Onward, Love

June 10, 2006

“YOU were sending those?  The carpet smelled like coffee for 3 days after that!”

“Well Beesly, sometimes sacrifices have to be made in the name of messing with Dwight.”

As he pulled into Pam’s apartment building to drop Pam off, Jim looked at her in the passenger seat with a broad smile.  The expression he found on Pam’s face was the same.  Hours into their first date, they had found their old dynamic.  Comedy was their first language, and they both were speaking it fluently.  

The night hadn’t quite started that way.  They were nervous at dinner, both due to the realization that this was actually happening and the uncertainty of how to handle the things that were still unsaid.  Eventually Pam had decided the only way they’d move forward was to put the past behind them as soon as possible.  The first 45 minutes at Coopers weren’t pleasant, but they were certainly necessary.

Once the neverending apologies stopped, the night began to truly feel like a date - but not like a first date. They already knew each other.  They were best friends.  There was no nervous laughter or awkward silences, no ‘so tell me about yourself’ or ‘what do you do’ questions.  This just felt like the natural next step.  This was going to work - tonight was a formality.

After dinner, they decided to head to the park for a long walk.  It was a perfect summer night in Scranton and the sun wouldn’t set until almost 9:00.  As they walked toward the beautiful sunset, Pam reached out and took his hand into hers.  A perfect night indeed.

---

As Jim walked Pam to her front door, she felt nervous for the first time in hours.  She knew taking it slow might be the ‘right’ thing to do, but they had danced around each other long enough.  The new Pam knew what she wanted, and she was going to make sure she told Jim what that was.

“I had a great time tonight, Jim”

“Me too.  So, how would you feel about maybe getting lunch tomor…”

“Would you like to come in?”

The look on Jim’s face told her that he wasn’t expecting that.  Jim was doing that thing again where he couldn’t figure out how to put words together, but his gaze into her eyes and told her everything she needed to know.  Pam moved toward him and leaned forward, giving him a long, soft kiss.  As she pulled away, their lips barely separated, Pam whispered in a voice she knew Jim couldn’t resist.

“Please come in.”

Pam didn’t wait for an answer.  She turned to unlock her door and walked into her small apartment.  Jim wasn’t far behind.

---

June 30, 2006

“Hello?”

“Hey!  I’m leaving work now.  I need to run home and then drop some things off at my parents when I get to Scranton, so I’ll see you around 8:00?”

“Dinner will be waiting.  Dessert too if you’re lucky.”

“Beesly!  I have a long drive ahead of me.”

“What?  I was just thinking of maybe getting some Tiramisu.”

“Tiramisu.  Right.  I’ll see you soon.”

“Oh, I’ll be waiting.  Bye.”

Pam smiled as she hung up the phone, still amazed at how naturally their normal banter had evolved to include not-so-subtle flirting. It was the same chemistry they’d always had, but the unspoken sexual tension was easily replaced with open sexual innuendo.  

They had decided to make a real effort to make the long distance thing work after their first night together almost three weeks ago.  She knew eventually that they’d have to find a way to be in the same physical place, but for now things were going great.  She’d spent the last two weekends in Stamford with Jim, including a day trip into New York last weekend.  Stamford was nice, but she couldn’t see moving there.  Jim didn’t seem thrilled about it either, to be honest.

Jim was coming to Scranton this weekend for the 4th of July.  The holiday fell on a Tuesday, so they both decided to take Monday off for the extended 4-day weekend.  They’d be spending tonight at Pam’s apartment, and then heading to Jim’s parents tomorrow for a cookout.  

Pam was nervous about meeting Jim’s parents.  For obvious reasons, but also because she hadn’t spoken to Betsy since that phone call, and Jim had avoided telling her why his mom was so worried about him.  She decided to find out what was really going on this weekend, one way or another.

---

Jim insisted on cleaning the table after dinner.  Pam had cooked an amazing meal for him - it was the least he could do.  Honestly he would do about anything for her.  Even though they talked on the phone every night, this would only be their 7th day physically together.  So far, they had been 6 of the happiest days of Jim’s life.  Being with her let him forget about everything else that was going on his life.

He grabbed the bottle of Merlot he had brought and poured them both another glass.  Jim didn’t know the first thing about wine, but a quick internet search told him that you paired Merlot with Chicken Parmesan.  Jim caught Pam staring over at him as he finished cleaning, forcing a huge grin on his face as he walked over to join her on the couch.  

“Cheers.”

“And what are we toasting to?”

“Let’s see… to that amazing chicken parm you just cooked.”

Pam laughed and her cheeks turned red.  He loved how easily he could make that happen now, and how easily she could do the same to him.  

“No no, seriously.  Cmon.”

“Ok.  How about… to second chances.”

“To second chances.

