Pam can't seem to catch a break to save her life. She's continuing to find herself plummeting towards rock bottom. She came very close to thudding before Michael came to her rescue. For JAM fans it's comforting to know the bottom is near for two reasons. First, Pam will permanently transform into FNB. Second, it means the end of Roy and the beginning of Pam finding her way back to Jim. Unfortunately, it is heart wrenching to watch Pam wriggle through this time of struggle and self discovery. If only Pam could hear us cheering her on from the sidelines. (Despite her shortcomings and infuriating behavior I can't help but love her!)
Pam is obviously still dealing with the ramifications of the events in Ben Franklin and Phyllis's wedding. Her confidence is shaken as well as her sense of security. Her rekindled relationship with Roy is the result of her need for a safety net. Her life and emotions feel so out of control she needs an anchor. Sadly, her anchor is doing just that by anchoring her to Old Pam and her old life. Luckily, FNB is still alive and fighting to be heard. Pam's relationship with Roy is noticeably different from before. It seems much more forced from Pam's end. She's making herself believe that this is the correct course of action for the simple reason that it seems easier than going through the growing pains of becoming FNB. JAM fans can breathe easy in that Pam is already beginning to see right through Roy. The illusion is starting to break down, which in turn makes Pam feel very alone despite having Roy in her life. It may take a little bit longer before Pam fully admits this to herself, but the silver lining is that she's noticing Roy hasn't changed. The FNB in her won't put with same old Roy for very long.
Pam's emotional state has also managed to bring out Pam's inherent need for validation. Normally, this personality trait is very subtle, but in this episode she is practically begging for support, in that she is self deprecating herself as a means of asking for validation. It's subconscious tactic of talking herself down to get others to bring her up out of the hole. Her motivation for this lies primarily with her downward spiral that started in Ben Franklin, Phyllis's Wedding and continues through to her art show. Her confidence took such a blow in Ben Franklin only to be shattered in Phyllis's Wedding. She needs someone or something to provide validation to rebuild that confidence. Let's face it, self confidence is something that takes time to develop and sometimes an outside force is necessary to provide a foundation. Pam's relationship with Roy can be traced to this need for a foundation. Previously, Jim was her crutch, but he is no longer playing that role. So, Pam is now looking to Roy to be her crutch in the confidence department. This quest is quite futile in that Roy has never been a source for Pam's confidence. Her realization in this along with Roy's unchanged personality is going to create the thud we are all waiting to hear.
On another level, it's impossible not to notice how Pam's need for validation so strongly mirrors Jim's experiences in Stamford. He went through a similar phase of needing acceptance, notably showcased in Grief Counseling (Call of Duty) and The Coup (Chip Hunt), (see the JP on these two episodes for the run down on Jim's need for validation). The behavior parallels continue as Pam goes back to Roy. Roy is Pam's rebound, just as Karen is Jim's rebound. Both are in relationships to avoid their feelings and hide from the pain. The only difference is Pam is running back to an old relationship, while Jim is trying to create a new one. However, the emotional motivations remain the same. This all falls in line with the necessity of Pam to feel a little bit of Jim's pain from all those years of unrequited love. She'll be able to approach him with an understanding that didn't exist before, which is going to have big impact on Jim. Pam and Jim are essentially going through the same phases, (denial, partial awareness, fear, avoidance, rebound, etc.). She's a step or two behind him, but these two are going to be right in step with one another very soon. Both are going to hit a moment of honesty about their feelings for one another at roughly the same time. Have faith in that moment's arrival.
