Although Pam seems to have taken a GIANT step backwards by returning to some of her old habits (namely Roy), she is in fact heading towards a permanent transformation to Fancy New Beesley. Pam is hitting rock bottom at lightening speed, which means a quicker realization that she is FNB and she can't go back to Old Pam. At this juncture, it has to get worse, before it can get better. Pam's light bulb moment is approaching!
Pam is enamored with the idea of Roy instead of Roy himself. This is highly encouraging. Roy's reemergence into Pam's life is not as bad as it seems! The FNB in Pam will eventually be able to see through the illusion. Once she realizes she has evolved past her old life with Roy her transformation into FNB will be complete. However, that is going to take some time. Right now Pam is falling into her old pattern of allowing fear to prevent her from venturing into the unknown (a.k.a. Jim) in favor of the safe, secure, and known realm that Roy offers.
Essentially, Pam is reverting to the known past (a.k.a. Roy) to quell the confusion of the present. It is simply a coping strategy. Pam feels her life (and emotions) spinning out of control. It's just easier to revert to what she already knows instead of trying to figure out her feelings and Jim in general. Pam hit a point of vulnerability that opened the door for Roy. She is still reeling from the events of Ben Franklin, she's surrounded by "her" wedding, and Jim seems detached and unattainable. Roy walked in at the perfect moment.
The up side in all of this is that it won't last. Pam can only play along with this charade for so long, before she feels unfulfilled and lost again. Pam is essentially running into the fog, the same way Jim has since CN. Pam is attaching herself to Roy for the same reasons Jim is attaching himself to Karen. Both are lashing out, hiding from their feelings, and trying to mask the pain. Pam and Jim are perfect examples of avoidance behavior! Furthermore, both are attaching themselves to what they think will make them happy instead of what actually will make them happy. Neither is getting signals from the other or are willing to make the first move, which leads to mutual misunderstanding of how the other really feels. It's amazing how Jim and Pam are paralleling each other's behavior patterns! As if we needed another reason, but this furthers the idea that they belong together!
The important thing is that we have to let Pam fall. She won't learn anything unless she makes mistakes. She's already learned so much about herself from letting Jim go in CN (a HUGE mistake). She stands to learn even more by allowing Roy back into her life. Roy doesn't stand a chance of being a permanent fixture in Pam's life, he's simply a lesson to be learned. Just like we need Karen to bring Jim to Pam, we need Roy to bring Pam to Jim.
"Her" Wedding (Compilation of Scenes):
Pam may have been happy for Phyllis's nuptials but she wasn't too thrilled with the wedding. Right from the start Pam was inundated with Phyllis's copycat planning. First, the invitations Phyllis chose matched the invitations Pam selected for her wedding. FNB was able to let this roll off her back with a little humor as she says if felt like she was going to her own wedding. She tops it off with, "Wait, didn't I call that off." It bothers her, but she is trying to find the humor and protect herself from the pain associated with her cancelled wedding and all the reasons why she called it off, (one reason in particular, Jim). Pam is next hit with a floral arrangement at the wedding with "P&R" centered in the flowers. She can't help but point out, "Also, Pam and Roy." Her humor isn't as lighthearted as before. It's already starting to wear thin. However, she's still managing to throw a pinch of sarcasm into her observation. She is annoyed, but she's still trying to find the humor as a self defense mechanism. Phyllis added insult to injury when she came down the aisle in Pam's chosen wedding dress. With this Pam reaches a whole new level of irritation. There is no humor as Pam looks at the camera and says, "That's my dress." She might as well yelled, "You have got to be kidding me!"
It's interesting how Pam found the camera to voice her discontent in each of these three instances. She didn't even wait for a talking head opportunity to talk about the dress issue. She's clearly not shy about venting her frustration. This is probably the most blatantly honest we've seen Pam when talking into the camera. Perhaps, this is some low key foreshadowing into Pam's future honesty.
Later, Pam clues us in, via her conversation with Roy, that Phyllis even stole her flowers. Pam really is at "her" wedding, but she is not the bride. Instead, she's alone and frustrated. This sets her up for a fragile emotional state. Not only is she attending "her" wedding stag, but she's watching the man she loves attend with someone else. Not even FNB is strong enough to pull through this with all her emotional marbles.
With Kelly:
Up to this point, Pam felt rather successful in getting through the day with her chin up. The primary reason for this is because, FNB refused to fully admit she was bothered by Phyllis's wedding. There's a little bit of denial at work here as part of a self defense mechanism. Pam has a little shield up to keep herself from falling apart. Kelly blasts a little hole into this shield by asking, "Are you alright? This must be so awful for you." Pam counters with her usual cover-up response of "What do you mean?" She's hoping Kelly will let the issue drop. She doesn't want to talk about her cancelled wedding, as that is a soft spot she doesn't want to prod. She is trying to avoid all the pain associated with her almost wedding. She just wants to get through the night in one piece.
