Pam quite possibly had one of the worst days of her life. Her command of the English language failed her on more than one occasion leaving her with an enormous foot in her mouth. The cause of this lies mostly with Pam's internal struggle between the truth and her denial of the truth regarding her feelings for Jim. She's kept them bottled up from the beginning and honestly doesn't know how to deal with them any other way. She knows she has them, but she doesn't know what to do with them. Hence, the partial return of her denial.
Two situations forced her to deal with those emotions. First of all, it feels "cold" again between herself and Jim. The awkwardness has returned. She feels his wall again and is confused by it after they got so close during the cell phone prank on Andy. She feels like she is suddenly being shut out after Jim let her in. This upsets her and she desperately wants to get close to him again. Hence, her lame attempt at flirting. Secondly, Karen corners her about her past (and her feelings) with Jim. Karen totally blindsided her. She has nowhere to run in this situation and she gets incredibly flustered. Despite the negativity of these two situations, they have positive implications. They are forcing Pam to come face to face with her emotions. She may be trying to deny them, but they are nonetheless bubbling up inside of her to the point of no return. She needs this to happen if she's ever going to find the courage to tell Jim how she feels. She can't be honest with him until she fully accepts her feelings for him.
The chill between Pam and Jim also causes Pam to abandon her stance of patience. She reverted back to anxious and antsy behavior that results in nothing but disaster. Her anxiousness is rooted primarily in her rising jealousy of Karen, missing Jim, and feeling lonely. Roll that together into a ball and you've got someone who is nearing her breaking point. From the optimistic point of view, this is encouraging. Pam won't be able to hold it in too much longer. Pam is becoming more and more frustrated with her relationship or lack thereof with Jim. It's all going to come flying out of her eventually.
Pam's lack of experience in dating is another issue that is making her antsy. She doesn't know what to do to get Jim's attention. It all comes back to the fact that Pam is in the driver's seat of keeping JAM a possibility, but she is completely clueless in this role. She is still reliant on Jim to take on this role as he did in the past. Pam still doesn't fully realize that the fate of JAM rests on her shoulders.
Karen Hugs Jim/Talking Head:
Pam is watching intensely as Karen pops up from her desk and unexpectedly wraps her arms around Jim for a hug, (excuse me while I scream). Pam is obviously jealous that Karen is touching Jim. Pam hasn't really had to endure PDA between Jim and Karen up until this point. She's only seen Karen rubbing Jim's back in The Merger and a hug in A Benihana Christmas. Watching this hug is gut wrenching for her. Her face had a little tinge of heartbreak mixed in with her jealousy. Furthermore, she is just weirded out by it. It's not like either one of them. Nor is it usual "at work" behavior. It's just weird, even for Dunder Mifflin! T
his hug precipitates Pam's observation that "something is up with Jim and Karen," in her overlapping talking head. It's obvious that Pam has been watching both of them like a hawk. Subconsciously she's looking for cracks. She has noticed a glitch between Jim and Karen, but doesn't know what its all about. Jim has apparently been tight lipped. She'd never admit it to herself, but she's been looking for clues of trouble between Jim and Karen. Thus, her immediate denial that she's been eavesdropping. Pam is still hiding how she feels both from the camera and a little bit from herself. This is mostly in the name of self preservation. Despite her realization in Back From Vacation (crying), she still won't deal with those emotions head on. They've caused her nothing but pain so far, which instills her sense of denial. She is trying to play if off that Jim and Karen's behavior would be noticeably strange to anyone, even if they weren't eavesdropping.
Pam then jumps into the realization "that it's really not any of my business." The catalyst for Pam's behavior in the break room is represented in this statement. Pam doesn't know anything about Jim and Karen because Jim hasn't been talking to her recently. She feels out of the loop, which leaves her a little frustrated and bothered. She and Jim had progressively gotten closer and now it appears he's backed away. She's confused and a little hurt by this, just as she was in The Merger. Furthermore, in the past Jim was her business and now he's not. The awkwardness and instability of their current relationship is starting to get to her.
To add to her frustration, the current seating arrangement has Jim with his back to her. She doesn't have to opportunity to read his face on a regular basis. So instead, she's "gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck." She is venting here that this is her only option of gauging Jim's state of mind since he's not talking to her and she can't see his face. However, she is also reiterating that she knows Jim better than anyone whether it's from the front or the back. She knows when something is bothering him.
