The choices that lie before Jim are becoming more and more apparent as Jim wades through the chaos of his emotions.  The decision at hand extends much deeper that whether he should stay with Karen or take another chance with Pam.  Jim ultimately has to decide who he wants to be: New Jim or Old Jim.  Jim has spent the better part of year trying to reinvent himself as a means to bypass the pain of his broken heart and start over. 

The events of Beach Games cleared some of the fog and allowed Jim to see a clearer picture of himself.  He can now distinguish between the man he was and the man he’s struggled to become all year.  This awareness is what makes his choice unavoidable and imminent.  In the name of self-preservation, he’s maintaining limbo status with the friend zone and Karen as a temporary safe haven as he grapples with his feelings and weighs his options. 

The problem with this self-preservation dynamic is that it’s failing on both sides.  The glass barrier allows Jim to see Pam and that’s enough to let her in.  He wasn’t expecting that at all and it’s too late to rebuild the wall.  He’s finding he still enjoys her company and her warmth.  He can’t help himself as he responds to her with equal warmth.   He is drawn to her and feels the pull of “home.”  But, this scares him a little.  The fear paradox kicks in and forces him to run towards Karen, his now traditional mode of escape.  Karen fails to live up to her role as his safe haven as she pushes for change he isn’t ready for, but also corners him with the ultimatum that he has to choose between her or Pam.  No matter where Jim goes he is faced with the reality of his situation.

Jim thought he knew what he wanted and now he’s not so sure.  He’s beginning to question the actions of his own self-preservation.  He’s starting to realize his emotions are matching up with his behavior.  This of course scares him and sends him running even further into his perceived escape in the hopes of finding a safe place to hide.  He’s so lost and overwhelmed he doesn’t know where else to go.  As a result, his confidence in himself is taking a hit.  On the outside he’s fine, but on the inside he’s a mess.  His self-preservation model is no longer functioning at a level that allows Jim to numb his feelings.  His emotions aren’t under his total control and that creates a little insecurity.  This explains his reliance on Karen.  She is very strong and overbearing, but she gives Jim a foundation and something to hang onto so he doesn’t drown.

Aside from the tough decisions Jim must make, he is faced with the overwhelming task of finding himself.  He’s spent so much time reinventing himself he got lost along the way.  He’s finally found his way back to the fork in the road that where one path leads to the man he was and the other leads to a man he can see himself becoming.  The path he chooses will lead to the choice he must make between Pam and Karen.  Jim is basically faced with the definitive question of “What do I want?” 

Jan’s Big News: 

Jim doesn’t initially notice Jan as she emerges from Michael’s office.  Pam’s “Oh my God” alerts him to Jan’s new physique.  He immediately sees the humor of the situation and turns his attention to Pam.  Interestingly, Karen is within close proximity, but Jim does not turn to her.  His position in between the two women is symbolic of the decision he is faced with making.  In this instance he chooses Pam (a nice bit of foreshadowing).  Subconsciously, he is drawn to Pam because he knows she will understand and condone the humor of Jan’s boob job.  He looks at her with disbelief and matching sarcasm all over his face.  Non-verbal communication takes over as they are both thinking the same thing.  Jim knows he doesn’t need to say a word.  Pam already knows what he’s thinking.  That relaxes him a great deal as he falls into the old familiar mode of friendly banter with Pam.    

Pam takes the joke further and mimics Jan’s large chest with her hands while mouthing the word “Huge” with an animated face.  Jim can’t help but silently laugh at Pam’s humorous exaggeration.  He loves her humor and smiles affectionately at her as they share this moment of laughter.  He misses her and this nostalgia is why Jim responds so warmly to Pam.  Unbeknownst to him, he is totally smitten by Pam’s behavior and it’s all over his face.  The friend zone has created a false sense of security and he thinks he can trust himself.  However, the glass barrier is failing as Pam is easily making her way into his heart.  He decides to build on her joke and says, “Bigger actually,” as he continues to smile.  It’s this moment where Jim is in a little bubble with Pam.   

