Jim froze, a half smile on his face. Hot breath caught in his throat sharply, followed by an intense tightening of his chest as realization of what he had done sank through him.

A deep stillness fell around him. Nothing moved, nothing lived. It was not a peaceful quiet, but fraught with tension and heightened emotions, an overpowering silence that settled everywhere, in the emptiness of the house, the cold of the garden, in the dark of the night sky hanging low over the house.

Inside the space between him and Pam.

His arms and legs grew rigid and stiff. Jim's head swam, not daring to risk a glance down at the sleeping woman nestled in his arms.

He hadn't meant to say it. Not out loud. It slipped out of him reflexively, so easily. So natural, as though it was something he said to her every day, had said a million times to her before.

But never out loud.

In the distant big picture he had always – subconsciously – intended to tell her. But Roy. Always Roy. He was always there, like a great barricade planted deeply between them. Jim had almost told her, several times, but then his common sense self always snapped back into place and prevailed.

How could he do that to her now though? How could he be so cruel? Yes, it would be cruel to do that to her, she was recovering from being abused for so long, she was confused and hurting. She was vulnerable. Telling her now would be tantamount to taking advantage of her. One thing he was adamantly determined to stick to; she would always come first. How could he know what her feelings truly were? Did she still love Roy? Would she feel betrayed by him if she found out he was harboring all these feelings for her?

If only he wasn't so sure that they were meant to be, meant to be the him and her, each the other half of the other. If only he could find the patience to wait. If only he was as sure that any feelings she may have for him wouldn't turn to hatred if he did tell her.

And sometimes he did think she felt the same way. There was definite chemistry there between them. Sometimes so strong he thought it impossible for her to not recognize it for what it was. But from the moment he met her, he had known, known right away there would be no one else. And then Roy. The absolute crushing devastation he had felt when introduced to Roy for the first time had been unbearable. He'd wanted to leave dunder mifflin. He'd wanted to stay, because she was there, every day. They had so quickly become a team together, he knew early on that nobody was going to get him the way Pam did and loving her became the easiest thing in the world.

He was sure she hadn't heard him. She hadn't moved at all, her eyes closed peacefully against the darkness around her. He watched her affectionately, her breathing deep and relaxed, her face beginning to lose its drawn and exhausted look. He stroked her hair gently, content for the moment in watching as she slept on, burrowed in his arms.

-TO-

She was sitting under the most beautiful sky she had ever seen; a stunning blend of shimmering blues fused with white and silver weaving through. Pam was mesmerized by the sight. A pleasant warmth gently caressed her bare limbs, lavishing on her sensations unlike any she had felt before. She reached out and touched the fresh grass around her with joy, a peaceful energy flowing through her. Breathing in deeply, a sweet fresh rain fragrance filled her lungs. This was happiness, this was a world she had only ever dreamed of.

She was safe.

Strange sensations were swelling up inside of her. She could feel herself rising out of the ground, nurtured by mother earth and opening up like rose petals. Pam felt amazing. The shadows that plagued her world were gone, swallowed up in the most final of deaths; in this universe of sunshine darkness could not survive.

She was not alone. Warm arms were wrapped securely around her – arms that were propelled by quivering feelings of love and comfort. There was nothing to fear. The person behind her meant her no harm.

Together they sat in the warm sunlight, their heartbeats becoming one. She was loved. She was happy. Whispers of declarations of love for her were repeated over and over. No longer was the world taking from her, but bestowing her with an abundance that made her heart dance.

Life surged into her, sparks of euphoria exploded in a symphony of gorgeous emotions. She was loved. She was safe.

Pam shifted with a slight groan. The grass was becoming hard beneath her. She watched in dismay as the sky turned a dark orange then faded to a pale yellow shade.

Slowly her eyes opened. She murmured, trying to recognize the surroundings. Pam pushed herself up slowly, her elbow sinking into a softness behind her.

"Well, hey."

Pam turned her head, half awake.

"Jim?" she said, with utmost embarrassment. "Oh, uh I… how long was I asleep?"

"Not long." he shrugged. "You looked way too peaceful for me to wake you up."

Pam looked at him with a strange expression. "Probably time to go up now… you've got work in the morning." she mumbled tiredly.

"You okay?" Jim asked her, getting up from the floor.

"Yeah." Pam smiled, accepting Jim's hand as he helped her to stand. "Just tired."

At the entrance to her bedroom she paused. "Jim? Did you…." she faltered. "I mean, I thought….."

Jim froze in the doorway of his own room. "Did I what..?" he replied calmly after a minute.

Pam shook her head. "I thought I…." she stopped. "I don't know what I thought. I'm more tired than I thought." She shrugged.

Jim's eyes stuttered to her face nervously. "You sure you're okay?"