Packer:
Pam is further struck when Karen introduces herself as Jim's girlfriend to Todd Packer. She looks up and towards Karen as soon as "girlfriend" came out of her mouth. Pam is already uncomfortable due to Packer's presence and Karen has just added to it. Pam's jealousy and frustration levels have just gone up a notch. This coupled with the "hug" from earlier is paving the way for Pam's debacle with Jim in the break room.
Break Room #1:
It's anything but a chance meeting with Jim when Pam walks into the break room. She only went in there because he did. Her "ughhhh" is indicative that running into him was no accident. It sounded very contrived. She is bothered from the previous incidents and she wants to read more than the back of his neck. This is her attempt to get back into the information loop and regain Jim's attention. Unfortunately, "Ughhhh," was the best start she could come up with.
From there, we see Pam revert to a similar conversation starter she used in the Back From Vacation, "Everything okay?" She's hoping Jim will open up the same way he did before. Pam's hope is short lived as Jim replies "Oh, yeah. Why?" Pam has just hit Jim's newly repaired wall. To FNB's, credit she doesn't give up after hitting the first hurdle. She digs a little deeper with "You seem a little tired." This is her way of telling Jim she knows something is wrong and he can't hide it from her. She used this same tactic in Back From Vacation, albeit with much better results. Jim tells her he's had a couple of late nights from staying up and talking to Karen.
Pam is not happy to hear this, but she puts on a brave face. Inside she is falling apart and hurt. Jim is talking to Karen instead of her. This is a tough pill to swallow. To make matters worse, Jim is not divulging any further information. He actually starts to walk away, (listen carefully and follow her eyes.). He's next to the door in the next shot. Pam feels even further out of the loop, making her more desperate to regain her status as his confidante. Pam feels him slipping away, which sends her into panic mode.
She is flustered beyond all belief that he didn't take the bait again. She blurts the first thing that comes to her mind to stop him from leaving. The ingenious "You should get more sleep," flies out of her mouth. She is again trying to break through Jim's wall. Pam knows she's in trouble already, as Jim gives her an odd face. Unfortunately, this accelerates her panic, which in turn causes her to continue speaking. She continues her downward spiral with "Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep." Pam seems determined to keep talking whether he wants to respond or not, simply as a means to keep him in the room.
She continues to beat her head against his wall with "When I get 8 hours compared to like 6 hours . . .it's like big difference." Pam has switched gears from initiating a conversation to trying to flirt and be cute in this sequence. If she can't get him to stay with a deep conversation maybe he'll stay because she's cute and funny. He's clearly not buying it and Pam becomes even more flustered. Pam proceeds to dig her grave a little deeper with her disjointed statement regarding REM and sleeping coupled with her little "dance," (how else would you describe that?!). She tries to save it with her attempt at sass with "better than not," (I still cringe at that after 10 viewings). Again, Jim does not bite with anything beyond casual conversation.
He heads out of the room and Pam knows she has lost him. She is beyond frustrated at this point which throws her into a whole new level of panic. She is going to give it one last shot to get his attention. She hits rock bottom with her "Don't fall asleep at your desk!" Even Pam recognizes the lunacy of that statement. She knows she has just made a complete idiot of herself as she utters "Oh, my God" under her breath. It's here where Pam comes face to face with her feelings. Making a fool of herself in front of Jim put her feelings in the limelight. She's very aware that she wants him to like (love) her again, just as she likes (loves) him.
Despite Pam's complete and utter failure at reconnecting with Jim in this scene, she deserves snaps for trying. Contriving to get back into the loop with him is very FNB. Unfortunately, her inexperience with men beyond Roy stifled her success. Pam has no clue how to consciously flirt. She has flirted with Jim in the past, but is was always subconscious. She was cute and funny to him without even trying. In this instance she was forcing it and it came out all wrong. Pam has to work on being herself even when she's flirting! Some of her awkwardness around Jim can also be attributed to her condition of denial. As evidenced in her talking head, she is still hiding her feelings. Pam needs to get more comfortable with her feelings before she can be completely comfortable and close to Jim.
