Pam sat at the kitchen table, pushing the food around on her plate as she thought back to two weeks prior and what was the worst day of her and Jim’s life. 

 It had started out like any other day. They woke up around 7 am to get ready for work, talking excitedly with each other about all the plans they had for the nursery. Pam was 10 weeks pregnant and she was engaged to the love of her life. She had never been happier. 

She stood at the stove, scrambling eggs for their breakfast as Jim hugged her from behind, his hands resting on her still flat stomach. 

She leaned back against him as she turned the burner off, letting out a content hum before turning around in his arms so she was facing him, smiling brightly up at him 

“I love you” she whispered, giggling softly as she saw his cheeks turn a bit pink at her words. No matter how many times she’d said it, his cheeks still flushed and he still felt butterflies in his stomach 

“I love you too” he said softly, pressing his lips against her forehead in a tender kiss before reluctantly pulling away, knowing they’d be late for work if they didn’t eat breakfast and leave soon. She pouted at the loss of his touch but followed his lead, pouring them some orange juice as he dished up their eggs. 

They ate in comfortable silence, Jim flipping through the newspaper while Pam studied one of her own sketches, making mental notes of what she wanted to change and add when she had the time. Once they finished, Jim collected their dishes and put them in the dishwasher while Pam grabbed her purse and Jim’s briefcase, meeting him by the door with his car keys. 

She felt the first sharp pain as they walked through the Dunder Mifflin doors be she ignored it, assuming it was normal. After all, she was pregnant. Being uncomfortable and in pain at times was expected, right? She placed a hand on her stomach and followed Jim inside, taking a seat at her desk. She let out a soft breath of relief as the pain eased up a bit but grimaced when it was immediately replaced by nausea 

“Are you okay?” Jim asked, his brow furrowed in concern as he looked over at her, noticing how uncomfortable she looked. 

“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine” she nodded after a couple of moments, breathing out slowly “just a bit nauseous” 

“Okay. Do you want me to make you some herbal tea? It might help soothe your stomach” he offered, just wanting to do anything he could to make her as comfortable as possible. 

She gave him a soft, appreciative smile and shook her head “no thank you, I think it’s passing” she told him 

Everything at had been normal for the first few hours. As normal as things could be at Dunder Mifflin, anyways. She had made a few calls and filled out paperwork and she was just about to stand up to go into the break room, mostly just to stretch her legs a bit when Michael came running out of his office and demanding everyone meet him in the conference room for some reason she wasn’t sure. 

She sighed heavily and shared a look of mild annoyance and amusement with Jim before standing up from her chair. She faltered a bit, nearly falling over as soon as she was upright. 

“Whoa there, careful. Are you okay?” She heard Jim ask as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

She nodded slowly and leaned against him, chuckling softly “yeah, I’m good. I think I just stood up too fast, my head went kind of fuzzy for a minute” she murmured and then looked up at him, smiling fondly “go get us some good seats, I’m gonna run to the restroom and I’ll meet you in there” she told him and leaned up to kiss his cheek before pulling herself out of his arms. She made it halfway to the bathroom before she blacked out and her entire body hit the floor. 

“Oh my god, Pam!” Jim exclaimed, nearly tripping over his feet as he ran over to her, dropping to his knees beside her. He brushed her hair out of her face as he checked her pulse with trembling fingers. He heard someone behind him calling an ambulance but the voice sounded far away and fuzzy. He couldn’t focus on anything except his beautiful, pregnant fiancé who was passed out on the floor. It felt like an eternity had passed before she finally stirred in his arms, blinking her eyes open slowly, looking up at Jim in confusion.  

“Jim? What’s going on?” She asked, her voice small and weak as she glanced around the room and saw everyone staring at her in concern. She tried to pick herself up but Jim gently pushed her back down, shaking his head. 

“Don’t move yet, babe. Just relax. You fainted on your way to the bathroom” he murmured, his fingers combing through her hair. He hoped his voice didn’t give away how fucking scared and worried he was. The last thing he wanted was to stress Pam out even more.  

