"Just try to stay calm, no matter what questions you're asked." Murphy said to Pam. "Take your time before you answer and remember a little silence is fine, too. It's not your job to fill in the gaps."

Saying that to Pam, who'd utilized silence as a survival tactic during the course of her life with Roy, was like telling the trees to drop their leaves in the fall. She was a pro at not answering unspoken questions – who wouldn't be when their safety was on the line?

"And," Murphy went on. "Remember – your role is to answer the questions asked of you, my role is to object to those questions. Okay?"

Pam nodded her understanding. Murphy observed her briefly before giving a quick nod of his own and excusing himself. Alone in the room, Pam sagged against her chair. Her eyelids drooped shut as she inhaled slowly, deeply through her nose, exhaling through her mouth.

"Hey," Jim said, startling her. Eyes springing open she looked behind her sharply and relaxed a little, allowing a small smile.

"Hey. What are you..."

"Heard a rumor you were on your own in here..." Jim said, smiling at her. "So here I am."

She smiled wanly. "Here you are."

"So.. uh…" He began, pulling out the chair closest to hers. He swung it round so he was sitting facing her. "Dwight has decided he has a future in the judicial system." he said.

Pam tapped her fingers ruefully on the table without looking back at him. "He wants to be a judge, I guess?" she said.

"Yes. He's stalk-" Jim coughed theatrically. "errr- shadowing Judge Summers as we speak. Think maybe I should give him some tips? You know, like to how to bow and call her Ma'am…."

"Kiss her ring, maybe?" she said half-heartedly, her eyes cast on the table.

"Oh, definitely." Jim laughed. "So, uh, you doing okay?"

He sensed the truth in her silence. "Yeah." she said hesitantly. Her head lifted tiredly. "Glad to see you. Feels like the walls are creeping up around me."

"You know, I've been thinking," he said. He waited until she turned to him. Looking in her eyes he leaned forward. "Let's make a bucket list. The places we'll go, things we'll experience. Anything we want."

She shifted slightly. "Like… things to look forward to?"

"Yup."

She looked at him without a word, her eyes dull and filmy, her mouth moving uncertainly. Then she leaned over, pressing against him and carefully rested her head on his shoulder.

"You know what," she said softly. "Life is pretty crummy most of the time and when you start thinking you have the right to expect anything from it, life goes and punches you right in the gut. No, I'd be happy with the simple things, settling somewhere where there is plenty of fresh air and I could watch the sunset every evening and not be afraid of the next day or the day after that."

Jim held a long kiss to her forehead. "Is there room under that sunset for a guy to sit beside you, you know, to bring you hot chocolate now and again, sharpen your pencils and occasionally remind you life isn't always crummy?"

The frightened gleam in her eyes softened for the first time that day. She shifted her head, nestling further into his shoulder. "Of course." she said with ease. "There'd be no sunset without him."

-TO-

The sweet moment between them was brought to a reluctant end as they were shepherded back to the court room, bringing reality crashing down around them once more.

Too soon she was back in the witness box and there stood Thorne, small and slippery, looking like he had been dunked in a vat of oil.

"Miss Beesly," he began with the nasally tone she had come to expect from him. "How are you doing?"

She glanced down, fingering the photograph that was back in her hand. "Not so good, I guess."

"Why is that, Pam?" he said silkily. "Can I call you Pam?"

Her eyes narrowed at the mans stupidity. "This is difficult."

"I understand that." He took a step towards her. His movements were light, oily and excessively ingratiating. "You obviously find it difficult to talk about your relationship with Roy."

"Yeah." she nodded cautiously. Thorne straightened up, an audible pop emanating from his person.

"In fact, you didn't want this case to go ahead at all did you?" he said, his voice smooth and sickeningly slick.

Thorne was looking at her with smug satisfaction. Already she had been blind sided by the man. She fumbled for an answer. "We- well no-"

"You thought that no one would believe you." He cut in, using the same arrogant, stuffy tone he had used when Jim was on the stand.

"Yes."

"But you're here anyway."

"Yes."

"So," he said, getting going. "You claim that Roy abused you for five years. You say he beat you, choked you, held you captive in the home you shared."

"Yes." she repeated rotely.

Thorne looked at her closely. There was a hard, unbending expression on his face that made her empty stomach sink to the floor. "In those five years you never once told anyone about this?"

"No, I didn't." Tension strained at every muscle in her body as she forced herself to look back at the man.

"Did anyone ever ask you if you were being abused in your relationship?"

Pam let the question hang for a moment. "No. Not until Jim did."

"So," the attorney flashed a sickly smile. "You never told anyone anything and no one appeared to notice anything. And after you left Roy, did you tell anyone other than Jim about this alleged abuse?"