Flirting is not the only thing Pam was trying to force. Pam's patience has clearly been spent. She has felt the void Jim has created since The Return and she feels the need to do something about it instead of waiting for Jim to find his way to her again. Pam was trying to create an opportunity instead of waiting for one to occur. Pam's behavior is highly reminiscent of her actions in The Merger. She suffered a major case of overconfidence and of being overly hopeful. The break room scenes from The Merger and Ben Franklin mirror each other in so many ways in that they have the same emotional undertones and awkwardness. It's obvious that the awkwardness has returned between them, courtesy of Jim's wall. In both scenes, Pam walks in on Jim as he's pulling something from the vending machine, with hopes of reconnecting with Jim. In both scenes, she is overly confident that he will respond to her and when he doesn't she becomes flustered and hurt. Her confidence takes a huge hit in both episodes. She doesn't trust that she has a chance with Jim at this point. Thus, there is the conundrum of both needing the other to send a signal when both are unable to do so.
Additionally, both scenes show Jim's wall is up and Pam is unable to get through. Pam obviously read a lot into the events in The Return. She is confused by Jim's recent cold behavior towards her making her all the more anxious to bring that closeness back, just as she was in The Merger.
The Evil Eye:
Pam's problems are furthered when Karen catches her looking at Jim. Karen shoots her a warning "back off" look. Pam is incredibly intimidated by this. She has already taken a shot to her confidence and this is not helping. Karen's intimidation at this point sets the stage for the confrontation between herself and Pam. Pam is already been knocked down by Jim and now it feels like Karen is taking her shot. Hence, Pam feels even more out of the loop. She's not part of Jim's world the way she used to be and Karen is reminding her of that.
Karen Confronts Pam:
Pam may have been intimidated by Karen earlier in the day, but it doesn't get in the way of her laughing and smiling with Karen during Phyllis's bridal shower or later in the kitchen. Pam seems to be fine with her as long as Jim is not a topic of discussion.
Pam is actually quite relaxed and having a good time as she and Karen discuss the Ben Franklin impersonator. That is until, Karen lays it on Pam that "Jim told me about you guys." Pam tries to avoid the subject by saying "What do you mean?" She's hoping to do the "we're just friends" song and dance that she knows so well. On another level, she's fishing for more information on exactly what Jim told Karen. When Karen divulges that Jim told her about the kiss, Pam is floored. The kiss is something very personal to Pam and now Karen has brought it out in the open. Pam is hurt and even feels a little bit betrayed that Jim would tell Karen something that was just between them.
To have something this private come from Karen (instead of Jim) is emotionally debilitating for Pam. She is unraveling inside the same way she did with Jim earlier in the day. Pam can't believe that Karen is in the loop about the kiss when she was the one who was there! Karen even said "we've talked it through." Pam hasn't had her chance to talk it through with Jim and she finds that deeply upsetting. Two questions are racing through her mind, "Why does Karen know more than I do?" and "Why did he go to her first?" For Pam, this conversation is happening with the wrong person. She needs Jim standing in front of her instead of Karen. It only emphasizes the fact that Pam is outside of Jim's wall. She feels even more isolated.
Karen goes on to explain that it's not a big deal and that she's okay with it. Pam puts on her best fake smile and nods in agreement unconvincingly. She can't hide her emotions. Karen has essentially cornered her into dealing with these emotions while at the same time hiding them. Pam has nowhere to run and Pam finds this enormously intimidating. When Karen said "it was just a kiss," Pam looked away. She can't maintain eye contact with Karen with something so emotionally overwhelming to her. To Pam, it was more than just a kiss. Even though she was unable to come to terms with it at the time, it was and still is a big deal to her. It hurts to hear Karen trivializing such a special moment. This was a big blow to Pam's confidence regarding Jim. Now she's under the impression that is wasn't a big deal to him.
Karen picks up on Pam's emotional state immediately and calls her on it. At this point, Pam becomes flustered once again. She feels exposed and her shock leaves her with no defenses. She's barely had a chance to think and pull herself together when Karen asks "Wait, you're not still interested in him?" Pam's mind is racing in one direction while Karen is going in another. Karen is asking her this question while she's still grappling with her emotions surrounding the kiss. Never mind, that Karen is really intimidating at this juncture. As a result, the words "Oh, yeah" come out. This is her one moment of honestly within herself. Only she didn't intend for that answer to be out loud. She had intended to say no, but her head said one thing and her mouth another. She didn't realize it until Karen called her on it.
