*
*
It has been a hectic, busy, exciting, stressful, tiring, and sometimes dizzying past couple of weeks. You can probably deduce from my last post that Pam and I were pretty shaken up after Ben’s surgery (some of us more than others). I had a hard time facing Ben for a couple of days there. Pam began to wonder if I had fallen into some old habits, my old ways of “dealing” with stressful events in my life – avoidance. Sounds great, right? Never feel stress again…who wouldn’t want that?
Pam brought the issue to our doctor who referred us to a support group. I didn’t like the idea at first, but after the second meeting, I was in. I didn’t talk much, but listening to everyone else’s story helped me see that I wasn’t the only feeling the way I did.
But enough about that – it’s all water under the bridge.
Ben is recovering nicely and is back on an open crib without any of the tubes or wires or breathing cannulas (only monitors are attached to his chest). He takes all his feedings by mouth and is weighing a whopping seven pounds. That’s right; Big Bad Ben is back and ready to attack!
He is on a three hour feeding schedule, round-the-clock, which means we have kissed any hope of sleep good-bye. Pam pumps and nurses as much as she can and is at the hospital with Cece 85% of her free time. Cece is our little miss helper with anything Ben related. When Ben is sleeping, she gives us updates every minute or so… “Momma, he’s squeeeekin’,” or “Momma, he’s eye’s ahh openin’!” She helps with the bottle during the feeding and has even “read” him a bedtime story complete with showing him the pictures! (“D’you see it Ben, d’you??)
The doctor thinks Ben will be ready to come home next week. We are very excited at the possibility, but it’s still only a possibility. We are holding ourselves tight, but our hearts are busting with the thought of having Ben finally home with us.
Consequently, Pam and I broke out in a little spontaneous moment of celebration when we got home that night. I went to the fridge in search of a lasagna to warm up for dinner, what I discovered, along with the lasagna, was a bottle of champagne that a client had given me a few months back; a bottle which I figured due to our hectic life would not be dusted off for many months from now.
I pulled the bottle out, but another reason began to emerge, unknown and unspoken to most, but equally important. In the midst of all of the chaos and craziness that these months had brought to our family, Pam and I had not taken a pause to celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary. Four years, can you believe it? That sunny day in Niagara Falls will forever serve as one of the more captivating memories in my overstuffed inbox of memorable times.
When I poured out the first glass, Pam thought the celebration was in reference to Ben: he is finally healthy, happy, and growing. And most certainly we were celebrating Ben. We were also celebrating Cece and how her attitude and happy-go-lucky-ready-for-anything nature was just right for the challenges we faced. We were celebrating the fact that we’re still alive, still mentally competent, and still happy after seven, wait make that nine, of the most difficult months we had to endure. Yes, we had reasons to celebrate!
But it was more than that.
Pam was the first to raise her glass. “To Ben coming home,” she said.
“To Ben.”
Our glasses clinked together and we took a long sip of the bubbly. It glided easily down my throat with a fresh, citrus finish.
“I’d like to propose another toast,” I said.
“Another toast?” Pam looked at me warily, but raised her glass nevertheless. “I am all for toasts today. Make it a good one, Babe.”
“I would like to make a toast for us. For the four wonderful years we’ve been married.”
The wheels began spinning in her head as she realized that a celebration was indeed called for…and maybe even longed for.
“Wow… It’s been four years, huh?”
“Four of the best years of my life.”
Her eyes began to glisten and a rosy flush appeared on her cheeks. “Best years of my life too,” she said.
“Here is to us,” I said raising my glass.
“To us.”
Our glasses clinked once again and down went the bubbly. I looked at Pam’s slightly flushed face and I felt so much love for her, deeper than anything I had felt. You know, we have encountered various obstacles in these four years: we fought, we laughed, we cried, but the health of our marriage, our relationship, and our love for one another has only grown stronger.
I try not to descend down memory lane, but today I feel like telling you guys a story…
When I met Pam (and fell in love with her) she was engaged. Not only that, but she had been with the guy for most of her teenage and adult life. He was a permanent fixture, no doubt, and I was... well, I was the other guy. In other words, I didn’t stand a chance. But we just clicked and everything about her was fascinating to me. I knew I had found someone that was designed perfectly just for me.
One day, years after, I told her how I felt and she turned me down. I took it hard, real hard. I moved away, tried to move-on, but fate brought me back to Scranton. Turns out, she never married the other guy, but I was too hurt to open myself to her again – I began dating someone else.
Let me tell you, it’s really hard to date someone while you’re in love with someone else. Long story short, Pam shook me out of my stupor with a confession that broke me to pieces. We began dating and the rest is history. Oh, funny little fact, when Pam and I got married, she was 5 months pregnant with Cece!
The reason why I’m telling you this is because being married to her for four (short) years is not something I take for granted. A celebration is indeed necessary. Lots of things happened that I didn’t mentioned above that could have possibly torn us apart...forever. Everyday I’m amazed that I got the girl in the end. Not only that, but that same girl gave me two amazing little gifts. And somehow, through all of the craziness that has swirled around our lives lately, our marriage has found an even better place than it had a year ago.
**
It’s late and we are spending the night at the hospital. They have a room just down from the NICU for parents of preemies to come up and spend a night with their baby before they come home. It’s a good practice run because we will have to deal with different issues with Ben that may require more than the average baby care. The nurses are just down the hall if we need anything, but it’s nice to have some time alone with our baby boy and…… our baby girl.
Cece is with us and is current asleep between Pam and I. She was very excited to have a sleep over at the hospital. Took us a little while to get her to sleep, but she surrendered after a few readings of How Many Kisses Do You Want Tonight?
Pam is nursing Ben right now and it doesn’t seem like he was fed just three hours ago. The boy is famished. It’s funny to see him so eager to eat. No wonder the kid is packing on the pounds – my future heavy weight champ!
All is peaceful and quiet (except for my typing). I’m looking forward to falling asleep to the sounds of a squeaky baby at our bedside, and hopefully it we’ll get our fill of it in the coming week (fingers crossed).
-Jim
Chapter End Notes:
Okay...Did you guys read the latest spoiler for season 8 announced by Jenna Fischer? I have mixed feelings. What do you guys think?