He’s not thinking about the past or the pain, only her. He had a similar moment with her in Traveling Salesmen (newpeat) where he was alone with Pam even with Karen right behind him.  He feels her warmth even as she’s poking fun at Jan.  Her humor is lighthearted and good natured, rather than cold or mean spirited.  Pam responds by whispering “That‘s crazy.” He’s still amused and simply says, “Mmmhmmm.”  Pam takes it a step further and whispers “Wow!’ with another animated facial expression.  Jim is taken in by her humor again as he smiles widely at Pam and acknowledges -her “Wow” with a non-verbal “wow” of his own via facial expression.  He slightly laughs under his breath as he clearly enjoys the moment with Pam.  For a moment, Jim let himself “come back” and it felt good. 

He turns to take another look at Jan, when Karen walks up to his desk.  His smile remains in place until he turns to face Karen.  His posture and face immediately stiffens in her presence.  He shifted immediately into New Jim when he faced Karen.  As he looks up at her he wears an expression befitting of someone who just got their hand caught in the cookie jar.  The bubble has popped and he’s now having to own up to being in the bubble in the first place, (both to himself and Karen).  The only way to cover himself is to joke around with Karen.  She set him up with “Oh my God. Can you believe that?“ 

However, it’s important to note his humor completely changes in that he isn’t laughing or smiling as he tells Karen, “Unbelievable.”  His tone is much more stiff and controlled rather than loose and easy.  She didn’t respond to the humor of Jan with the same flare as Pam and Jim feels the difference.  He and Karen have been able to share a laugh in the past, but Jim can now see it’s not the same as with Pam.  Karen doesn’t always get Jim’s humor and he is careful to find the right words and response to fit her idea of funny.  Jim went from total freedom with Pam, to feeling the boundaries of Karen in a matter of seconds.  Those few seconds are enough for him to be aware of the difference.  He won’t forget the feeling of acceptance and warmth he felt from Pam, (this will connect to Part 3, so keep it in the back of your mind!).

Pam’s Good Luck Wishes:

Jim grabs his coat as he prepares to leave for the day.  He is amused by Dwight’s antics of telling everyone to wish only Michael luck.  He can’t help but love the fact that everyone wished Karen and himself luck.  He smiles briefly in Pam’s direction to once again share the humor that is Dwight.  He pairs his smile with a knowing and slightly sarcastic face.  She’s the only one who understands.  She looks back at him and wishes him luck warmly.  He is a little surprised, but genuinely appreciates her well wishes, “Thanks.”  It felt good to hear it from her.  She’s giving him support in a time of uncertainty and he needs that desperately.  

He smiles warmly and waves directly at [I] her [I].  Everyone else disappeared.  His eyes stayed on Pam even as Karen approached him.  Just as he did during earlier in the day (the haircut compliment) he felt Pam’s warmth wrapping around him.  He doesn’t want to let that feeling go.  It feels good and familiar.  The glass barrier does little to block Pam, as it only keeps Jim trapped in his illusion of feeling safe.  He thinks his self-preservation model is functioning when in reality it is failing miserably. 

He starts to walk away but he doesn’t turn around right away.  He lingers and steals a couple of glances as he waves goodbye.  He is again completely focused on her.  It’s hard to say goodbye to her.  It’s throwing him for a loop.  All year he’s done everything he can think of to get Pam out of his system and now he’s having a hard time doing so.  In a word, Jim is reaching a new level of confusion.  For another brief moment he let himself be Old Jim.  The second he turns around, he becomes New Jim heading out the door with Karen and to New York for a new life where he must say goodbye to Pam.  Part of him wants to find a life without Pam, while the rest of him can’t let her go.  Leaving for Stamford was a different kind of goodbye.  He simply left.  This time it’s different.  The air is clear and he is reconnected to Pam.  Goodbye isn’t so simple.

