Journals of a Stay-at-home-Dad. Day 4. Reinforcements have arrived and the expedition will progress regardless of fire, fog, or rainfall. Mother-in-Law arrived at the domicile this morning to assist with expedition endeavors. Small Human is quite pleased to see other people around. Small Rabbit just seems happy that his litter was changed. The hole in space-time theory from yesterday appears to have been confirmed. More dirty dishes and bottles did in fact appear. I wonder how long it will take to learn quantum physics to repair this anomaly. In the meantime, I saw sign on the game trail today. It appears tomato soup has moved into the area. A cunning adversary to be sure, but I'm sure I shall prevail once more.

“Where is he coming up with all of this?”

Pam grinned at Phyllis who was leaning over her shoulder reading Jim’s latest journal entry. The now daily log entries had quickly become one of the highlights around the water cooler. Oscar and Kevin had also wandered over to Pam’s desk.

“I don’t know,” Pam answered her co-worker. “He said he started the first one after watching a nature documentary. Then after all the comments and feedback from that first one he decided to keep going.”

“I’m confused,” Kevin started. “Why does Jim need to learn math to do the dishes?”

“He’s kidding,” Oscar explained his fellow accountant.

“Not that Jim would be able to learn such a complex topic from a simple book,” Dwight commented from across the desk island.

“What was that?” Pam asked.

Dwight looked up from the binder he was paging through. “Neither quantum physics or quantum mechanics are subjects which one can learn via correspondence course. Such areas of learning require years of in-depth work expounding on the theories set forth by the likes of Einstein, Schrodinger, and Heisenberg. I doubt Jim would even know where to begin.”

Pam cocked an eyebrow across their desks. “Oh really? Personally, I don’t think you give Jim enough credit.”

Dwight blew his lips. “Please, he may be a slightly decent salesman, but I’m sorry to say Jim lacks the wherewithal to delve into the deep mysteries of the world of the sub-atomic.”

“If you say so,” Pam cocked her head and closed the Facebook post. The other three took the hint and walked back to their desks.

Once the area was clear, Pam pulled up her personal IM program. Jim was online. She explained the conversation she’d just had with Dwight. Ten minutes later she and Jim were done with their conversation and the day progressed normally. Halfway through the afternoon a delivery man appeared at the reception desk.

“Delivery for a D. K. Schrute,” the man announced.

“I’ll take it to him,” Erin said kindly from her desk. She signed for the parcel and got up to deliver it to Dwight. “Package for you Dwight.”

 She set down a brown box twice the size of a shoe box on Dwight’s desk. It was wrapped entirely in clear plastic wrap, save for where the delivery label was fixed to it. An envelope was also attached to the mailing label.

Pam had her phone to her ear. To Dwight it looked like she was on hold with a client since she’d picked up the phone and dialed when she heard the delivery man walk in. “What’s that?” she asked.

“None of your business,” Dwight promptly replied.

“Come on Dwight,” Pam pleaded.

“Fine!” he relented. “It appears to be a parcel from the University of Scranton’s Agriculture Department.”

Pam frowned a bit. “What do they want with you?”

Dwight ignored the question. He opened the envelope and started to read out loud.

“Dear Mr. Schrute,
The University of Scranton Agriculture Department has always been at the forefront of advances in botanical studies. A recent grant from the United States Department of Agriculture has provided us the tools to research alternative growing methods for a variety of crops. These methods could mean that farmers would be able to double or triple their yields with little extra effort. Laboratory tests have been promising, however what is crucially needed is real-world testing.
To that effect, based on the reputation of its above average size beets, Schrute Farms has been selected as a test bed. The relatively small acreage is also ideal for maintaining precise experimental control for our new growing methods.
Within this parcel are several beet seedlings. When packaged these seedlings were sprayed with a precisely measured amount of dicamba and bromacil, which, as you are no doubt aware, are two powerful herbicides. Lab tests have shown that while normal seedlings exposed to these chemicals will die, seedlings exposed to these two chemicals and them immediately sealed and planted have proven to resist the ill effects and produce a bumper crop, even if planted outside normal planting times.
The University staff greatly appreciates your assistance in developing this new strain of beet. With your help further advances in the study and science of beta vulgaris will open new frontiers in one of the most important crops of our time.

