Scenario #2 (Pam’s POV):  Coffee…or something

Pam paced so vigorously in her living room that she was afraid she would wear her fluffy new carpet down into flat little nubbins.  Two hours later, and her heart still hadn’t returned to its normal rate.

In a way, she was really proud of herself.  I said what I ultimately wanted to say when I asked him out in the first place….even more than I thought I could at my bravest.  I told him I loved him; even said that I wanted to be with him!  I could never have done that a year ago.  It took losing him to figure out what I really wanted, I guess.

Not that she had admitted what she did entirely of her own free will.  Jim had all but pried the information out of her.  She thought she’d be able to keep the truth well-hidden.  She’d had lots of practice at it, after all, and the last thing Pam ever wanted was a confrontation like they’d just had in the Dunder-Mifflin parking lot.  But Jim just kept pressing her, wouldn’t take no for an answer.  And like any interrogation, it finally reached a point where it became easier for her to tell the truth than to lie.  So eventually she snapped, confessed.  And she had to admit, part of her felt good at the release.

And that kiss, oh God, I can’t believe I just kissed him like that, the way I’d fantasized about ever since casino night.  I just wish I’d had that kind of courage last May. 

A bigger part of her, however, was terrified.  She’d put it all out there, and got little encouraging feedback in return.  She grasped onto the one statement Jim had made that at least gave her pause, a reason to think that she stood a chance against a beautiful, successful woman like Karen.  I do care.  She clung to it like she was drowning and it was the only thing that could keep her afloat.

I do care.

Those three words were still drifting around in Pam’s mind when she heard a loud knock at her doorway.

Could it be?

Pam’s heartbeat, which had only now slowed to at least a somewhat reasonable rate, practically thudded out of her chest.  She jumped nearly a foot in the air, making her way towards the peephole at her door.

Sure enough, it was Jim.  She’d recognize his long, lean, physique anywhere.

Pam took a quick minute to smooth her hair away from her face, straighten her sweater and blouse, lick her lips, though the lip gloss she had put on this morning for Jim’s return had long since faded away.  She hardly ever wore much make-up, but she’d gone into today feeling so optimistic, wanting to look her best for when she saw him again.  She didn’t know whether she should reapply it, or wipe off any little that remained, just for good measure.

She didn’t do either.  Instead, she just opened the door with a swing, taking in Jim standing there in her doorway.

He’d been drinking, she could tell at a glance; he didn’t seem quite steady on his feet.  His eyes were a little glassy and his hair was even more unkempt than usual.  When he spoke, she could hear the slur in his three-letter greeting.

“H-ey.”

“Hey,” she replied, a little breathlessly.   She still couldn’t believe that Jim was standing in her doorframe.   She dared herself to hope that this was a really good thing, even if he was a bit tipsy.  After all that she told him, it had to be, right?

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, so she nervously filled the silence.  “How did you know where I live?” she inquired, puzzled.  She hadn’t told Jim her new address.

Jim gave her a wry smile.  “I called Toby.  Something told me he might know it offhand, being such a diligent HR rep and all,” he said sardonically.

There was something about the way that Jim said it that made Pam wonder what she was missing, raise a bunch more questions.  Why would Toby have her address memorized?  And why would he give it to Jim?  But asking him seemed to be getting away from the point of why Jim was there, which Pam didn’t want to do.  So she just nodded.

“Did- did you drive here?” she asked instead.  She hated to think about him out on the road.

“I just came from Cooper’s,” he mumbled. 

At least it was close by.  “You went there for happy hour?” It was all Pam could think to say, given his inebriation.  She doubted he was there for the seafood.

He shook his head.  “I just ended it with Karen,” he replied.  She should have been thrilled to hear him say that, but she wasn’t; she was apprehensive.  The words were right; it was Jim’s tone that was so off.  He sounded pissed, angry.