The decision he must make is again staring him in the face.  In another example of subtle symbolism, Jim is standing in the middle with Pam on one side and Karen on the other.  On the same parallel, Old Jim sits with Pam while New Jim waits to stand by Karen.  Jim is hesitant to walk out the door with Karen as he is uncertain of what he wants.  All he knows for certain is that he thinks he‘s doing the right thing by going to New York. 

Driving to New York:

As Jim drives, Karen turns to him and says, “Hey, thank you so much for driving me down for my interview.”  Her sarcasm is unmistakable.  Jim picks up on it immediately and decides to play along, “Totally, no problem. What are you interviewing for, by the way, my assistant? Or…”  Jim likes a little playful banter if it’s all in good fun.  Aside from that, the humor gives the illusion that he’s connecting with Karen.  She fires right back, “Oh, you know I'm gonna have a congratulations Karen party um, tomorrow night at my friend's house.” Jim continues to play along as they go back and forth, teasing each other on who is going to get the job. 

Throughout the conversation it’s easy to see that Jim is not connecting to Karen.  He has the same stiff and controlled demeanor he had with her earlier in the day.  There is absolutely no sparkle in his eyes.  He’s playful, but it’s more of crutch.  His humor in this instance is a self defense mechanism due to the fact that he doesn’t feel supported by Karen.  Therefore, he feels the need to play her game in order to elevate his confidence.   It’s an old tactic he’s used since Season 1 (see original JP).  His response to Karen is about surviving with some internal dignity intact.  Karen’s  behavior is sharply contrasting the warmth he felt from Pam.  Karen isn’t encouraging him or wishing him luck, the way Pam did earlier in the day.  Her comments aren’t about playing around, they are about competition.  It took him a while to catch on, but can now see the her humor was not entirely about joking around. 

As a result, Jim likely felt a little chill in the car.  Karen is like a winter day.  It’s cold on the outside, but her occasional fire is warming.  Jim never noticed it before because it was cold behind his wall.  Karen just seemed to blend into his surroundings, offering bouts of warmth when he needed it.  In contrast, Pam is a warm spring day.  She embodies constant warmth and comfort.  The absence of his wall allows him to relive the warmth he was drawn to prior to Casino Night.  Jim isn’t totally aware of the difference, but he is starting to feel it in his bones. 

The Subway: 

As Jim and Karen emerge from the underground (my first ride on a subway was in London, hence the British terminology), Karen asks Jim, “We have all night.  Where do you want to go first?” He replies sheepishly, “I dunno.  How about the U.N.?”  Jim is simply at a loss as he feels out of place and overwhelmed.  He is looking all around him trying to take in everything he sees and hears.  His hands are stuff in his pockets, but not in his usual relaxed way.  He appears introverted like a turtle hiding in his shell.  The U.N. was the only place he could think of on the spot. 

It’s hard not to notice Jim’s innocence in this scene.   He’s a simple guy from a small town that thrives on excitement in small doses, (being from a small town myself, I understand this concept implicitly).   He’s totally serious about visiting the U.N.  Karen responds a little befuddled by Jim’s suggestion, “How often do you come here?“  Jim is a little surprised and thrown by Karen’s question.  He’s picking up on the mild sarcasm.  He’s aware of his inexperience, but doesn’t like it that Karen is pointing it out to him so blatantly.  It’s a small blow to his confidence and he feels a little cut down. Jim covers this with a little light humor, “Um, every time my sixth grade class has a field trip.”  He smiles hoping Karen will lighten up a little bit. 

His humor is once again a tactic to elevate his confidence.  His sense of humor is his best asset and it’s saved him many times in the past.  Jim can always find humor in any situation as well as in himself.  He continues to look all around him, awestruck, at the sites and smells that surround him.  Despite Jim’s nerves, he is anxious to explore.  He just doesn’t have a clue on how to proceed.  Karen gives him some direction when she says, “I think you'll really enjoy this, adult Jim.” Her intentions may be good, but her comment feels like another jab to Jim. 

