Pam watched as Jim lifted his hands to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He blinked hard a few times and checked his watch.
“Hey, Beesly. Where are we?”
Hearing him call her by her last name always sent a warm trickle of familiarity and calm through her. “We’re about 30 minutes away. You’ve been asleep for almost two and a half hours.”
“Oh wow. Guess that’s two and a half hours I didn’t have to spend worrying.” He checked his phone.
“My mom says Larissa has been able to come off a lot of the sedation already and is much more alert.” The relief washed over his face. “Hey, mind if we stop at a gas station or something? I could use a little pit stop.”
Pam took the next exit and pulled into the nearest gas station. Jim headed inside while she began to fuel her car. As she stood waiting for her tank to fill up, she continued to wonder what she would do when they got to the hospital. She felt oddly protective over Jim. She wanted to be there for him when he saw his sister and endured the emotions one probably felt when you get so close to losing someone you love. But she also understood it wasn’t her place. She knew that they weren’t together, that she had never met anyone in his family, and that they didn’t exactly feel like best friends as of late. She resolved she would just drop him off and go from there.
She saw Jim coming out of the gas station, a white plastic bag in his hand. He hopped inside the car, reached into it, and pulled out a green bag of chips. He handed them to Pam.
“French Onion,” she softly smiled at him.
“Naturally,” he nodded.
“Thank you.”
He pulled out a bottle of coke for Pam and a grape soda for himself.
“Couldn’t actually kick the habit, huh?” Pam joked with him. “What about your water evolution?”
Jim let out a little laugh but his face fell ever so slightly. This day had been blanketed with a somber feeling and this was no different. He turned to her.
“I guess when stuff like this happens, it’s nice to just go back to what’s familiar,” he shrugged. “Something comfortable. Also, water kind of sucks.”
He lifted his grape soda to tap the lid against Pam’s coke bottle. “Cheers.”
—————
Once they began on the final stretch of interstate, Jim looked over at Pam. She caught his eye and he quickly looked down at his lap before speaking.
“Hey, uh...before I fell asleep earlier you said something that’s kind of been on my mind.” He cleared his throat.
Pam looked at him, eyebrows raised. It wasn’t really like them to talk about exactly what was on their minds. When it came to beating around bushes, they had perfected the craft. Jim continued, fiddling with the lid on his grape soda.
“You said you were really surprised when I asked you to come along. Can I ask you why?”
Now it was Pam who couldn’t meet his gaze. She weighed whether or not she wanted to start this conversation right now, especially under the circumstances of Larissa being in the hospital and Jim obviously worried about his sister. She spoke slowly.
“I just...figured...it was a personal family thing and...you...would want to go on your own…” She wasn’t even convincing herself.
“That’s it?”
She sighed. He still knew her so well.
“Okay. Things...I guess...just haven’t really felt…” she finally glanced over, “...the same? I mean, of course they’re not the same…” she felt her face grow hot.
“Yeah…”
“Things just feel different and I feel like it’s my fault.” The sentence came out quietly and quickly, as if it was one continuous word. “So I didn’t think you’d want me to come.”
Jim went quiet and she instantly wished she could shove all the words back into her mouth. She shouldn’t be making him think and talk about this right now. He subtly shook his head.
“Not your fault.”
“Feels like it.” Her voice was barely audible.
Jim picked at invisible lint on his suit pants. He rubbed his knees with his palms.
“I just...the real reason I went to Stamford was because I wanted to be...not here. And even though I came back, I just feel like I’ve never really...come back.”
At least she wasn’t imagining it. She felt a small surge of courage. She didn’t know the next time she would be able to talk to him like this. No office, no worries about someone walking into a break room and interrupting them.
“Well,” she said solidly, “I wish you would.”
They met eyes. In one short look, before she had to look at the road ahead of her again, she attempted to speak to him through her gaze—everything she had failed to say and still wished to tell him.
Her car‘s GPS system interrupted them, informing Pam to exit in two miles. They were minutes away from the hospital and she could physically see the realization of that hit Jim’s face. This newfound communication between the two of them would have to wait. There were more important things to worry about and rightfully so.
“She’s going to be alright, Jim.”
“I know,” he looked at her. “Still scary.”
“I know.” She fought the urge to grab his hand.
They arrived at Strong Memorial Hospital and Pam pulled up to the curb. Jim took a heavy breath and quickly exhaled.
“Thank you so much, Pam. Really.”
“Anytime, Halpert.” She gave him a half smile. “Keep me updated, okay?”
“You got it.”
She watched him walk through the hospital doors, his shoulders heavy, and she wished with everything in her that she could be by his side as he went through this. She pulled out her phone and drafted a text.
I think I’m going to get a hotel room for a couple nights here. I don’t want to drive back to Scranton just yet and it’s the weekend so I don’t need to get back to work. If you feel like you need a friend, I’m here. Always.
Eleven minutes later, her phone buzzed.
I just booked you two nights at the Holiday Inn. Can’t thank you enough, Beesly. Just don’t go crazy with the mini bar. :) I’ll check in with you later, but so far things look very promising here. She made fun of me immediately as I walked in the door, so that’s good news. Thanks again.
She closed her phone and couldn’t repress her smile. He wanted her to stay, so stay she would.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I was writing this chapter and then it started turning into Mega-Chapter so I decided to split it into two. I’ll add the next one shortly.
Chapter End Notes:
Special thanks to warrior4 who gave me the real-life name of a hospital in Rochester.