Her lip wobbled. "Not at first, no."

"You didn't want anyone to know, isn't that correct? In fact, you didn't even want your parents to know."

"Right." She swallowed harshly. He was going at her like a verbal battering ram and she was going to cry. She was afraid if she did, this time she might not stop. She bit down on her lip, hard.

"Why was that?" Thorne said. "Were you ashamed?"

"I didn't want to hurt my mom." she said truthfully, leveling her eyes with the man.

"Is that the truth?" he countered. "Or were you afraid that she wouldn't believe you?"

The mans words caused her to blink rapidly. A metallic, bloody taste had filled her mouth. "No. I wasn't. It was just hard for me to talk about."

Thorne pounced. "But isn't that exactly what happened? Your mother didn't believe you when you told her that Roy had abused you?"

Pam could almost hear her jaw hitting the floor. Rapidly her eyes flicked to her mother, to Jim, to Murphy before coming uneasily back to the attorney. She didn't answer, running back over the previous days in her mind, trying to light upon when exactly that fact was revealed – she was positive she hadn't told even Murphy the details about the fight she and her mom had had.

"Objection your honor." Murphy interceded coolly, coming to her rescue. "Leading question."

Judge Summers didn't need convincing. She fixed Thorne with a stern look. "Counsel, would you care to rephrase your question."

It wasn't a request. Thorne hastily complied, his face impassive. The man was cool, collected – to everyone in the courtroom except Pam who was well skilled in picking up on unspoken body language and it was her experienced vision that saw the slight muscle movements that betrayed his calm facade, saw the slight clenching of his jaw, the lips squeezing together.

Thorne repeated his question.

"No, that's not what happened." Pam answered him. She carefully steered her eyes from her mothers area of the courtroom. "My mom never questioned it at all."

"But you did fight after you told her?" he strode on. "That's the truth, isn't it?"

Murphy stood up again, but before he could open his mouth the deep clear voice of the Judge addressed the defence attorney.

"Counsel, this is your second warning. Do you wish to continue examining the witness?" The threat on the surface of her words was clearly apparent to Thorne, as the man struggled to worm his way into the judge's good graces.

"Ah, yes your honor. My apologies."

Pam rushed in to answer his question. "No, that's not the truth. My mom and I had a small fight after I told her I'd left Roy. Because things got messed up, because he called her and told her all these lies-"

"Lies – you were staying at Jim's house, were you not?" he demanded.

"Yes but-"

"And did you admit this to your mother? Or did you remain deliberately vague as to your living situation?"

"No...I just wanted to talk to face to face, that was all."

"That was all?" The man mused. "I wonder if you could tell the court how many partners you have had including Roy?"

Pam struggled to find an answer. She wondered briefly what her silence meant to him, to the jury, to the room. It was the question she didn't like – it made her feel cheap and she was suddenly certain that was the intention behind it.

Murphy saved her from answering. "Not relevant, your honor."

"I assure you it is quite relevant your honor." Thorne said greasily, his lips smirking up at the corners. "The integrity of the witness is paramount to this case."

Pam's breath seized in her throat as the judge decided to allow the question. She didn't know what Thorne's endgame was but she was very much at his mercy. "Um.. altogether.. four partners."

"Excluding Roy, were any of those relationships serious?" Thorne continued. His voice rose in pitch, thin and reedy, as though he was speaking through his nose.

Pam shrugged her shoulders, trying to appear nonchalant. "Um.. just one."

"How long did those relationships last?"

She frowned, thinking back. "The first two were... one was in high school and never really got serious. The second was after high school but didn't last more than a few months. Not long after that I met Roy." She blinked as she came to a stop, realizing how succinctly he had caught her. Murphys advice replayed in her mind.

"And?" Thorne said impatiently. Pam looked at him questioningly. "The fourth partner?"

She shifted her eyes towards Murphy, who gave a reassuring nod.

"A few months." she replied after a moments pause. "So far."

A sense of satisfaction gleamed in the attorney. "So far? This would be your current relationship, correct?"

"Yes." Pam answered. She knew exactly what the man was aiming at. Keep your answers simple, Murphy had advised her repeatedly.

Thorne walked back to where Roy was sitting. The move was an obvious one, standing beside Roy in a show of unity – it was everything akin to putting an arm around him. "Pam," he spoke again, his gaze on Roy. "It's fair to say that your fiance had concerns about your fidelity, isn't it?"

"He was very jealous, yes." she responded cautiously, thoroughly disliking the man and his dirty tactics. Now by looking at the attorney, Roy was in her line of vision.

