we’re supposed to go away soon…” He says as he swings his key ring around his finger. “And I don’t want you to go if you’re not really ready.”

He’s made plans. He’d been dreaming about a weekend like this. Away with her, just hours and hours of them being together, alone. It’s something he’d once thought would never happen but now…

She knows what he’s saying and she starts to panic. “No. I want to go.”

“Pam.” He wants to believe her, but he can see the same scene that just happened here happening again. The place will be different – the result the same.

She’s determined to make sure it doesn’t happen. She’s determined to make sure he knows that she means it.

Pam scrambles off the bed and moves to stand in front of him. “I want to go.” She repeats, her eyes locking on his.

He wants to believe her but he just can’t - not entirely. You’re a glutton for punishment, Halpert. He thinks to himself as he gazes down at her.

Because even if she’s not sure, there’s another thing he’s learned. Now he knows he’ll never be able to resist her.

No matter what.