“I’m fine now, I must’ve just been a little dizzy. Head rush or something. I’m okay” she insisted, trying once more to get up off the floor 

“Pam, please just stay still. I don’t want you to pass out again. There’s an ambulance on the way, I think you should get checked out” he told her, biting back a sigh when she shook her head 

“I don’t need an ambulance, I’m fine. And if you’d let me stand up, you would see that” she muttered but her annoyance disappeared when she looked up at him and saw the worry and fear on his face. She sighed softly and then nodded, reaching up to cup his cheek 

“But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll let the doctors check me out” she gave in and was rewarded with his breath of relief and a loving smile, though the concern never left his eyes. 

The ambulance showed up a few minutes later and despite Pam’s protests, she was soon on her way to the hospital. She tried to convince Jim that she was fine, she had just been dizzy but he insisted she go and get properly checked out for her own health and for their baby’s. 

Pam was immediately taken to a hospital room and hooked up to machines and wires. She wanted to protest but she knew it was pointless so she saved her breath and just let the doctor run the required tests on her. She looked over to where Jim was standing, biting her lip as she noticed how small he looked standing against the wall. She hated seeing him look so worried and scared, especially knowing she was the reason why, even if she logically knew it really wasn’t her fault. She carefully moved herself over to the side of her small hospital bed and softly patted the now empty spot beside her 

“Come lay with me” she whispered 

He looked up at her, furrowing his brows slightly as he thought about it. He didn’t want to hurt her or make her uncomfortable but he so desperately wanted to be close to her right now. He nodded once and walked over to the bed, carefully laying down beside her. Once he was sure he wasn’t pulling on any of the tubes and wires, he made himself a bit more comfortable and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips when she cuddled up to him, her head resting on his chest. 

“You feeling okay?” He asked softly, his voice slightly muffled by her hair.

“Yeah, I’m okay” she nodded against his chest and then sat up a bit so she could look down at him, brushing her fingers across his cheek. She couldn’t help the small smile that formed on her lips as he instinctively leaned into her gentle touch 

“I’m sorry for scaring you” she said softly after a couple moments of silence. She shivered slightly as he gently grabbed her wrist and brought her hand to his lips, pressing soft kisses to each of her fingertips 

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. I just want you to be okay” he told her, looking into her eyes so he could convey just how serious he was. She nodded once and was about to say something before their moment was interrupted by the door opening. Jim sat up as the doctor walked into the room, lacing his fingers with Pam’s and squeezed her hand gently. 

Neither of them were prepared for the news they were given. 

“Ms. Beesly, Mr. Halpert..I’m so sorry but you’ve lost your baby”

 That had been two weeks ago and all Pam had done was cry. She had never thought it was possible to feel so empty and defeated and useless. She felt guilty every day, she felt like it was her fault that she’d lost their baby despite how many times Jill reassured her that it wasn’t. 

She looked up from plate when she heard Jim clear his throat quietly, her heart clenching when she saw the concern and sadness in his eyes 

“You need to eat, babe. You haven’t had a proper meal in almost two weeks” he whispered and she just nodded, unable to find her voice. 

That was how it had been since they’d come home from the hospital. She was heartbroken and crying all the time and Jim was caring and patient and did everything he could to comfort her. She loved him so much and she was so grateful to have his unconditional love and support during this but she hated the walls he put up. It had been two weeks and she had yet to see him outwardly show any emotion besides concern. She just wanted him to trust her enough to open up to her. She wanted to comfort him and be there for him the way he was for her. 

She sighed quietly and ate a few bites of her dinner before she stood up from the table. She wrapped up her plate and put it in the refrigerator before walking back over to the table. She felt Jim’s eyes on her as she sat down in the chair beside him and reached for his hand. 

“Hey” she whispered, her voice a bit scratchy. She cleared her throat softly and looked up at him, locking her eyes with his. 