Roy at Pam's Desk:
Pam is just eating up the heaping spoonfuls of attention that Roy is feeding her as he hangs out at her desk. Ironically, he's occupying Jim's spot of leaning on her desk. It seems Pam is trying to replace Jim with Roy, (just as Jim is trying to replace Pam with Karen). Roy tells her he can't wait to go to her art show, (even though it is dripping with the undertone of getting together after the show). Pam is happy to hear it, but she gives Roy an out be saying it's just a bunch a students from her class in a little studio. This her way of prodding Roy to get more attention. She almost looks like she's pleading with him to contradict her, as a means to build her confidence. Pam is subconsciously using reverse psychology (see Christmas Party for Michael's stellar explanation! ;-)) to get Roy to validate her artistic efforts and to reassure her of his commitment to her. Roy obliges with "I wouldn't miss it for the world." It's exactly what she wants to hear.
She smiles in acceptance and thanks him. But it isn't warm and fuzzy, as it feels more rigid to let him know she expects him to be there. This is rooted mostly in her own self doubt and confidence issues, but there is an air of passive aggressiveness. Roy is seemingly there for her in ways he wasn't before and that gives her courage to be a little more demanding for his attention, despite the fact that it's misguided. Pam's courage only exists to make Roy her crutch. This behavior lends to the notion that Pam is enamored with the idea of a relationship and attention and not necessarily with Roy. The trick with all of this is for FNB to take this newfound courage and redirect towards Jim in a more positive way, once Pam's confidence is restored.
Talking Head:
It doesn't take long for Pam to feel the need to defend her rekindled relationship with Roy. In her talking head she is adamant the she's "really happy to be back with Roy." The striking aspect of this statement is that it almost matches Jim's, "I'm really happy I'm with Karen." This is another instance of how Jim and Pam are mirroring each other. His statement was a direct result of overwhelming emotions, jealousy, and frustration. He needed to believe he was happy with Karen. Pam is in the same boat when it comes to Roy. She went back to him for all the same reasons and is therefore having to justify it to herself that she's doing the right thing. Their matching statements are beyond coincidence and an immediate tip off that Pam is full of doubt.
Beyond the "coincidence" is simple body language. Pam is not smiling or gushing as she talks about Roy. She is very matter of fact and flat in tone as she describes her "happy" feelings. Furthermore, that vacant and defeated face that frequently graced the screen in Season 1 and parts of Season 2 is back. Old Pam is definitely in the driver's seat at this juncture. As she finishes her declaration, her face is pleading with the camera to "buy it." Dig a little deeper and she's even trying to sell it to herself. Her head is even nodding slightly as another indicator that she is full doubt. It's again directed at the camera as another way of saying, I mean it . . . really I do. She reminds me of used car salesmen trying to sell the biggest heap of junk on the lot. Roy is that used car and Pam is trying to sell it to herself and to the camera. It's in effect another cry for validation. She wants someone to tell her that she is indeed doing the right thing.
Pam goes on to defend herself by saying "I think it shows maturity . . . maturity and dignity." The nod and pleading face accompany this statement as well. This is exactly what she is telling herself instead of admitting it's her own fear and insecurities that caused her to go back to Roy. She knows it deep down, but she refuses to believe it. Her loneliness and fear of being alone, along with FNB growing pains are all part of her reversion to Roy. Simply put, it got too hard and too scary. Pam's word choice actually helps to shed light on what she is really feeling. The word "maturity" is in direct relation to the growing pains associated with the development of FNB. Pam wants to think she's done evolving. If she convinces herself that she's become the person she wants to be than she won't feel the pain and fear that sometimes accompanies change. Let's also not forget her fear of change.
Going back to Roy is another way to reclaim something familiar and easy. It's classic avoidance. The word "dignity" is also an immediate clue of Pam's state of mind. Pam craves a little bit of dignity following her perceived humiliations in BF and PW. We know she took a huge confidence hit in both episodes, causing a massive loss of dignity that sent her into this downward spiral. Furthermore, Pam doesn't want to admit her weakness of being unable to be alone and face change. She feels like she's failed at becoming FNB and is hoping Roy to fill the void and replenish her dignity. His attention is giving her a false sense of dignity and security. Pam should've just said going back to Roy is just easier rather than mature and dignified. This segment speaks volumes of her avoidance of her feelings for Jim, fears, and insecurities.
