Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Big thanks to Vampiric Blood, my dear beta who never gets enough sleep.
Her light blue sweater was his favorite.
While Jim’s mouth talked business on the phone, his eyes were focused across the room, taking in the soft curves of her perfectly shaped breasts beneath that sweater. The neckline dipped slightly in the middle, revealing no more than a glimpse of cleavage. It merely hinted at the pearly skin below, and that made it all the more maddening. He imagined what it would be like to trail his lips down from her neck to that apex, feeling her warmth, smelling her scent and then tasting…
“I’ll take three printers, too, Jim.”
His client’s voice jolted him back to their conversation, and Jim felt the familiar tide of guilt washing over him as he quickly diverted his eyes to the figures before him on his desk. He was doing it again, damn it, and his fantasies were getting harder to ignore. He was imagining Allison naked – among other things – and he hated himself for it.
When Meredith quit (she received an unexpected inheritance from a wealthy aunt) Allison had been hired to take her place. That was last year, a couple of months before Phillip arrived. Pam and Allison hit it off right away and quickly became good friends. But really, everybody in the office liked the new girl. She was competent, disarmingly pretty, and had a great sense of humor to boot. Pam had taught her the ropes of their crazy office, and Allison had reciprocated by being a great friend to Pam in those awkward last couple of months of her second pregnancy.
Jim’s client kept talking, forcing his attention back to the sale. “We’ll have those delivered by this Friday, Mr. Garrison.” He gathered the papers in front of him as he answered the final question with, “Yes, sir, October 14th. Thank you.”
Wow. It was nearly…that day…October 24th. A multitude of emotions swirled inside him. Phillip’s first birthday. It didn’t seem possible that it had been almost a year, he thought as he replaced the receiver with a deliberate clunk. The child was thriving despite the almost constant ear infections, but between Cece’s terrible twos and Phillip getting up at night, Jim couldn’t remember the last night of uninterrupted sleep at their house. He was ground down, and he was weary, and that, he decided, was his excuse. Lame, Halpert, he admonished himself for the rationalization.
He lifted his eyes from his desk, being careful to avoid the line of sight to Allison’s desk. The clock said 11:45. Fifteen more glacial minutes until lunch. His stomach growled, and he sighed heavily as he got his client’s folder in order. Now that he was the only one working, he really needed to pay more attention to his clients. He had a family to support, and they always seemed to need more money than he made.
Well, it wasn’t lunch yet. He turned his attention to a Post It note that had been stuck to his computer for days, and picked up the phone to call the new lead. This is what he needed to do, he reminded himself - concentrate more on work and less on distractions.
Five minutes later, Allison walked by him on her way to Andy’s office. She caught his eye and smiled. He smiled back – her smile was infectious. He thought there might be a hint of flirtation in it, and maybe a hint of sadness? But then, he may have been imagining things. Reading people had never been his forte.
“Better get to work there Mr. Halpert, “ she teased. “It’s not lunch yet, you know,” she added with a lovely little lilt to her voice. Then she lowered voice and said, “I’m about to convince Andy to send out his weekly ‘memo from the manager’ in Swahili as well as English - that new guy in the warehouse was born in Africa. Of course he doesn’t speak Swahili, but…”
“You couldn’t,” he chuckled in mock disbelief. Allison handled Andy Bernard almost as well as Pam handled Michael Scott. Almost.
In a few moments, he heard her emerge from the office behind him. He glanced up in subtle appreciation as she walked past him again toward her desk. Her hips swayed hypnotically in her snug gray skirt, and he stared appreciatively at her shapely backside. He felt his body start to respond, and quickly tore his eyes away from her motion. Jesus. Now he’d have to wait a few minutes before he could walk to the break room for lunch. This was getting ridiculous, and it wasn’t good for him. It wasn’t right.
A couple of minutes later she caught his eye again from across the room. He raised his eyebrows and mouthed the word, “Well?”
She lifted her hands in front of her, palms facing inward, fingers touching, and drew them around her midsection, putting on that heavyweight champion’s belt with the flair of Aaron Rodgers himself. Yep, she was in the end zone of office pranks, doing her victory dance.
Jim snorted and dropped his jaw in amazement, showing proper appreciation of the accomplishment. He briefly wondered what Swahili even looked like when it was written on paper.
She smiled and nodded, accepting his admiration gracefully, and then ducked back to her work. The smile lingered on her face. Not that he noticed.
***
Lunch was nearly over when Allison walked into the snack room. Several people were lingering, seated at the tables, finishing the last few crumbs of their lunches before they trudged back to work.