When Kelly doesn't let it drop with "This was supposed to be your wedding," Pam simply responds with "Oh . . . no. It's actually fine." Pam has been attempting to be "fine" all day. Kelly just made her realize she is not fine. Pam thought she was hiding her emotional frustration, irritation, and pain enough so that no one would notice, including herself. Kelly flat out called her on it and that threw Pam off her game. In a sense, Kelly gave Pam "permission" not to be fine. Of course, this "permission" only applies on an internal level. Pam is too private to let any of her pain and irritation show on the outside. This permission is part of what sends Pam into her later emotional turmoil.
With Roy:
Roy moves from his side of the table to sit next to Pam. She fidgets a little bit after returning his "hey." Pam is noticeably uncomfortable and even a little annoyed as she fidgets her body and her eyes in response to Roy's presence. She's already unnerved by the wedding, the last thing she wants is Roy, the jilted husband to be, to come over and talk to her. He's just another aspect of Phyllis's wedding that was part of her wedding. Roy comments on Phyllis's taste as he compliments the wedding. Pam is not amused as she says, "You're kidding me, right?" Roy has managed to bring up the worst topic possible. Pam's comment is her way of letting him bury himself further. Roy proceeds to do so by trying to turn on some charm by remembering what flowers he gave her for their prom. Pam takes this opportunity to stick it to him, "Roy, I picked those flowers. Phyllis just stole all of my ideas for our wedding." It felt good to jab him and pin him into the corner. She got a little bit of revenge for all the times he had her cornered. Even though Pam is down this evening, FNB is still shining through! She liked watching him squirm.
From here, Roy takes a very unexpected path as he apologizes for not being involved in the wedding planning. Pam accepts it and says, "It's okay." She's really telling him and herself that it doesn't matter anymore. It's already an absolution to her the wedding is caput and so is her relationship with Roy. This leaves her with a sense of loss and emptiness. She's been able to cope with it and overcome it until faced with it this evening. On another note, Pam is very surprised by Roy's apology. She was actually touched by it. This scares her a little bit. She lets out a small vocal inflection after telling him "It's okay." This signifies her internal struggle. It's almost like she's telling herself, Pam don't fall for it. Stay strong. She's trying to keep her defenses in place.
However, Roy manages to charm his way into Pam's psyche, "Well, I think this sucks for you. I'm the one who actually wanted to get married." It may be a poorly worded statement, but it's sentiment was not lost on Pam. Just as in all the other conversations between them this season, Pam knows exactly what Roy is doing. However, this time it's different. If feels good to have someone "trying" to be with her. It's a huge confidence booster, following the blow she received in Ben Franklin. She needs someone to want her.
Roy is bestowing the kind of attention Pam has been trying to get from Jim with little or uncertain success. At this point, she'll take it wherever she can get it. It feels good to know someone without any confusion. Jim is wrought with confusion and uncertainty. Pam is tired from the chaos and the puzzle. The ease factor of Roy is in direct contrast to Jim. He's an escape from the emotional disaster she's endured for so long. She knows exactly where Roy stands. There's no mystery for her to solve. The feeling of familiarity is what Pam will later mistaken for companionship and attraction. For the moment, however, she is just tempted. She is still trying to keep her defenses in place, although, they are weakening.
At the Bar with Jim:
Pam walks up to Jim as he waits for a couple of drinks. He greets her warmly with a "hey," and she returns the favor, (it's distinctly warmer than the one she gave to Roy). After that Pam looks a little lost. She makes a little face that indicates she's a little nervous around Jim. Even though it's been at least a week since the events of BF, Pam is still a little self conscious around him. She doesn't want to make a fool out of herself again. Pam is surprised when Jim starts to tease her about her famous "Beesly dance moves." She lets out a guarded giggle. Pam has a newly developed fear of flirting that stems from her break room debacle last week. However, she does keep the joke going by saying, "I'm pacing myself." She doesn't make eye contact, again out of self consciousness and nerves. Despite the disadvantages these emotions typically possess, Pam is able to use them to her advantage.
Jim teases her a little more by telling her to get out there and give the people what they want. In response, she gives the self deprecating statement, "No, I'm such a dorky dancer," to incite more teasing. Jim does continue to tease, but he throws a curve ball by adding a flirty aspect to his teasing by telling her "I know. It's very cute." Pam isn't quite sure what to think, as it takes her a few seconds to digest. Her mind is asking, Wait, did he just say I was cute?, as she flashes a quick and unsure smile. Her eyes are searching for some sort of a signal from him to confirm her perspective that he's flirting with her. She just isn't sure about anything related to Jim these days!