In all fairness, we have to recognize that Pam is slightly aware of what she is doing. Otherwise, she would not be defending her choice to be with Roy so ardently. Even though Old Pam is in control of the steering wheel, FNB is a back seat driver, (Please excuse my driving analogy. The Daytona 500 is today and I'm really excited for the NASCAR season to start!) FNB is totally aware that Old Pam is trying to mask the real reasons why Pam is with Roy. The defense mechanism is FNB trying to grab a hold on the steering wheel.
Pam continues to showcase her doubt by throwing in "Is that braggy? I don't mean that to be braggy." It's another instance of her own insecurities and another cry for validation. In effect, subconsciously she knows she just fed the camera a pack of lies, (even though she's convinced herself it's the truth) and she's trying to cover herself. Her overconfidence gives her away. She's really not sure if she's doing the right thing by being with Roy and she's again asking the camera to give her the thumbs up. Pam seems a little bothered at the end of her talking head by giving a little head jerk. It's a signal of her internal battle of Old Pam vs. FNB. She is trying to tell herself that she is fine and dandy when in reality she is torn, confused, and still lost.
It's actually a positive sign that Pam is becoming less convincing in her talking heads. She's always been ambiguous and transparent in her talking heads, but she was somewhat more believable in previous episodes. However, this time it's apparent that she's losing her ability to hide what she's really feeling. It's another small step toward emotional honesty.
Roy Leaves Pam's Desk:
Pam is again eating from Roy's hand as he tells her, "I love you," as he walks away. She is beyond thrilled that someone is saying it to her. It fills the empty void of not hearing it or sensing it from Jim with any certainty. This again falls along the lines of the idea of love instead of actually being in love with Roy. Her response to him exemplifies this concept perfectly. She responds with "You, too," instead of a full "I love you." Her resistance to say "I love you," is rooted in her uncertainty with the relationship. However, she needs to give a response that gives the impression she feels the same way in order to keep the attention coming and the relationship on track. FNB knows she doesn't love Roy, but Old Pam is refusing to buy into that fact. As Roy leaves it's easy to tell that Pam is reveling in the attention that the sentiment entails, but she is unable to return it. JAM fans must believe it's because the love she does feel is not for Roy, it is for Jim.
With Kelly:
Gossip queen Kelly jumps right into Pam's face with "I can't believe your back together with Roy." Pam again feels the need to defend herself by responding with, "Oh, yeah. We have such a solid foundation." This is just another defense aimed at justifying her relationship with Roy. She wants validation from Kelly the same way she wanted it from the camera. However, there are deeper connotations associated with the statement. It's interesting that Pam uses the phrase "solid foundation." Pam is desperate for a center or a foundation to calm her chaotic state.
In effect, she's admitting why she is with Roy. Just as in her talking head, she is not gushing or blushing about being in love. It's clear her motivations to be with Roy are not about having feelings for him, but rather to feel safe and secure. Kelly inadvertently throws this in her face with "Oh my God, you are so in love now." Pam throws out a quick and unconvincing "yeah." and then quickly changes the subject to her art show.
Pam doesn't want to talk about how "in love" she is with Roy. She knows if she engages in a conversation with Kelly the truth would come out that she doesn't love him or at the very least is unsure of how she feels. This would lead to the collapse of the illusion she is maintaining for herself. She desperately wants to believe that Roy is the right man for her, everything is fine in her life and there's no more chaos or pain. The fact that Kelly so pointedly reminded Pam that she's not "so in love" is upsetting to Pam and shakes her grasp on the foundation of Roy.
Pam search for validation again extends beyond Roy, and into her art show. She again uses the tactic of talking herself down to prod Kelly into saying she would go. This is very Old Pam, but we have to give snaps to FNB for giving Pam the courage to ask Kelly in the first place.