They sat on the couch together for the next hour, his arm wrapped around her and her head leaning against his shoulder.  Reruns of Mystery Science Theater 3000 were on, and it wasn’t long before they were providing their own commentary in place of Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot.   

As the episode ended and their laughter subsided, Pam finished off her glass of wine.  His was gone, too, and the bottle was empty.  When Pam snuggled back up to Jim, he leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips.

“Mr. Halpert!  Are you trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me?”

She quickly pulled him back in for another kiss, and the one she returned wasn’t so gentle. Their lips and tongues intertwined, and any concept of time was lost to him.  He had no idea how long it was before they finally pulled away from one another, both completely out of breath.

“Who is taking advantage of who here, Beesly?”

“Well, I did promise you dessert.”

With a devilish look, Pam stood up and grabbed his hand.  She pulled him into her bedroom, and he was lost to seemingly endless bliss.

---

July 1, 2006

Pam woke in the morning to the smell of bacon and eggs - Jim was cooking her breakfast again.  He had made omelettes last weekend, putting his breakfast count at 2.  Or twice as many as Roy had cooked in their entire 10 year relationship.  She was starving, so she quickly put that thought out of her mind, got dressed, and headed toward the kitchen.

“Good Morning!”

“Hey! You are right on time.  I was gonna bring it to you in bed, but I guess we can settle for the table.”

“That’s good.  I’m not sure I want to eat there anyway after what we did last night.”

“Beesly!  My God.”

They both laughed and took a seat at the table.  Breakfast was simple but delicious - bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast.  So far, this had been a perfect weekend, but she needed answers to the one question that was still waiting to be asked.

“So my dad said they’re firing up the grill around 2:00, so maybe we’ll head there around 1:00?”

“Yeah that sounds good… hey, um…”

“Hey, I promise they’re going to love you.  How could they not?”

“No no, I’m not nervous.  Well, I am, but that’s not what I was going to say.”

Jim paused.  She was sure he knew what was coming and his eyes begged her not to ask, but she wasn’t backing down now.

“Jim, when are you going to tell me what’s wrong?  Not like, are you happy right now and having fun today, but what’s really wrong.  Your mom was so worried about you and it’s the only thing you’ve avoided talking about.”

Jim sighed.  She knew he didn’t want to talk about it, but at this point she was getting worried, too.  

“Ok.  How about this.  Let’s go to the barbeque, and I promise you that I’ll tell you everything before I go back to Stamford.”

“I accept your terms under one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m going to go get a shower.  You’re going to put the dishes in the dishwasher and meet me there in exactly 2 minutes.”

Pam walked to the bathroom.  Jim ran to the kitchen.

---

Jim’s mother was in the front yard when they arrived.  She had shared a hug with him before he turned to introduce her. She WAS nervous about meeting his parents, but she had the feeling that Jim might be even moreso.  Was he nervous that they wouldn’t like her or that his mom would say something he wasn’t ready to share?

“Mrs. Halpert, it’s great to finally meet you.”

“Pam, we’ve been over this, call me Betsy!  Jim, why don’t you take your things upstairs and I’ll show Pam around?”

Jim gave Pam a questioning glance, looking for reassurance that she would be ok by herself.  She smiled and nodded back at him, and he grabbed their bags from the car as Betsy took Pam inside.  Walking through the front door, they were greeted by loud conversation and laughter.  She could tell by the cars in the driveway that they were probably the last ones to arrive, and the house was full of Jim’s immediate family.  

The men and women had separated for the moment, with the men in the backyard and the  women shuffling between the kitchen and the dining room.  Drinks were already flowing, and Betsy poured Pam a glass of wine.  For the first few minutes, she felt like an outsider intruding on a private family event, but as soon as Betsy introduced her she was welcomed into the group.  She hadn’t yet met Jim’s brothers, but their wives greeted Pam warmly.  

Upon being introduced, his sister Larissa leaped up from the couch to greet Pam.

“Pam!  I’ve heard so much about you for the last few years I feel like I already know you.”

“Larissa, it’s so nice to meet you.  Jim told me a lot about you too.”

She held out her hand to shake Larissa’s, but she instead pulled Pam into an affectionate hug.  It was a little strange, to be sure, but she was happy to be so welcomed by Jim’s family.  But then Larissa leaned closer to Pam’s ear and whispered.

“I’m glad you’re here.  Thank you so much.”

Larissa pulled away and they rejoined the conversation, but before Pam had a chance to process what she meant, Jim came down the stairs.

“Causing problems down here, Beesly?”

“Oh no, your mom and your sister were just telling me about the photo albums of baby Jim we’ll be looking at tonight.”

“Wow, how did I not see that coming?  Cmon, wanna meet the guys?”

