Jim is so lost and confused he's in a perpetual state of flux. Honestly, he doesn't know what he wants or what he should do. Jim is starting to become more consciously aware of his own paradox. The origin of Jim's confusion lies with his fear, which in itself is paradoxical. In particular his old fears are starting to be more prominent in his current behavior pattern. In the original Jim Paradox, Jim's fear is addressed in argument #3 under "Jim as a Variable." Those same fears (with the exception of Roy) are inhibiting Jim from acting honestly on his feelings. Furthermore, it is propagating Jim's hot and cold attention to Pam.
The fear paradox is based on the principal that Jim is afraid of getting hurt again, yet he is also afraid of losing Pam once more. The pain of losing her the first time was enough to strike a debilitating blow to his heart and emotional confidence. The result is emotional inaction and avoidance. It's the only way to keep the pain from attacking him on two sides. Thus the paradox, he's too afraid to make another bold move or fully admit his feelings, but he's also afraid to make a clean break and walk away.
Aside from fear, the paradox is manifesting in other ways as well. Jim is also fighting an internal battle between is heart and his head. This has been ongoing since Jim left for Stamford. This aspect of his emotional bewilderment is more apparent now more than ever. Ever since Jim returned to Scranton he's been fighting the impulse to revert to past behaviors in regards to Pam.
Returning back to fear, he is afraid of facing the pain of the past. His fear of the past gives him the courage to convince himself he's doing the right thing in moving on with someone else. However, his heart just won't let him forget Pam or how he feels about her. The paradox in this is rooted in Jim's inability to halt his reversion to past behaviors. He's adamant about evolving and moving on with Karen, but he's slowly starting to relapse into his old ways. It's essentially a fight between facing the past and Jim's sense of self-preservation.
Pam's Gift:
Jim is a little discombobulated by Pam's request for him to approach her desk. He keeps it well hidden, but he is a little uncomfortable and confused. Any contact with her summons Jim's internal struggles. He still hasn't fully figured out how Pam fits in his life. Pam's whispering initially has Jim believing Pam needs him for a serious matter. He has a dead serious expression on his face to match her whispering until she mentions she has a Christmas gift for him. A smile sneaks onto Jim's face. He is surprised that FNB got him a gift. He is truly touched that despite all that has happened she still thought to give him something. His smile is letting her know that he thinks she's sweet for doing this.
However, he is also nervous beyond all comprehension. His smile is cut short by this spurt of nervousness. He worried that the gift could bring up some painful emotions and the past. Last year's teapot is rolling through his mind. On another level, a little pang of guilt is hidden behind that smile from the fact that he didn't get her a gift. This isn't necessarily a JAM related response, but rather the normal human response of feeling bad for not having a gift for someone who gives a gift.
As Pam goes on to tell Jim about her CIA prank on Dwight, Jim is delighted. He is surprised and impressed by FNB's prank. Another smile sneaks out as he takes the folder. He is truly enjoying the contents of the file as he pages through it. He is again impressed by FNB's prank as it resembles something he would do. Jim can't help but smile again when Pam gives her gift of picking Dwight's mission. Her gift is perfect. This smile has a different connotation than the previous. He loves the gift and her for thinking of it. At the same time it scares him that she still knows him so well.
This is where Jim starts to become aware he still loves Pam. It's just starting to slip into conscious awareness from the recesses of his subconscious. Furthermore, his defense of denial is temporarily out of commission. Jim actually gives one of his patented longing looks directly at Pam. It's so fleeting it's probably better classified as a "mini-look," but nonetheless he can't help himself. Jim is incredibly tempted to accept Pam's gift.
Everything he's wanted for so long is right in front of him. Too bad his fear clouds his ability to get past the pain. Quite frankly, the temptation itself knocks a wallop of fear into Jim. Jim is all too aware that he let too much slip with that smile. Jim's fear starts to take over as a result. Pam did not scare him away from accepting the gift, Jim scared himself away. He was reminded of one of the reasons why he loves her and that scares him to death. He let his guard down and he let himself get too close to Pam. Beckoning back to the fear paradox, Jim is afraid of getting hurt again and of his feelings for Pam. Thus causing him to keep his distance.