Pam regarded him for a moment, then smiled again. "Yeah. Definitely." Unspoken words passed between them. "I had the most amazing dream." she said, before bidding him goodnight and shutting the door.

- TO -

It was around midday the next day when Pam made it back to the house. She let herself in, slipping the key Jim had given her back in her purse. It was dull outside, the wet damp air and grey clouds threatening more rain.

Pam moved around the rooms, going about a now familiar, almost unconscious and automatic routine. She moved slowly, a heavy black boulder of nerves festering in her stomach, draining her of adrenaline.

Once the windows and curtains were all closed, the doors checked and locked and double checked, she sat herself down.

She was confused. Her case was only a few days away now. She'd have to face Roy. And Kenny. And this was just the hearing. She was more than happy to have the protection order made permanent; she just didn't want to have to go to court and see Roy to do it. It seemed like a bit of a joke to her, she had to see Roy in person to ensure that she didn't see him again. She wasn't sure how she was going to feel about it. All morning she'd been feeling nervous and a little sick. She wished her mom was still here. Now that she was alone again, earthquakes started to shake inside her stomach. She was scared.

She'd put this out of her mind – what with Kenny showing up, her parents, the office, Roy attacking Jim – she didn't want to face this. Geraldine had brought it all to the front this morning, reminded her it was all real, she would have to face Roy in three days time. Even at a courthouse, she wasn't sure she'd feel safe. Roy was perfectly capable of delivering a beating using just his eyes, she'd withered under his anger enough to know this.

She was so tired. So confused. This morning she had sensed a small amount of tension strung between her and Jim. She couldn't understand it, whatever the invisible thing was that had slipped into the middle of them. She felt something was different. Something had changed. Problem was she wasn't sure if was her that had changed, or he had.

-TO-

"Jimmothy. Jim Bag. Jimmy Jimmy cocoa puff."

Jim narrowed his eyes at the greeting. Michael stood up from his desk and stepped across his office to stand by the younger man.

"Jimmy jimmy rock." he sang, surprisingly well in tune.

Jim stared at Michael. "Not quite sure that's…" he mumbled, shuffling his feet on the carpet hesitantly before shrugging his shoulders in a kids-will-be-kids gesture.

"About Pam… the others out there are giving her a bit of a hard time… just if you could keep everything about her and Roy secret that would be great."

"Really? Who else knows?" Michael said, interested.

Jim fidgeted awkwardly. "Well there's me and Pam. And you."

"And Ryan, and Darryl… " Michael added. Jim suddenly recalled the incident with Roy, groaning internally. Michael was right.

"And Toby." Jim said, thinking. "I'm just saying, the less we all talk about it the better it would be for Pam."

"Got it. Let's gather everyone in the conference room and tell everyone they can't talk about it." Michael said, moving to the door.

Jim reacted. "What? No!" he exclaimed. "No, Michael this is between you and me."

Michael nodded. "Right. You and me. And Ryan and Darryl. And Pam."

Jim sighed. "Yes." he said resignedly. "All I'm saying is if we could just keep the gossip to a minimum. That means you don't talk about Pam." he added quickly.

"Wow! Our secret. Got it Jimbo. No talk about the Pam-Roy deal. It's a deal."

"That would be great." Jim said.

"It's great for you, your friend is single." Michael said suggestively.

Jim winced. "Roy hurt her, you know that."

Michael folded his arms and sat back on his desk. "I'm just saying when a forest is clear you should walk through it. Roy's a jackass, always was."

Jim felt his face flush, realization dawning on him. "Oh right, we're talking about that. Yeah uh. Used to have a thing for Pam. But she's not in a good place now, Michael." he said, somewhat guiltily.

Michael grinned at him. "Come on, man…. She's your wife… whether you see it or not. De-facto. I'm just saying. You shouldn't admit defeat."

"We're just friends, Michael." Jim assured him, stung by Michael's quick perception. If it was this obvious to Michael, he thought, his mind running over everyone out on the other side of the door.

Michael never knew when to shut up. "You've seen the life Pamela Anderson has led. Pam's not an Anderson. You can't leave her future in the hands of Roy. You just can't."

Jim grinned in spite of himself. "Uh… got it Michael." he waved a hand, deciding to exit this conversation as quickly as possible. "So, uh, secret, yes… we've a deal?" he said at the doorway.

Michael was delighted. "Woo! Yeah! Yes, Jim Dandy. We absolutely do."

Jim walked out of Michael's office and re-seated himself at his desk. Somehow he thought, he might just have made a bigger mess of things. And unfortunately for him, he wasn't thinking only of the conversation he'd just had.

Jim flinched, alerting Dwight's attention. Ignore the patronizing glances Dwight was throwing his way, Jim stared at his screen and tried to look busy.