“How are you doing?” She asked before shaking her head at herself. It was a stupid fucking question, she knew that but she didn’t know how else to ask it. She just wanted him to talk to her. 

“I’ll be okay” he said softly. It was what he always said when she asked if he was okay and she hated it but she really didn’t have the energy to argue. 

She held back a heavy sigh and squeezed his hand as she rested her head on his shoulder. 

“I’m tired. I’m gonna head up to bed” she muttered, kissing him softly on the cheek as she stood up. 

“Okay” he nodded, chewing his lower lip harshly as he watched her, studying her closely.  “I love you” 

“I love you too” she said before turning away and heading up the stairs to their bedroom. 

Her fingers trembled as she slipped on a pair of sweatpants and one of Jim’s t-shirt’s before climbing into bed, burying her face in her pillow as she cried herself to sleep for the 14th night in a row. 

Pam woke up a couple of hours later, her eyes swollen and sore from her crying. She rolled over and instinctively reached out for Jim, frowning when she realized his side of the bed was empty and cold. Not coming to bed wasn’t like him and her stomach twisted with worry. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she pulled herself out of bed and headed towards the stairs. She walked down them as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake him if he’d fallen asleep on the couch.

 Nothing could have prepared her for the sight before her. 

Jim was sitting on the couch, his shoulders hunched over and shaking as he hung his head, sobbing into his hands. She swallowed thickly, blinking back the tears the formed in her eyes. She took another quiet step towards the couch, her heart breaking all over again as she saw the sonogram picture on the coffee table in front of him. 

She took a deep breath and then walked the rest of the way to the couch, sitting down beside him. She wordlessly wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in for a hug, comfortingly stroking his back. She squeezed her eyes shut, tightening her grip on him as she felt his warm tears hitting her neck. 

He pulled away after a few more minutes, harshly wiping the tears off of his cheeks as he looked down at his lap in shame 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t..I shouldn’t have done that” he muttered, shaking his head. 

Pam frowned, hating to see him so upset when she knew there was really nothing she could do to take his pain away. She reached out and gently lifted his chin so he was looking at her, thumbing softly at his cheekbone 

“Shouldn’t have done what?” She asked softly 

“Cried all over you like that” he said bitterly, clearly angry with himself. “You’ve got enough to deal with without me breaking down in front of you. I need to be strong for you. I’m sorry I wasn’t” he whispered, lowering his gaze to his lap again as his voice broke on the last word. 

Pam stared at him in shocked silence for a few moments, feeling like her heart had been thrown to the floor and stomped on. She couldn’t believe that Jim had been holding his emotions back just for her. She hated that he felt the need to pretend in front of her. She took in a soft, shaky breath as she tried to find the right words to say. 

“Jim.. baby, listen to me” she started, reaching for his hands so she could lace their fingers together. She felt him gently squeeze her hands and she took that as a sign to continue. 

“You don’t need to be anything for me. You don’t need to put your grieving on hold for me and you don’t need to hide your emotions from me. I just need you. All of you. I want to know when you’re upset, I want to be here for you the way you’re always there for me. We’re in this together, okay?” 

Jim looked up at her, more tears welling up in his eyes. He sniffled softly, letting them fall down his cheeks as he pulled Pam in for a tight hug. He tangled his hands in her hair as he sobbed quietly, finally letting out all of his pent up emotion. 

“Thank you” he whispered, his lips pressing against the top of her head. He had no idea just how much he’d needed this until now. He’d kept telling himself that he’d be okay, that Pam needed his strength but he realized now that he needed hers just as much. He pulled away from their embrace after a few minutes and cupped her cheeks with his hands, pressing his lips against hers in a desperate, emotional kiss. He just needed to feel her close to him. 

Their tears mixed together as she kissed him back, her hands wrapping around his neck as she pressed herself impossibly closer against his chest. They pulled apart when they were desperate for air, both of them panting softly as they pressed their foreheads together

“I love you” they both whispered in unison and they smiled at each other for the first time in two weeks, both of them realizing that as long as they had each other’s love and strength, they could get through anything.