---
The producers loved what they saw at the end of the three weeks of shooting. Len’s production had a little bit of everything: a case study in narcissism, office politics, and forbidden love. “You can’t write shit like this,” Gerry had patted his back and said. “Keep it up.” Len’s request for a second cameraman was denied, for now. “Let’s see how you do with what you’ve got.” Gerry had told him. “If you find you need one to catch all the action, if you think you’re missing out on things, we’ll talk.”
Len nodded. “And as far as Jim and Pam goes, should I keep letting them do their own thing, or…”
Gerry thought for a moment. "See what you can do with them,” he said. “Befriend them, see if you can get them to say a bit more, act a little more openly. It’ll make for great television.”
--
“Yes, but how do I know it’s authentic Japanese Deer urine?”
Jim looked up at his desk and gave Len the “are you kidding me?” look that had come to be his trademark. Pam made a face.
“Deer urine?” he mouthed to Jim. Jim shrugged in response and made a face.
Len wasn’t shooting yet. He had come back a week early to mark up notes, get some more background on the “cast,” and get them used to his presence again so that their “performance” would be more natural. Last time around he had done this more or less on the fly. This time he’d come prepared. He felt that this could really be something special, and he wanted to get it right.
Len moved over to the reception desk to watch the scene unfold.
“Because the last time I ordered it was white tail deer from Europe, that’s why I’m asking. You think I’m so easily fooled by this?” Dwight shouted into the phone.
Jim tapped his pencil loudly to try to drown Dwight out.
“Jim, stop that. What? Pay for a sample? I think not!” Dwight laughed and looked at Jim as if to say, “Can you believe this guy?”
“Does he, uh, do this often?” Len whispered to Pam.
“Last week it was feces. I won’t say what kind.”
“Do you know what he uses it for?” Pam shook her head. “Maybe we don’t want to know.”
“If I have to listen to another day of this I’m going to scream.” Pam said, clutching her pink mug of tea.
Jim walked over to reception and took a jellybean. He leaned over the desk more deeply than usual and whispered to Pam in a deep, throaty voice. “Save me.”
Len thought he could see Pam blush ever so slightly and whispered back. “I don’t think I can make him stop, do you?”
“I’m desperate, I’m ready to leave a jar of my own urine on his desk.”
“You know,” Len said. “I had a really annoying roommate once, and I couldn’t get him to stop, so I could only get revenge. I bought him.” They both gave him a quizzical look. “Here, I’ll show you,” he said, leaning over to Pam’s computer. “I hope you’re each willing to chip in $25 bucks for this. Oh, and I hope you’re familiar with Chuck Norris facts.”
Fifteen minutes later, Dwight checked his email.
“What is this?” he demanded. “www.dwightschrute.com? Jim, why did you send me this?”
“It’s my new website. Thought you’d like it.”
“You can’t steal my name like that, Jim!”
“I didn’t steal it, I bought it. I own you now.”
“‘If you can see Dwight Schrute, he can see you. If you can’t see Dwight Schrute, you may be only seconds away from death.’” Dwight read. “That’s true, if unauthorized. ‘Dwight Schrute doesn’t do push-ups, he pushes the earth down.’ That’s scientifically impossible. ‘Dwight Schrute does not believe in Germany.’ Jim! Shut this down. Shut it down!”
“Well I’m afraid I can’t do that, it’s on the internet.”
“Then give me control of the website.”
“Two hundred bucks and it’s yours.”
Kelly came bursting through the door. “Oh my god, Dwight, is it true you’ve never blinked in your life? Ever?”
“That is a lie, Kelly. Observe.” Dwight proceeded to blink his eyes in rapid succession.
“Dwight!” Kevin said as he rushed over. “Your website says that you don’t need to swallow while eating food. Teach me.”
Pam and Jim shared a smile, then sneaked a look over to Len, who was also smiling. They may not be sophisticated people, but they could be really fun.
--
Michael’s appearance may have changed, but his personality hadn’t. Not by much, anyway. Rather than try to entertain as an edgy comedian, he seemed to have opted for an old-fashioned emcee gig at his own awards show: the Dundies.
Len watched as Roy and Darryl made plans to go to Poor Richard’s. How Pam had reluctantly joined them. How Michael had been offended and Jim pained to see her go. Len knew she wasn’t planning on having fun at the Dundies, but he could tell she was likely to have even less fun at Poor Richard’s. As Pam and Roy walked out the door, he saw Pam glance over her shoulder at Jim, whom Len was filming with Ryan at their table. Roy took her none-too-gently by the arm and escorted her outside. All eyes were on Michael or their menus. On a whim, Len followed Pam and Roy outside.
When he quietly stepped out of the doorway and into the parking lot, Roy and Pam had just reached their truck. Roy was making his way around to the driver’s side as Pam opened the passenger door and abruptly shut it. Len could barely hear them
“I don’t want to go, Roy.” She said.
“What do you mean, Babe?”
“What do you think it means, I said I don’t want to go.”
Roy shook his head and came back. “Come on, what are we going to do, stay here? It’s stupid.”
“But I promised I’d stay.”
“And I promised Darryl we’d go to Poor Richard’s.”
“What about me? What about what I want?”
Roy looked exasperated. “Look, what’s the point? It’s a stupid awards show with our idiot boss making an ass out of himself. It’s the same thing every year, we have a chance to skip it, let’s do it.”
Pam looked furious. Len hoisted the camera onto his shoulder and aimed it at him. He saw it was off. You idiot, he said. Won’t make this mistake again. By the time he switched it on and brought Pam and Roy into focus from across the lot, they were screaming at each other. Roy grabbed at Pam’s arm, pulling her toward him. She pulled away. Len stiffened, wondering if he’d have to go out there and break up a fight. Thankfully Pam walked away from Roy and back toward the bar.
