The rest of Pam’s day was much less eventful—but that wasn’t saying very much at all, given how strongly she’d felt during the first hour. It disturbed her, actually. She’d become used to the even flow of her days, actually taking pride in how she’d curbed what her parents had always called an impulsive, artistic temperament into one that could roll with anything that came her way. As a child, she’d burst into tears when she felt off-kilter; she remembered doing so at the stupid hockey game where Roy had somehow managed to leave her. But part of growing up was setting aside childish things, and she had set aside the crying jags and the sense of unutterable wrongness. Now when things went poorly she let it slide off her like water off a duck’s back—and when things went well, she didn’t let herself get too excited either. Along with the tears she’d let go of the pulsing excitement that used to tear through her at Christmas when she’d unveil the watercolors, tempera, and once even oils her parents had thoughtfully wrapped up under the tree, or at school when her volleyball team used to practice and she could see a spike coming and rotate to dig it before it could become a problem. She was a calmer person now.
So why was it that this morning she’d wanted to scream?
No, not just this morning. She’d wanted to scream ever since last night, when she’d had that phone call with Jim. She wasn’t sure what it was about him, but something about his involvement in the situation upset her equilibrium, which was apparently more delicate than she’d thought. She’d felt her pulserate go up when she was on the phone, and while she’d managed to let go of Roy turning off the phone, it hadn’t slipped off her back in the way these things usually did. Instead, it had lodged somewhere deep inside her belly, and she was still feeling it today—only with a whole heaping helping of embarrassment on top of it for the way Kelly had acted. Well, was acting.
Because Kelly Kapoor had apparently decided that if Roy hadn’t bought her a ring yesterday he was never going to, and had made it her mission in life to push Pam Beesly into the path of “the new hot guy” as she kept calling Jim. When Jim came up from the warehouse, Kelly sauntered her way into the main office and insisted on showing him how “certain customers” preferred to be faxed to—a move that put Jim and Kelly both squarely in Pam’s space by the multifunction copier. Then she maneuvered him towards Pam under the guise of “getting a better angle to see how to program the machine.” Pam would have said Kelly was flirting with him if she hadn’t kept catching Kelly’s eye and seeing her jerk her head Jimward with an expectant look on her face. When she’d finally given in and said “Kelly, I can show him,” the smile she’d received from her friend had been surprisingly wide and sincere—but the one that had made her heart flop was the smaller, sadder one from the salesman beside her.
“What the hell, heart?” she thought to herself fiercely. “I’m engaged. I don’t need to get all squicky over the new guy, even if I can still feel where he touched my cheek two hours ago.” OK, so maybe Kelly was right. Maybe it was going to take Roy as long to give her a ring as it took Thanos to gather the Infinity Stones (OK, so that wasn’t the metaphor Kelly used, but Pam didn’t really want to disentangle the plot of the soap opera Kelly did compare it to. Comic book continuity was simple by comparison). That didn’t mean she wanted to give their relationship the snap. She was content. No, she was happy. Wasn’t she? So why was this salesman making her flip and flop?
She was awkwardly aware of him, and made even more awkward by the fact that she wasn’t entirely sure whether he felt it too—or whether that itself would be good or bad. Obviously she didn’t want to be flirting with anyone. She was happy with Roy, right? They were getting married. But at the same time, it would be just too crushing to realize that her little mini micro not-really crush wasn’t reciprocated. She hadn’t had a cute guy interested in her since Roy in high school. Not that Roy wasn’t cute now, but…it was different. It would have been nice to feel like the new guy at least noticed her.
Well, to be fair, he definitely did notice her. He’d come up to her desk and grabbed one of the mints she kept out for visitors, made a little joke about how she should have something sweeter in the jar, and told her he’d put into action their plan about telling Michael he’d been scouting out the university for sales. She’d found her face aching after his little visit, and realized she was smiling. So he’d definitely noticed her. But he seemed to notice everyone. Not that she was spying on him, but, well, his desk was right in front of hers and she could see the whole office (the front anyway) without moving. So she could see that after one afternoon Phyllis was already treating him like she treated her nephews when they came to visit (down to sharing her Werthers’ Originals—maybe he wasn’t joking about sweets), that he’d leaned over and suggested a word to Stanley for his crossword and somehow Stanley hadn’t bitten his head off, that even Toby had come out of the back (neck stuck out like a turtle from its shell to check first that Michael wasn’t hovering) to show him Sasha’s baby photos. He noticed everyone and they noticed him. So was it that bad that she noticed him too? Of course not.
She felt a little guilty, though, so she made sure to sneak down to the warehouse during her coffee break at three-thirty, only to find Roy too busy to talk. She trudged up the stairs and found Jim leaning against the wall in the landing, head back against the wall. Her eyes involuntarily slid up and down his torso and legs. God he was long. Embarrassed again, she debated whether to just sneak by him, but before she could make a decision his head came up and made eye contact. No sneaking now.
“Hey.” He grinned, sheepishly.
“Hi.” Oh god please don’t let my face go red.
“Sorry for blocking the stairs. I’m just…it’s a little much, isn’t it?” His eyes twinkled, inviting her to share the confidence.
“Yeah.” She felt as if she were watching someone else’s body move as she realized she’d come to lean against the same wall as him. “Does this mean you’re going to run away screaming?”
“Nah.” He turned to continue smiling down at her. Usually when tall people smiled down at her she just felt short, and maybe a little patronized, but with him she just felt…glad. “You don’t get rid of me that easily, Beesly.”
No one had called her Beesly since high school, and this was the second time he’d done it. She was surprised how special it made her feel. Like a nickname, except still hers. Maybe that was what made her blurt out the first thing that came into her mind.
“Good.”
“Good.” They had a moment of companionable silence, until Jim pushed off the wall. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a university to convince to switch to Dunder Mifflin. Good thinking on that one, if I haven’t said it before.” He put his hand up for a high-five and she swung hers up only to realize at the last minute that he was too tall or too far away for her to reach. But instead of making fun of her, like she expected, he just grinned again. “Air five. Nice, Beesly.”
She grinned back. “Nice yourself, Halpert.” His last name felt good on her tongue. “Now go get those Royals.”
“Yes ma’am.” He mock-saluted and left her staring after him up the stairs.