Sincerely,
Dr. I.P. Freely, PhD”

Pam looked impressed. “Wow, Dwight! Sounds important.”

“It is Pamela,” Dwight looked up with a proud expression on his face. “I’ve been sending the University of Scranton soil samples from my farm for years. At long last they respond back to me and with a matter of greatest import.”

Reaching into his pocket, Dwight produced his pocket knife and started to move towards cutting open the packaging on the box.

“Wait! What are you doing?” Pam said with a concerned tone. “The letter said to keep the box sealed and to plant it right away.”

“Pam? You think I’m going to sully the fertility of my family farm with an unknown substance?” Dwight’s voice was thick with condescension. “Please.”

“Dwight,” Pam cocked her head. “You heard the instructions. The only way those seedlings are staying alive is because the box is sealed.”

“Ah Pamela,” Dwight looked up with what she knew what his ‘time-to-teach-the-underlings' face. “How little you know. While you are correct, you are only partially correct. I shall educate you. Yes, the possibility exists that the seedlings within are safe and secure. The possibility also exists that the Scranton Agriculture Department mis-measured the chemicals, thus killing the seedlings. As a prudent farmer it is my duty to investigate.”

“Which would nullify the experiment entirely,” Pam shot back.

“Well...no...I...mean..,” Dwight started to stutter.

“Probably best to just leave it alone until you can plant it,” Pam said.

Dwight looked back and forth between her and the box several times. After several false starts, he slumped down into his chair. “Fine!” he grumped. “However, I reserve the right to withhold any extra beet products I would have been able to produce should this experiment succeed.”

“Duly noted,” Pam told him before getting back to waiting for her call to go through.

Across her desk, she noticed Dwight attempting to go back to work as well. However, the other salesman kept stealing glances towards the box. Minutes ticked by and Dwight was taking longer looks at the box. At one point, he reached for it, only to be stilled by a glare and a finger pointed at him from Pam.

The phone ringing at reception cut through the silence.“Dunder-Mifflin, this is Erin. Please hold, I’ll transfer you.”

Dwight’s phone rang as the call was sent over. He tore his gaze off his box and took a deep breath before lifting the receiver. “Dwight Schrute, how may I help you today?”

Pam glanced up for a moment as the call came in and punched a button on her phone.

Dwight carried on as if she wasn’t there. “Yes, this is he. Indeed, I did receive a parcel today. It was addressed to me from the University of Scranton. Yes. Yes. One Doctor Freely. I’m looking at the letter right now sir. I.P. Freely.”

A snicker escaped her mouth and her hand accidentally hit the speakerphone button. A male voice came from her speaker.

“You’re going to have to speak up there sir, I’m a little hard of hearing.”

Dwight didn’t notice though. “I.P. Freely!” he all but shouted into his phone.

Several things happened at once. The first was that Pam dissolved into a fit of giggles along with anyone else in earshot. Second, Dwight’s voice erupted out of her speaker phone. Third was the look of incredulity that bloomed on Dwight’s face. Fourth was Stanley speaking up from his desk.

“You might want to get that looked at.”

“Wait a minute,” Dwight dropped his phone and bolted upright out of his chair. Flicking open his pocketknife, he cut through the tape on the box and threw open the flaps. He paused only for an instant before glowering at Pam who was getting her giggles under control. “Michael!” Dwight stormed off to his boss’ office.

Knowing her co-workers were looking to get in on the punch line, Pam stood up and reached into the abandoned box on Dwight’s desk. She pulled out a small plush toy shaped like a beet. Pinned to the toy was a note.

“Schrodinger's Beet”

A round of laughter chorused through the office as Pam wiggled the toy back and forth a few times before placing it next to Dwight’s bobble-heads.

“Nice work hon,” Pam said towards her phone as she sat back down.

“You too,” Jim’s voice came out of her speaker.