To the joy of JAM fans everywhere, Roy's violent outburst in Cocktails did not send Pam back into her corner of self-denial. Rather, it strengthened her resolve of honesty and self-assertiveness. Pam has found the strength to say goodbye to her old life and accept the uncertainty of her future. This is immensely important as Pam makes the transition to FNB. She cannot and did not let hurdles get in the way of achieving personal growth. She is well on her way to making FNB traits the norm rather than random behavior.
One of the more positive outcomes this week revolves around the idea that Pam is no longer in denial about her feelings for Jim. She knows she loves him, but she is unwilling to act. Her moral center has created a thick boundary she refuses to cross while Jim is with Karen. Pam's moral center is a fundamental component to her behavior and is almost unbreakable. Surprisingly, Roy is the one that calls this impediment into question. He lights a little fire under Pam by encouraging her to date Jim. In a sense, Roy picked up the ball that's been sitting at Pam's feet told her it's time to play. Despite Pam's gains, she is still doubts herself around Jim. She doesn't totally believe she can win him back, yet. Luckily, Roy at least got her to hold the ball and think seriously about going after the one person she loves, (thank you Roy!). Pam simply needs to overcome her doubt and work past the constraints of her moral center.
Pam's hesitancy and doubt also originate from her experiences with Jim's wall. It's higher and thicker than ever before. She can't find a way through it and this creates speculation that Jim is over her and no longer has feelings. The timing for this couldn't be worse as the events of Casino Night have begun to emerge from the shadows of the past. Furthermore, Pam appears poised to have the BIG conversation with Jim. Her attempt to talk about the "fight" with Jim in the break room speaks volumes about Pam's level of courage. She knew the conversation would inevitably lead to CN, yet she continued to pursue it. Had it not been for Jim's wall, there's no telling how much emotional honesty would've spilled out of Pam. Unfortunately, Jim's Fort Knox defense causes Pam to retreat both in the conversation and with her feelings.
It seems bleak, but in all reality, Pam essentially got a green light from Roy to pursue Jim, (who would've thought a dividing factor to JAM could now be a third party that brings them together!?). Now all she has to do is step on the gas. She is one step closer to believing she is good enough for Jim and that she deserves him.
Watching Jim and Karen:
Pam can't help but overhear Karen and Jim talk as she sits at her desk. She is clearly annoyed as Karen prods Jim to go out instead of staying in for the night. She focuses her eyes squarely on Karen. If looks could kill, Pam's evil eye would get the job done. She doesn't like it that Karen is manipulating Jim by picking on him. However, most of Pam's angst is rooted in aggravated jealousy. Karen is flaunting her relationship with Jim right in front of Pam. Pam is more than aware of Karen's tactic and finds it annoying as it jabs at her heart. She doesn't need Karen reminding her of the depressing reality that Jim is taken.
Roy Attacks Jim:
Pam is just as surprised as Jim when Roy walks in and hollers "Hey Halpert!" She looks at Jim with a horrified face that is also telling him, I'm sorry, this is all my fault. I told Roy about us. However, Pam is still holding out hope that Roy will do nothing but yell. She looks towards Roy and knows he has much more on his agenda. She can't do anything more than yell "Roy . . . Roy don't . . ." as Roy lunges at Jim and pushes him into the metal shelving unit that flanks his desk. Of course, Dwight comes to the rescue and stops Roy with pepper spray that also hits Pam.
Talking Head/Watching Jim:
Pam refuses to talk about what happened to the camera. Her sense of privacy kicks in as she says "I really don't want to talk about it. I don't mean to be rude, but I just, I don't want to comment on what happened." Pam is once again hiding her feelings, but it isn't the usual Jim related emotions. Pam is a little self conscious about the situation, which is why she is worried about being rude. She feels guilty about what happened and partially blames herself. She doesn't want the camera to see this as she's still trying to sort through it for herself. However, Pam can't keep locked as tightly as she would like. After a short pause she says "It sucked," as a way to vent a little without getting too personal. She inhales a frustrated breath after her statement, which indicates she is obviously upset by the whole situation and needed to let some of it out.
It seems as though Pam doesn't want to talk about the incident at all, when in fact, she does, just not with the camera. After her talking head, she looks at the back of Jim's head with an anxious face. It's apparent they haven't talked about it since it happened. She wants to talk to Jim. Pam knows Jim is avoiding her and it's bothersome. She doesn't know why he hasn't said a word to her, especially since the incident has everything to do with her. This is creating a sense of urgency for her to open up the communication lines.