He doesn’t make eye contact and he turns away from her.  He doesn’t want her to see his weakness, nor does he want to deal with it himself.  He continues to wear a smile to maintain the shield of his humor.  He retains his attention to the city as he sets out on exploring the possibility of New York and New Jim, despite his misgivings and overall feeling displacement.  He isn’t sure what he wants and he needs to explore his options.  He needs Karen to take him on this journey, but he’s having a hard time seeing himself the way she does.

Part of him embraces the changes Karen is trying to make in his life, but he’s starting to become more hesitant.  Jim initially had no problem with Karen calling the shots in his life.  It seemed easier and allowed him to sit back a hang on for the ride.  His relationship with Karen allowed him to numb his feelings and the pain while maintaining the illusion of moving on to something better.  He believed himself to be happy as he hung out in limbo.  Jim is starting to catch onto the fallacies in his self-preservation mode.  Jim has lost control of his own destiny and himself. 

That is a big scary pill to swallow.  In another contrast, Jim is starting realize he felt good about himself around Pam, while Karen makes him question everything about himself.  It’s not something he’s literally thinking about, but rather a little tug in the back of his mind.  Karen’s influence on Jim’s self image isn’t all bad as Jim does need to take a closer look at himself, but the fact of the matter is he isn’t sure he likes what he’s trying to become.  

“Fun” in New York:

Jim engages in an impromptu talking head while Karen is at the ATM.  He is noticeably more relaxed as he begins to explain the events of the evening, Yeah, we went to the Spotted Pig for dinner. It's in the Village. Uh, Karen knew it.  And then we second acted Spamalot. That's when you sneak in at intermission with all the smokers. And then we went to a bar that used to be a church. Oh and at this one bar, I swear I saw Lorne Michaels. ”  As he describes dinner, it’s obvious that Karen has taken total control of the night.  He acknowledges his own inexperience when he mentions Karen is the one who chose the restaurant.  

There is an edge of insecurity in his voice.  He feels the “follower” in him coming out and it’s a little awkward.  It never bothered him before, but he can now make the distinction.  In Scranton, he’s not a follower, he’s the life of the party.  That being said, Jim is perfectly fine with Karen controlling the situation.  He needs to see what’s out there and she can show him.  

He describes the process of second acting Spamalot with the wonder of someone whose never heard of such a thing.  His description overlaps a scene that shows him walking out of the theater with Karen.  In an odd display of PDA, he puts his arm around her shoulders while he wears a smile.  There is a little bit of euphoria on his face from sneaking into the show and he attributes it to her.  This creates a perceived connection that translates to touch.  His PDA is slight, but it’s the closest we’ve seen him with Karen outside of the hug in A Benihana Christmas.  He is obviously enjoying the night and there is a lot of excitement in his voice.  New experiences are good for the soul and enlightening.  Jim has a little bit of a rush from breaking out of his shell.  It’s a whole new world to him and he is awestruck.

Despite his excitement, Jim is experiencing some growing pains.  As he carries Karen piggy-back it’s possible to detect a glimmer of bewilderment on Jim’s face.  He looks a little tired, overwhelmed and unsure.  The overall experience of feeling lost dominates him.  The novelty of the evening is fun for him, but he’s not sure it’s a lifestyle he can live all the time.   This kind of fun is too big for him.  He’d have to change and he would lose pieces of himself in the process.  It’s here that Jim’s self preservation model takes on a new dimension.  His hesitance to jump into New Jim headfirst is rooted in his instinct to hold onto Old Jim.  A new dynamic to his already full plate of choices develops: Is it worth the trade off?  At the moment he is having fun with the concept of New Jim dictating his perception.  Old Jim has a different sense of fun where a good prank and an evening at home is enough to leave him content.  He is experimenting and he’s letting Karen “tell” him what New Jim would find fun.  He’s along for the ride and as always Karen is providing a pleasant escape from his emotional turmoil. 