“Hey guys, “ she waved, and then dropped some change into the machines, bending to fish out her nabs and a soda from the bins below.
“Is that lunch?” Ryan asked. Jim was quick to notice the smarmy charm that had suddenly appeared in Ryan’s voice.
“Yeah, I had some errands to run during lunch, so this is it.” She popped the tab on her tea.
Ryan stood and sauntered over toward her. “That peach iced tea is great, isn’t it?” he ventured.
“It’s okay,” she said, pointing at the soda machine. “Only thing in here without carbonation.” She turned toward the door, but stopped when Ryan spoke again.
“Hey, would you wanna…go out someplace tonight after work and maybe…have a drink?” Ryan shifted his weight to one foot, trying to look oh so casual. He had tried that approach on Pam, back in the day, Jim remembered.
“Oh yeah,?“ she raised her eyebrows. “Kelly and you and I could go out? “
Apparently Allison didn’t much like his style either, Jim observed with a small glow of satisfaction.
“No. I mean…yes…but…I mean, “ Ryan stammered.
“Wait - aren’t all of you going to the seminar this afternoon and then out to drinks after?” Allison asked. “Sabre is paying, right?” she added. “Guess I’ll have to pass this time, Ryan,” making it clear by her tone that it – them - would never, ever happen.
They all nodded except for Jim – who raised his hand slightly. “Not going.”
Ryan piped up, “Gotta get home, eh, Jim?”
“Yep, “ he confirmed tersely. He always went straight home after work these days.
“Turns out I have a dental appointment at 4:30, so I’m not going either..” Allison said. “So everybody have a drink for me, okay?” She flashed that lovely smile and with a flip of her hair, left the room without waiting for a reply.
Ryan shrugged and raised his eyebrows as if it hadn’t really mattered. “I was just trying to be nice,” he explained, but nobody was buying . “She’s something, isn’t she?”
Oscar leaned forward that way he did when he wanted to really emphasize his opinion. “If I wasn’t gay, I’d hit that.”
Kevin nodded enthusiastically. “She’s hot.” But then his face fell. “She’d never go out with me, though.”
Nobody disagreed.
“Apparently not me either,” Ryan lamented, stating the obvious. Jim wondered if Ryan wanted one of them to disagree and reassure him otherwise – but again, the group was silent.
Phyllis piped up, “Well, I think she likes Jim.” Her statement was met with an uncomfortable silence, and she quickly lowered her head and added, mumbling, “I shouldn’t have said that.”
Jim’s face flushed and he stared straight down at his last carrot stick without replying. He remained in his seat as the entire group soon dispersed without speaking.
Phyllis was last out, and added a quiet “I didn’t….sorry” to Jim and them quickly exited the room.
Christ, he thought, as he disposed of his lunch trash. It was true – even his coworkers noticed that she liked him. He was flustered by the whole situation. He was also flattered, he admitted. But most of all, he was disturbed.
***
By three o’clock, most everybody was on the way out the door to the seminar. As Jim watched them file out, he leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes with both hands. This was the time of day when he usually hit the wall from lack of sleep. He knew he still had a lot of work to do, but he needed to pee, and he needed some coffee. So after most of his coworkers were gone, Jim got up, stretched, and meandered toward the men’s room. Only Creed and Allison still sat at their desks, engrossed in their work.
When Jim emerged from the bathroom, Allison was standing in the kitchen, staring into the open refrigerator. She was bent slightly, trying to see the lower shelves, which only served to remind Jim just how nice her ass was. Strands of silky dark hair clung to her sweater as she glanced over her shoulder to look at him, and she flashed him that disarming smile.
“I’m starving, “ she exclaimed. She rummaged around in the fridge and soon located a plastic bag of green grapes. She dug her fingers eagerly into the bag, pulled a few from their stems, and put them into her mouth.
Watching her out of the corner of his eye, he ambled over to the coffeemaker. He found his mug in the cabinet, and leisurely poured himself a fresh cup.
“Umm,” she purred, closing her eyes as she consumed more grapes. “ These are sooo sweet – must be grape season in California.” She popped one after another into her mouth as she shifted over closer to Jim.
He hoped she couldn’t see his face flush as he watched her slip another grape between her lips. Sweet Jesus, those luscious full, lips.
“Want one?” she asked playfully.
“Caffeine is what I need,” he answered wryly, managing to keep his voice even.
“C’mon, try one.” She lifted a fat green grape up toward his mouth.
Jim started to shake his head, but she boldly reached up and pressed the grape to his lips. He relented, letting her pop it into his mouth. He sank his teeth into the plump fruit, and its unexpected sweetness filled his mouth.