Even more, she wants a signal that he still has feelings for her. She needs that hope now more than ever. Pam's emotions start to overwhelm her so, while he's not looking, she shoots him an "I love you" face. It's her way of asking if he feels the same way. She still not brave enough to do it to his face, nor is she able to put it into words. On another level, Pam is hoping Jim will ask her to dance. The conversation seemed like a perfect transition to that question. Pam seems like she wants to ask as well, but she can't find the courage. She's still searching for the signal to foster bravery on all fronts. Alas, Jim fails to give her the signal she is so desperate to receive.
Jim's flirting and subsequent failure to send a signal coupled with Pam's emotional surge creates a plethora of mixed signals that Pam is left to grapple with. It sets the stage for Pam's heartbreak at seeing Jim dance with Karen.
Watching Jim Dance with Karen:
Pam is literally staring at Jim as he slow dances with Karen. It hurts to see him with someone else, not to mention the jealousy that is burning in her chest. There is sense of sadness on her face as she feels very alone. She knows it could've been her in Karen's place and that makes it hurt all the more. Pam is still kicking herself (she needs to stop doing this!), for letting him go. Furthermore, Pam is hurt by the fact that Jim looks happy with Karen.
Pam is caught in the act as Jim looks up and locks eyes with her. He is smiling, but it's not a smile that Pam perceives well. Pam misunderstood it and to her it felt like a smirk, (it important to note that Jim did not intend it that way!). It was actually a leftover smile directed at Karen, but Pam didn't see it that way. All she knows is that it didn't feel like the warm smiles he used to send her way. To her, it feels like a jab, I'm happy with Karen. Before he looked at her he was smiling and talking to Karen. Pam looks away before seeing Jim's smile fade to one of his famous deep looks. Her misconception was the last straw. She even more confused by Jim's mixed signals. She breaks her brain as she tries to coincide what happened at the bar and Jim's perceived actions on the dance floor in front of her. She is emotionally at the end of her rope. This misconstrued facial expression and basically just seeing Jim with someone else are huge catalysts that send Pam to the refuge of Roy.
Roy Asks Pam to Dance:
Pam is hanging out by herself as Roy approaches her. She is already upset by seeing Jim dance with Karen, (and that smile) and now the band is playing her and Roy's song, not to mention all the other emotionally tumultuous aspects of the day. Talk about a bad combination that is perfect for Roy to swoop in for the kill! She again looks like she doesn't want Roy around. FNB is smart enough to know that Roy practically has a "danger" sign illuminated on his forehead.
Pam knows she is emotionally weak and is trying to steer clear of Roy. She doesn't answer him when he says, "hey." At this point, he's just something else bothering her. Roy makes mention that the band is playing their song. Pam, as usual, responds kindly with "Yeah, that's weird. I thought they only played the Police." However, she still has the tone of "go away, please" attached to her response. That all changes when Roy reveals he slipped the band $20 to play it. Pam is shocked that Roy would do something like that, but she is equally touched. The gesture itself meant the world to her. It wasn't Roy or the song, it was the idea that someone thought of her. Roy has his moments and this is one of them.
It again comes back to the idea that Pam is responding to Roy because it feels good that someone is trying for her. Pam doesn't feel Jim trying for her and she's perceiving that as "he doesn't want me." The dance floor incident sealed the deal. Roy caught her at her most vulnerable point in the evening and it played greatly into his favor.
Roy takes it a step further and asks the question Pam had been waiting for from Jim, "You wanna dance?" She think about it for about a split second and then nods in the affirmative. Pam can't help herself. Roy is giving her the attention she's craved from Jim, ever since The Merger, but hasn't received. Now, here's Roy giving her that attention coupled with a grand gesture. Her weakened defenses and emotional state leave her dead in the water. FNB can't see the danger sign anymore, all Old Pam can see is a familiar face that represents a break from the chaos and the pain. Again, the ease of Roy is refreshing to a tired mind and heart, despite her better judgment.
Roy grabs onto Pam's hand and leads outside, (this is significant, but more on that later). Both are a little self conscious about people seeing them together, (not to mention Roy wants to get her alone). I also like to think Pam is trying to sneak away from FNB as well. Pam has a nervous smile on her face as a result. She's not entirely sure she doing the right thing, even though it feels good. Even Old Pam knows she treading on dangerous waters, she's just refusing to see the warning signs.
Dancing/Leaving with Roy:
Pam let's Roy hold her close as they dance outside. Pam allows this because she needs it. She's essentially been alone since Jim let go of her hands in CN and the subsequent dumping of Roy. Her sense of isolation was heightened in BF, and is still effecting her. She just needs to be near someone. Earlier she was hoping to get this chance with Jim, but that never came to fruition. Roy stepped into this role just when Pam needed him.