Jim's self preservation mechanism kicks into gear as he scurries to come up with an excuse as to why he can't accept her gift. The promotion is as good an excuse as any, and quite believable. Plus, it allows him to avoid any conversation about the past or his feelings. In addition, it wouldn't hurt her feelings as badly. He chooses his words carefully, and tells her "I just don't think I should be doing stuff like this anymore." The word "stuff" actually has a subtext, but this doesn't become apparent until his subsequent talking head. Essentially, he's telling Pam he can't do this with her. Jim then looks at her with a "please buy it" in reference to his excuse. He doesn't want to have to explain himself any further.
Part of the reason for Jim's rejection also lies in the general construct of the prank. Pam is the one who initiated the prank. For Jim, this is a little overwhelming. In The Convict he had control over the prank and the overall situation. He could keep Pam as far or as close as he chose. In this instance, Pam has the control. This is a little shocking to Jim as Pam has never really done anything on this scale prank wise. However, its more of an emotional issue, as he wants to maintain control of the distance between himself and Pam. As in The Merger, Jim isn't ready to go back to the previous friendship that Pam attempted to reestablish. For Jim, this prank feels too much like Pam is trying to bring him to the past.
Jim is actually reluctant to give the folder back to Pam. She practically has to ask for it back. He's very hesitant to walk away from Pam and the gift. Jim's innate sense of humor makes it even more difficult to walk away. Pam has just offered him a golden opportunity to mess with Dwight and he has to refuse it. Furthermore, he really loves the gift and wants to accept it. His fears just got the best of him. He gives her another little smile as he starts to walk away. Again, its not just a smile, as Jim laces it with deeper meaning. He can't come right out and say it, but he does muster up the courage to send her a non-verbal message. He's telling her he loved it and how sweet she was to think of him. Lastly, he's telling her he wishes he could pull the prank with her, but he just can't.
Talking Head:
Jim is clearly shaken by his encounter with Pam. It stirred up a myriad of emotions he's been trying to keep under wraps. So he enacts another defense mechanism by again convincing himself that moving on is the best course of action. This is the common avoidance tactic Jim uses to hide from the pain of the past. If he talks about the present and the future, the past "magically" disappears and so does the attached pain. The here and now he's created for himself is like a giant band-aid. He's still trying to convince himself that it's in his best interest to move on with Karen and get over Pam. In effect, he's searching for some justification for his rejection of Pam's gift.
Jim's statement "If I fall back into doing the things I used to . . .," has a direct correlation to the statement, "I just don't think I should be doing stuff like this anymore." These two statements share the same subtext. The words "stuff" and "things" are referring to Pam and his feelings for her. This is his way of talking about it without having to fully admit he still has feelings for Pam to himself or anyone else. His denial barrier has been partially reconstructed. These statements can also be interpreted as a reference to his old prankster days. In all likelihood, this is the interpretation he wants to believe for himself. However, Jim totally gives himself away with his next statement of "What am I doing?"
This is highly indicative of Jim's complete and utter confusion. He has absolutely no idea what he is doing. Jim is starting to become aware of his own paradox. He's beginning to admit to himself that he still has feelings for Pam, and at the same time he's reviewing his relationship with Karen. He starting to realize she's a rebound. This is really the first time he's really admitted to himself that his plan of moving on isn't exactly working. His facial expressions showcase the further desperation and confusion that plagues his thoughts as he digests these new realizations. He can't possibly move on if he's still harboring feelings from the past. He's even more lost now than he was before. At the end of his talking head he seems to be internalizing that question again, "Geez, what am I doing?" Sorry, Jim you'll have to figure that out for yourself!
Pam & Karen:
Jim is further thrown off kilter by the budding friendship between Pam and Karen. His reaction to Pam and Karen can be summed up in one word: nervous. The camera focuses on him when Pam is at Karen's desk and during the party flier situation. Both instances showed Jim looking very antsy and nervous at the prospect of these two hanging out. Jim knows this can mean heaps of trouble for him. He's been very careful about keeping them separate. Presumably, he hasn't really told either about the other, with the exception of telling Pam he's seeing someone. However, he was careful not to mention Karen's name. He's most likely still under the impression Pam doesn't know he's seeing Karen. Jim knows, just like everyone else, that women talk about everything. More likely than not, he is bound to come up in conversation. This does not bode well for his relations with either woman.
