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By Your Side
Chapter 7
“So, then I was thinking, maybe I’ll try to try to look for another job, but then I don’t know. I’m kind of comfortable where I am. So I don’t know what to do,” Isabel said, stabbing her fork into a plate of pasta, sitting across from Pam at a local diner. “Okay, come on, what’s wrong with you today?” Isabel asked.
Pam had shrugged her third shrug in a row, knowing that the second one would raise an eyebrow and the third shrug of her shoulders would get her the third degree. “What? Nothing I’m fine.”
“What’d I just say then?”
“Something about being comfortable in jeans.”
“Pamela,” Isabel pointed her fork toward Pam, accusingly. “You are not paying attention. Where’s your head? Oh wait. Let me guess.”
Pam merely nodded and let out a sigh.
“Let’s hear it.”
“Nah, it’s nothing. I mean… Did you ever think you were making real progress and then … And then it’s like. Okay. He’s been back in Scranton for a week. We went for coffee the night he came back. But now it’s like… like we’re back to friends and he’s … I don’t know.”
“You wanted to be friends again, though, right?”
“Well yeah, but no. I … want him to just be … not just my friend.”
“Why don’t you tell him?”
“Hah,” Pam scoffed, dipping a French Fry in ketchup. “Right. Just tell him, hey that girl that you’re seeing but keep telling me you’re not seeing that sits two desks away, she’s all wrong for you, date me instead.”
“Isn’t he the one that told you he loved you?”
“Yeah, but then he left. Then he was forced to come back. And now he’s completely backed off. The last time we sat near each other was that night he ended up sleeping on my couch.”
“He wasn’t forced to come back.”
“Why else would he come back? He could do so much better than this job.”
“Pam, would you please just talk to him?”
Pam shrugged again, rolling her eyes. “We don’t do that.”
“You don’t talk, and yet you’re best friends?”
“We talk about stuff. Just not important stuff.”
“That’s not a best friend then. I mean, does he know you? Outside of joking around and having fun, does he know you?”
“I think so. Maybe. Maybe not?”
“Maybe you need to let him meet the real Pam.”
“How?”
“How do you function? Ask him to come to your place one Saturday. Tell him something in your somewhere needs to be fixed and you need his help.”
“Trick him into coming over? That seems wrong.”
“It’s not wrong. Men want to feel needed.”
“No, according to Roy all men want to feel is a beer and a remote control.”
“Are you over Roy?”
“Yes.”
“Why did you break up with Roy?”
“You know why.”
“I don’t think you remember why. Let’s hear it,” Isabel insisted with wide eyes.
Pam let out a small laugh and shook her head. “Aside from all of the pushing the wedding date back, never doing anything… taking me for granted… never believing in me. Talking down to me… he wasn’t…”
“He wasn’t?”
“He wasn’t Jim. I realized that I had a better time with him at work than I had ever had with Roy.”
“Why can’t you tell him this?”
“It’s not that easy. There’s a lot to consider. I’m pretty sure he’s dating that girl Karen from Stamford. Even if he said he wasn’t that one time I saw her at his place.”
“What makes you think they’re dating?”
“I don’t know. She’s always over at his desk chatting, touching his shoulder, laughing at his jokes.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s dating her. You laughed at his jokes and you were engaged to another man.”
“I know, but.”
“But nothing. Look, if you really want him, go for it.”
“I do,” Pam answered instantly.
“Then let him see the real you. Let him get to know you. Not just work Pam, not just artist Pam. Let him get to know disorganized, klutzy, cluttered closets, miss matched socks and yoga pants Sunday’s Pam.”
“I could ask him to hook up my TiVo?”
“Exactly.”
“I have to go buy one.”
Isabel laughed, her hand covering her mouth as she tried to contain her giggles. “You, my friend, are hilarious. Why would you ask someone to hook up something you don’t even have?”
“It’s not like I wasn’t going to get one. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I just haven’t done it.”
“That’s your problem. You think too much and don’t actually do anything.”
“Don’t judge me,” Pam narrowed her eyes. “Just come and look pretty while I’m buying this thing. That’s your only job.”
“Oh is it now?”
“Yes, as my supportive friend.”
“Fine, they have them somewhere. Let’s go do that. When are you planning on asking him to help you?”
Pam paused for a moment, her eyes focused on the receipt the waitress had placed on their table. “That’s fifteen each with tip.”