Pam is horrified and responds frantically with "Oh, no." She tries to cover her tracks with "I was confused by your phrasing." This is a big fat fib, but Pam is intimidated by Karen and doesn't want to have to explain herself or her feelings. Besides, who is going to talk about their feelings with the girlfriend of their object of affection? Pam reaches the apex of confusion, frustration, and hurt causing her to become flustered yet again. Pam starts to ramble uncontrollably starting with "You should definitely go out with Jim. I mean you're going out with Jim." Pam is so scatterbrained right now she can't find her way out of a paper bag.
However, a moment of clarity is mixed in this jumble of words, "I'm not going out with Jim." Pam sounds like she's kicking herself with this statement. She could have had him back in May. She is also being reminded again that she is out of the loop. It's a tough reality she's facing for the third time in the same day. This jolt of reality causes her to push her feelings down again into the well of denial so as Karen doesn't see them again. Pam continues to cover her tracks by saying "You're dating him, which is awesome, because you guys are great together." She's trying to hide her feelings and her pain while hoping to convince Karen that her feelings for Jim don't exist in the first place.
On another level, this statement reminded me of Pam's talking head in The Fire as she talks about Jim dating Katy. She's trying to sound happy for him when she's really fraught with jealousy. It's her old standby of denying how she feels so that everything seems great. There's a tinge of envy in Pam's voice. She wants to be in Karen's place, which is by Jim's side. However, the important thing to note here is that Pam is much more aware of her denial than she ever has been before. This is key if she is ever to get past it. Pam should have stopped right here, but she felt the need to further reassure Karen that she's not interested in Jim, (liar!). She blurts out "I'm not into Jim . . . yeah." She actually interrupted Karen to say this! It seems Pam is trying to make her tracks completely disappear. Pam is also saying this to herself as a way to reestablish her denial as a means of self-preservation.
Luckily for Pam, Karen decides to let the issue rest. Just when Pam is off the hook she drags herself back into Karen's suspicion with her misplaced "Sorry." Pam is still intimidated by Karen, which seems to loosen her lips. This is another slip by Pam that indicates how she feels about Jim. It's naturally in Pam's nature to apologize when she thinks she's done something wrong. It goes back to her strong moral center. She's essentially apologizing to Karen for being in love with Jim. She feels bad she has feelings for somebody else's boyfriend. There's a little bit of guilt associated with this because Pam likes Karen as a friend. Karen is again on the ball and calls her on her slip. Pam gets flustered again and tries to get out of the predicament by feigning her misunderstanding with "Um . . .what?" She's trying to buy time with the hopes Karen will just drop it. But Karen persists to know what Pam is sorry about. Pam is cornered once again. She manages to wiggle out of it by telling Karen she was thinking of something else.
It's easy to chastise Pam for lying to Karen, but it's understandable. Pam has never talked about Jim or the kiss with anyone, besides her mother (presumably). She hasn't even talked to Jim about what happened between them. How can we expect her to open up to Karen? Karen basically cornered her and threw an incredibly difficult topic up for discussion. This was like a slap across the face to Pam. She was intimidated, nervous, and completely unprepared to talk about the kiss, least of all with Karen.
This scenario makes it easier to understand why Pam is relying on denial for self-preservation. Pam ran the risk of hurting herself and finding herself in deep trouble with Karen if she revealed all the details of her past with Jim. Pam isn't ready to deal with that kind of chaos given her current emotional state following her debacle with Jim in the break room. Not to mention the overall chaos of her relationship with Jim. At any rate, Pam doesn't owe Karen anything in this department. Jim is the only one that deserves to hear Pam's feelings on the kiss. The kiss is between Jim and Pam, not Jim, Karen, and Pam. Kudos to Pam for protecting that part of herself. Unfortunately, she did a terrible job of protecting herself. Karen can see right through her.
On the up side of all of this is the fact that Pam got some practice talking about the elephant in the room. Jim got his practice in Traveling Salesmen, The Return, and during 5 night's worth of long conversations with Karen. Pam just got her first heads up courtesy of Karen. Things are looking up for the BIG conversation that Jim and Pam need to have with one another.
