“And then he says, and I quote, ‘any real potential there Beesly?’” 

“Ouch.” Pam could hear the audible cringe in her best friend Isabel’s voice. The sound of which made her take another sip of her rapidly dwindling glass of wine. Spurred by her liquid courage and anger Pam continued the retelling of the absolutely horrible day she had just had. 

“Exactly!” She said waving her sloshing wine in the air in emphasis. “Like how is this the same guy who told me he was in love with me weeks before my wedding?! That guy would have never been encouraging me to go on a date. Especially not a guy dressed in a Ben Franklin costume!”

The events of the day seemed to catch up with Pam fully in the moment as she landed heavily on her worn couch, wine sloshing again. Leaving her drained. Emotionally and physically.

Pam could hear Isabel take a large breath over the cell phone followed by the distinct sound of a cork popping. Clearly she wasn’t the only one who needed wine for this conversation.

“Okay, calm down Pam. Let’s look at this at another angle, maybe Jim was joking?” Isabel paused, the sound of sipping filtering through the speaker, “I mean the Ben Franklin impersonator was only there because Jim pulled a fast one and booked the guy as the ladies entertainment. So maybe his seemingly happy mood hearing that you had been hit on by the guy was just him continuing the prank?” She reasoned from her completely non objective point of view. 

Of course, that would have worked had the wounds of the day not still been fresh in Pam’s mind or had she not been drinking wine. Unfortunately, all the level headed talk did was dredge up another horrible moment from the day. 

“And then there’s Karen!” She exclaimed loudly. 

Isabel paused again before finally asking, “Wait…what did Karen do?”

Pam shook her head rapidly her auburn curls moving angrily around her as the wine pushed her movements to become much more animated. Something she was all to aware tends to happen when she drinks. Only there was no one around to see the wild gestures. A fact that should have embarrassed Pam but didn’t. 

“Ohh you’ll love this Izz, apparently Jim told her about the kiss. Our kiss! And to quote smug Karen.” Her fingers air quoted along with her words. 

“Wow, lot of quoting tonight.” 

“Hush.” Pam quickly dismissed her friend and continued. “Alright this is what she said, ‘we talked it through and it’s totally fine, it’s not a big deal. It’s just a kiss.’”

“Double ouch.” Isabel’s voiced hit a pained pitch through Pam’s now tightly clutched cellphone.

Silently agreeing Pam took another large gulp of her wine, finishing it off, as if it would wash out the foul taste the words had left behind in their wake. Unfortunately all it did was irritate the already furious churning in her gut. 

Ignoring the pain pulling at her middle Pam stood again and made her way across her small living room and toward the almost empty wine bottle safely nestled on her Kitchen counter. Pam grimaced slightly at the meager contents before pouring the remaining wine into her glass and heading back to the couch. The sagging cushion still bearing her imprint from before.

“Like, its not a big deal? Just a kiss?” Pam’s tone turned from one of anger to one of sad desperation, “Izzie, I called off my wedding because of that kiss. I ended my ten year relationship because of that kiss. And…and it was no big deal to him?” Her arm was moving hastily with her words again, sending some of her cheap Pinot Grigio puddling to the floor.

“Pam…there’s no way that the kiss you two shared after he proclaimed his love for you means nothing to Jim.” Isabel reasoned, “No way. There has to be another explanation.”

Giving a very uncharacteristic sardonic chuckle Pam finally expressed out-loud the painful realization that had been haunting her most of the day now. 

“I’ll give you another explanation, Izzie,” taking a breath Pam steeled her nerves and finally said the awful truth, “he’s moved on. He over me. He…he doesn’t love me anymore. And that’s, that.” 

Once she said it Pam wasted no time in taking another drink of her wine. Thanking the tiny grapes silently for the numbing fuzziness that was begging to set in. 

“Alright have you been drinking? Because you’re talking crazy, little missy.”

Pam cast a glance at her glass and then the empty wince bottle, and the. Back to her glass.