The fact that she wants to talk to Jim is very FNB. Old Pam would've sit back and let it slide in order to avoid the possibility of an emotional confrontation. Pam knows a conversation about Roy's attack will lead to the events of CN, yet she still wants to talk to him. She's not totally afraid of CN or her feelings anymore. However, she still needs Jim to meet her in the middle . She won't jump into the water without knowing Jim is right behind her.
The Break Room:
Pam greets Jim with a smile as he walks into the break room. Instead of a return greeting, she gets her first taste of Jim's wall as he walks right by and doesn't acknowledge her at all. Pam is confused initially and even a little hurt at his blatant disregard of her presence. Despite this setback, FNB doesn't give up and decides to initiate a conversation. Pam decides to use a little light humor to smooth things over and make things a little more comfortable as she delves into a difficult topic of conversation. Humor has always been something they shared and it seemed fitting to use it as a means to get him to talk to her.
She scrunches her face playfully and says, "I'm sorry I almost got you killed." Her statement again lends to the idea that Pam blames herself for what happened, which adds to her need to talk to him. A slight smile forms as she waits for him to respond. She is uncertain on how he'll react and braces herself for the worst while she hopes for the best. He doesn't turn around but he answers her with an even tone and somewhat uncomfortable chuckle, "Yeah. That was nuts." It wasn't a bad response, but it wasn't the best either. She expected him to elaborate a little further. Undaunted, Pam prods him again, "He could've broken your nose or something. Crazy." She keeps her tone light, but less humorous this time. Pam looks down and waits for Jim to respond. He remains silent and does not turn around. She is quiet for a few seconds and then looks up with the realization that she just smacked into Jim's wall. She hit it pretty hard, too. Jim isn't going to talk and this jars Pam to the core. Getting him to talk to her is going to be a lot harder than she thought.
To Pam's credit, she doesn't give up and switches to a different tactic. Humor didn't work, so Pam resorts to honesty. She gets right down to the sticky subject of her reunion with Roy, "It's just so stupid. I mean getting back with Roy and everything." She starts out by looking up at him, but then looks across the room as she admits her own stupidity in regards to Roy. She knows she is treading in dangerous waters, but she has already crossed the line so she trudges on, "I mean, what was I thinking, right?" This is Pam's invitation for Jim to turn around and talk to her. She's literally asking for his input, while at the same time creating a place for them to start talking about the past. Pam is trying to open up to him as a way to convince him to do the same. She's essentially leading by example in hopes of rekindling the connection that collapsed after Phyllis's Wedding. She looks up at him after asking her question and her face is pleading with him to turn around to at least look at her. She is begging him, "please talk to me," as she waits for his response.
Pam is ready for this much openness, while Jim is not. Pam readiness in this instance relates to the epiphany she had in Cocktails. She already knows Roy was an illusion, (giving her more emotional honesty), while Jim is still stuck in his fantasy world with Karen. Jim doesn't respond right away as he just stands with his back to her in silence. Pam has no idea that she just knocked the wind out of him, (more on that later in the JP!). Pam views this behavior as being very cold, while Jim feels the heat of pain searing through his heart. After what seems an eternity, Jim finally answers, but it's not what Pam expects. He finally says, "No, you guys seem to have a really strong connection." The irony is uncanny, seeing as Pam is trying to repair her connection with Jim. Pam doesn't realize that Jim is feeling an enormous amount of pain at this moment and therefore takes his statement literally. However, FNB doesn't give up and tries to redirect Jim's understanding with, "Not anymore. It's completely over." She looks up at him again, still hanging on to some hope that he will turn around.
Pam is also hoping her revelation that it's over with Roy will be enough to garner Jim's attention and open up a dialogue. Jim doesn't bite the bait and starts to walk towards the door. Pam follows him with her eyes, surprised that he's leaving the room and her. Jim surprises her further with his chuckle and "We'll see." He threw her attempt at opening up right back in her face. It hurts that he doesn't believe her despite the fact that she is being so honest with him. She continues to keep her eyes on him as he inches closer to the door. As she looks at him, her eyes are beseeching him to stay, "Please don't go." He makes it even worse by telling her, "I'm sure you guys'll find your way to one another someday." The last thing Pam wants to hear from Jim is that she and Roy belong together. It's at this point that Pam realizes Jim is not on the same page as her. Her honesty is falling on deaf ears as Jim isn't listening the way she needs him to. She knows he is on his way out, but she calls him name to stop him and tell him the one thing she wanted him to hear.