Jim ends his talking head by explaining he saw Lorne Michaels in one of the bars they visited.  Karen jumps in an says “That wasn’t him,” but Jim refuses to give in.  He silently mouths to the camera, “Yes, it was.”  He may be inexperienced in New York, but the man knows his TV.  It another way Jim is clinging to his confidence.  The ego in him refuses to be told he doesn’t know what he saw.  Karen can’t control everything!

The prospect of a new life in New York is appealing, but Jim isn’t sure he’s ready for it or even wants it.  To echo Dorothy, Jim knows “We’re not in Scranton anymore.”  New York means New Jim and he doesn’t know if he can make that transition. 

Walking with Karen:

Jim is again taking in his surroundings when Karen starts to speak, “So, what’s going to happen to us when I get this job.”  He’s been dreading this question and he avoids eye contact.  He’s thought about it himself, but he hasn’t found an answer.  This is the equivalent of a “where is this relationship going” conversation.  Jim has no idea and he’s terrified to talk about it out in the open.  He attempts to use humor as a way to dodge the question by reprising their earlier banter, “Oh, do you mean when I get the job?”  He finally makes eye contact with her as a result of the shield his humor provides, but breaks it off soon after Karen responds, “If you get the job . . .” Jim knows already, Karen is not going to let this go.  His humorous remark wasn’t enough to throw her off the scent and he is stuck.  

He directs his attention the ground as he tries to prepare himself for the inevitable topic of conversation that is to follow.  However, Jim isn’t even close to being ready for the bombshell Karen is about to lay on him, “ . . . I’d move here with you.” Jim’s attention is pulled from the ground as he stares at Karen utterly stunned.  He wasn’t expecting this at all.  He’s feeling the same terror and hesitance that befell him in Back From Vacation when Karen wanted to move onto his street, only at a higher level.  He’s always known that Karen is more serious about their relationship than he is, but he never fully admitted to himself.  He still can’t.  The New Jim in him wants to work past the rebound aspect of their relationship.  Jim cares about Karen and he wants to love her.  Despite his best efforts he just can’t hand over his heart.  Besides a lack of spark, he is leery about giving his heart to anyone. 

Karen finishes out her ambush with a question that sends Jim into panic mode, “Would you move with me?”  He manages to hold eye contact with her, but he is horrified.  He feels like she’s forcing him to make a decision he isn’t ready to make.  As he looks at her, his face is pleading, Please don’t do this to me. I‘m not ready. Deep down Jim knows his answer is no, even though part of him wants the answer to be yes.  He doesn’t love her, but he’s still holding onto the notion that he can one day.  Karen is forcing him to deal with the reality of choices that lie before him. 

He breaks eye contact as soon as Karen presses him further, “I’m not stupid, okay.  I was at the beach.”  He turns away from her in order to hide his fear and hesitance, but also in hopes of avoiding the topic.  Jim begins to direct is attention everywhere and anywhere but Karen.  He’s desperately searching for a way out.  She’s got him cornered and he’s trying to wriggle away like a worm on hook.  He doesn’t want to talk about the beach or anything else Pam related.  Pam is very personal to him and he doesn’t want Karen to see the newly raw emotions that surfaced on the shoreline.  He still trying to sort through that chaos and he doesn’t want Karen involved in that process.  She is supposed to be his escape.  Jim feels the torrent of emotions flaring up inside of him and he is rapidly losing control.   Jim’s face becomes increasingly desperate as he’s praying for a miracle that the topic of conversation will change.  He’s in the odd position of wanting an escape from his escape.

Karen isn’t allowing him to avoid his emotions or the decisions that loom over him.  He manages to find a little bit of courage and that gives him the ability to regain some semblance of control.  He eventually realizes that Karen isn’t going to let this go and he reestablishes eye contact with Karen.  She hits another soft spot when she says, “You don’t have a future in Scranton. There’s one too many people there.”  Jim breaks eye contact again.  He doesn’t say anything.   He knows he has the possibility of future in Scranton and he doesn’t like being told otherwise.  Karen is overpowering right now, but for the first time he is consciously contradicting her influence.  He’s starting to think for himself again rather than letting the circumstances of his surroundings dictate his actions. He knows exactly “who” Karen is referring to and a non-response is the only way he knows to keep it from going any further. 

