Pam slowly opened her eyes, drifting out of a thick sleep. The dawn sky was glowing, spinning shiny orange-gold pearls of light over her person and through the room. There was stillness in the world she'd woken up to. No birdsong punctuated the silence. No engines came or went. No breeze whispered through the leaves of the trees.

She was nestled snugly in the warmth of the covers, feeling more fully awake than she had ever been.

She had slept through the whole night. No waking up desperate for her painkiller. No boogeyman or bad dreams. She smiled a little to herself as she lay almost comfortably, observing only a slight twinge of pain in her left side that morning. It was her fourth night in Jim's house, the first night she had slept straight through; not only in Jim's house but in months.

She burrowed down deeper under the covers, hoping for a little more sleep, but found herself unable to close her eyes. After a while of tossing and turning, Roy's image floated up in front of the darkness in her mind, his face twisted with rage, his hands balled into thick, heavy fists. Words, sharp as talons stabbed at back of her brain. You can't look after yourself Pam. Why do you make me hurt you, Pam? I have to shout at you as you don't hear me otherwise because you're so stupid, stupid stupid!

She sat up, trying to bat the thoughts out of her mind. The harder she tried the more vivid the images became. Soon she was surrounded by taunting hallucinations that were as real to her as the bed she was shivering in, malicious ghosts with fists of iron and hard, angry eyes. Frustrated, Pam turned over and squeezed her eyes shut. She was being irrational, she was safe in this house, she knew that, had to know that. Just having Jim down the hallway was comforting, it made her feel safer.

Frustration pricked at her, and with memories darkening her mind Pam wearily shuffled out of bed. Armed with her medication, fresh clothes and her new cell phone – just in case – she snuck into the bathroom and filled the tub with steaming water, to once again vigorously attempt to scrub herself clean of any lingering traces of Roy Anderson.

-TO-

Soon nine o'clock had passed and Jim was still asleep. Pam rattled around, not wanting to wake him but unsure of what to do with herself. What did one do who had lost almost everything? She fidgeted around the downstairs rooms, tidying up magazines and washing up the dishes from the day before. She sat silently on the couch for a little while, nervously tapping her heel on the floor. On the table lay a small yellow pencil. Pam got up and hunted around. Finally she found some plain notebooks in a drawer near the kitchen area. Settling down at the table, she began to sketch, her mind disappearing into her work.

She worked attentively, observing the images forming under her hands. Minutes vanished unnoticed, until she was mercilessly pulled out of her picture by the harsh ring of her cell. Apprehensively, she picked it up, letting out a relieved breath at the familiar sequence of numbers.

"Hi Mom." She said, forcing an energetic beat into her voice.

"Pam? Hello."

"Hey."

"How are you?"

Pam frowned, there was a hard edge to her mothers voice she wasn't really used to, the kind of voice that her mother usually adopted when she was reigning in anger or annoyance.

"I'm okay, Mom." she replied cautiously, feeling the tension in waves through the air.

"Pam, where exactly are you?" Helene asked bluntly.

"What do you mean, where am I?"

A sigh. "Did you move out? Where are you staying?"

"I told you I wasn't at home, Mom. I'm staying at a friends house." Pam was defensive.

"You left Roy? I thought you said things were over between you. You left him?"

Baffled, she shook her head. "Mom, things are over. What are you talking about?"

"This friend's house, would it happen to be Jim, by any chance?"

Pam took a moment, wearily hearing the hurt leaking out of her mothers voice.

"Well, yeah, I'm staying at Jim's, what does-"

"Oh, Pammy." Helene was emotional. "What have you done?"

Pam bristled. "What do you mean what have I done?" she said.

"Did you leave Roy so you could move in with Jim?" It didn't sound much like a question.

A sudden bowling ball dropped in her stomach. Pam froze. She mentally berated herself, she should have pre-empted this, she should have known.

"Roy called you."

Another heavy sigh. "He is extremely upset, Pam. I don't understand. This isn't like you at all."

"Wait, what… Mom? What are you implying? I did leave Roy, I told you that - but Jim and I, we're friends like we always have been. I'm only staying here." She was hurt. "Did you ask Roy where he was calling from?" She added coldly.

"Well, why are you staying there? What am I supposed to think?"

"Better of me, for a start!" She felt betrayed. "I told you I'd talk to you when I got up there to see you. You listened to Roy over me!"

"Pammy-"

"Don't call me Pammy!"

"Calm down, stop being dramatic. Okay, tell me what's happened."

"No, I'm not being dramatic, you are being crazy!" She spat out, her voice beginning to quiver.

"Well, tell me the truth, Pam. I feel like I'm pulling teeth here." Helene said.

"I told you, I want to see you and Dad in person. It's hard for me-"

"Am I just supposed to worry about you until then? Roy is devastated, Pam, he's really hurt. Why would you throw it all away like this?" Helene was insistent.

"You don't have to worry, and as for Roy, Mom, why don't you arrange a visit with him, you're such good friends." Her voice was raised.

Silence on the other end.

"You know what, Mom? Forget about the visit. Maybe another time."

"Pam, we need to talk."