“If you had asked me, then you would know,” she shouted as she left.
Roy muttered something to himself, got in the truck, and sped off. Pam turned to watch him speed off, looking furious. Her fiancé had chosen his friends over her, again. Len had seen it from his very first day of shooting. Seeing his opportunity, he quickly dropped set the camera on the ground.
“Pam?” He asked. She looked up, her eyes red. She brushed them quickly.
“Hey, Len, I, uh, I thought you’d be inside filming the show.”
“I was, I was, I just…well, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Oh, god, it’s obvious, isn’t it? I bet everyone in there saw us go and now they’re all talking about it.” Her eyes welled with tears again. “Is it supposed to be this hard?”
Len shifted his feet. Pam had definitely been opening up to him more, even with the camera around, but this vulnerability, this pain…she must really be upset.
“I think all relationships need work sometimes,” he said. “And no one is perfect.”
“Yeah,” she sniffed. “I just…God I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I don’t have a ride home and I can’t go back in there.” She began to cry.
“Why not?” asked Len. “Hey, hey, don’t be upset. I promise you no one even saw you leave, they were either ordering their drinks or watching Michael and his ‘stand up.’ Really.” He smiled at her and patted her arm, holding it a bit, meeting her eyes. “Have a drink or two, you’ll feel better. I’ll even buy your first round.”
She laughed nervously. “I, uh, I don’t really drink.”
“Well, give it a try. Always loosens me up when I’m upset.” Pam nodded, rubbing her eyes. She didn’t wear mascara; if she had, black streaks surely would have appeared down her cheeks.
“Yeah…okay.” She nodded. “Do I look okay?”
He smiled. “You look great. Come on back in, you’ll have fun. Plus, it’s my first Dundies, it’s a momentous event.”
Pam hesitated, then nodded.
--
Len couldn’t have planned this better if he’d scripted it. Michael had called a break to go change costume, and Ryan had taken the opportunity to move to a table way in the back, trying desperately to blend in with the other faces. Jim, sitting by himself and looking forlorn, was immediately joined by Pam, who helped herself to his beer. And then two margaritas. And then half a mai tai. He could tell that she hadn’t been lying, she wasn’t much of a drinker. She wasn’t pacing herself, she was overly-confident that she was not drunk, and she was insisting, insisting, that she was fine.
“You were so right,” she said loudly to Len as he stopped filming during a break to reload the batteries. “I feel so much better. Thank you!” And threw her arms around him. He bought her a Singapore Sling.
By the time Pam’s award came up, she was three sheets to the wind.
“I really feel God in this Chili’s tonight. WOOOO!!!”
And she stumbled into Jim’s waiting arms, planting a sloppy kiss on his lips. Jim looked stunned yet thrilled. No one else seemed to think much of it. Len was shocked. He thought that these two might have built up to this moment over months, years, maybe on the eve of Pam’s impending wedding. And here it was, laid out for him, in full view of her coworkers and the camera.
“I’m not surprised,” Phyllis told Len as he interviewed her next to the ladies’ room. “I’ve suspected it for years. Besides, it’s normal to have a fling with a coworker.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “I mean, we’ve all done it, right?”
Pam stumbled past them, giggling, and clumsily pushed her way into the bathroom. The door shut, and they heard a crash. Phyllis sighed. “I’d better go help her.”
Len walked back out to the restaurant and saw Jim sitting alone at the bar. “So, quite a night, huh?” Len asked.
Jim smiled. “Quite a night.”
“So, is this the first time that you guys have…?” Len trailed off.
Jim shook his head quickly, eye on the camera sitting on the table. “No, no, never. And I mean it doesn’t mean anything, she’s drunk, she’s engaged…” he trailed off. “We’re friends.”
“She kissed you, man.” Len said.
Jim stared down into his beer. “She’s engaged,” he repeated, more softly and less convincingly than he did last time. There was sadness in his voice.
Len made a show of turning off the camera and closing up the lens cap. “Look, man, I know I don’t really know you guys or anything like that, and I’m just an observer in all of this. I don’t really have experience with this sort of thing either. But I am going to tell you this: I don’t know many happily engaged women who kiss other men when they have the chance. And I don’t think she did it as revenge, either.”
Jim’s eyes never left his beer, but Len could tell he was thinking something he hadn’t really let himself think about before.
---
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far! This will probably be my last update for a little while, since this has been a spring break hobby for me and I have to get back to reality tomorrow. Nevertheless, hope you enjoy. Spoilers through Dundies.
Chapter End Notes:
Am I the only person who felt like Jim took the Dundies kiss as a sign that Pam could be pursued, only to have the rug pulled out from under him a few months later in Booze Cruise? It was a noticeable shift from Season 1 Jim to me.
Also, I know this story has been a bit prank-heavy so far, but I feel like it was a really important part of Pam and Jim's early relationship, and really the biggest part of it, and I thought it would make sense for Len to use that to bond with them.
"Dwight Schrute" facts taken from this site: http://www.thechucknorrisfacts.com/ This prank is based on something that really happened to my friend's brother. Also, if this is your first exposure to the Chuck Norris meme, enjoy.
Also, I know this story has been a bit prank-heavy so far, but I feel like it was a really important part of Pam and Jim's early relationship, and really the biggest part of it, and I thought it would make sense for Len to use that to bond with them.
"Dwight Schrute" facts taken from this site: http://www.thechucknorrisfacts.com/ This prank is based on something that really happened to my friend's brother. Also, if this is your first exposure to the Chuck Norris meme, enjoy.
PogoPogo is the author of 0 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 3 members. Members who liked Life with Len also liked 1076 other stories.
