Scenario #2 (Jim’s POV):  Or something

Apparently the bottled water, the lack of grape soda, the remark that he was evolving hadn’t sent her a clear enough message.

Pam had just asked him out for coffee.

So when do I get to hear everything?  Are you… still getting unpacked or… you wanna grab a coffee or something after work?

She asked him so that he could tell her what he’s been up to.  Just two coworkers catching up after one of them had left the office for an extended period of time.  Friendly chit-chat.

He just couldn’t do it anymore.  Or he didn’t want to.  Or both.

But Jim hesitated.  Because while he was with Karen now, he currently didn’t have any idea how to tell Pam about it (or whether he even should tell Pam about it).  He didn’t want to seem like he was trying to brag about his new girlfriend; that might indicate that he was telling Pam merely to elicit a reaction, which would imply that he still cared.  But he also wondered how Pam would react if she found out another way, which she was bound to even if he didn’t say anything- Karen seemed pretty into PDA.  Realistically, given how far our friendship has fallen, Pam probably wouldn’t react at all, he thought.  Still, as someone who at least was his best friend for a long time, he’d like to think that deep down she’d be happy for him, now that he’d finally found someone that made him smile after months of being miserable.  That said, he also thought that Pam might want to hear the news directly from him.

And now she had just presented him with the perfect opportunity to tell her he had a new girlfriend, face-to-face, one-on-one, with a pretty quick out- it’s not as if getting coffee took all that long.  He could have that particular weight off his chest within the first few minutes of their catch-up.

Plus, a small part of him really did want to brag about Karen.

“Oh, um, tonight?”

“Oh, yeah, no, you know, whenever.”

No definitive reaction whatsoever.  So wishy-washy, so Pam.  In that moment he was glad that Karen was decisive.  “Okay.  I’m um, still getting settled, but I could go for a quick cup before I go home.”

“Okay,” Pam nodded, studying her feet. 

A slightly uncomfortable silence lingered for a moment before Jim spoke up again.  “All right….I should probably get back to work.  Right, for work.”

“Yeah, no, me too.  See you in the parking lot at 5:15?”

“All right, see you then,” he said, walking away, leaving her in the break room. 

The rest of the day went- awkwardly.  Witnessing Michael’s failed efforts to try to bring the Stamford and Scranton branches together.  Hearing A Night at the Roxbury sung a cappella, watching Michael and Dwight’s embarrassing attempt to lift Tony up onto the table, dealing with the tire-slashing chaos.  Jim was relieved when the day was over. 

Except that now he would have to face an awkward conversation with Pam.  Truth be told, Jim had been debating with himself all afternoon about whether he wanted to bring up the real elephant in the room on their little coffee outing.  How he just couldn’t return to the way things were after what happened.  And how pissed off he was that at least today, Pam seemed to expect him to.  How he’d rather not be close at all than just have casual, friendly banter.  Maybe if he explained some of this to Pam, if he just laid enough of his cards out on the table and told her at least part of the truth (avoiding the parts where he seemed the most pathetic, of course), they could avoid more painful confrontations down the road. 

Though if he did decide to tell her all of this now, the next half hour was going to absolutely suck.

Jim’s cell phone rang as he was walking to his car.  He smiled when he saw the number, relieved at the distraction.  “He-ey, where you at, Filippelli?”

“I’m at the grocery store, buying a corkscrew to give myself a lobotomy.”

Jim laughed.  “What’s wrong, you didn’t have a good first day?”  He could wholly relate to Karen’s frazzled tone, recalling his own first day at Dunder-Mifflin.  Though by this point in his first day he had already been positively smitten with a certain receptionist.  Man, that felt like so long ago.

“Oh, my, God.  Hey, you want to meet at Cooper’s in an hour?  I need a drink.” 

Jim didn’t hesitate.  Cooper’s was close, and he could go there in his work clothes.  Plus, he knew he would need something to look forward to following what was likely going to be a pretty crappy conversation.  “Yeah, sure, sounds good.  I-,” Just then, he noticed Pam striding across the parking lot towards him.  Speak of the devil.  He needed to get off the phone, to get this over with as soon as possible.  He turned his attention back to Karen.  “Hey, you know what, I should go, can I just see you there?”

“Yeah,” Karen sounded a little surprised, and disappointed, but she didn’t question him.

“Okay. Thanks,” he told her, grateful.

“Okay.”

Jim hung up the phone, got out of his car, and met Pam a few steps away as he moved towards her. “Hey,” he greeted her.