She pauses for a few seconds as she gathers the courage to say, "I am really sorry." Pam packs just about every emotion she has for Jim in her apology. She isn't just apologizing for Roy's behavior, but her own throughout the last few years. In particular, she is referring to Casino Night. Pam is starting to realize just how much she hurt him, not only by rejecting him but also by not being emotionally honest with him. She's apologizing for not returning his heartfelt declaration on CN when she now knows she felt the same way and still does to this day. It now hurts her that she hurt him. Furthermore, she is apologizing for going back to Roy. She doesn't fully understand how much this effected Jim, but she can tell from his behavior in the break room that it did impact him. Pam feels the guilt of returning to Roy when she really has feelings for Jim. Her apology is her way of telling Jim how she feels about him without violating the boundary set forth by her moral center.
Pam truly wanted to elaborate her apology with all of the details, but she knew Jim was finished with this conversation. He actually interrupted her apology with "Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it," as he walked away. Pam watched him leave for a few seconds before she let the pain of the situation settle into her heart. She looks down at the table as the pain spreads to her eyes and takes over her face. It hurt tremendously to watch him walk away and accept her apology with such a passé tone when she shared so much emotion. Pam can't help but think that she's totally lost him as a friend and any possibility something more. Jim's cold shoulder has left her isolated and shut out and she doesn't know how to get around his wall. Pam knows she made a lot of mistakes in the past and she lost on what she needs to do to repair her relationship with Jim. In fact, she doesn't think she can at this point.
The parallels of this scene to Back From Vacation are striking. It's the same break room where Jim and Pam reconnected on various levels as Jim told Pam about his argument with Karen. Pam is even sitting in the same chair at the same table. Pam initiated the conversation and was successful in getting Jim to open up to her about a very personal topic. In The Negotiation, Pam found herself in a similar position of having to initiate conversation for a very touchy subject. Only this time, she wasn't able to crack Jim open. She couldn't even get him to turn around. This goes to show just how the events of Phyllis's Wedding truly erased all the gains Jim and Pam made in repairing their connection. On another level, both are pushing the other towards other people in both conversations. In BFV, Pam's advice brings Jim closer to Karen, while Jim's statement in The Negotiation tells Pam she'll eventually end up with Roy. Both do this as a means to mask their true feelings and hide the pain.
This scene also provides a double meaning for the title, "The Negotiation." It's been playfully discussed that Jim and Pam are in the midst of a JAM Cold War. Jim's behavior during this scene illustrates that he has no intention of thawing out anytime soon. Pam however, is ready to start negotiations for detente (a relaxation of strained relations or tensions) between the nation of Pam and the nation of Jim, (refer to a history book or a dictionary if this analogy makes no sense!). Unfortunately, Jim is not cooperative and Pam is left holding a block of ice.
It's easy to get depressed at the end of this scene, but honestly, we should be cheering. Pam's honesty throughout the scene was refreshing and a huge triumph for her. Not only did she initiate an incredibly difficult conversation, but she didn't back down when things got rough. I can't shake the image of Pam continuously throwing her heart at Jim only to have smash against his wall and bounce back at her feet. Yet, she resiliently tried to penetrate the wall again and again. This is the most honest Pam has been with Jim since she kissed him back and said "Me too." Bravo. Pam is finally starting to embrace her emotions rather than run away in fear.
Roy at Pam's Desk:
Roy arrives escorted by security to pick up his pay check. He stops by Pam's desk, but doesn't say anything. He just looks at her as he silently apologizes for his behavior. He looks like he wants to say something but loses his nerve due to the scrutiny of several pairs of eyes. Pam doesn't say anything as she looks at him. She only breaks eye contact once, but from there she maintains a strong stance. For her, there is nothing left to say. She's letting him know it's over with her silence. Pam said all she wanted to say back at the bar in Cocktails. When she said, "This is over," she really meant it. Roy heads over to accounting and apologizes to Jim on his way. Pam is undoubtedly watching his every move.
Roy then makes a surprise return to her desk and this unnerves Pam. She is noticeably uncomfortable as he approaches her. She doesn't want Roy to say anything. Pam glances quickly at Jim before Roy reaches his position in front of her. She's worried about a couple of things. First, the tense situation has Pam and everyone else worried about repeat of Roy's attack on Jim. Secondly, she's worried that Jim is going to get the wrong idea about her and Roy. The comment he made in the break room is still weighing heavy in her mind. Roy asks her if he can see her after work for coffee. Pam replies, "I don't know," while nodding her head "no." Her body language tells the truth in that she doesn't want to go anywhere with Roy.