He didn't move from Roy's side, but his eyes locked on her intensely. "Would you support the conclusion that he was correct in his assumptions about your loyalty to him?"

"No." she said firmly. "I was never unfaithful to Roy."

"He believed you were having an affair with Jim, your best friend." he fired back. "Was there any truth to this?"

"No."

"No truth at all?"

"None."

"Well?" Thorne pressed. He was like a pitbull chasing the scent of a squirrel. "What about now?"

"Yes." she replied without hesitation. Just as Murphy had advised her. "We're together now."

She could have predicted a reaction from Roy – and she was not disappointed. An almost explosive snort shot out of him and she flinched back unintentionally, anticipating the second explosion she had come to learn that usually followed.

However the defense attorney's presence had a somewhat calming affect on her former fiance and he remained silent. "Roy was correct about there being something between you." Thorne prodded. "Did you have feelings for Jim while you were with Roy?"

What was she supposed to answer to that? "I- I didn't realize it until much later, after I'd left." she admitted sheepishly.

"Mmmm." Thorne hummed. "Have any of those three other partners ever hit you?"

"No."

"What do you think would drive Roy to use violence on you?"

"W-what?" she fumbled, part stunned, more disgusted by the question.

Murphy was on his feet with more than disgust hardening his eyes. "Objection!" he called in harsh tone.

Judge Summers turned grimly towards him. "Yes, counselor? On what grounds?"

Throwing his hands up, Murphy spoke calmly. "Well, frankly your honor – Ridiculous."

"Ridiculous?" she repeated.

"Exactly." Murphy said easily. "Ridiculous. The question, your honor."

"Yes counselor, I'm aware of what's ridiculous. I was referring to your choice of legal definition."

"Your honor." Thorne practically whined, obviously deciding it was the right time to seize his moment. "He can't object just because he doesn't like-"

"The witness can't be asked to postulate the defendants motivations for assaulting her. She is not a psychiatrist. The type of speculation defense is asking for cannot be unbiased nor accurate." Murphy broke in.

"Sustained." she said, turning her eyes to Pam. "Refocus your line of questioning, Mr Thorne."

Thorne looked like he was choking on the response he was trying to swallow. Swinging round he turned back on Pam. "You were with Roy for over five years. You agreed to marry him. Why didn't you leave if you were being abused? You had a job, you had money you had family, friends. Why?"

She responded in a soft voice, attempting to defend herself. "I tried to-"

"You didn't seek out alternative living arrangements. You didn't tell anyone. You stated no one asked you if you were being abused. Did you save money for the day you were going to leave?"

"I hid cash around the house." she said simply.

"Did you have a plan?"

"Yes. I wanted to leave."

"Did you look into shelters to go to?

"I did." The man was relentless. She felt the beginnings of anger start to slip through the cracks in her fragile composure. She glared at the attorney, willing herself to remain calm.

"Did you inquire at any of these shelters if there was a place for you?" he continue to push.

"No."

"What about your visits to the hospitals for your injuries? Did you make enquiries there as to help available for battered women?"

"No." A bright flare of pain seared across her bottom lip as she mashed her teeth down, hard. Water sprung into her eyes.

"Because you didn't tell them did you?"

"No." she shot back, hurt by the question. Blood flowed into her mouth, salty and warm.

Folding his arms, he leaned back casually against the desk. Pam could see he thought he had her on the line, right where he wanted her. Positioned next to Roy, as he was, she couldn't see a whole lot of difference between them at that moment. Thorne waved his hands languidly as he spoke, affecting a carefully confused tone. "Didn't any of the doctors or professionals you saw ask you how you were injured, spot the signs of abuse?"

"Yes."

"Yes they did ask how you came to be injured?" he said incredulously. "And what did you tell them? For example, this broken wrist you had – what was your explanation to the hospital staff?"

"I said I fell." she rubbed her eyes, trying to unblur her vision.

Thorne smirked arrogantly. "You fell? You told the staff you were injured in a fall. Did you continually and intentionally deceive the doctors about your injuries over the years?"

"Yeah… but-"

"So, you agreed that you lied to the staff about your injuries." he said, speaking so rapidly she didn't have a chance to object. "Have you been completely honest with this court so far this afternoon, Pam?"

She looked back at him, stunned as well as hurt. "Everything I've said has been truthful, sir."

"Really?" he raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. "I asked you if anyone had ever asked if you were being abused. You answered no. Yet here you are telling us you had a team of doctors and staff asking you this very question over the years."

"No – I thought you m–"

Thorne overrode her, stepping forward. Behind him Roy smugly pursed his lips. "Are you being truthful with the court about why we're here today, Pam? Is it the truth that this man, your fiance, who you agreed to marry, abused you physically?"