While Pam is at Karen's desk it's important to notice that he's not looking at Karen, he's looking at Pam. He's trying to figure out why she is talking to Karen. In the flier scene, Jim clearly does not like what he sees, but he realizes he can't stop it. He can't tell them not to be friends. That would be an even bigger indication to both of them that something is up. Instead, he has to take the more difficult road of waiting to see what happens, (with his fingers crossed). This attitude is reinforced in a talking head following the flier scene. Jim deals with the development with low key sarcasm. He pretty much means the exact opposite of everything he says. Especially with his reference that everyone wants the Stamford and Scranton people to come together. The last thing he wanted was for Pam and Karen to be friends.
Despite Jim's issues with Pam and Karen's friendship, he does find a way to use humor to ease his frustration with the situation. His establishment of the Validity Committee serves a dual function. First, it's meant to relieve Pam and Karen of Dwight. Secondly, it's his way of giving in to the fact that they are friends. He can't do anything about it, so he has to make the best of it.
Lunch at Benihana's:
Although the scenes at Benihana's have seemingly little to do with JAM, they are indeed loaded with insights into Jim's pysche. Michael's broken heart actually parallels Jim's broken heart. Michael is simply personifying everything Jim is feeling on the inside. This would probably be obvious to Jim if he wasn't hiding behind his veil of humor. Jim retreats into his own little world as Michael babbles on and on about his failed relationship and broken heart.
Jim doesn't really contribute anything to the "Carol" conversation. Instead, he entertains himself with a steady stream of pranks on Dwight. This behavior is a reversion to his past self defense mechanisms. Pranks on Dwight was always a way to escape dealing with his heartache and feelings in regards to Pam. The head vs. heart aspect of the paradox is in full swing here. Jim and Michael are both feeling variations of the same pain, only Michael is willing to lay it all out on the table. Jim is trying to numb his pain by finding ways to avoid it. He outright refuses to deal with it head on. Take a hint Jim! Hiding from it doesn't make it go away.
Later, Jim tries defend his pranks on Dwight as being different from Pam's CIA prank. When he's unable to come up with a viable argument he relents and admits that his pranks are pretty much the same thing. With this admission, Jim is actually starting to recognize his own defense mechanism. As daunting as this is, Jim needs to do this. He can't break down his wall and face his feelings, fears or his pain until he realizes how he's avoiding the situation. When he stubbornly disagrees that his pranks are not the same thing and then says, "this is more like a . . ." he seems to have a moment of clarity. He's starting to understand his underlying motives for pranking Dwight.
As a result of the admission Jim has another realization to add to the day's collection. Jim is having to own up to the fact that he hasn't "evolved" as much he wants to believe he has. He's still the same old Jim with the same old pain. Of course, Jim uses humor to mask this by laughing at himself for trying to talk his way out of the obvious similarities between his and Pam's pranks. Too bad he didn't notice his self defense mechanism in this instance!
Gift Exchange with Karen:
The status of Jim and Karen's relationship is wrought with mystery. There's no clear indication of how serious Jim is about Karen. His resolve to keep the relationship relatively quiet appears to remain in effect. However, their gift exchange does give minute clues on the relationship. The gifts Jim and Karen exchange are actually duplicates of the same DVD. Apparently, the movie, "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason" is part of an inside joke as both smile knowingly when the title is revealed. This indicates that there is a connection between them. They spend enough time together to develop "inside" relationship characteristics. The gifts are casual in nature as nothing overly sentimental or personal is given. The relationship is still very new and apparently is moving very slowly.