Break Room #2:
Pam is pretty much at the end of her rope by the time she makes it back into the break room with Kelly, Ryan, and Jim. She made a fool of herself with Jim and Karen pinned her into a corner. She is emotionally spent. Kelly picked the wrong time to tease her about "flirting" with Ben Franklin. Pam is embarrassed but plays it off with a smile. Jim continues to tease her about Ben Franklin by asking if there are any "possibilities." Pam is not in the mood for his teasing. She only responds half-heartedly with "yeah . . . right." She doesn't like it that he's teasing her about dating. It just doesn't feel right to her. Especially, after her experience with Karen. Pam is a little hesitant to keep talking due to her previous experience with Jim earlier in the day.
However, FNB throws out the statement "God, I need a boyfriend." This statement is wrought with Pam's frustration from the day, but it's also sending Jim a message in the guise of sarcasm. She's trying to tell Jim she needs him. She's also sending Jim a little jab. She's letting him know "Hello, I'm open here. Where are you?!" She's simply venting her frustration with him. She's tired of feeling invisible. When Jim doesn't respond, she lashes out. She's already a little mad at Jim for telling Karen about the kiss, not to mention her aggravation towards herself for the break room disaster that ensued earlier. Pam tells Ryan she's ready to be set up with one of his business school friends as a way to get back at Jim and perhaps make him jealous, (it worked!).
This scene felt a lot like the parking lot conversation in The Merger. Pam was frustrated and upset after a rough day of Jim's cold shoulder. She is in the exact same situation in Ben Franklin, only her emotions are much more raw than in The Merger. In the break room, Pam is frustrated with herself, Jim, her situation, and the constant sense of not knowing what to do. Couple that with her overwhelming frustration of being out of the loop and her two foot-in-mouth events from earlier in the day. It was only a matter of time before she lashed out. She lashed out in a similar fashion in The Merger by telling Jim he can do whatever he wants in response to his "I've started seeing someone." She doesn't know any other way to alleviate her frustration.
The interesting thing about Pam is that even when she's at her breaking point she is still moderately passive. She's too shy to let all of her emotions out, whether they be love or anger. Chances are she's never had a real opportunity to feel safe enough to do so. She has an overwhelming sense of caring about what other people think of her, which is incredibly stifling. Even though she's upset and frustrated with Jim she doesn't want to vent that towards him face to face. Instead, she uses innuendo.
As far as making Jim jealous, she doesn't know what else to do. Her dating arsenal is limited. Her attempts at conversation and flirting came up empty, so evoking jealousy was the only strategy she had left besides confessing her feelings. Pam is getting closer to doing this, but her moral center and insecurities are preventing her from opening up to Jim. Morally, Pam won't open up until Karen is out of the picture. As for insecurity, Pam feels Jim's wall and his chilled shoulder. She feels like an outcast with Jim. Hopefully, Pam has learned once again that she needs to be patient. She can't force anything. On the up side, Pam is at least starting to bounce the ball that is in her court. She just lost track of it a couple times during the day.
Pam's behavior in this episode was bewildering at best. Let's hope she gets it together before next week!
- - -
JAM Optimist:
1) Pam is one step closer to getting completely past her denial. Not only that, she is aware of her denial! This is a big step!
2) Pam knows she has feelings for Jim. She just has to learn how to deal with them.
3) Pam is near her breaking point. Her emotions are almost ready to burst.
4) Pam found the ball in her court.
JAM Pessimist:
1) FNB stepped over the line with Jim.
2) Pam took a hit in her confidence. Pam is losing faith in her chances with Jim.
3) Pam doesn't know how to deal with her feelings.
4) Pam has lost her patience. She may turn to Roy or someone else to alleviate her frustration with Jim.
5) Pam is still clueless on how to keep the possibility of JAM afloat.
Questions to Ponder:
1) How bad of a hit did Pam's confidence sustain?
2) Should Pam have told Karen the truth?
3) Is Pam going to step out of her denial or is it going to come back full steam?
4) Is Pam ready to talk to Jim about the kiss?
5) What does Pam need to do to break down Jim's newly repaired wall?
Chapter End Notes:
Commonly Used Acronyms:
PD = Pam Dichotomy,
JP = Jim Paradox,
CN = Casino Night,
FNB = Fancy New Beesly,
QTP = Questions to Ponder
This post was written nine years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
PD = Pam Dichotomy,
JP = Jim Paradox,
CN = Casino Night,
FNB = Fancy New Beesly,
QTP = Questions to Ponder
This post was written nine years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