"Yes!" She felt her voice raise for the first time in the courtroom. Rubbing hastily at her eye with the heel of her hand, she sniffed loudly, her nose stuffy, desperately fighting to stay calm.

Murphy also stepped forward. "Objection."

It was as if the prosecutor hadn't spoken at all, Thorne simply continued his diatribe against her. "Which is it Pam? You lied to people about how you got your injuries, you didn't tell anyone – or you are lying to us today. Which is it?"

"Objection!" Murphy declared loudly. Pam wondered how he managed to stay so composed when dealing with men like Thorne and Roy. "Your honor, argumentative."

"Sustained." the Judge pointed to the defense attorney. "I don't like that Mr Thorne – I won't have these hollywood antics in my courtroom. I'm giving you a chance to rephrase, understood?"

Through the excessive greasy apologies of the man to the judge, Pam wavered, looking blurrily around the courtroom, her cheeks burning and sticky with drying tears – tears she had fought so hard to keep inside her eyes. She found herself looking at Roy, who was carefully watching the debacle between the attorneys and the judge. Looking at him, with his thick stubble amassing his chin and upper lip, his thinner, but still bulky appearance something caught in her throat. She didn't know whether it was anger or sadness or a fusion of the two, but it was his expression that began to stoke the rage she was starting to feel. That expression; the hurt, sad expression she had seen too many times. The 'victim' expression was what she had come to know it as – the look that signposted to everyone that he was the injured party, he was the one who had been wronged, he had been the victim of a cruel, hard life.

That he could pull that off in a courtroom, that he could still pull that off right in front her, when they both knew what he had done to her. It was outrageous! Roy, a victim? For so long she had believed that he was the wronged person, not her. He was no victim. Her dad was right. Roy was going to hear it from her.

"Pam. Moving forward," Thorne said with reluctance, bringing her attention back to the room. "What was your relationship with Roy like over the years?"

Something strange was happening inside of her. She was burning up but not with a fever. An energy was possessing her – an energy she hadn't felt in so long, so many years and months of numbness. Bright, red, hot rage was stirring within her. "What was it like?" she said, her voice raised above the meek, timid tone she had been using so far. "Sometimes it was good, and then it was really really good between us. It started out good but then it the bad began to overtake that. It was living through hell."

Thorne looked taken aback, clearly not anticipating her sudden turn in emotion. "Ah. What was your sex life with Roy like, Pam? Was it compatible, active? Exciting? Regular?"

She blinked, raising her eyebrows, disgust drawing over her face. "Umm. Yes. Regular." she threw the words out quickly.

"You were compatible sexually, the relationship was healthy that way?" he prodded again.

Her face whitened. She took a long time searching for the right way to respond, that felt right to her. To tell the truth was not an option, even if it weakened her case. She couldn't do it. Her heart was in her throat, along with a scream she suddenly wanted to let loose. She looked down at her clothed body, feeling the layers and layers of filth grow back over her – layers that belonged to Roy – not her. She didn't understand that before but being there, in the courtroom – it became clear. Those layers of filth belonged to him. They were not part of her. Every time Jim touched her, he was not plunging through thick coatings of dirt from Roy – he was touching her, clean and whole. Whatever she said right then would not change that. She raised her head.

"Yes. We were compatible like that." she said in flat voice.

"So the relationship-"

"– However I didn't often enjoy it." she broke in, making a clear point. With a great deal of courage, and spurred on by her new found anger she lifted her head even higher and turned to Roy. Her tormentor, her abuser. They locked eyes. His face was turning a dark shade of red, making his eyes – once so fearsome – look small set back in his flushed face. She could see his chest expanding and shrinking rapidly. This was Roy when he was furious. Whatever it was, it did not have the hold on her it used to – at least not that day. She stared at him, eyes narrowed, a power struggle between them – a fierce tug of war. The whites of her eyes began to burn, as they stared each other out and then, the once unthinkable happened.

Roy looked away. He looked down.

She couldn't believe it. She felt a sense of triumph flood over her that was completely foreign. She looked him over, his bowed head and felt nothing but pity at that moment. There were no winners between them.

She turned away from him. Thorne was asking her something but the words were lost on her. Her eyes, blurry with tears sought out Jim. There he was – always on her right side, by her side. His eyes were bright, emotional, and proud and she knew that he understood what had happened. Reassuringly he nodded to her with a small half grin. She wanted to hug him desperately at that moment. She was free of Roy. Whether he was convicted or not, whether she still dreamed of him or not, whether she ever saw him again after this day – it didn't matter. She would continue to heal. She would have her good days, her bad days. She would be forever tied to Roy in some way – but she was free of him. It was liberating.