“That’s very good!” he agreed, chewing.
She grinned, pleased. “See!”
He was certain at this point she was flirting with him, and worse, he was certain he was enjoying it. He should get out of here right now, no doubt about it. Trying not to appear too abrupt, he lifted his coffee cup to explain. “Thanks – gotta get back to the salt mines. Maybe this will get me through the rest of the afternoon.” He aimed for the door and took a purposeful step.
“Wait, Jim!” she called after him. “Would you do me a favor before you go back?” She lifted a couple of reams of paper off the kitchen counter. “Would you help me put this up? Blue goes on the top shelf – I can’t reach it,” she said sincerely, and motioned toward the supply closet.
It was a legitimate request. He was the only person in the office tall enough to reach that shelf – well, except for Dwight, who always refused to help anyone. Consequently, several of his coworkers made the same request from time to time. Especially Ryan, he noted with much satisfaction. Still, a wise voice in his head told him he shouldn’t take that first step toward that closet. But then Allison added “Please?” pleading with those shining eyes, and his resolve melted away.
“Okay, sure.” He ignored the tiny tingles coursing through his body and told himself he would do this for anybody. It was just a common courtesy, and he couldn’t refuse such a simple request – it would be rude. That would make him…well…Dwight.
“Thanks,” she said. She picked up the paper, and he filed after her toward the supply room.
Allison flipped on the light and walked into the tiny room. The space was maybe six by six with three walls of floor to ceiling shelves. Most of the available floor space was taken by a spare table temporarily stored against the right wall of shelves, leaving a narrow walk space with barely enough room for the two of them.
The self-closing door clicked shut behind them. Allison plopped the two reams of blue paper on the table, and pointed to the top shelf on the left wall. “Up there?” The shelf was well out of her reach, and even Jim would have to stand on his toes to get the paper returned to its appointed place.
They simultaneously realized the logistic difficulties. He would have to squeeze by her so he could get to the shelf. Should they move by each other face to face, or back to front, or…what? They stood looking at each other awkwardly, each taking hesitating steps right and then left, unsure of what to do. Finally she backed up against the left shelves, making herself as thin as possible, inviting him to move past between her and the table.
He could have turned his back to her and scooted by quickly. He certainly should have. But he didn’t.
Instead, he faced her and started to move by her, his behind pressed tightly against the table behind him. As he slowly slipped past her, he could feel the pressure of her breasts as they brushed his shirt, and the lower halves of their bodies were separated by mere millimeters. She was so close he could sense the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, and feel the warmth radiating from her body. Having her this close to him was intoxicating.
They locked eyes as he inched along, and he thought he saw an open invitation in her expression. To say something. To do something. He’d seen a look like that in a girl’s eyes one night a few years back – on the deck of a boat. Well, almost like that. He willed his heart to stop pounding, and said nothing. He fleetingly asked himself why he was doing this - he needed to get on with his task, and right now.
He slid slowly on past, breaking eye contact, and she retreated back toward the door. Jim turned briskly and picked up the packaged paper. He had to really stretch to get the reams up high enough, and as he pushed them onto the shelf, he added a “There we go!” for emphasis, to convince himself why he was here. And then he heard a click.
He whirled around, knowing immediately what that sound meant. Allison stood with her back against the door. Her head was bowed slightly, and she looked up at him intently, her hand lingering on the door handle. She had just locked the door. Jim inhaled sharply as an electric mixture of fear and anticipation rippled through this body.
Her gaze was like a magnet, pulling him, pulling him, and Jim took one slow step toward her. And another. The rasp of their quickened breathing was amplified in the intense quiet of the little room. One more step and their bodies were only a few inches apart. He stared down at her and swallowed hard, and her lips parted slightly. And then he was kissing her. And she was kissing him back. He pulled back, hesitating, but her mouth followed him, demanding more. She wanted him.
He shivered as he reached around her, drawing her soft, lithe body in against his. Well, he most definitely wanted her. He fought to control himself but her insistent kisses were not making it easy. Why doesn’t she just stop, he thought angrily, but he kept on kissing her, exploring deeper, entwining her tongue with his.
Their lips parted for a moment as they both caught their breath, and she whispered, “You’re so tall…my neck…”
He reached around her with both arms, lifted her to sit on the table, and positioned his body between her knees. They were closer to the same height now, and her hand reached behind his head, pulling his mouth back to hers. “Mmm…better,” she sighed.
