Pam barely slept at all the night before the hearing. She had this feeling that if she slept the morning would come quicker and she wanted the morning to never come at all. She sat up, laid on her back, rolled on her side, kicked the covers off, climbed out of bed and walked barefoot back and forth across the carpet. It wasn't happening. Nothing was happening. Except the maddening minutes moving forward unstoppably, marching her towards what she felt was akin to a very public x-ray. Every bruise, bump, scar, every cross word, every incident of abuse from Roy would be laid out like dirty underwear on the courthouse floor for all to see. And really, hadn't she been through enough?

Talking about what her life had been like with Roy in front of total strangers terrified her. Yet, having to do so in front of her parents absolutely petrified her. And then, there was Roy in the equation too. She would be facing him – her always judge, jury and sentence giver – Roy, who had spent years telling her how to think, putting his words firmly in her mouth. Now she would have to use her own voice to tell the truth, while he was there in the room. She could see his face already, cold, hard eyes set on her, angry and mean. The words would come. Bitch. Dumb. Liar. Your fault. You made me do it. Your fault your fault your fault yours

Roy had always been able to implant his unspoken thoughts and wants into her head with less than a mere glance – like osmosis the words transferred seamlessly between the two of them until they were no longer only Roy's words, but hers as well. She had to use her own voice – if she could find it, that was. But there were things that went on in a relationship that should be private, things between two people. When did that stop being a common courtesy? Embarrassing, degrading things about her life with Roy things she had told no one, less ugly things she had told the therapist. Her parents didn't know the extent of things. Jim didn't know anything more than the basic facts.

And her advocate was pushing for her to tell everything, even the most intimate of details. Bedroom things. With her dad in the room, no less. How was she supposed to do that? There were just some things she couldn't say; she knew it was a fact. And Kenny's words kept hammering at her: if Roy has to go to court, believe me I'll make sure everybody knows exactly what you are. What exactly was she? She didn't know anymore.

Dawn came and went faster than she had liked without her so much as closing her eyes. Everything was speeding up, time was going so fast, too fast. You're finishing what you started Jim's voice broke into her thoughts.

Okay. Pam resolutely got to her feet, albeit shakily. Maybe she could do this. Maybe. Gathering up her clothes into her arms, she stepped out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. As the steam from the shower rose in the small room, her tired face became obscured in the mirror and she thought how ironic things were - that she was once again in a bathroom trying to hide from Roy any way that she could.

-TO-

Pam was half heartedly poking waffles on to a plate when Jim came downstairs. She guessed he must have had about as much sleep as she did – his hair was sticking up and out and every which way and his face was blotchy with pink and reds, with thin stubble gracing his chin. Turning back to the counter to hide a slightly amused grin – the best she could manage under the circumstances – she felt more than a twinge of the guilt she was harboring over her friends new state of sleeplessness, as well as the general upheaval of his life that she had created.

They had a quiet breakfast, Pam mostly dissecting her waffles and pushing the pieces around her plate. She was nervously watching the minutes on the round kitchen clock, counting every movement of the hands. Neither of them really wanted to speak, both submerged in their own fears of how the day would end. Jim was eating without appetite, absent mindedly going through the motions but lacking any real interest in the food.

Pam was looking forward to her mom and dad arriving. Just the fact that they had wanted to come meant the earth to her; her only concern was that her dad could manage to hold on to his quick temper when faced with Roy. He had been warned, after all. She thought she had better remind Jim of this as well, before they got to the court – Jim, as one of her two witnesses would not be doing himself or her any favors if he and Roy got it into it in front of the judge.

However, she momentarily forgot about this, noticing the most peculiar expression on Jim's face as he looked back at her; an odd mix of distress and frustration she had never quite seen him wear before. There was something she couldn't quite pin down, something not Jim about him that morning.

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked, her voice soft with concern. Jim attempted a smile and then made a joke. It came out forced and unnatural, like Dwight when he told something he thought was a joke, barren and deadpan.

"You don't look well." She frowned.

Jim brushed her off easily. "I just woke up. Didn't sleep much." he shrugged. "Guess you didn't either?"

Pam nodded sadly. "No. Feels like I'm….."