Pam was startled by the hostility of his voice, but she wanted to find out more about what might have happened to make him that way.  Perhaps Karen freaked out or something.  She tried to probe gently. “You did?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed, a little sourly.

Well, that was no help.  Pam had no idea how to reply.  Was she sorry?  She didn’t know.  But she decided to say it anyway.  “I’m sorry,” she said.

As soon as the words escaped her lips, she wished she could take them back.  Jim obviously didn’t believe her.  He snorted, rolling his eyes, brushing past her into her apartment.  His voice was sarcastic.  “Sure you are.”

“I am!” she exclaimed, somewhat defensively, to his back; he was now several steps past her.  “I want to you to be happy,” she said, sincere.

Jim turned around, and she could see him turn his mouth up into a twisted smile before he laughed bitterly.  “Oh, you do, huh?  Is that what you were thinking when you told me I had misinterpreted things?” he said, the words biting.

What?!  Pam couldn’t believe the harshness of his tone.  Or maybe she could.  They had barely spoken since that night; he’d had months to deal with the rejection, but perhaps he never really did.  Just like she had never really dealt with the feelings she had for him until weeks after they were actually kissing.  They were too alike sometimes. 

She knew she’d affected him with the words she’d said last May, but at the time she was just acting out of self-preservation, saying what she needed to say to keep everything in her life from being completely turned upside down.  It wasn’t until Jim’s words really sunk in that she realized that her life being turned upside down was the greatest thing that could have ever happened to her.

She whispered to the floor.  “You didn’t misinterpret things.”

“You’re damn right I didn’t,” Jim crossed the few steps between them with just a couple of strides of his long legs.  He leaned in and pulled her towards him, kissing her.

She could taste the alcohol on Jim’s breath- it was liquor, whatever it was.  It was so unlike the first time Jim ever kissed her, which was unbelievably romantic and tender, that she felt like she was kissing someone else entirely.  It was a bit like the way he returned the kiss she laid on him in the parking lot- desperate and frenzied, a little angry- but this kiss was much- harsher.  Jim’s arms snaked around her, his touch aggressive.  It was hot for maybe a second or two, until she realized that this actually reminded her a bit of kissing Roy after a night out drinking with Kenny.  It made Pam almost want to cry- because this was so wrong.  This wasn’t her Jim- she didn’t even know this guy.  She didn’t want to know him.

Pam tried to pull away, tears in her eyes.  “Stop it,” she said.  But Jim didn’t release her from his grasp.

She couldn’t believe she was turning down a kiss from Jim Halpert, but she had to, if it was going to be like this.  When Jim still didn’t take the hint that she was trying to extricate herself from his arms, she gave him a forceful shove.  “Get….OFF…of…me!” she exclaimed.  It was the DoJo all over again, times a bunch; Jim was intoxicated, his reflexes delayed.

Her push sent Jim stumbling drunkenly backward- until the back of his knee hit the edge of her coffee table and he bit it.  Trying to brace his fall, he sent his long arms out searching- and one knocked the small glass of wildflowers resting on her coffee table, sending it careening across the living room.  The little glass collided with the wall, shattering, and drops of water and little stems went flying everywhere.

Lying on the carpet, looking over at the broken glass for at least a minute, it was as though he was finally pulled from his drunken stupor, his haze of rage.  “Oh, God, Pam, I’m so sorry,” he finally said.

“S’okay,” she replied shakily, shrugging, though she wasn’t sure if it was okay at all.  “It was just a little glass.  I’ll clean it up.”  She needed to move away from him.  She took a step towards the kitchen, towards the broom and dustpan that she kept in the corner.

But before she could, Jim had grabbed her wrist, fingers encircling it tightly.  When she looked down at him with a startled gasp, he quickly loosened them with an apologetic look in his eyes.

“No,” he said, his voice softening.  “I mean,” he began to clarify, “I’m sorry for being such a jerk.”