Just one more kiss, he promised, and then he would stop this himself. About that time, she started unbuttoning his shirt. When her hands slid down the exposed skin of his chest, he didn’t protest. No, instead, he reached down and did what he’d been dying to do for weeks – he placed his hands on her breasts, gently kneading them through the softness of her sweater.
She reached down abruptly and pulled her sweater over her head in one motion, revealing the lacy white nothingness of her bra. Her dark hair clung to the sweater as she discarded it, and she shook her head, letting the unruly strands fall loosely about her bare shoulders. He cupped her breasts, and dipped down through her hair to kiss them, just like he’d imagined on so many of those long dull afternoons.
And then she was feeling for his belt. He was a little out of her reach, so she hitched up her skirt and pulled him closer between her legs. By now he was so hard it hurt. Without hesitation, she unzipped his khakis and pushed both his pants and his boxers down, gently releasing his erection. He trembled as she touched him, and his head fell back. A soft, “Oh God,” might have escaped his lips, he really wasn’t sure.
Jim ran his hands up the outside of her bare thighs, and soon found she wasn’t wearing any underwear. He uttered a low groan as she pulled her skirt all the way up around her waist. “Wait,” he hesitated, “we can’t…”
“Yes, we can,” she insisted.
It wasn’t just that she wasn’t Pam. “I don’t have a…”
And from out of nowhere, she produced a wrapped condom.
If he’d been thinking, at this point he’d have realized that she had orchestrated this whole scene from the moment he came out of the restroom. But he was pretty sure his brain had stopped working several minutes ago. He met her eyes again just to make certain, and all he saw was desire. She knew what he was asking.
“I want you to fuck me, Jim,” she whispered, her voice husky. Well, he thought, as anger bubbled up inside him, she was going to get what she wanted. He rolled on the condom and plunged into her so hard it surprised him. He stopped, afraid he had hurt her. But her fingernails dug into his back, and she pulled him in again. “Harder,” she breathed, “I want more of you.”
With that, Jim lost any hint of control he’d imagined he had, and they coupled like two starving souls, grasping desperately at one another. She came first, and she buried her mouth against his chest to muffle her moans. His intense, shuddering release came soon afterward. They collapsed against one another, gasping, and clung together afterward for what seemed like a long, long time.
The reality of what had just happened slowly crept over him. What had he just done? How could he have...? He spoke first. “Hey,” he began, leaning back enough so they could make eye contact. “Allison, that…that…was…I mean…but”
“I know.“ She smiled without a hint of surprise or regret. “You’re not ready for a relationship yet.”
Her words filled him with both relief and regret, and made him feel a lot like Ryan Howard. He lowered his head. But it was different. Kind of.
“I understand, you know?” she said.
His eyes jerked back to hers, and there was an edge to his voice. “Thanks, but not really – no.” He shook his head. “You can’t.” He paused while that familiar, suffocating blanket of grief fell over him again, and he added, more gently, “But thanks anyway.”
“Yes, I do,” she insisted, placing her hand on his, but then she drew back, looking at him carefully. She cocked her head sideways in disbelief. “Wait? Didn’t Pam tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Oh my God, she didn’t! I told her not to tell anybody – I didn’t want those looks of pity, you know? Guess I always figured she’d tell you anyway. But she didn’t, did she?”
Now he was really confused, and his brow furrowed in a deep frown. “What?”
She said it very matter of factly. “I lost my husband, Jason, four years ago. He was killed in Afghanistan.”
“What?!” he repeated. Holy shit. He had no idea – Pam had never said a word. This changed everything. It made a little more sense now. But…
“It’s been a year for you now – and this is one of those things…” she smiled gently, “you needed to do.”
“It’ll be a year in ten days,” he corrected her, “since she…” He still couldn’t say it without his throat filling up. It would be a year ago that Pam died giving birth to Phillip. A year since his life had fallen apart.
“I’m so sorry, Allison,” he said sincerely, as he reached to softly kiss the top of her head. “Pam never told me.” He had never suspected anything like this.
“It’s okay,” she reassured him. “Besides,” she chuckled, “now I know this wasn’t about pity.” She tossed her head to the side and shrugged, smiling.
All this was just too much, too fast, for Jim to get his head around. He was flabbergasted and completely overwhelmed. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Well, I do,” she continued confidently, "because it's been longer for me. I know I’m not Pam, Jim. And you’re not Jason, either,’ she added honestly. “But this is one of those things you have to get through before you can get back to living, you know? I like you – you’re a nice guy – and eventually you’re going to have to think about moving forward.”
He considered her words, wondering if she might be right about the sex, but he did know he wasn’t ready for another relationship. Apparently, she knew that, too.