Isabel nodded, narrowing her eyes. “What a way to avoid answering the question. Great timing.”
“You should do stand-up. You’d be great at it,” Pam deadpanned sarcastically as she placed her money in the receipt tray.
“Thanks,” Isabel smiled, letting out a small laugh. “You should too.”
“Totally. I could call my segment, all the ways I’ve wasted my time. The Dunder Mifflin Pam misses her chance to be happy years.”
“Self awareness is always the first step,” Isabel mused as the pair walked out of the restaurant. “Anyway. Best Buy?”
“Yeah, that’ll work.”
*
He had been back in Scranton for about six weeks, enjoying his time with his family during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. But what he enjoyed most of all had been watching Dwight believe he was chosen for a secret CIA mission.
He had happily accepted her gift to him during the office holiday party, watching what Pam had spent months setting up unfold in front of him filled him with more than the usual excitement he felt when he watched a prank go as planned. What made him happier, though, had been witnessing it unfold with her standing next to him. Over the time he had been back, their interaction outside of work had been limited.
They had met for coffee and saw one another in Best Buy before the holidays. She had been purchasing a TiVo at the time with her friend. They spent lunch time together in the office, and she would show him the projects she had been working on for her class.
Each night he would pause for a moment at the coat rack, bid her a good night. Each time she would reply, he sensed that she wanted to say something, but no words ever came beyond, “Have a good night, see you tomorrow.” On Friday’s it would change to her bidding him a good weekend.
There was something there though, something unspoken behind her eyes that he forced himself not to read into.
Some days, most days, he wondered what he had been waiting for, what he was doing, where his life was going that he was sitting there feeling just as helpless as before. Pam had clearly been set in her ways, going about whatever business she had to attend to.
There was another unspoken thing he had gathered from observing her. She’d grown, she’d become more independent over the time that he’d reconnected with her and gotten settled back into his life in his home town.
He appreciated the phone call she made to him to wish him a Merry Christmas. They chatted idly for a few moments, and there was something about the pause at the end of their call before she wished him a good day that he couldn’t get out of his head days later.
Each time he would look up from his work over the weeks that he’d returned, he would catch her staring at him, quickly turning away once their eyes met. She would linger at his desk after handing him a message, stay a second longer in the break room with him if he hadn’t been finished with his lunch. Any time he had a sales call, she would ask him how it went upon his return.
With a few days remaining in the year, he began making his resolutions. Part of him wanted to point to a date on the calendar and just make a mental deadline, and on that deadline day, he would move on with his life, like he had tried to before.
In an effort to make that happen, as the days grew closer to his least favorite holiday, he asked Karen if she wanted to grab dinner on New Year’s Eve. Their plans were set, he would pick Karen up from her place, go for dinner and watch the ball drop at the restaurant.
The other half of him told him to continue waiting, to give Pam more time, especially during the afternoon of December 29th.
They had been joking in the kitchen, making up New Year’s resolutions for everyone in the office, making sure no one was within ear shot. He loved those moments, the ones when she was herself, when there was nothing left unsaid, no awkward pauses.
The ghost of her head on his shoulder came back that day with a vengeance, and he had to continually remind him of his plans for the next day.
Their laughter died down after a joke about Ryan’s resolution and they stared at one another for a moment.
“I’m um,” he started, clearing his throat, feeling the skin on his cheeks loosen from its smile. “I should get back to work.”
“Oh yeah,” she spoke slowly. “Um, what um… what’re your plans for New Year's Eve?”
“I’m,” he cleared his throat, “I’m um, going out for dinner. What’re you doing?”
“Oh, I’m um, I’m doing the same. Going out with my friend Isabel. The one you met that day at Best Buy?”
“Oh yeah, I remember her. Hey, how’s your TiVo?”
“Still sitting in the box.”
“Oh. That’s a shame. You should open it and use it. Let it fulfill its recording destiny.”
“Yeah,” she laughed lightly, staring at her hands. “Would you … feel free to come by if your plans fall through.”
He looked at her, watched her continue to stare at the table as she picked at her fingernail.
“Yeah, I’ll um, I’ll let you know.”
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Chapter End Notes:
I'm so sorry it took this long to get a new chapter of this up. HUGE thanks to Sally for reading all 11209 versions of this chapter. I have a mission to finish this story by the end of this week. Hopefully it happens. Thanks so much for reading, hope you're still with me on this one! :)