She stared down at him, nodding in acknowledgement.  She continued to watch as Jim’s eyes slowly began to fill with tears.  “It’s just-, it’s just-,” his voice cracked as he eventually spoke, “Pam, you hurt me so much.  You broke my heart.”  He broke down altogether, letting go of her wrist and burying his face in his hands as he cried.

A wave of guilt and remorse washed over Pam.  About how she lied to him that casino night.  And how she’d wanted to reach out to him after she ended things with Roy, so many times, but never did.  “I know.  And I’m so sorry.  I’ll never do it again.”  She sunk down to her knees next to him, putting her hand gently on his back.

But then she thought about how she felt when she showed up at Dunder-Mifflin that Monday after Jim left, having had no idea he had transferred.  She found her voice to speak up again.  “But you broke mine too, when you left me without saying goodbye.”  She teared up at the memory; she wasn’t the only one capable of inflicting searing pain.  “And it broke again today, when I saw her put her hands all over you.” 

Jim shook his head vehemently.  “Karen never meant that much to me.  Look, I had to leave- I couldn’t watch you marry him with the way I felt, after what happened- I just couldn’t.  I needed to try and move on with my life, and Karen showed interest in me.  She’s an amazing person- I wanted to feel the same way about her.  But my heart was never in it.  I never- I never loved her.”

Pam nodded.  He didn’t say it there, but he might as well have.  She’d give him an out for not saying those three little words again- after all, he had just admitted that she had broken his heart.  She threw her arms around him in a hug.  “Oh, Jim,” was all she said.

“Not like I love you,” he whispered into her ear, arms tightly encircling her.  Turns out, he said them anyway.

They hugged for a long time- she swore, it felt like an hour.  She needed the human contact, the comfort; she didn’t care if he did or not.  She refused to let go until she’d had her fill, which took a while.

When their hug was over, things felt different.  He was more like Jim again.  He profusely apologized and cleaned up the mess with her flowers, while she got him some Gatorade and crackers.  He really hadn’t drunk that much, he explained- just had taken three shots in a row on an empty stomach after Karen had left the bar- and they pretty much hit him the precise moment he’d shown up at her door. 

But Pam knew what the real story was.  She had hurt him, and angered him, and he needed to tell her that.  Now that he had, he could move past it.  And so could she.  This night was a bit like a microcosm of their relationship.  It had rough spots, but when she thought about the future, it looked bright.  As of now they were now both unattached.  And they loved each other.  It was still early.

In fact, it was just before nine o’clock.  Pam offered to order a pizza, insisting that Jim get some more substantial food in his stomach, and he accepted gratefully.  Things were a little weird between them for a while, silence punctuated by awkward attempts at conversation.  But then the pizza came, and he turned on the TV while she got them some Cokes from the fridge, and eventually they both began to relax as they ate.  Jim gleefully flipped the channel to TBS, where “28 Days” just so happened to be coming on, giving him endless joke fodder.  Pam laughed so hard at some of his wisecracks throughout the movie that she nearly snorted pepperoni up her nose.  

Now this was more like it.  Talking, laughing, eating pizza.  She dared to glance over at him, and Jim was finally smiling.  Genuinely.

“So are we okay?” She dared to ask him.

He nodded.  “I think we’re going to be really great, but we’re already okay,” he said softly.

Pam nodded.  She knew exactly what he meant.

When the movie ended, Jim rubbed at his slightly protruding stomach- he’d eaten four slices of pizza- and started to get up.  He spoke reluctantly.  “Well, now that I’ve thoroughly made an ass out of myself, I guess I should probably get going,” he said.  “Thanks for the movie- Sandra Bullock was indeed a joy to watch in this film.  And for the pizza.  And for…..everything else,” He glanced down at her.

He meant thank you for the words she said to him earlier tonight- at least that was Pam’s interpretation.  And when she looked back into his eyes, there was more than just gratitude there- she could almost see them pleading with her.