Art Show I - Waiting:
Pam is all alone next to her artwork. She is well aware of the contrast as other artists are surrounded by people. She is already showing signs of self-doubt through her hope that someone will come by and admire her work. She is especially hopeful and expectant that her co-workers will show up to offer their support and validation. Her eyes wander over to the door as she waits for her support network to show up a.k.a. her friends/co-workers. Seeing this doubt even as she stands in front of her own work, help to explain her self deprecation throughout the day. She's not confident with her artwork. That being said, she is in fact proud that it's on display and she wants people to see it, but she also knows it doesn't compare to the artwork that surrounds her. In a striking element of symbolism, someone literally walks right past Pam's display without even giving a glance to her artwork, as she waits.
On a side note, I applaud the writers' move of making Pam's artwork less than spectacular. It's so symbolic of the fact that Old Pam is holding her back both personally and artistically. However, there is a glimmer of hope. Pam's artwork is good, it's just not amazing. It's clear she has talent, but she lacks the inspiration and self awareness which in turn translates to bland art. Once FNB kicks into full gear, I have not doubt that Pam's talent will create some incredible works of art.
Art Show II - Roy Arrives:
Pam finally manages to rope in a viewer when an old lady comes to inspect her artwork. She explains her work as being "from the same series, called 'Impressions.'" She is waiting and hoping for some validation from this complete stranger. When she doesn't get it immediately she falls back to her tactic of talking herself down to evoke a contradiction with "Not that I would call myself an Impressionist per se." It's again showcasing her self doubt and plea for acceptance. The old woman responds with "Maybe one day." Pam takes this as almost being a compliment and she fishes for more with, "I hope so." She goes on to say "I still need my breakthrough, or whatever." This statement is just dripping in double meaning! The breakthrough Pam speaks of is FNB. Deep down she knows this, but she is resistant.
The "whatever" she throws in at the end represents her fear and resistance to the struggle to become FNB. She is denying the road block that is currently in front of her to get past the struggle. Instead, she is taking a detour around that roadblock to avoid the struggle altogether. Aside from the double meaning lies yet another attempt from to elicit a compliment of any kind from this woman. Alas, the women is tight lipped and walks away without any sort of praise. Pam turns and looks critically at her work. Deep down she knows she is capable of more. However, a compliment would be nice to reinforce her internal sense of pride.
As if on cue, the impediment to Pam's breakthrough waltzes through the door, (well, he's an impediment as long as he anchors her to Old Pam). Roy shows up as promised with his brother in tow. Roy's slovenly appearance should've been Pam's first clue that he wasn't going to hang around. He looked like he was going out for a night at the bowling alley or Poor Richards. Pam greets him warmly enough with "Hey babe. How are ya?" Pam's body language from this point is actually very promising as she is a little standoffish with Roy. He reaches towards her to hug her along with a kiss, but she holds him back by putting her hands on his chest. She waits for him to notice her work and provide some sort of validation as she quietly glances at her display.
Instead of commenting on her work Roy points out "I showed up with my brother and no one from work is here." This immediately shakes Pam to her core. She was expecting a kind and supportive comment as per her illusion, but instead Roy fired a personal jab. She is crushed. Roy caps it off by saying "Pretty cool, huh?" She nods yes but she is really thinking No, this is not cool. The jab just dug in deeper. She is not only dealing with the fact that Roy made her feel like a failure, but also with the fact that she saw Roy step out of the illusion. She saw Roy was elevating himself by pointing out her failure and that hurt deeply. This is a great example of how FNB is making her voice heard. Pam's perspective on Roy has changed whether she wants to believe it or not. Unfortunately, Old Pam is still refusing to fully accept what she saw and felt with Roy's comment. She's desperately grasping onto the illusion to safeguard the foundation he represents. She looks back towards her work still holding on to the hope that Roy will redeem himself by complimenting her work.
