Story Notes:
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way I want you to stay
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way I want you to stay
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to Coley for telling me I was making sense with this, and for helping me make it STEAMY!
“Sometimes I just don’t get Roy,” Pam said to Jim, an angry edge in her voice.
He looked at her for the 1000th time and wondered how she couldn’t see that she deserved better. He felt everything he felt for her wash over him, and without thinking, he spoke.
“Pam, I like you,” he said quietly, not even sure if she could hear him over the rushing water and the wind. Not even sure if he wanted her to hear him.
“I like you too, Jim,” she smiled up at him, a slight question in her eyes.
“No, I mean, I like you. I like you as more than just a friend.”
Pam held his gaze, her eyes searching his. After what seemed like hours, she spoke, and the words she said shocked him right to his core.
“I know,” she said softly.
She looked away, out over the dark water. Jim’s heart was pounding, his mind racing. What did she mean, she knew? How did she know? The conversation was out of control, and he didn’t know how to reel it back in, or if he even wanted to.
“Pam?” he said, barely daring to breath, not wanting to scare her away without hearing more. Something, anything, that would tell him what it meant that she knew. Did she know that he went to sleep every night imagining he was holding her? Did she know that he dreamed of spending all of his time with her? Of putting his ring on her left hand? He hoped she didn’t know how many times and in how many different ways he’d imagined making love to her, touching her and tasting her while she moaned his name.
She didn’t move her gaze from the horizon. “I’ve known for awhile.” She sighed. “It makes me feel…I don’t know what I feel…but I feel something. It’s complicated.”
Jim held his breath, waiting. Finally she turned to face him, and he realized that a tear was making it’s way down her face. Without thinking, he reached out his thumb and gently wiped her cheek. He cupped her head with his hand, and she leaned into it, seeming to find comfort in the simple touch.
“Pam”, he said quietly, “I like you so much. You have no idea how much. I don’t want to lose our friendship. But I need you to know that if there’s ever a chance for more than that, I want that more than anything.”
She didn’t speak but moved closer to him and put her arms around his waist. He pulled her close, daring to press a kiss to the top of her head. They’d hugged before, of course they had, lots of times. But this one felt different. It felt like she was hugging him not out of friendship, but with a desperate need for comfort that strangely only he could provide. He moved to release her, not wanting to push his luck, but she burrowed deeper into him, her hands holding onto him firmly.
They stayed like that for more moments than Jim could count, until suddenly the door to the cabin burst open and Kelly came barrelling out, shrieking Pam’s name.
“Pam, Roy’s got the microphone and he says he wants to marry you right now!”
*********************************************************
Pam felt stunned as she made her way mindlessly through her bedtime routine. Roy had passed out as soon as they got home. In the past that would have annoyed her, but tonight she was grateful for the silence. Tonight had been an emotional rollercoaster, and she needed time to process.
Jim. He liked her. He liked her as more than a friend. What did that mean? Did he want to date her? Was he in love with her? Did he just want to hook up with her? Despite the gravity of the situation, she found herself smiling a giddy smile. A wave of guilt washed over her. She didn’t know much, but she knew she shouldn’t feel this giddy about a man who wasn’t her fiancé.
Roy. He’d finally set a wedding date. He’d been drunk and showing off with the microphone, but still...June 10. She’d been waiting for years for Roy to commit, and now that he had, she was filled with dread.
How long had she known that Jim had feelings for her? She couldn’t really say. The idea had sort of grown slowly in her mind, and when he said it out loud tonight, she realized it was true. She knew. Even when he brought Katy on the cruise, she somehow knew that he wasn’t really there for Katy. He was there for her. He was always there for her.
She knew she needed to do something. She was the centre of the situation, with everyone else revolving around her. But she felt like her mind was full of knots, her thoughts spinning in circles. She had the thought that she should talk to someone about it, and immediately her mind said, “Jim”. But she couldn’t talk to Jim about this...he was too much a part of it.
And yet...maybe she could talk to Jim. He’d said that he didn’t want to hurt their friendship, and wasn’t this what friends did - help each other? But how on earth would she talk to Jim about it when he was such a big part of it? Did she have feelings for him? A little voice in her mind shouted, “Yes!” even as she shook her head.
She pictured him in her mind - his hair flopping over his forehead, his eyes looking at her intensely in the cold of the boat earlier tonight. She’d seen a flash of something new, something she’d never seen before. For a moment she’d felt herself fall into a different dimension with him, a version of him that she’d never imagined was there, just under the surface. She’d wondered if he was going to kiss her. She closed her eyes now and imagined him bringing his mouth to hers. A bolt of desire shot through her body and her eyes flew open, a gasp in her throat. A combination of panic and...something she didn't want to name ran through her body. She had feelings for Jim. She wanted him. Suddenly all she could think about was him - his lips, his eyes, his hands - oh God, his hands. Then she remembered how he’d felt when she’d hugged him earlier that night. She’d hugged him hundreds of times before, but this time it was different. Even through their thick winter coats she’d felt his body against hers and really felt how solid he was. She’d felt him kiss the top of her head, and now, thinking about that tiny gesture, she realized – Jim was a man. A real, red-blooded man. For the first time in a very long time, her hand slipped beneath the waistband of her pajama bottoms, and she closed her eyes, picturing her best friend in a whole new way.
