In the last break room scene of Ben Franklin, an intensely jealous expression graced Jim's face. We never got to gauge his reaction to Pam's jab beyond that moment. That is until we see his behaviors play out this week. Pam was able to smash a nice sized hole into Jim's rebuilt, but weaker wall. It's apparent the hole was not fixed. Pam's behavior in that scene sparked Jim's curiosity about how she feels about him. He's been able to suppress that curiosity rather well since returning to Scranton. Couple this with his faltering relationship with Karen (Karen didn't fool me in her Talking Head last week!) and you've got a man that's letting himself wander towards Pam. It wasn't just her behavior that day either, Jim is starting to think about Pam's behavior around him as a whole since he got back. His curiosity gets the best of him at Phyllis's Wedding, albeit on a subtle and internal level.
Even though Pam never realized it, she wiggled her way into the hole in his wall. The fact that she got in again rattles Jim to the core, which causes him to lash out and run to Karen once again. Jim is at a new point of frustration as emotions he thought he bottled up again are bubbling up and it's getting tougher to ignore them. The internal struggle between his head and his heart has reached a new more frenzied pace. His internal paradox is practically ripping him apart. I can almost see his contorted body as his head pulls towards Karen, while his heart pulls relentlessly towards Pam. Jim is stuck in the middle trying to maintain painless self preservation.
At first glance, Jim's turmoil is seemingly throwing himself right back to Karen with his typical escape route technique. However, it's important to note that he's doubting himself more than ever before. Last week, I mentioned that Jim was running back into the fog, but he could still see Pam. This is still true, but it's taken on a new characteristic. Jim isn't just able to see Pam from the fog, he is outright looking for her. There's a glimmer of hope that he hasn't been brave enough to allow himself until now. His head may be pulling him towards Karen but his heart has turned his head to look at Pam.
At the Bar With Pam:
Jim is getting a couple of drinks as Pam walks up to him at the bar. He greets her warmly with a big smile and a "hey." He's genuinely happy to see her. It can be assumed their contact has been limited all day, otherwise the camera would have been all over it, (sometimes I think the cameramen represent us, they love JAM as much as we do!). However, we can't assume he hasn't been keeping his eye on her. Jim knows Pam is a little down. He doesn't want to delve into the topic of her cancelled wedding, (that's a one way street to Painville for him too), so he finds another way to lift her spirits.
As he's done so many times in the past he relies on humor to make her smile. Jim teases her with "When are we gonna get to see some of those famous Bessley dance moves?" Underneath the exterior of the tease lies a deeper message. Jim is telling Pam he's been watching her. He knows she's down and he's trying to prod her to break out of her shell. It's the equivalent of a little pep talk. He was brilliant at disguising them in Season 2 and it appears he hasn't lost his touch.
On top of his deeper message lies a couple of ulterior motives, although they lie more on a subconscious level. Just as Jim previously used humor to lift Pam's spirits, he used it as a means to feel out Pam's emotions towards him. We've known from the start that humor is a connecting factor for JAM, Jim is once again taking it for a spin. By teasing Pam, he is essentially testing the waters. This is the first indicator that Jim is curious about how Pam feels about him. In other words, he's flirting with her. His face is playful, his tone is sarcastic but sweet, and his eyes sparkle as he asks her about her "moves." His secondary motive is a hidden message to. Making fun of her dance moves is his subtle way of asking her to dance. The trick is she has to ask him.
Jim will not ask Pam to dance for the same reasons he won't tell her how he feels. He doesn't want to go out on that limb only to be shot down again. Furthermore, he doesn't want to have to explain a dance with Pam to Karen. That might ignite another stream of long talks. Pam responds with a laugh, which is very encouraging to Jim and "I'm pacing myself." She is essentially telling him, "You have to ask me," (mentally add this to the Pam Dichotomy S3 update - I didn't catch it until now). The coded conversation continues with Jim saying "C'mon get out there," which is really reiterating "no, you have to ask me," as well as encouraging Pam to cheer up as per his original intention. He finishes his response with "Give the people what they want," which translates to "Please. For me." Underneath all the small talk is actually a carefully balanced segment of playful banter!