“No.” She lied. Before immediately changing her mind and telling the truth. “Maybe a little. But that’s beside the point. Jim’s clearly moved one and if anything has shown me today its time for me to do the same.” 

Isabel made a familiar frustrated groan over the phones speaker. It was the same exact noise Pam had been hearing for as long as she could remember. A distinctive groan that only came forth from her friend when Pam was really driving her crazy. 

Which tended to be quiet a lot lately.

“Or you could just, I dunno, tell him how you feel! Pam I’ve been begging you to tell that man your feelings for months now! But no. Every time I brought it up you had an excuse.” Isabel’s voice rose in pitch as she began to poorly mimic Pam. “‘I’ve got to get an apartment first. I can’t start dating someone right after I broke up with Roy…’”

Do I really sound like that? No, that can’t be right. Pam thought, as she briefly tuned out her friend who was still listing some of Pam’s many excuses for not contacting Jim.

“‘…I’ll call after I start my art classes. He probably doesn’t even want to hear from me anyways. The branches are merging, I’ll just tell him then.’ But you know what Pam? You never did!” Isabel finished angrily. It was clear she was fed up with her friends indecisive nature. 

“And now its too late.” Pam whispered brokenly. I’m too late.

“Pam…” All the ferocity was suddenly lost in Isabel’s voice. Her ever supportive friend back in place.

Sniffing loudly as she swiped away tears with the sleeve of her blouse that she had worn to work. With red rimmed eyes and moist cheeks Pam suddenly straightened her spine and set down her wine glass on the coffee table in front of her. As if she was readying herself for some grand proclamation. Which in truth she was.

“Which is why I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on as well.” She told Isabel with finality.

 Loud sigh echoed in Pam’s ear, “Oh lord, here we go.”

Pam shook her head again, the muddled feeling from the alcohol much more intense now. “Come on Izzie just hear me out. I-I’m in my late twenties and I’ve only had one sexual partner. ONE!”

“What does...God, Pam…” Isabel trailed off and Pam could imagine her pinching the bridge of her nose as she always does when she’s frustrated. “You also had a relationship that spanned a decade, but continue.”

“True, irrelevant, but true.” Pam conceded and continued, “anyways I’ve decided I need to get back out there; but I don’t want a boyfriend.” Her determination beginning to bleed through her words. If Pam had been talking to anyone else she might have been able to fool them into believing her. Believe this is what she really wanted.

But unfortunately for her she was speaking to Isabel Poreba. A women proficient in speaking bull shit. 

Especially when it came to Pam.

“There’s just no way I could commit to any sort of relationship feeling…like...this. So instead I’ve decided to keep it casual, no commitment. That sort of thing.”

“So let me get this straight,” Isabel began, “the same Pam Beesly who has only dated one man her entire life and is currently I love with another, wants to have  casual, no strings attached relationships?” Pam nodded silently in agreement to her empty apartment.

“AKA casual sex.” Her nodding slowed as her lips pursed and her eyes narrowed in internal debate. 

“AKA one night stands.” Head coming to an abrupt stop, Pam couldn’t even attempt to hide her shock as her eyebrows shot into her hair line and her blurry green gaze went wide. “Am I getting this right?” Isabel asked tersely. 

Fumbling with her words Pam took a moment to respond back. The shock and the alcohol making it almost impossible to formulate an appropriate response quick enough.

“Um, o-okay maybe not one night stands, I would like to know them a little more than a few hours before,” she said as her hands waved suggestively, “you know. All I’m saying Izzie, is that I just want to date around right now, and if it leads to upping my number but not a boyfriend…” 

Unfortunately for Pam, before she could finish her sentence the smiling face of the man she deeply loved flashed treacherously through her mind. Triggering a deep ache in her chest. That never seemed to fade.

She knew deep down, she didn’t really want to ‘up her number’ she would be perfectly happy to have it stop at two. As long as that second man was Jim. And up until today she still had a sliver of hope that, that would some day be the case. That despite her rejection last May, his current girlfriend and their current brittle husk of a friendship that somehow they would find their way back to each other. 