Near the end of the song, Roy asks Pam if she wants to leave. Pam thinks about it for a second, realizing that Roy is asking her to leave with him. She knows this might be a bad idea but she is overcome with her demons of pain, loneliness, feeling of rejection, being lost. Rationality has taken a back seat to Pam's internal emotional chaos. Roy is actually offering an escape on more than one level with his question. First he is offering an escape from the wedding itself, which has mired Pam with irritation the whole day. Secondly, he is offering an escape from Jim and all the pain and confusion that comes with him. Pam's first reaction is quickly pushed aside in favor of the escapes Roy provides. It's again the result of her vulnerability. Had he asked earlier in the evening, (before seeing Jim and Karen), Pam probably would have refused.
As Pam and Roy head out, Roy holds his hand out to Pam and she grabs on and pulls him towards her. This has enormous significance, but a little back tracking is necessary to break down Pam's mentality. The hand holding initially started as Roy led Pam outside to dance. This grounded Pam in that it feels like Roy is telling her he's there for her and that he wants to be with her. She was particularly vulnerable, so this was huge for her. As Roy and Pam leave, the hand holding returns as stated above, with Pam grabbing onto Roy. She's really grabbing onto a sense of order and a "center." This operates much like her moral center as she needs something or someone that is always there with the answer or for support. Pam is turning Roy into her center. Previously, Jim fulfilled that role. He was her "go to" guy. He was always there for her no matter the situation and she could always "grab" onto him. She lost Jim as her center when she turned him down on CN, which explains Pam's sense of being lost. Which in turn explains why Pam can't fully transform into FNB. How can someone evolve if they are lost? It's like wandering around blindfolded.
This is why she doesn't know how to behave around Jim (another insight that explains her behavior in BF). It's important to note that Roy can only fulfill this role for so long. FNB will come through again, once the illusion comes to light. The reason why this supposition can be made is based primarily on Pam's body language as she leave with Roy. Her posture is slouched and her head is hanging, which highly resembles Old Pam. FNB won't be pushed aside for long before she comes out swinging.
Subconsciously, Pam knows this is not going to work, but she's pushing feeling aside for the quick fix instead. Roy is making her feel better here and now, but he won't long term.
The Bottom Line:
In the past, Pam could always rely on Roy to provide a shield that protected her from admitting her feelings for Jim. Granted, this was primarily linked to her moral center and sense of commitment to Roy, but the concept remains the same. Pam is subconsciously running to Roy to protect her once again. She needs a safe haven from the pain and chaos that exists between her and Jim. Only it's just a false sense of security. This behavior parallels Jim as he runs to Karen for similar reasons.
Pam may even entertain the idea of rekindling things with Roy because she feels she has to get past Jim. She is under the impression that he is not interested in her, so she must move on to preserve her own sanity. Roy is a ready made relationship to accomplish that goal. Fortunately, FNB is already alive in Pam. She will eventually realize that Roy cannot be her center or her relationship. She has learned and changed too much. She needs Jim. Roy is going to unwittingly help her figure all of this out, the same way Karen is bringing Jim to his realizations.
We may not like it, but we do need Roy for JAM to happen. Roy is going to help Pam realize that she can't rely on anyone besides herself to be her center. This is the rock bottom Pam must hit. Once she does that, she'll have the confidence, courage, and honesty she needs to find her way back to Jim. Instead of relying on him to be her absolute center, he takes on the role of complimenting her center with his. Pam isn't wandering off course, she's just taking the scenic route!
- - -
JAM Optimist:
1) Pam is hitting rock bottom. It sounds bad, but it's necessary for her to find her way back to Jim
2) Pam knows she loves Jim.
3) Pam is still developing FNB.
4) Roy will help Pam find Jim.
JAM Pessimist:
1) One word: Roy.
2) Pam is hitting rock bottom. She may not find her way back.
3) Pam's confidence is still very low.
4) Pam still doesn't know what to do with the ball in her court! She's actually abandoned the ball altogether.
Questions to Ponder:
1) Why didn't Pam ask Jim to dance at the bar?
2) Who will ultimately "save" Pam: Jim, FNB, or someone else?
3) Describe Pam's new relations Roy. Are they friends or more than that? What are they? What will they become?
4) Why does Pam still have her old wedding invitation?
5) Will Pam use Roy to make Jim jealous?
Chapter End Notes:
Commonly Used Acronyms:
PD = Pam Dichotomy,
JP = Jim Paradox,
CN = Casino Night,
FNB = Fancy New Beesly,
QTP = Questions to Ponder
This post was written nine years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
PD = Pam Dichotomy,
JP = Jim Paradox,
CN = Casino Night,
FNB = Fancy New Beesly,
QTP = Questions to Ponder
This post was written nine years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