Jim led Pam out back, where his brothers and dad were getting ready to fire up the grill.  He had warned her that Tom and Pete could be a bit grating, but today they were nothing but kind.  His father, Gerald, warmly introduced himself and told her to take care of him, teasing that Jim couldn’t even be trusted to wash his own clothes.  

Burgers and hot dogs went onto the grill, and macaroni and potato salad were ready inside.  Wine and beer continued to flow and soon the games began.  Ladder Golf and Horseshoes were setup in the backyard, but after a couple of hours the heat forced everyone inside.  Pictionary was the game of choice and Larissa was drawing.  She had drawn what looked to be a half pipe with a skateboard next to a dumbbell.  Pam tried to talk it out as time wound down.

“Skate lifting, skate dumbbell… oh, X games… extreme lifting, extreme dumbbell, skate iron… um, extreme iron, oh, extreme ironing!

“YES!”

The whole room laughed, partly at the absurdity of the clue, and partly that Pam had actually figured it out.  Jim had left the room for a phone call, so when they decided to take a break, she found him in the backyard, still on his cell phone.

“...the 10th at 3:00, right?  Well, I wouldn’t say I’m looking forward to it but I’m ready to get started.  Thank you very much. Oh, thank you, I appreciate that.  Bye.”

Pam tapped him on the shoulder as he hung up, realizing that he still hadn’t realized she was standing there.

“Hey!”

“Oh, hey.  How’s the Pictionary?”

“Well I just figured out Extreme Ironing, so you could say it’s going pretty well.”

“Wow, Extreme Ironing.  Have you been jumping out of planes while ironing sweaters without telling me?”

“Not yet, but you never know.”

“Fancy New Beesly, jumping out of airplanes.”

Pam was as happy as she could remember being in a long time.  She was having an amazing weekend (the fourth one in a row!) with a man that she… a man that she loved.  She still hadn’t told him, but there was no doubt in her mind anymore that she was in love with Jim Halpert.

“Your family’s great.  They’ve all be so nice to me.”

“I told you, nothing to worry about.”

Pam smiled nervously.  It was time to tell him.

“So… I know this isn’t some big romantic moment like you would do, but Jim, I’m happier that I’ve been in years.  And I’ve been meaning to tell you but I just couldn’t find the right...”

Pam paused to look him in the eyes.  He looked nervous, almost afraid of what she was about to say.  Without thinking, Pam put her arms around his neck and pulled him down toward her, a surge of electricity pulsing through her as their lips met.  As she pulled away she locked eyes with him again.  There was still a lingering fear in his eyes, but she also saw passion.  Desire.  Love.

“I love you Jim.”

Jim reached forward and wrapped his arms around Pam in a tight embrace.  They stood like that for what seemed like forever, him holding her tightly and her head laid against his chest.  Finally, Jim backed away slightly and looked down at her.

“I never stopped loving you Pam.  Not for a second.”

---

She loved him - not out of pity or guilt or regret, she just loved him for who he was.  It was time to tell her, but suddenly Jim realized the position he was about to put Pam in.  Why had he even done this?  He was only going to hurt her again.  It was too late for that, so Jim decided to start talking.

“I think I’m ready.  Ready to tell you what’s wrong.”

Pam looked surprised, but eager.

“Tell me Jim.  You can tell me anything.”

“Ok.  But let me finish before you say anything.  It might sound like good news at first, but just let me get it all out there.”

Pam nodded, and Jim drew in a deep breath.

“I’m moving back to Scranton on Saturday.  I’ll be staying with my parents for a bit, but um...”

Jim could see the joy on Pam’s face, but also a bit of confusion.  He should have thought of a better way to say this without it sounding like a good thing.

---

Pam couldn’t help but smile.  Jim had told her to wait until he was done, but he was coming back!  They’d finally be together and be able to really make this work.  Still, she was a bit apprehensive about what he was going to say next.

“Pam, I’m coming back because…”

Jim took another deep breath.

“...they found a tumor on my lung. I start chemotherapy a week from Monday at Mercy.”  

Pam stood in stunned silence as she tried to comprehend what he has just told her.  It was impossible.  Jim was 27, he was healthy, he was active, he didn’t smoke - lung cancer?  How?  Why do awful things happen to an amazing man like Jim Halpert?

“Pam…”

She finally raised her eyes from the ground and back at Jim.  His face had tears streaming down his cheeks to match the ones on her face.  

“I’m so sorry.  I should have told you weeks ago.  I know you - you probably wouldn’t have let things get the way they are if I had told you.  I just needed to know that this, us, I had to know it was real.  I completely understand if you can’t deal with what I’m about to go through, I know I put you in an awful situation and…”

“Jim.  No.  No, no, no, no, no.  I love you, Jim.”

She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tighter than she’s ever held onto anything before in her life.

“You’re going to beat this, Jim.  And I’m going to be there with you.”