The key of this whole scene is that Roy failed to lived up to Pam's expectation of providing her with validation and support. His presence just wasn't enough, as she was clued in that he wasn't sincere. The fact that Pam is noticing this is unbelievably important. Old Pam (without FNB hiding inside) never would have taken notice of Roy's poor behavior. Instead, she would have written it off as Roy being Roy. FNB won't let Pam do that completely, despite the fact that Old Pam is trying. Pam didn't say anything to Roy when he shot his mouth off, but I could hear FNB screaming at Pam to call him on his tactic.
Art Show III - Roy Leaves Early:
Roy asks Pam if it's okay if he leaves. He proudly touts that he looked at all of her pieces. Pam still isn't impressed with Roy's comments or presence. Despite this she still wants him to stay in the hopes of gaining some sort of validation from him. She tries to goad him into staying with a patented guilt trip of, "I'll just drive myself home," (ladies we all do this, don't deny it ;-)). Old Pam just doesn't understand that this validation has to come from within and without bait. Furthermore, validation is earned, and does not result with pleading. Aside from gaining his validation, Pam just doesn't want to be alone.
Roy adds insult to injury by suggesting Pam drives over to his place. Pam becomes incredibly self conscious. This isn't the kind of attention she wants or needs from Roy right now. Roy's tops it all off with his oh so suave, "Your art was the prettiest art of all the art." Pam looks at him with an expression of "Did you seriously just say that?" Pam saw right through him like a freshly cleaned window. Can't you just smell the Windex? The insincerity of his statement hurt her as she knows he only said it to get her into bed. Pam doesn't want to feel sexy right now, she wants to feel good about her abilities and herself in general. Roy just doesn't get that. Needles to say, the illusion of Roy being her center has taken a bit of a hit.
Art Show IV: Oscar and Gil:
Pam walks up to her display and is thrilled to find Oscar and Gil checking out her work. She shoots a hopeful smile towards the camera. The fact that co-workers showed up was a small victory for Pam. She's hoping to hear something positive. Unfortunately, Gil spearheads some nasty comments criticizing Pam's work. Oscar is quick to defend her, but quickly joins Gil's side, when Gil comments that real art requires courage and honesty. In response, Oscar says "those aren't Pam's strong points." Pam is already hurt by these statements when Gil piles it on further by calling her work "motel art." Pam is utterly crushed. I
nstead of getting some much needed support and validation, she was decimated on two fronts, personally and artistically. For someone who cares so much about how other people perceive her, the fact that Oscar's comment insinuated that Pam was dishonest and lacked courage hurt her deeply. Hopefully, FNB heard this and is taking notes. Her transformation into FNB requires an immense amount of courage and honesty. Oscar's comments may eventually serve as the reality check Pam needs once the hurt calms down.
Art Show V - Michael Arrives:
As other exhibitors saying good night to their spectators, Pam is still holding out a little hope that someone will show up. She checks her watch and peers towards the door that yields no one she knows. It's at this moment that she gives up any hope that she has left. She walks over to her display defeated and deflated as she starts pulling out the thumbtacks that are holding up her efforts. She is surprised to hear Michael's voice as he says "Pamcasso" (that's really cute, BTW) and apologizes for being late. As Michael look at Pam's work in awe, he asks her if she drew them freehand. She responds with "Yup." Pam is a little taken aback by Michael's interest. He is after all the first person to say something nice about her work. She is actually preparing herself for the fact that something horrible will come out of his mouth. For one, it's Michael and secondly a horrible comment would just match the evening. She's through fooling herself.
He continues by saying "Wow, these could be tracings." His attention is captured by her rendition of the Scranton Business Park, (Did anyone else notice that it really was her best piece?). He gushes over it and tells her she "nailed it." Pam hardly knows what to do with Michael's praise. She's standing off to the side looking a little confused at Michael's reaction to her painting. Michael asks her "How much?" Pam is again caught off guard and asks "What do you mean?" She is still trying to process his positive comments while at the same time assess Michael's sincerity. He replies "I don't see a price." Pam answers "Um, you want to buy it?" She looks as confused as ever, but she does allow a smile to grace her face. She's really asking him, "You really like it?" She is again searching for validation due to the doubt she still harbors from a very difficult evening.