Pam is concerned that this will be another attempt by Roy to get her back by piling up apologies and promises he can't keep. Something tells me she's been subjected to this many times before. Pam knows this song and dance and isn't going to fall for it this time. Roy tries again, "Please. I just got some stuff I gotta say." Pam is still uncertain. She breaks eye contact as she thinks about his plea. This is a line she's never heard. Roy has a tone of finality in his statement that convinces Pam he knows it's over. She nods "yes" slightly with an internal understanding that this meeting will be about closure for both herself and Roy.
Coffee with Roy:
As if one difficult conversation wasn't enough, Pam finds herself in another uncomfortable and emotionally draining discussion in the same day. Roy begins by apologizing, "I'm so sorry, Pammy," (Don't call her Pammy!). He explains he wasn't going to do anything but then adds, "I kept thinking about you two together." Pam's moral center kicks in and she feels incredibly guilty about her relationship with Jim. Her eyes wandered away from Roy when he brought it up, again indicating she largely blames herself for what happened.
Roy continues with, "I just thought you guys were really good friends." Pam's expression towards Roy carries a very knowing look. Pam knows she fooled herself into believing the exact same thing. She had told herself over and over again that she and Jim were just friends. Pam doesn't argue or try to defend herself at all because she is now fully aware of the truth. She can't hide from or ignore her prior behavior with Jim anymore. Pam is no longer in denial about her feelings for Jim in the past or how she feels now. It was never just a friendship, it was more than that and now she is left longing for that relationship.
Pam's guilt leads her to apologize to Roy, "I'm sorry, too." Roy looks a little surprised so Pam elaborates a little further, "I just . . . I think that we both made some bad choices." Pam is obviously referring to some of Roy's actions, (she is by no means excusing his behavior), but she is also footing some of the blame. She feels she did wrong by Roy for a number of reasons. First and foremost, she knows it was a mistake to get back together with him during a moment of weakness. She knew had feelings for Jim when she left Phyllis's Wedding with Roy. She was in effect using him to alleviate her loneliness and get over Jim. She realizes this now and feels bad for making him her crutch. Pam's new awareness of her feelings for Jim also creates a new sense of guilt concerning the past.
Pam knows she should have made a choice between Roy and Jim before everything hit the fan. She had a choice to break it off with Roy or break it off with Jim, but she faultily tried to have it both ways. She knew it wasn't working with Roy long before she left him, yet she continued to stay in a relationship with him while having feelings for someone else. Pam was able to pull the wool over her moral center's all seeing eye because she insisted to herself that she and Jim were just friends. That's how she was able to have it both ways for so long.
The truth however, has created a new reality in which staying with Roy was the wrong thing to do instead of the right thing. Hence, an apology becomes necessary. Pam has been carrying all of this around with her since she broke off her wedding and Jim left for Stamford. How she didn't collapse from this emotional weight will forever remain a mystery, which lends credit to her strength as an individual. Pam needed Roy to accept her apology and was likely relieved at his affirmative nod. She can now walk away from this relationship with a clearer conscious. It's safe to say that Pam and Roy's relationship as a couple is officially over with the exchange and acceptance of apologies. Thus, "The Negotiation" taking place is the end of a relationship. Both realize that neither has anything to offer the other and it's time to let go.
Roy takes the conversation in a surprising direction when he asks, "So, you gonna start dating Halpert then?" Pam is surprised and unwittingly breaks into a schoolgirl crush smile, "Um, no." She is shocked that Roy is discussing Jim with her so openly and that he has her pegged so well. Pam recovers quickly and responds again, "No. He has a girlfriend." She nods slightly to acknowledge the reality of her situation and then looks down at the table. It still stings and hurts that Jim is no longer in her life the way she needs and wants him to be. The conversation she had with him earlier in the day is also thick in the air. Jim left her feeling shut out and very alone. Furthermore, her moral center precludes her from dating Jim as long as Karen is in the picture. As a result she feels completely locked out of Jim's world and therefore sees no hope of dating him as Roy suggested.