Tell me you don’t think I’m an ass.  And that you want me to stay.

She found herself speaking up, clearing her throat.  “Maybe you shouldn’t drive tonight.  Just to be on the safe side.”

The corners of Jim’s mouth went up just enough for Pam to know that he’d taken the hint.  He seemed fine to drive, truthfully- the time plus the food plus the Gatorade did wonders. 

“Okay,” he said, awkwardly sitting back down.  “Sounds good.  Except- what are we going to watch now?” he teased her.

As it turned out- nothing really.  Miss Congeniality was already playing (a Sandra Bullock-o-thon?) but they were barely paying attention.  Sometime shortly after that, they were kissing.  Pam didn’t remember who started it, only that it was so much better than before, passionate but now with the tenderness that it lacked previously.  There was still a faint hint of alcohol on his breath but mostly Jim just tasted like pizza, and Pam couldn’t get enough of his mouth on hers.

Things escalated.  Kissing turned into heavy making out which turned into groping which turned into ripping clothes off and before Pam knew it she and Jim were half-naked.  Sure, ideally this would all be happening after a romantic date or two, but Pam didn’t care- she couldn’t wait.  It felt like a lifetime ago that she’d turned Jim down that casino night; felt like an eternity that she’d been lonely and missing him; and even though it was only recently that she’d heard that the Dunder-Mifflin branches were merging, it felt like forever that she’d been waiting for him to come back.  And now he had, and despite everything, he still wanted her, just dumped his girlfriend for her.  She wasn’t going to take that for granted.

Pam pulled him off of the couch in just his boxers, leading him shyly back to her bedroom, where they stripped the rest of the way.  Jim ravished every inch of her body with his hands and mouth before making love to her for hours.  Damn.  She didn’t know if the alcohol had affected Jim’s endurance or if he’d always had such good longevity, but the way that her physical pleasure gradually built in intensity was just incredible.  Pam felt more ecstasy in those couple of hours than she had in her entire relationship with Roy.

It was after 3am when Pam finally turned off her little bedside lamp, exhausted and happy.

All too little time later, Pam’s alarm clock was buzzing.  It was set for 7:15 am, as usual- she never needed all that much time to get ready for work.  On the flipside, this morning they had little time to wake up, get oriented, unless they wanted to get to work late.

Pam sat up, quickly glancing over to look at Jim.  Her heart surged.  There he was, sleeping on his stomach, naked except for a sheet covering his backside, eyelashes fluttering a bit as he slowly breathed in and out.  She just couldn’t believe she finally had Jim Halpert in her bed. 

Not wanting to wake him up just yet (he could wear the same work clothes from yesterday, right?), Pam grabbed her robe and slippers and padded down the hallway to the kitchen. 

She veered straight for the coffeemaker, emptying, rinsing, and replacing the filter from yesterday, and reaching for the coffee she kept on the counter.  Except- she’d thrown the bag away yesterday morning; she was completely out.  She’d meant to go to the grocery store on her way home from work, but a dramatic conversation with someone in the Dunder-Mifflin parking lot left her feeling frazzled, causing her to drive straight home instead.

Shit.  Of all days, she needed coffee on a morning like this.  Well, she would just have to get it on her way in- there was a Starbucks nearby.  The crappy coffee they brewed at work with this little sleep, and so much distraction, simply wouldn’t cut it.

Pam made her way back to her bedroom, heart racing again as she saw Jim, now completely sprawled across her bed.  She smiled.  She could get used to this.

She sat on the edge of her bed, tapping Jim on the shoulder.  “Jim?” she murmured softly.  “It’s after 7:15.  You should get up- we need to get ready.  Plus, I’m out of coffee, so I’d like to grab some on the way to work.”

Jim smiled sleepily before pulling Pam towards him, so that she was flush against him.  “I can think of a better way to wake you up than coffee,” he said, voice husky.

Well, that wasn’t much of a decision.