However, she is also starting to allow herself to feel good about herself and her work. Michael goes on to explain that he needs it for the office. He points out all the familiar aspects of the building including his office window and his car. She smiles again after Michael asks her if its her car depicted alongside his. However, she is still be careful about lulling herself into another letdown as she waits for Michael to say something horrible. She wants to believe so badly that he loves her picture, but she's just not sure. Michael stares the picture a little longer and then says "That is our building. And we sell paper." Pam is still a little confused at Michael's very emotional response to her painting, but she now understands that Michael is being genuine and that it's her work that is effecting him. Of course on a deeper level, it's also a reality check that this is where her life stands. She works in that building that sells paper.
Michael then spouts the most important words that Pam needed to hear more than anything, "I am really proud of you." It was sincere and it went right to Pam's heart. It was enough to send her to the verge of tears. She feels vindicated and a piece of her confidence went back into place. She was so grateful she gave Michael a hug and softly said "Thank you." It meant so much to her to have someone appreciate her efforts and be proud of her. She finally got the validation she's been searching for all day. Pam hangs onto Michael and closes her eyes as she just allows herself to release some of her pent up emotions of hurt, disappointment, and loneliness. Michael is oddly the first person she's really felt connected to in a long time. It's short lived in that Michael goes right back to being Michael when he offers her half the Chunky that's in his pocket. Nonetheless, Michael saved Pam tonight. Without him, Pam's gaping void would take even longer to heal. If only Pam realized her own bravery and accomplishment with showing her work in the first place.
Michael's simple act of kindness and acceptance was genuine in contrast to Roy's presence. Pam's reaction to Michael is indicative that she is more than aware that her boss provided more of a foundation than Roy. That should knock a big hole into Pam's illusion that Roy is her center. It appears that for once, Michael earned his coffee cup title "World's Best Boss."
The Bottom Line:
Pam may be difficult to watch, but her emotional motivations are understandable. She is dealing with emotions that are overwhelming her. She doesn't have the tools or experience to face these emotions head on. We have to let her fall and make mistakes despite the fact that it's infuriating to watch her be an emotional moron committing acts of sheer idiocy. Cut her some slack while she tries to find her way out of the chaos! Just remember, she is learning so much about herself as she makes her mistakes. It's all part of becoming FNB and reaching emotional honesty. Jim won't know what hit him when FNB makes her presence known!
- - -
The JAM pessimist is nipping at my heels, but the optimist still managed to put up a fight! If I may borrow a quote from Galaxy Quest, "Never give up. Never surrender."
JAM Optimist:
1) Pam is already starting to see through Roy
2) Pam got a piece of her confidence back
3) Rock bottom is approaching
4) Pam is mirroring Jim's behavior pattern (she's catching up to his level, too)
5) FNB is alive and kicking
JAM Pessimist:
1) Pam is back with Roy (and he's tethering her to Old Pam)
2) Old Pam is calling the shots
3) Pam is emotionally reliant on other people to make her happy
4) Pam's confidence is shattered
5) Pam is shutting herself off from Jim
6) Pam has gone back into denial
Questions to Ponder:
1) Why wasn't Pam's mom at her art show?
2) Do you think Pam was waiting for Jim? Why didn't she ask him to come? Is she hurt he didn't show up?
3) At this point, is Pam capable of transforming into FNB? Is she ready?
4) Is Pam using Roy?
Chapter End Notes:
Commonly Used Acronyms:
PD = Pam Dichotomy,
JP = Jim Paradox,
CN = Casino Night,
FNB = Fancy New Beesly,
QTP = Questions to Ponder
This post was written nine years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
PD = Pam Dichotomy,
JP = Jim Paradox,
CN = Casino Night,
FNB = Fancy New Beesly,
QTP = Questions to Ponder
This post was written nine years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