“Hey,” she replied.  She didn’t say anything else, didn’t mention the coffee at all.

They stood there awkwardly for a few moments.  Then they both spoke up at once.

“So, you ready to go?” he asked her at the same time she said, “We don’t have to do this.”

His question was by far the least significant, so he answered hers immediately.

“Do what?”

Pam let out a big sigh.  “Do this.  Go get coffee.”

Jim was puzzled.  “Why not?”  This was weird.  While part of him was relieved, a bigger part of him wondered why Pam was suddenly backtracking.

Pam sighed again, and looked downward, averting his eyes.  “No reason.  You said you’re just still getting settled, that’s all.”

Jim could see right through her- she had a reason; she just didn’t feel like articulating it.  And he wanted to know what it was.  He gave her a knowing look and sighed, trying to hide his exasperation.  “Pam, I’m right here, ready.  Why don’t you want to go anymore?”  Not that he particularly wanted to go.  But he wanted to know why she didn’t want to go more than he didn’t want to go himself.

Pam finally conceded, rolling her eyes.  “Look, I saw Karen put her arm around you in the parking lot earlier,” she said softly.  She hesitated, before adding, “You’re obviously seeing her.  So we can spare that little conversation.”

Jim wasn’t sure exactly how to react to that.  So Pam did find out another way, and it saved him the effort in telling her directly.  Again, part of him was relieved.  Yet he just couldn’t make sense of the expression on her face.  For a second he thought that Pam actually looked upset.

Jim felt himself quickly getting defensive, angry.  What right did she have to feel negatively about this?  Pam didn’t even know Karen; it seemed ridiculous for her to judge her so harshly after meeting her for the first time.  “Yeah?  I am seeing her.  So?” he challenged her, raising his voice.

Pam glanced up to look at him only briefly before casting her eyes on the ground again.  She kicked a pebble, and then another one.  “So- we don’t need to go for coffee,” she muttered again, as if that clarified anything.

“Why not?” he pressed her.  “What does me dating Karen have to do with us not getting coffee?”  He felt that they were having the same conversation on repeat; he was just as confused, except that he was significantly more pissed off this time.  He didn’t care; he wasn’t going to offer up anything else until she at least attempted to explain.

“Because…” Pam began, before trailing off, shrugging her shoulders.  Jim waited for her to finish.

He waited, and waited.  Ten seconds later, she still hadn’t said anything, she was just still shuffling rocks with her feet and staring at the concrete, and he’d about had it.  She probably thought that he’d just drop it, that he wouldn’t push her for a response.  But he was sick of her beating around the bush with him. “Because why?” he finally questioned, practically yelling at her.

“Because you don’t care!”  He was almost floored when he heard Pam shouting back.  She met his eyes this time, her eyes sparkling with tears, her face flushed, her tone agitated and accusing.

He didn’t know what in the world she was talking about.  Because he didn’t particularly want to meet up with her to discuss frivolous work gossip?  Her response only made him angrier.  “Because I don’t care about what?  Filling you in on all the minor insignificant details of the Dunder-Mifflin Stamford branch?  Because I don’t care about putting on this front and pretending that nothing ever happened between us?  I guess you’re right, I don’t really care about either of those things.  Excuse me.” He was so furious he was shaking, and began pacing back and forth in front of her, trying to distract himself.

“Because you don’t care about how I feel about you!” she yelled, her tears spilling over now, one first running down her left cheek, then her right.  As soon as she said it, she slapped a hand over her mouth in surprise.

Jim stilled, completely frozen to his spot.  What?  He went to speak before realizing the words weren’t physically able to escape.  He coughed, cleared his throat.  His heartbeat was pounding so loudly that he couldn’t even think straight.  He didn’t understand- he couldn’t.  She couldn’t be talking about the kind of feelings that he had hoped she had for so long.

But he had to know.  He was a masochist that way, he supposed.  He coughed again, tried to formulate the words.  The question came out in a strangled whisper.  “How do you feel about me?”

Pam looked down, then up again, then down, then up again.  She took a deep breath, and then another one, appearing to think about exactly how to say what she wanted to say.  “I’m – I, um, I love you,” she finally admitted plainly, resigned.

Jim still couldn’t move- he felt paralyzed, or like his feet were tarred to the surface of the parking lot.  His heart was thumping to the point where he almost didn’t hear her.  Except that he did.  I love you.  What in the hell did this mean?