“You know,” she mused, “people always told me I was lucky that we didn’t have kids – that it would make things easier. But I think they were wrong. I see you with your kids and I’m envious, because you’ve still got a little bit of Pam, in them. I wish I still had some of Jason.” Tears were welling up in her eyes now.
He had no idea what to do or say at this point, so he simply nodded. “I don’t think I would have made it without them,” he admitted.
“I know,” she agreed, wiping a tear away and straightening her back. She took a deep breath and pulled herself together. “I know.”
There was a long moment of silence, and they suddenly became aware that they were still half naked. They began to snicker at the absurdity of the situation, breaking the tension. “Guess we’d better get back out there,” he supposed, and he pulled up his pants and tucked in his shirt. “Do you think Creed noticed we were gone?”
“Doesn’t matter,” she said, yanking her sweater over her head and rearranging her hair. “We could have done this on the office floor and nobody would have believed Creed’s story.”
He laughed because it was the truth. “Anyway, “ she finished, “maybe we can talk more sometime?” She hopped off the table, smoothed down her skirt, and popped open the door lock.
“Yeah, sure,” Jim nodded – he was still trying to get a handle on everything that had just happened.
“Well, now at least I understand why Pam was so happy,” she said mischievously, and winked at him as she opened the door. “Thanks for putting my paper up, Jim,” she said loudly, just in case Creed was listening, and with that, she left him standing alone in the storage room.
He didn’t follow her out. Instead, he relocked the door and stood there in the quiet, letting all the conflicting emotions rattle around inside him. Pam was so happy? She had been happy, hadn’t she? He desperately hoped so.
He could feel it coming on. Usually it happened at home, but occasionally he’d be out, and something would trigger a memory, and he’d have to head quickly to his car, or find a bathroom stall. It didn’t make sense, he thought, but he still felt that he was being unfaithful to Pam every time he even noticed a woman. But this? In a closet at work?
Ironically, if he and Pam hadn’t made love that Valentine’s Day in Ryan’s office, none of this would ever have happened. It was all his fault. If he’d just kept his dick in his pants that afternoon, now every morning when he rolled over, she’d still be there beside him - warm and funny, and…alive. And everything would be okay. Of course then Phillip would never have been. Which made him feel all the guiltier. He couldn’t wish his son had never been born, could he?
But Christ, he missed her so fucking much. His wife, his best friend. He folded his arms onto one of the chest high shelves beside him and slumped over, burying his head in his arms. She was gone and she wasn’t coming back. Grief gripped him once again, and he leaned there, sobbing, until he was all cried out. When he reached that blessed point of numbness, he rubbed his face dry with his sleeve.
It was safe to go out now. He’d stop by the bathroom and wash his face, and then he had to get back to work. He felt a stab of pity of Allison. Four years…he wondered if she still cried, but he knew the answer. Yet she had survived. He would, too. He imagined those two precious little faces. He had to survive.
***
At closing time, Jim locked up the building, and walked out to his Subaru. He looked in the back seat where two car seats sat, safely buckled on each side. Allison was right about the kids.
He folded himself into the driver’s seat, and stared at the empty seat beside him. For the first time, he wondered if people were right, and that he would eventually be able to move on. He knew in his heart that there'd never be another Pam for him, but maybe, just maybe, someday he would find another girl who was almost as great as his Beesly.
Almost.
Jim sighed deeply, and started the car. It was time to pick up his children.
.
.
Thanks for reading and if you have time, I'd love feedback, good or bad.
Here are the song lyrics, by Elvis Costello:
Almost blue
Almost doing things we used to do
There's a girl here and she's almost you
Almost
All the things that your eyes once promised
I see in hers too
Now your eyes are red from crying
Almost blue
Flirting with this disaster became me
It named me as the fool who only aimed to be
Almost blue
It's almost touching it will almost do
There's a part of me that's always true... always
Almost me
Almost you
Almost blue
Author's Chapter Notes:
Almost Blue is a beautiful song, written by Elvis Costello - this is the best version sung by Chet Baker - please give it a listen. (Hint! If you don't like this song, you're not going to like the story either.)
http://youtu.be/21KI7OzYuoQ
I do ask another favor as well - if you start this, please finish it. It's not going to happen exactly like you think. Thanks for reading!
http://youtu.be/21KI7OzYuoQ
I do ask another favor as well - if you start this, please finish it. It's not going to happen exactly like you think. Thanks for reading!
jazzfan is the author of 16 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 5 members. Members who liked Almost Blue also liked 1246 other stories.