Casual gifts can also be attributed to the relationship starting so close to the holidays. There's always a fine line of gift giving in the beginning of a new relationship. Both sides opted for small gifts that don't send too strong a signal. The location of the exchange is also significant. Despite Jim's insistence on keeping the relationship quiet, gifts are exchanged at work and not in private. Jim still hasn't made up his mind about Karen. He doesn't want to give her an indication that the relationship is more serious than it actually is. Hence, the neutral location of the office for Christmas gifts. Exchanging in public erases any possibility of the relationship progressing before Jim is ready.
An extremely casual hug follows the exchange. The basis for this aloof contact can be attributed to the reasons listed above. The public nature of the exchange plays a lot into Jim and Karen's choice to simply hug. If Jim is resolute in keeping the relationship somewhat quiet, it stands to reason that Karen is on the same page. Anything more than a hug would clue everyone in that they are dating. The theory that Jim is trying to make Pam jealous really has no basis in that there's no indication Jim knows she was watching. There was no camera catch of him looking in her direction. If he was truly trying to make her jealous he would be looking for her reaction. Much of Jim's seemingly relaxed state in this scene emanates from his avoidance tactic of the giant band-aid. He's not thinking about Pam while he's with Karen. This is a momentary safe haven from the emotional anguish he's dealt with throughout the day.
Rebound Speech:
Michael's broken hearted angst is enough to cause Jim to offer some comfort. Just as in the Benihana scenes, Michael is emulating Jim's internal emotions. Jim is noticeably a little more uncomfortable, mainly because he is able to identify with Michael's current emotional state on a more consciously aware level. He feels Michael's pain personally. Due to his own fears and insecurities with this pain he again reverts to the familiar escape of humor. He makes fun of Michael by highlighting the relationship only lasted 3 hours.
When Michael calls him on his teasing, Jim is immediately snapped back to the reality of his situation. Michael offers another mode of humor with his "arm marking" story and Jim seems thankful for the escape. But this escape is short lived as Michael asks the key question, "Why do I feel like crap?" Jim knows the answer due to his earlier talking head. Jim feels like "crap" as well and his earlier partial rebound awareness is now fully understood. Jim's speech is just as much to himself as it is to Michael. This is another example of Jim becoming aware of his own paradox. He refers to a rebound as a "really fun distraction." He is clearly referring to this relationship with Karen in this instance. As much as he's trying to have a real relationship with her, she is really just distracting his attention away from his feelings and fears that pertain to Pam. Before, he had himself convinced that he could "start over" with Karen.
The fact that he's now aware that Karen really only amounts to a fun distraction could have a couple of possible outcomes. First, he might feel guilty for leading her on and will end the relationship. Earlier episodes show that Jim really does like Karen. She is a good match for him, but she is not Pam. Jim will feel bad for the fact that Karen will inevitably get hurt in this scenario. Second, he might try even harder to make it work in order to get past the "fun distraction" aspect of the relationship. Nobody wants to believe they are capable of hurting someone they care about. The impact of Jim's realization will likely be a combination of the two. He'll probably hang onto Karen as long as he can, ( to prolong his own escape and put off hurting her), and then let her go before his feelings for Pam completely overwhelm him.
Jim gives a little more insight to his personal pain with his statement, "when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like." There are a couple of hidden messages within this statement. First of all, Jim is admitting that his relationship with Karen will eventually be over. Now that he's aware that Karen is a rebound, he knows it won't last too much longer. Jim use of the word "like" provides another significant insight into Jim's state of mind. He's willing to admit to himself he still has feelings for Pam, but he won't take it as far as admitting he still loves her.
Using the word "love" would dredge up a little too much of the pain Jim is afraid of facing. The last time he used the word "love" he ended up getting crushed. Jim made it very clear in Branch Closing that he was not ready to face this pain again. Apparently that still holds true. Jim is however able to face a small portion of this pain with by saying, "the one that broke your heart." This is the first time since The Convention that he has allowed this come out in the open. Oddly enough, he's with Michael in both instances. Jim is starting to realize he has to deal with his broken heart eventually. He can't just start over and bypass it as per his "new life" plan.