"The one on trial. " he finished lithely. Pam traced a finger loosely over the table top, nodding again. She pushed her full plate away from her.

"I really don't want to see-" her words drowned in the sea of waffle and warm coffee that rushed up in her throat. Waves of nausea over came her and she hurriedly slammed a hand over her mouth and took off for the bathroom at top speed.

She thought she had never been so sick. Brushing hot tears away from her cheeks with a shaking hand, she leaned over the toilet, praying that she stopped before she vomited the lining of her stomach up as well. She sat on her knees, dizzy and warm when a cool hand laid on her back gently and began to rub in soothing circles. Jim was kneeling down beside her, whispering her all the things she wanted to hear – that everything was going to be okay, Roy wouldn't hurt her anymore, she was going to get through the day.

By the time she had stopped feeling sick, she almost believed him.

-TO-

Outside the courthouse Pam hugged her parents tightly. Helene was nervous, fussing over Pam's hair and straightening this and that on her outfit, much to the amusement of Jim and William, side-eyeing each other with wonder about the ways of women.

The four of them were soon led inside into a small room with benches to wait for Pam's case to be called. She looked perfectly calm, impeccably put together. She had left her long curls loose around her face. Jim wasn't fooled, he saw the hazy, slightly dilated hue of her eyes, the reason for her even demeanor was probably in the small purse that she carried. He was glad she had taken his advice and got her prescription filled.

"What did they call this room?" William said, puzzled.

"It's the safe area, William." Helene replied, her eyes on her daughter.

"So that means?"

"It means she gets to wait in this room away from Roy and any of Roy's family that might show up." Helene sighed. Pam simply looked at the floor at this explanation, not wanting to meet her mothers concerned eyes.

"I suppose we'll be doing this all again soon." William said thoughtlessly. He looked around awkwardly in surprise at the heavy silence that followed. Helene frowned at him.

"Actually," Pam spoke up. She hesitated, taking in the concerned expressions looking directly at her. Now was probably the best time to say something, she thought, with so much else going on and the fact they could be in the courtroom at any moment she hoped that there wouldn't be much time to get into a discussion – argument – over this. It was Jim's reaction that she was most concerned about as it would impact on his own choices and he had been so supportive of her already.

"Um, actually," she repeated nervously. "Actually, I'm dropping the charges against Roy."

She waited for the explosions to begin. Sure they wouldn't understand, she had waited until truly the last moment before she said anything. William spoke first.

"You what?" he said hotly, standing up from his seat on the bench. "You're just going to let him get away with it?"

"Calm down." Helene said automatically. Turning towards her daughter she reached out. "I don't understand Pam? What are you telling us?"

Pam bit her lip, Jim was looking as confused as her parents. She'd really managed to mess things up again. Watching Jim's expression carefully, she turned to face her mother but aware herself it was Jim she was really explaining to, Jim she wanted to understand.

"No… I… I want him to get some help. I want him to get treatment for his anger. The lawyer said we can make a deal with him."

"A deal? He walks away freely and you pay the consequences for everything?" William said sharply. Pam recoiled back.

"No, no Dad!" she cried. "No, that is not what I said! I said we can make a deal. He will have to complete different treatments – group therapy, counselling, anger management. He will have to or then I will re file the charges and he will go to jail. And he can't just show up, he has to pass them."

"Calm down, Wil." Helene said. "Are you sure about this, Pam?"

Pam nodded fiercely. "Yes. If he comes near me, if he doesn't go to every single appointment the court sets for him, he will go to jail. Dad," she turned around. "Please try to understand. Prison will destroy him. He's going to get some time inside as it is, for breaching the protection order. I'm not out to ruin his life. He wasn't always a bad guy, dad. You know that. If they can figure out why he became this way, and help him change isn't that better for everyone?"

William shook his head in exasperation. "I don't think this is a good idea at all. He'll come after you the second he's out!"

"And he'll go back inside if he does. He has to start the treatment programs immediately and they could monitor him when he does get out."

"He should get ten years!" William nearly shouted at his daughter.

"Dad – I just want to do the right thing, the fair thing." she explained with as much patience as she could gather. "I mean, Roy hurt me, so I hurt him back, is that how it works? I don't want to live my life that way."