Pam comes right back with an unexpected response, "No, I'm such a dorky dancer." She not only poking fun at herself (which Jim loves), but it's her way of telling him she's too afraid to ask, (again, add to the PD). Jim melts at this statement, as Pam has created another hole in his wall. Her response was so Pam and so cute. She may not have asked him to dance, but his curiosity got a little bit of satisfaction. The word "maybe" is pumping through his psyche, although he's still not sure. He responds with a little chuckle and "I know." He likes the fact that he still knows her better than anyone. He continues with "It's very cute." This is a HUGE subconscious slip on Jim's part. He was referring to her dancing, her statement, and most importantly her. This can also be attributed to Jim's curiosity. Pam's ambiguity is driving him nuts. This is a last ditch effort to prod her.
He was not watching himself here because his curiosity took over. She got to him again. Only this time he didn't realize it right away as he was too wrapped up in the moment. That being said, he didn't look at her after he called her cute. Part of him was afraid to see her reaction. I like to think of it as his heart taking the reins while his head was peaking through the hole Pam just created to survey the damage.
On a side note, I'm absolutely thrilled to see a coded conversation between Jim and Pam. After last week's communication fiasco, this is highly encouraging. Even though they are plagued with miscues for the remainder of the evening, communication lines are continuing to develop.
Talking Head #1:
Jim is still on a little bit of an emotional high from his conversation with Pam when the camera crew catches him for a quick talking head. This is why Jim is unbelievably close to spilling the truth. That word "maybe" is still ripe in his subconscious and starting to hammer down his defenses to the possibility of being with Pam. This is the closest he gotten to abandoning his self-preservation model. His curiosity is no longer internal when he says "Hypothetically, If I thought Pam was interested then . . . " He is basically admitting his curiosity and almost owning up to his feelings for Pam. His body language confirms this as he keeps diverting his eyes away from the camera.
However, he stops just short of telling the truth. It just won't come out. But, he literally has to choke it back. His wall may be broken and weakened but its not down. It's here where he realizes the full extent of his statements to Pam at the bar. He's rattled that she got to him again. He shrugs and his expression is very similar to the one he gave in his Benihana Christmas talking head, "What am I doing?" He looks a little lost as his head and heart begin to switch places for control.
On another level, Jim is also letting on that his curiosity was not totally satisfied at the bar. He's still not sure how Pam feels which leaves him completely confused. His feelings are bubbling up all over the place, but he still can't read hers with any certainty. This brings the fear paradox back to the forefront of Jim's actions. Instead of dealing with the surge of emotion, he reverts to his self defense mechanism of denying and burying his feelings while convincing himself he doesn't have them in the first place. It masks the pain as a quick fix band-aid.
He enacts this with "No, it's totally hypothetical." Instead of being upset with this realization Jim plays this off with humor to push off the pain. He's actually a little amused with himself for even entertaining the idea that Pam might be into him. Didn't he think she was before, (CN)? That got him into a lot of trouble. If we dig a little deeper, his smile offers clues to the depths of his subconscious as well. He wants to believe that she has feelings for him, but his head won't let him go there. All is not lost, though, his heart is letting that glimmer of hope seep into his conscious thought.
Dancing with Karen:
Jim's curiosity and feelings can't be shut off as easily as he thought. He is snapped back to the possibility that Pam may have feelings for him as he dances with Karen. Jim's body language with Karen is very telling of his relationship with her. He is not holding her close or allowing himself to be in the moment with her. He is with her only in the sense that she's in front of him and his arms are around her. Even this is arbitrary, as he doesn't even fill his arms with her. He just holds onto her waist with his hands. He is not with her emotionally and is still keeping her at a distance.
