Pam had practically sprinted back to her room, her fingers smudged with led, and a million reasons that tried to sound not pathetic as to why she wasn’t able to meet Jim. She was drenched in sweat from the September heat that still hadn’t rolled away from summer when she scrambled up the third floor of Millis Hall, practically banging on his door. After a few knocks, and Pam trying to slow her breathing, the mousy boy with the glasses and sandy hair opened the door, an ‘o’ forming around his lips.
“You’re Toby, right?” her words came between breaths. The boy just nodded, seeming to not be able to form words.
“I’m looking for Jim,”
“He’s not here,” he finally spoke, pushing his glasses further up the brim of his nose, they’d been falling down slowly the entirety of their conversation.
“When he gets back, can you um,” she glanced down at her feet. What the hell was she doing? “Just tell him Pam came by, okay?”
He nodded enthusiastically as he shut the door in her face. She wasn’t entirely sure Jim would even get that message.
It was approaching 8:30, and Karen still wasn’t home which she found odd since her classes had ended hours ago, but she was certain she’d already made plans and had better places to be then their dorm room. Pam was already engulfed in homework for her class from today, as well as preparing for her classes for tomorrow, and she had practically set up camp at her desk to work for the next few hours. She quickly realized that her bedtime was never again going to be 11pm. When she heard the laughter outside her door she froze, that was Karen, but. She stood up moving cautiously to the door when she heard the other voice. Jim was laughing at something Karen had said, and out of pure curiosity, or maybe a bit of self hatred she put her eye up to the peephole and looked out. Jim’s head was thrown back in a laugh, a smile stretched across his face, and Karen had an arm pulled around his waist. Pam felt her cheeks redden, and before she could step away she watched as Karen pulled him in quickly, pecked him on the lips, and rounded to their door. She moved quickly to her desk, and picked up her pencil pretending to be engrossed in her art when Karen walked in.
“Oh, hey Pam!” She said. It was too enthusiastic and it was making her feel sick to her stomach.
“Hi,” it was barely more than a whisper.
“Are you okay? I was going to see if you wanted to go to the gym with me.” Karen moved toward her desk, leaning her hip against it crossing her arms. She didn’t know Pam well, but in the few days she’d spent together she was surprised to find her roommate not even making eye contact with her.
“I’m too busy, I’ve got a lot of homework,” she didn’t move her eyes off the paper as she sketched, basically nothing, wishing Karen away from her. “Maybe next time,” Damn it, Pam, stop being so fucking polite. You’re pissed, remember?
“Okay, well, let me know if you change your mind, I’ve gotta go work dinner off, I ate way too much pasta tonight,” she rolled her eyes at herself, grabbing her gym bag and headed out the door as quickly as she’d come.
As soon as the door shut Pam rested her head on top of her supplies and let out a breath she felt she’d been holding for what seemed like hours.
Pam Beesly, you are here for school. You’re here to create beautiful things, get a degree, maybe move to New York City, and become somebody. You aren’t here to worry about stupid boys and the stupid girls they choose to kiss even if that girl happens to be far prettier than you are and sleeps four feet above you
She knew he was home, and how easy it would be to just walk across the hall, knock, give her explanation, but he clearly had no interest in seeing her. It was college after all, and flings barely lasted in high school. Guys like Jim had no interest in girls like her anyway, so who was she even fooling herself thinking he’d be interested. She felt her stomach groan and remembered she hadn’t eaten in hours. The dining hall would be closed by now and all she had in her room was some peanut butter and bottled water. She glanced at her purse hanging on the back of the door and found some cash her father had “secretly” slipped inside before leaving her and found her way down the hallway to the vending machines,
Nothing inside these machines would suffice as dinner, but she decided on two bags of chips, oreos (to dip in the peanut butter) and a diet coke would be better than nothing. It was only when she turned around that she gasped at the figure behind her, placing a hand to her chest and dropping one of her bags of chips.