 Sadly that hope was now all gone. Along with the dream that Jim Halpert would be her number two. Or any number at that.

“… I would be fine with that.” Her voice wobbled slightly, “That’s all. I’m not planning on becoming, I dunno, Meredith or anything.” She finished with a joke. Hoping the light quip would cover up the rawness of her words. 

“Which ones Meredith again?” Pam was sure that Isabel had heard the fluctuation in her voice but choose not to question it. 

“The alcoholic divorcée, but that’s not important.” She told her without missing a beat.

Isabel gave a small laugh before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Okay, how about we put a pin in this discussion and we’ll talk about you becoming slutty Pam when you haven’t got any wine in you.” 

Glad that the heaviness of the conversation had seemingly come to an end, Pam broke out in her own fit of drunken laughter. Ultimately having to take a minute to compose herself before continuing.“You know I don’t actually need your permission to do any of this right?” But I want it.

“I know. But you want it.” Pam’s grin widened.

“Ugh, fine!” She sighed in mock indignation, “pin inserted.”

“Dork. Okay, on to other topics, do I really have to accompany you to that wedding tomorrow?”

“Oh my God yes!” She pleaded. “It was already going to be terrible but after today? I can’t even begin to imagine how awkward it will be. And besides, Phyllis already told me she marked me as a plus one. While she winked at me and walked away mind you.”

Pam cringed remembering the day that fun little interaction had happened. Which of course had been on another ultimately horrible day.

The day back from vacation. 

Where Pam started the day giving Jim relationship advice and ended it crying in the warehouse hallway. 

“Monster.”

Pam nodded, “absolutely. So as to not look like a complete loser I have to bring someone.” 

“Wow. Way to make me feel loved.” Isabel deadpanned.

“Oh stop, I’ve been your stand in friend date to more weddings and family events then I can count, Izzie. You owe me.” 

“You know why I did that.” Isabel’s voice suddenly sounded hesitant and small. 

And she did.

At the young age of eighteen Isabel had confided in Pam that she thought she was attracted to girls. Of course Pam being the best friend that she was supported Isabel fully. Never once wavering, or spilling her heavily guarded secret. And when her parents stopped speaking to her a year later, after coming out to them, Pam was there.

It was close to two years later when Isabel’s parents finally broke their silence and the three began the long process of fixing their fractured relationship. 

Unfortunately though, the damage had already been done and Isabel made the decision not to share her sexual orientation with any extended family. Which meant Pam became Isabel’s perpetual plus one to any and all family events and weddings. 
The engaged best friend tagging along because Izzie was ‘between boyfriends’, raising no questions and blocked suspicions.

“I do and I had no problem saving you from the inevitable questions about why none of your family has seen you with a man in over ten years. So you should have no problem saving me from watching the guy I love dance with his girlfriend.” Pam huffed. 

Isabel paused, obviously thinking over Pam’s argument. “Well…when you put it like that…what time should I be there?” A grin spread across Pam’s face. 

“Two, at my place. We can get ready together! Like the old days.” Pam’s excitement was nearly palpable now. If she hadn’t been so drunk she probably would have realized that she shouldn’t have been this excited about a sham date with her best friend. 

But she was that drunk. And that excited. 

“Sounds good SP.” Isabel laughed.

“SP?” Thin eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Slutty Pam.” 

Pam let out a laugh so loud that it ended in a snort. A clear sign she had been over served. “You’re terrible Isabel. See you tomorrow.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” She chirped back immediately, hanging up and closing her phone.

Letting out a long sigh Pam dropped backwards, flopping haphazardly on her couch. Her usually uncomfortable couch suddenly becoming more and more appealing by the minute as the room began to slowly sway around her and her limbs became heavy.

 
Ugh, I should really get up. She thought briefly as she made a poor attempt to sit up. 

But before she could spare her back from the deep ache of spending longer than an hour on the couch, the tendrils of sleep started to set it; and within seconds she was asleep.