Pam closed her eyes, thinking of all the times Roy had said those words to her and what they inevitably led to. She was angry, angrier than she had been in a long time, angry at her mom, at Roy, at everything. At herself! Now Roy was calling her mom, isolating her from her family further. Her mom thought she was some kind of cheat, running away on her fiance with her best friend. It wasn't fair, none of it was fair!

"Forget it!" her voice came out high and emotional. "Forget it, mom. Do me a favor, don't talk to Roy again. It's over. I don't know why I ever thought you'd be on my side!"

With that, Pam's voice cracked and she ended the call. She slammed the phone on the table uncharacteristically and took a deep breath. She was shaking hard.

"Hey." Jim said from behind her. She spun round, furiously, realizing sickeningly her shouting probably had woken him up. He was dressed in rumpled shorts and t-shirt and still had tousled hair.

"I woke you up." she said guiltily, after staring at him awkwardly. He was standing near the doorway, arms folded, a confused expression on his face.

"It's okay-" he started.

Pam exploded. "Stop saying that! Stop saying it's okay! None of it is okay! None of it!" She shouted angrily.

Jim looked at her sympathetically, which only served to make her angrier. "Hey, hey…" he said, crossing the room to her. She immediately pushed away from him. Her face was flushed red, her hair falling in furious waves and curls around her cheeks.

"Stop it! Stop being so nice!" Pam backed up against the wall.

"Okay." Jim mumbled, walking around the other side of the table, trying to make her feel at ease by putting something solid between them. Even from there he could see her body trembling.

"No, it's not!" She yelled. "It's not! After everything he's got my mom thinking I just ran off and left him for you! She's angry at me!"

Jim smirked sadly. "I'm sorry." He'd never seen her like this before. He really didn't know what to say. "Ummm...Pam… after what Roy did-"

"After what he did," she repeated furiously. "What he did was hurt me, hit me, break my bones, abuse me for almost five YEARS!" She paced frantically back and forth in front of him, looking like she was going to flee out the door one second and turn back and punch a hole in the wall the next.

"He said no one would believe me! He said so! How could he… he was going to kill me…" She broke off, dropping on to the floor, all her energy used up. She doubled over, coughing madly, holding on to her side.

Alarmed, Jim moved over towards her and knelt down by her on the floor. "Pam, it's okay that you're angry. Don't fight it, don't you think you're in enough pain already?" He reached his arm out to her, feeling a terrible dismay when she cowered away from him, curling into a ball and hiding her face in her knees.

"Hey," he said gently. "I'm not going to hurt you, I'll never hurt you. You're okay, Pam. You're okay, you're okay here. Roy is far away and can't hurt you any more."

She sobbed and coughed into her knees. Jim was dimly aware of her phone ringing on the table. He scooted round her carefully and sat next to her, crossing his legs, but leaving a small distance between them for her comfort.

"You're here and you're okay." he repeated, watching her.

"It's not okay," she sobbed. "I hate myself. Why did I let him do it to me? Why did I let him, night after night, do it? I let him make me weak and he told me no one else would want me, told me I was good for nothing. He hurt me!"

"Beesly, come on." he pleaded kindly.

"Roy's like a black hole that sucked me in. He took the best of me and it still wasn't enough! I feel like I'm dead anyway!"

Jim's heart crushed. He couldn't help himself, she was hurting so much. He shifted closer to her and put an arm around her. She stayed where she was, curled into a ball and didn't move away.

"Hey, now." he said softly. "It's bad right now… but life is going to get better for you. One day you will have everything you want, you'll be with- " his chest hitched tellingly at this. "Someone who treats you like you are the most important person in the whole world, who takes you to all the places you want to go and makes you feel amazing every single day."

Pam shook her head against her knees, and then leaned into him. Jim straightened his legs, feeling her move her head into the crook of his neck.

"My mom…" she mumbled in anguish against his skin.

"You've said yourself how manipulative Roy is. Your mom will understand when she gets the true story." he gently stroked her hair away from her tear streaked face. "And as for all that other stuff, you're not weak, and plenty of people love you."

"I let him-"

"You're the bravest person I know. You're strong. You got yourself out of there. Good things are going to happen for you, I promise."

"I don't want to be scared anymore." she whispered.

"Hey, you now have your whole life ahead of you. You are going to be okay. You can do this. I guess we'll have to work hard to remind you how special you are." he said, hugging her close.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." she said, tears rolling into his shirt. "It wasn't you."

"Definitely think you have potential as a drill sargent," he teased, thinking over her explosion a few moments ago. He heard a small snort come from her.

"I am sorry though."

"No apologies necessary, Beesly. Would you like some ice for that?" he motioned to her side. She nodded gratefully.

He held on to her a moment longer. He hoped she hadn't noticed that he was trembling himself. Having her so close to him, needing him the way she did right then, was almost too much for him. If he didn't know it before, he was absolutely certain now – he loved her. He looked down at her, sniffling against his neck, broken and unhappy and wished he could do something, anything, to take it all away from her. He decided to go get the ice for her, but not before he lowered his head slowly and pressed a soft kiss on her head.

"You will be okay, Beesly." he rubbed her arm and forced a jovial tone of voice, getting up as normally carefree as he could, hiding the deep conflict he was feeling inside and headed toward the kitchen for some ice to help take some of her pain away.