Roy seemingly accepts Pam's answer, but then he surprisingly pushes it a little further, "Wait a minute. You broke up our wedding for the guy." Pam answers immediately back, "No, there were a lot of reasons." This is entirely true, but Roy made Pam realize something she hadn't entertained before. He pointed out that Jim is the primary reason Pam called off the wedding. She never thought of Jim having such a large role in her decision to leave Roy. Jim was already in Stamford when the wedding was cancelled, so naturally all the other reasons took over in Pam's mind. Roy doesn't let the issue drop as he pushes her further, "Your not even going to try to go out with him." Pam is again surprised that Roy is addressing the issue. She is a little thrown that he is encouraging her to go after Jim. She nods "no" very slightly while wearing her trademark shy smile. She wears this smile when she is nervous. Initially, she is thinking there is simply no way she can "try" to date Jim. But, Roy is forcing her to think about something she didn't have the courage to consider before. Pam had been waiting for Jim all this time. She was waiting for a signal or an indication that he has feelings for her.
Roy is pointing out that she has to be honest whether or not Jim feels the same way. Sometimes caution must be thrown to the wind and there scares Pam to death. Pam is still reeling from the break room incident and that is adding to her existing hesitance, but her moral center is applying the strongest pressure to the breaks in regard to making a move on Jim. It never occurred to her to make the first move on Jim while Karen is still in the picture until Roy brought it to her attention. Roy has bluntly stated the obvious in that a significant other ultimately didn't stop Jim and it shouldn't stop Pam. Pam still doesn't think she can do this, but Roy did light a little fire under her.
Roy's statement is starting to make Pam realize she is good enough for Jim. Pam is slowly going to put this into practice as soon as she wraps her brain around it. She is going to remember this little pearl of wisdom when it counts. Roy is befuddled by Pam's response and lets out a frustrated, "I don't get you, Pam." Pam responds a little playfully, "I know." She knows how infuriating the situation is for her and can only imagine how confusing it is for someone else to understand, especially when that someone is Roy. She is fidgeting with her sweater which shows her nerves and discomfort. It's hard for her to talk about Jim so openly with Roy.
However, getting it out in the open is going to help Pam talk to Jim when the time comes. "I know," can also be assessed from another level that Pam knows Roy never totally "got" her and he never will. Which is why they are not meant to be and she's known that for quite some time. Pam is also telling herself "I know," because she doesn't totally "get" herself right now. She is a little lost right now. Pam is still adjusting to the changes she's made on her way to FNB while dealing with the disaster of her relationship with Jim at the same time. She can't find her way no matter how hard she tries. Hopefully, Roy's encouragement will help her plot a course that steps outside the boundaries that Pam previously refused to cross.
Saying Goodbye:
Pam and Roy walk out of the diner and Roy reaches over to hug Pam. She lets him, but she has a hard time putting her arms around him. She is uncomfortable and lets go long before he does. Roy finally lets go and they go their separate ways. It's over.
The Bottom Line:
Pam has reached a new level of emotional honesty that transcends the past and present. All she has left to do is extend this honesty to Jim. Once she reworks the boundaries of her moral center, there will be no stopping her.
- - -
JAM Optimist:
1) Pam is officially out of denial - she has achieved emotional honesty
2) Pam is ready to talk about CN
3) It's over with Roy
4) Pam knows she has to make the first move
5) Pam has acknowledged and come to terms with her mistakes with both Roy and Jim
6) FNB is alive and well
JAM Pessimist:
1) Pam still harbors self doubt - she doesn't believe she is good enough for Jim
2) Pam's moral center is still holding her back
3) Jim's wall is impenetrable at this point
Questions to Ponder:
1) Is Pam correct to assess so much blame on herself for Roy's attack on Jim? What about the end of her relationship with Roy? Who is more at fault: Pam or Roy?
2) Does Pam still need Jim to meet her halfway during the BIG conversation or moment of truth?
3) It's clear Jim doesn't completely trust Pam and that creates much of the distance between them. How can Pam regain his trust?
4) Given Roy's encouragement, will Pam make a move with Karen still in the picture? Will she be able to step outside the boundaries of her moral center? Did Roy light a big enough fire?
5) Was Pam's apology to Jim enough or does she owe him more for her mistakes?
Chapter End Notes:
Commonly Used Acronyms:
PD = Pam Dichotomy,
JP = Jim Paradox,
CN = Casino Night,
FNB = Fancy New Beesly,
QTP = Questions to Ponder
This post was written nine years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
PD = Pam Dichotomy,
JP = Jim Paradox,
CN = Casino Night,
FNB = Fancy New Beesly,
QTP = Questions to Ponder
This post was written nine years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