Jim is talking and smiling with Karen when he feels Pam watching him. When he looks at her he is surprised and intrigued to find her looking at him with the expression she is wearing. He so taken aback by this that he forgets to erase the smile on his face that's left over from his small talk with Karen. Jim is beyond puzzled and trying to figure out Pam. His hypothetical from before doesn't seem so hypothetical anymore.
The word "maybe" is back in his Pam vocabulary. However, his smile fades into one of his serious and longing looks in her direction, (why couldn't Pam see this!). He realizes that Pam is hurt. The wheels start to turn as to why when he watches her get up to leave. He is again entertaining the idea that she has feelings for him. Head and heart have changed places again, with his heart taking the lead. His face is beaming with the realization and glimmer of hope that Pam is walking out because of jealousy over seeing him with Karen, "maybe she really does feel something." He actually turns Karen as they dance to watch Pam make her exit. He wants to go after her.
The urgency is apparent on his face, but he's careful not to make it obvious with Karen right in front of him. She's the reason he can't go after Pam. Karen is literally the dead weight keeping him tethered to that dance floor, along with his fear paradox. Aside from Karen, he's afraid to find out if he's reading Pam correctly. CN is still impairing his confidence in that department. In the back of his mind he's worried that it won't work out and then he'll have to explain himself to Karen. It's another example of self preservation and relationship suicide prevention. Hence the action of continuing to dance. Nonetheless, the seed has been planted in Jim that Pam may have feelings. He's entertaining this notion now more than ever.
Watching Pam Leave with Roy:
Jim is casually chatting and smiling at the bar as Pam and Roy head out. He spots Pam and carries his smile over to her. He's so focused on Pam he seems to look right through Roy. Eventually, Jim notices Pam and Roy. It takes him a few seconds to realize that she is with Roy. His smile fades and is replaced with shock, confusion, and hurt. He is currently experiencing the same burn Pam felt when she saw Jim dancing with Karen. As initially mentioned in The Pam Dichotomy, Jim and Pam are paralleling each other behavior wise. This is another example of how they are mirroring the other's emotional experiences.
Jim's eyes shift downward for him take notice that Pam and Roy are holding hands. A shocked blink twitters his eyelids as the rug is ripped out from under him. He can barely comprehend what he is seeing. His mind is kicking around the words, "What? Wait a minute . . . ." He can't help but notice the contradiction of what he is seeing and his earlier assessment that she might have feelings for him. It's throwing him for the ultimate loop. Jim moves away from the bar and cranes his head to allow his eyes to follow Pam until she's out of sight. He's double checking what he thinks he saw while asking himself, "What is she doing?" The camera pans back to Jim staring at an empty hallway with a heartbroken face. Jim now believes unequivocally that he has been carrying around false hope all evening that Pam had feelings for him.
The word "maybe" has gone out the window in favor of an old familiar pain. Seeing Pam with Roy brought back all of Jim's old jealousies and feelings that plagued him before CN. He had to watch the woman he loves (but won't fully admit it) walk away with a man who isn't right for her, again. The dam is literally breaking on top of Jim. He hasn't had to deal with anything Roy related since CN and has therefore managed to bury and forget it until now.
This is the first time Jim has been close to being paralyzed by his feelings since returning home. His reaction to seeing Roy and Pam leaving together was reminiscent of his reaction to the wedding date being set on Booze Cruise. His outward expression wasn't as apparent, but internally his reaction was the same. He literally got the wind knocked out of him. He put a little bit of himself out on that limb and got crushed.
By allowing himself to hope, Jim is finding himself in the same trap he was in before; pining for a woman he can't have. This is the same trapped he chewed his leg off a.k.a. his heart in order to break free.
Talking Head #2:
It doesn't take long for Jim to lash out in response to his pain. In his second talking head he says "Here's a non-hypothetical, I'm really happy I'm with Karen." Jim is trying to sound fine and happy with this statement to convince the camera and himself that Pam is not bothering him. He is again running to Karen to escape Pam. She is his safety net that allows him to bury his emotions and ignore them. She allows him to redirect his focus. It certainly didn't take him very long to retreat to his refuge.