Aside from that, he doesn’t know what to say anyway and he’s afraid of what will come out of his mouth.  Jim tries to dodge to subject again with light humor.  Instead of acknowledging Karen’s reference to Pam, Jim says, “You mean Kevin?”  He needed this little humor break anyway to give him a reprieve from the tension.  Karen laughs and that allows Jim to let out a small smile.  He looks away from her, realizing that it’s not enough to distract her from the pushing him further.  His smile fades away and is replaced with discomfort and fear.  Karen comes after him again, “You get it, right, you can’t stay there.”  Jim maintains eye contact with Karen throughout her statement.  He knows she’s right if he stays with her.  He’s known this all along as it’s the foundation of his self-preservation model. Moving on with Karen was always about moving away from Pam. 

Faced with the prospect of never being able to go back, Jim is seriously questioning what he really wants.   Karen laid out his choice plain and simple:  Her or Pam.  Jim knows the decision goes much deeper in that he must choose who he wants to be as well.  The decision is no longer in the distance, but is right in front of him staring him in the face.  Suddenly, his escape is no longer a safe haven and he now must decide what he wants.  Either way, he has to let someone go completely.  It’s a decision that frightens him to the core.  There are too many variables and emotions at stake to make a quick and easy choice. 

The conflict within Jim goes much deeper has his awareness of the contrast between Pam and Karen heightens.  A mere week before Pam stood on the shoreline and told him he could come back and now Karen is telling him he can’t.  Karen is literally giving him an ultimatum, while Pam simply showed him an open door.  Jim feels the cold truth of Karen’s words, but also the warmth of Pam’s standing offer.  He stands in the middle and feels the pull from both sides.  It’s head vs. heart all over again.  At the moment, he isn’t willing to give up Karen or Pam given the limbo he’s created for himself.  However, Karen has made it clear she won’t tolerate his middle of the road tactic.  Jim acknowledges his understanding to Karen with a simple, “Yeah, I do.”  He gets it that she giving him an ultimatum and he has to make a choice.  Oddly, Jim has a slight grin on his face and is more relaxed. 

It’s here that his self-preservation model is kicking in once again.  He is choosing Karen for the time being as a way to reinstate her role as a safe haven.  He loses that if he continues to dodge the question.  He’s tired of being cornered, so he tells her what she wants to hear, despite his inability to make a definitive choice.  His little smile is all about convincing Karen to get off the subject.  He’s finished discussing it and his more relaxed stance is his signal that he’s done.  He tells her, “C’mon” as he nods his head towards the street.  He doesn’t make eye contact with her, but reaches out for her hand. 

Once her hand is in his, Jim feels the safety net that Karen provides.  She’s keeping him anchored at a time in his life where everything is up in the air.  The only problem is he isn’t connected to her the way he needs to be, hence the lack of eye contact.  Pam holds that distinction, but she doesn’t offer the escape Karen has given him all season long.  Jim hangs onto to Karen as they run across the street.  Jim is aware of the decision at hand, but he is still trying to run away.

The Bottom Line:

Jim has to decide who he is before he can decide who he wants to be with. 

- - -

JAM Song of the Week:

When the Heartache Ends

Artist: Rob Thomas

Album: Something to Be

Questions to Ponder: 

1) Who is the most responsible for the changes in Jim: Pam, Karen, or himself?  Is it even possible for him to return to Old Jim?

2) What does Jim need? 

3) Does Jim know how to find his own happiness or does he need someone to show him the way? 

4)  Is Jim as strong as Pam?

5) From Jim’s perspective, what are the pros and cons for both Karen and Pam?