It's interesting to note that for the majority of this scene Jim is distinctly looking in the direction of the Pam's desk. In some instances he's giving some longing looks as if Pam is standing there unaware of his glances. This is highly reminiscent of Season 2 Jim. The camera never gives a clue on whether or not Pam is at her desk, but Jim's expressions give the impression that she is in his line of sight. He can't help but look at her as Michael embodies his pain. When Jim utters "the one that broke your heart," his expression becomes even more poignant. Even though he is unable say he still loves her out loud, his face is overrun with the reality of his feelings for Pam.
Pam Hugging Roy:
Jim inadvertently gets pulled back into the past as he watches Pam hug Roy. This reminds him of all the times he'd previously watched Pam be with Roy. Some of the old pain is coming back to haunt him. Jim hasn't had to factor Roy into the equation since returning to Scranton. It catches him by surprise that Pam is so friendly with him. Jim's jealousy is readily apparent in his facial expression. Old habits die hard. On a deeper level, Jim knows he missed the boat with Pam when he rejected her gift. Another little paradox kicks in where Jim does not like seeing Pam with Roy, while it's acceptable and even necessary that he is with Karen. He's aware of this paradox and it does bother him. It's another step in realizing he's still in love with Pam and coming to terms with the rebound status of his relationship with Karen.
Accepting Pam's Gift:
Jim's decision to accept Pam's gift is based entirely on his journey of realizations throughout the day, but the catalyst was seeing Pam hug Roy. As he walks past Pam to get his jacket from the coat rack he steals a glance at Pam as she returns his goodnight greeting. The expression on his face translates to, "I don't want to lose her again." His decision to accept her gift was a last minute decision as his paradoxical fear takes over his actions. It's here where Jim relapses into the "stuff" he's been trying to avoid. Not only is he participating in a prank on Dwight, but he is falling back into pranking with Pam.
Furthermore, he is leaning on her desk. This is the first time he's done this since returning to Scranton. Leaning on her desk is of paramount importance as it relates to his intrinsic need to be near her, (see original Jim Paradox, argument #2 for "Jim as a Fixed Element"). This is an old habit that beckons the past, and Jim is falling back into it head first. After accepting Pam's gift, Jim flashes Pam an amazing smile and expression.
Those longing looks he gave her at the end of his rebound speech are now directed squarely at her. Jim is communicating several non-verbal messages to Pam with this expression. He's first and foremost apologizing for initially rejecting her gift with a subtle, "I'm sorry about before." He's also letting her know he hasn't changed, (as per his earlier realization). On a much deeper level, he's telling her he's still in love with her and he just can't say no to her. Jim makes it all up to her by suggesting the CIA sends a helicopter to pick up Dwight, essentially sending him to the roof. Pam is delighted and Jim's fears of completely losing her are temporarily put to rest. Of course, now the fears of facing his feelings for her are likely to back for another round.
- - -
Questions to Ponder:
1) Is Jim really falling back into Pam or is this just a temporary relapse?
2) What will Jim's likely next move be with Karen?
3) Why does Jim feel comfortable talking to Michael about Pam?
4) How can Jim break free of his fear paradox?
5) Is Jim being fair to himself?
6) How should Jim handle Pam and Karen's friendship? What are the do's and don'ts for this scenario?
- - -
A couple of interesting debates broke out during the interim between episodes. I didn't get a chance to jump in, so I'm leaving some thoughts here.
Why Jim Won't Tell Pam How He Feels:
1. The Fear Paradox - see above analysis for the elements of this theory.
2. The last time Jim told Pam he loved her was a complete disaster. He was crushed. No on in their right mind would subject themselves to the possibility of that kind of rejection and hurt again. Even if he had an inclination that she loved him. He had that perception before and it still blew up in his face.
3. There's a little humiliation involved with being rejected. Jim gets reminded of this humiliation every time he sees Pam. He doesn't exactly want to revisit the situation that put him in this position in the first place.
Does Jim Know How Pam Feels?
As I posted earlier, he doesn't want to know how Pam feels. He is purposely avoiding the subject. This is based primarily in the fear paradox and the struggle between his head and his heart. He simply doesn't want to know because it's just easier that way. He doesn't have to deal with it if he doesn't know its there.
Chapter End Notes:
This post was written ten years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