On another level, he is immensely frustrated. Jim is throwing in some sarcasm to vent that frustration. He is so distraught that he's even a little snotty when he says he's happy with Karen. It's his way of getting back at Pam for being with Roy. She wasn't around so he directed it at the camera to let it out. Jim is frustrated with Pam because he can't get a positive read on her. Even more so, he's frustrated with himself for even trying to read her feelings and for holding out any hope that she had them. He feels like an idiot.
He even uses the word "hypothetical" to remind himself of how stupid he was earlier. It's part of the self preservation model. He has to chastise himself for having any feelings for Pam. Otherwise, he'll never get over her, as he is determined to do (to no avail!). So, it stands to reason that he would lash out by throwing around how "happy" he is with Karen. It makes him feel better and or at least convince himself that his heart is not shattered on the floor at his feet.
Watching Karen Sing:
Jim heads over to the stage to watch Karen dance around and sing. He has a smile on his face as he watches her, but his eyes do not match. They look vacant and exhausted. He is not thinking about her even though he is trying to push Pam out of his mind. Look a little deeper and he looks like he's asking Karen to save him. (She can't save you Jim!)
Jim decides throw himself back into Karen by whipping out his lit up cell phone and flailing it back and forth in response to her performance. He's again using humor to try and connect with her and hide from the pain, all in the name of self preservation. The temporary fix appears to work as a warmer smile covers his face. His sad eyes are a little more obscured.
The Bottom Line:
Jim had just as rough a night as Pam! However, the optimist reigns supreme from Jim's end as well, even though it looks pretty bad. Jim may be throwing himself back into Karen, but just like his rebuilt wall it won't be as strong. The big development in this episode is that Jim got jealous in a big way. It was enough to knock the wind out of him and get him to lash out. We need this for JAM to happen. It'll give him a reality check on his feelings for Pam. He's already displaying that he can't keep it in check the way he could in Seasons 1 and 2.
Jim also made the gigantic step of allowing himself to entertain the notion Pam might have feelings for him. He had a round about way of admitting it, but the fact of the matter is he thought about it. If he's willing to kick this around in his head, it means he's looking through the fog to find it. He may be distracted by Karen every now and then, but his head is turning to see what Pam does and says. He's looking for that signal. Too bad both are unwittingly sending each other mixed signals! However, they are picking up on signals, which is promising in itself. His head may have won the battle, but his heart is starting to win the war, (I can't help but think of Andy in The Merger, with this analogy!). JAM fans have reason to keep their optimism high, Jim can't avoid Pam no matter how hard he tries!
- - -
Question to Ponder:
1) Why didn't Jim ask Pam to dance? Do you think he wanted to?
2) Who will save Jim? Pam? Karen? Someone else?
3) Is jealousy the only thing that will give Jim his emotional reality check? Will it bring him closer to Pam or drive him away?
4) So who's winning: head or heart?
5) Is Jim still in limbo? (Read previous episode updates for the 411 on Jim's limbo. It's part of his self-preservation model.)
6) Should Jim confront Pam about Roy?
Chapter End Notes:
Commonly Used Acronyms:
PD = Pam Dichotomy,
JP = Jim Paradox,
CN = Casino Night,
FNB = Fancy New Beesly,
QTP = Questions to Ponder
This post was written nine years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
PD = Pam Dichotomy,
JP = Jim Paradox,
CN = Casino Night,
FNB = Fancy New Beesly,
QTP = Questions to Ponder
This post was written nine years ago so go easy on me in terms of writing style! I’ve decided not to revise the original posts beyond filling in missing words or fixing wayward punctuation. Call it nostalgia if you will, but there’s something to be said for preserving this little snapshot of fandom.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