Her dad huffed but didn't respond. Helene reached out and took her arm sympathetically, wrapping it in hers. "We aren't going to fight over this now." she said, sending her husband a warning glance. "Let's get through today and maybe things will be clearer afterwards." Helene patted Pam's hand kindly.

William sat down heavily on the bench again. "What do you think about this, then?" he said grumpily, motioning to Jim, who had remained silent throughout the whole argument.

Pam waited, watching him with a nervous expression. Jim stood still, frowning thoughtfully.

"I think," he said evenly. "I think that Pam has thought this through. She does know Roy better than any of us do. I think… it's a very noble thing she is offering. If she's sure this is how she wants to play it, then you may not like it, but I guess it's time to accept that she knows what's best for her and just be there for her." Jim looked at Pam as he finished speaking.

She was looking back at him with pure wonder, her mouth curved into a small smile, grateful tears glistening in her eyes.

-TO-

The Beesly-Anderson case was called far sooner than expected. Pam visibly tensed at the clerk who'd come into the room to call them in. Like a funeral march they followed out of the room in silence, and were led into the small courtroom. Pam took her seat at the front, sitting next to her advocate and a court lawyer. Sneaking a glance to her left, she saw with some relief that Roy's seat was empty, although she thought they would be bringing him in soon. She twisted her head anxiously behind her, reassuring herself of her family's presence right behind her. To her surprise, there was an extra person sitting in the row, on the other side of Jim. Pam's felt her face light up with a brief but genuine smile at her sister. No one had told her Penny was going to be there, or that she was even thinking about it. Her heart swelled with gratitude towards her.

"Hey Pamela." A smooth voice came from her right.

"Michael?"

"Uh look, Michael's here?" Jim said from behind them.

Michael gave a half smile. "Wow, a courtroom. Brings back so many memories." he said, oblivious to the looks that both Pam and Jim threw at him. "Here we go. Receptionist for the win. Gotta bring our A game today." Michael smiled warmly. "I am really proud of you." he said, rolling his eyes down at Pam. Her face flushed scarlet and her mouth twitched with emotion. She leaned over to thank Michael but he had become distracted.

"Oh, hey Toby. How nice of you to join us." Michael scowled, turning to the man who had appeared next to him.

"Toby is here to speak for Pam." Jim pointed out.

"Take a seat please." A stern faced judge spoke from the bench, directing his order to Michael.

Michael turned around. "Ah, yes, your honor...sir." he said, making his way around Pam.

"Come on Michael, let's just sit down." Toby murmured, leading him to a chair. Michael shrugged away from his touch.

"God, you should get out of here before you end up in front of the judge." Michael muttered, taking a seat. Toby sat down next to him.

"Well… we're not here for me…." Toby drawled in response.

"Your birth was a crime." Michael said shortly.

"Silence." The judge called out forcefully.

Michael shuffled in his seat, grumbling at being stuck in such close proximity with Toby. "Even the judge doesn't want to hear your-"

"Silence!" The judge repeated in an annoyed voice.

- TO-

The start of the hearing was taken up with so much legal speak that Pam was quite overwhelmed. The judge was very thorough in his directions, wading through the order of proceedings, terms of time and recess, evidence, witnesses and so on.

Pam sidled a glance to her left. There she took in her first full sight of Roy since the day he came to Jim's house. He had a new grungy look about him, he sat unshaven and unkempt. And somehow smaller than she remembered, she thought that maybe rage can make a person appear fuller, taller. He sat staring stonily forward at the bench, roughly rubbing at his wrists. He did not turn to look back at her.

Pam had been prepared well in the proceedings of a non-jury hearing. Therefore it was no surprise to her when her first witness was called, she had been advised the petitioner is the side that gives evidence before the opposing side.

It was a pure form of torture. Evidence was presented to the court, text messages, voicemails, written statements. The worst of it all though was the medical evidence; reports of various injuries past and present that she had been treated for. She was very well aware of the hushed silence that fell over the room when some of the injuries were described. There was an impassioned speech about why it was imperative that Pam was granted a final restraining order, and a just as enthusiastic retort from the defense counsel as to why it would be an error of grave judgement to lay such restrictions on a good-at-heart man such as Mr Anderson.