He was still reeling emotionally when Pam walked the couple of steps towards him, stood on her tiptoes, and pressed her lips roughly to his.

This was no tender, I love you but I don’t want to push you too hard type of kiss.  This was a passionate I’ll show you what you’ll be missing if you choose her over me type of kiss.  Maybe it was the type of kiss that he should have given Pam that casino night, because this one literally took his breath away. 

He didn’t want to kiss her back.  He wanted to pull away and scream at her that it was too late, that he had found someone else.  He wanted to tell her that she had hurt him so much, too much, and that he wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive her.  For a second, painful words and images swirled in his head.  Her letting go of his hands.  Nodding when he asked, ‘you’re still going to marry him?’ Saying, ‘I’m sorry if you misinterpreted things’.  Rejecting him when he went to kiss her a second time.  He was still so angry.

And yet- he didn’t want her any less now than he ever had.  In fact, he wanted her more.  Because he’d never heard her say before that she loved him; he never even knew that she wanted him, at least not with the certainty he did now.  There was no way she could kiss him like that if she didn’t.

So he kissed her back anyway, with an intensity that surprised even him.  It was as though he was channeling all of his anger directly onto his lips and tongue and into his arms, which pulled her possessively towards him.  If it bothered Pam, she didn’t show it, because she responded by moaning into his mouth and curling her hands into his hair, scratching his scalp with her fingernails.

Jim felt like he was toppling over as Pam pressed herself even more tightly against him.  He staggered backwards, slowly, one step at a time, until eventually he felt the side of his car against his back, helping to support him.  Their torsos smashed and then seemed to melt together as she pressed into him, literally pinning him against his vehicle.  It was so hot and he was still so mad that he had half a mind to turn them around, push Pam up against the car instead, lift her skirt.  Maybe he could just take what he wanted from her in that moment, fuck her senseless.

But before he could let his imagination run away from him for too long Pam had already pulled back.  “Jim,” she said, her eyes searching his.  When she saw the hurt that he just couldn’t let go of yet, the hurt that inevitably was readable on his face, her eyes filled with tears again.  “I’ve missed you so much.”

He nodded, feeling detached.  Of course he missed her too, but she already knew how he felt, and she’d rejected him.  What was the point in putting himself in such a vulnerable position again?

“I told you how I felt because I want to be with you, not because I just wanted…” she gestured between the two of them, to whatever the hell it was that they were doing, “this.”  She reached up to softly brush a hair out of his face.  “I broke it off with Roy a couple of weeks after you left.  I’ve been hoping you’d come back ever since.”

Jim let out a shaky sigh.  This was all hard to believe.  If she wanted to be with him so badly, why hadn’t she called him, even once?  A text on Diwali just wasn’t good enough. 

“I was scared,” she said, answering his unspoken question.  “I thought you hated me- you just left.  I’m still scared.  But- I’ve missed you too much to care anymore.”  With that, she leaned in to kiss him again, only this time the kiss couldn’t have been more different.

It was tender, soft, sweet, just a light pressing of her lips to his as she explored his face with her fingertips.  His eyebrows, his jaw line. He felt a dampness on his cheek when she was done.  He couldn’t tell if they were from her tears or his, because hearing her admit the heartbreakingly honest truth caused his throat to close up and his eyes to begin to water behind his closed lids.

“I love you,” she said again, whispering it into his ear just before pulling away.  She took a few steps backward, giving him more space.  “Just think about it, okay?” before Jim could react, before he could say anything, she had turned and started to walk away.

“Pam!” he called after her.  He might not have been ready to reciprocate everything that she’d said; right now he was entirely too shocked, too emotional.  But he didn’t want to let her walk away without saying something.

She turned around to look at him quizzically.

“I do care,” was all he could think to say.  She just nodded and turned back around.

Jim just stood there at his car for a while after she left, dumbfounded, allowing the words to finally sink in.  I’ve missed you so much.  I love you.  I want to be with you. 

Jim looked at his watch.  5:40 pm.  He needed to get to Cooper’s to meet Karen.  He numbly got into his car. 

He glanced at the cell phone in the passenger’s seat.  He debated calling Karen and telling her he was going to be late.  He thought about going for a drive, to the lake perhaps, and being alone with his thoughts, trying to figure out exactly what it was that he wanted.

But he hadn’t even left the Dunder-Mifflin parking lot when he realized that he already knew.  He headed straight for Cooper’s, determined.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Jim supposed that Karen was now the one with whom he needed to have the uncomfortable conversation.