“I scared you, I’m so sorry,” Jim fumbled, reaching down to grab the sour cream and onion chips before she could.
She stared at him blankly, unsure if she wanted to entertain this conversation, but polite Pam had a way of being reliable,
“It’s totally fine, I was just getting,” she stared at the items in her hands pathetically, “dinner”. She finished. Her eyes focused on his basketball shoes, taking in the large size of them in a bit of awe.
“Beesly,” he cocked his head to the side, a small grin dancing playfully on his face, “You can’t eat just that for dinner,”
“Well, nothings open and I,” she let her eyes meet his own for a moment and studied them, he didn’t seem hurt at all, not even concerned. Maybe he didn’t care that she’d not made it, maybe he was just trying to be friendly. Whatever it was, it let her stomach ease a little.
“Come with me,” he placed the items from her hands into his backpack, and took her by the hand toward the back of the building. Puzzled, she followed, not about to let go of the grip he had on her much tinier hand, and she cursed herself for letting her polish chip away from the biting she just couldn’t get ahold on.
“Where are we going?” she laughed as he pulled her up the set of stairs to the fifth floor, revealing a set of stairs leading to some sort of trap door in the ceiling. “What is that?” she asked with both curiosity and concern.
“Where I go when I want to be alone,” he gave her a proud smile, and pulled the stairs down toward him. Albeit a bit unstable, they were both able to crawl up the small ladder that led out to the roof of Millis. She stepped back quickly, her fear of heights quickly becoming apparent, and before she could stumble over the open manhole, he was behind her, catching her elbows into his chest.
“Careful,” he said quietly, he led her over to two lawn chairs overlooking the parking lot and the streets of Burlington in front of them.
“There’s two?”
“Yep, one’s mine,” he tapped one chair, “and the other was here,” he shrugged, “probably from when my brother Pete figured out how to get up here a couple years ago,”
She couldn't help but grin at him, wondering why she was up here, but took a seat in one of the chairs, regardless.
“So if this is where you come to be alone…”
“I’m sorry if I freaked you out,” he blurted out, his hands twisting in front of him, fiddling with the backpack straps in front of him.
“What?” she asked confused,
“When you didn’t show today, I just thought,” he shook his head pinching the brim of his nose and shutting his eyes, “I thought I freaked you out by coming by this morning, and I just wanted to make it up to you,” She listened, knowing full well he hadn’t scared her off, but the thought of him and Karen continued to race through her mind. He pulled two sandwiches out of his backpack, handing her one.
“It’s ham and cheese,”
“Why do you have these?” she laughed, taking a bite out of one, her starvation overtaking any concerns of where he acquired said sandwiches.
“I play basketball Pam, I’m always hungry, so...I’m prepared,” he lifted up his hands in a shrug, taking another bite of the sandwich and grabbing the chips, tossing her a bag.
She fixated on her sandwich, listening to herself chew for a few minutes, the awkward silence filling between them suddenly feeling comfortable.
“What’s that like?”
“What?”
“Playing basketball,” she wiped her mouth on a napkin, taking a drink of her soda.
“Oh,” he glanced up at the sky, and then back to her after a moment, “it’s alright I guess. I’m only doing it because my Dad’s making me,”
“Is that why you’re also pre-med?” she’d gained some courage,
He hummed through his lips into a ‘Yes’.
“You know,” she sipped her drink, “you really should study something you want to study. Otherwise,” she looked over at him, “you’ll end up leaving this place in four years no where different than you are right now,”
It was quiet as he pondered, and she wondered if she’d overstepped boundaries until he spoke. It had felt like hours had passed before he did.
“You’re smart Pam Beesly,” He lifted his can of grape soda up as she clinked her own can against his.
“I hope so,” she said quietly, “I really hope so,”
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is a bit of a filler chapter, but it needs to get us to the next piece. I think you'll enjoy the ending though :) As always I love reviews!