This was worse than she had imagined. It was like watching parts of herself – intimate, sensitive parts being laid out and dissected. Maybe that's what this was, an autopsy of her relationship with Roy. To conclude who did the killing – who spread the poison that took down a seven year relationship.

The first witness was called up. Despite having initially questioning the wisdom of having Toby as a witness, once he was up front speaking, she thought she understood the intention behind it.

He wasn't up front very long, he was courteous and polite, answering questions and responding with stammers and stutters. Yes, Mr Anderson had been dismissed. Yes, Pam had a number of incidents of absence through sickness. Yes, Toby did visit Ms Beesly while she was out sick with multiple injuries. Did he believe there was a significant risk to the safety of Ms Beesly from Mr Anderson?

Having seen Pam face to face with Roy's handiwork on full display, having witnessed an altercation between Roy and Jim, yes he did believe there was a risk to her safety.

Jim spent longer than Toby up front. There were a lot more questions for him. Pam watched him intently, feeling increasingly uncomfortable listening to him speak, first about simple things – how he knew her, how long he'd known her, confirming that she had been staying at his home. The questions began to take on a more intrusive nature – how did he feel about her, how long was she going to be staying in his house. Pam squirmed, feeling a sudden protectiveness over Jim – good, decent Jim who was sitting up there simply because she had asked him to. He deserved better, she thought.

"Was there ever anything physical between yourself and Ms Beesly?" Roy's counsel put to him.

From her seat not too far back Pam could easily see the scarlet flush creeping up his neck and into his cheeks.

"No, not at all." Jim said smoothly.

"Mr Anderson believes his fiancee left him for you. Can you clarify that?"

"I think it was an easy thing for Roy to believe." Jim replied.

"And didn't Mr Anderson express his concerns about your relationship with Ms Beesly previously?"

Jim flicked a glance at Roy. "Friendship. And not to me, no. To Pam, yes I guess so."

"You were aware your relationship made Mr Anderson angry?"

It was almost laughable. "No, I wasn't aware of that. Roy told me he was glad she had a friend at work that she could talk to, so she wasn't yapping at him when she got home." Jim looked at Pam apologetically.

"The night Ms Beesly left Mr Anderson, the night she came to your home, had they fought about the relationship between the two of you?"

Jim shook his head. "No, as far as I'm aware they fought because Pam wanted to leave him. Not because of our friendship."

Pam understood exactly what Roy's defense counsel was trying to do – trying to lay the blame on her shoulders and make Roy out to be a spurned victim of his easy fiancee who ran off with her best friend and his anger resulted from that. It was obvious to her that Jim realized this too.

"And Ms Beesly came to you that night, and not a family member or anyone else."

"She did."

"And you happily let her stay with you."

Jim didn't think twice before firing back a reply. "Yes, of course I wanted her to stay. I wasn't happy about seeing her coming to my door like that – I first thought she'd been in a car accident or something, she was so banged up and frightened. It's something I don't think I'll ever forget. Yes, I'm very glad she came to my house and got away from Roy, but it definitely wasn't happy circumstances."

On and on it went, torturously. Pam grew emotional as Jim spoke about finding her that night. He spoke with genuine sadness over what Roy had done to her. Guilt was absolutely swimming over her; Roy's counsel was trying so hard to discredit her by using Jim, and Jim, still he was fighting for her, he was up there not letting them get away with a single misrepresentation of her or their friendship. Every time they used words like 'relationship' or implied Pam had 'run off' to him, he naturally countered it with a friendly spin of words, not allowing a single misstep. Jim, her champion, as always.

Finally, her own counsel was back again.

"Mr Halpert, with everything you have seen and been witness to – for example the incident you have described where Ms Beesly was violently pushed down by Mr Anderson in their home – do you believe that Mr Anderson poses a physical risk to Ms Beesly?"

"Without a doubt I do." Jim said fiercely.

Jim stepped down. Pam didn't have a second to dwell on it, before she knew it, she was being called up to the front. Her mom's caring hand gently patted her shoulder as she slowly got up and walked across the small room.