Last night

Your last night in town

I acted fine

You don't make a sound

Lips begin to touch

One last final rush

After this is done

I'll be fine I just

Things haven’t gotten better.

She kicks off her shoes after walking into her house, collapsing in the closest dining room chair she could get to and letting out a slow exhale. Roy is already in front of the television, football stats now blaring out of the TV and dirty sneakers on the carpet.

She chose this.

She shakes her head, clearing her thoughts. She never thought like this before. Okay, she rarely thought like this before. She knew Roy had flaws, but so did she. She thought she had accepted them, knew that he was the one she was going to spend the rest of her life with, so she would have to get used to them. She was happy.

Until Jim came up to her and told her he loved her and then kissed her and now she’s suddenly questioning everything she thought was solid. Every look, every pause, everything Roy did was now under speculation, and she hated it. She didn’t want to be handcuffed to this microscope that Jim had given her, but no matter how hard she pulled away, she couldn’t break the chain.

She stands up to start dinner as Roy turns up the TV just as the Cowboys score another touchdown. Roy whoops along with the crowd as someone announces that the Eagles are now three points behind. Headaches have been another side effect of Jim’s confession, and the yelling from both Roy and the audience make her head start pounding.

“Roy.” He either doesn’t hear her or just ignores her and she sighs, speaking louder this time, “Roy.”

He glances over at her, “Yeah?”

“Can you turn that down, please?”

“Sure.”

She watches him turn it down two notches, barely making a difference. “More? Please?”

“Babe, I can’t hear it if I turn it down anymore.”

She raises an eyebrow, “I’m pretty sure our neighbors down the street can hear it.”

“You’re being dramatic. I’m just trying to watch the game.”

“And I’m trying to make dinner without a splitting headache. Can you please turn it down?”

He turns it down a couple more notches, and Pam gets even more upset because he groans, making sure she knows that he’s frustrated as well. “Happy?” He pauses then glances over at her before leaning back on the couch, “What is up with you lately, anyway? You’ve been in such a bad mood.”

What is up with her?

She grips the edge of the table with both hands. Her knuckles are white and the corner is digging into her palm, but she doesn’t let go. She concentrates on the pain in her hands, so she doesn’t throw something instead.

My best friend confessed his love for me. He kissed me and I kissed him back. My fiancé has no idea. Jim is leaving for Stamford tonight. He won’t even look at me now. I kind of want to call off the wedding but I don’t want to ruin everything. I probably already have ruined everything.

That’s what’s up with her.

Out loud, she says, “I just have a headache.”

“You always have a headache lately.”

“Well, maybe if you were quieter, I wouldn’t.”

He scoffs and sits up, turning off the TV. “Fine. You want quiet?” He walks to the front door and grabs his keys, “I’ll go watch the game at Kenny’s. Don’t wait up.”

She almost doesn’t stop him, but she’s also not sure she wants to be alone tonight. She needs a distraction. “Roy, wait.”

“No, it’s fine, you need quiet and I want to watch the game. Order some food or something, I’ll eat there. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He shuts the door behind him before she can respond.

She chose this.

The relief she feels is quickly replaced with guilt for being glad he left, then again by fear that she has to be alone on the night Jim leaves the state. She had expected Roy to be here, for them to eat dinner together and then she can read while he watches TV. She’d be able to sleep with his arm around her, a physical reminder of who she is with and the life she has made for herself. But now he’s gone and she’s alone and the house is now too quiet, and she can’t stay.

She texts Isabel on the way to her bedroom to pack a bag. She figures if Isabel is busy, her parents are always begging her to visit, so she can go home for the weekend. Either way, she’s leaving this house.

She’s not sure how she got here. She was on her way to Isabel’s when she made a left turn onto Lafayette Street instead of a right, and now she’s parked across the street from Jim’s house, watching him and Mark carry boxes into the U-Haul.

She should have just gone to Isabel’s. She rarely drives her seventeen-year-old Acura for many reasons, the main one being that it doesn’t even turn on half the time and the other half of the time it overheats, breaking down in the middle of the street. She shouldn’t have risked stopping anywhere, let alone across the street from Jim’s house, where she could possibly get stuck and need help.

But here she is.

He looks tired, she wonders if that’s from the exhaustion from moving or avoiding her all week. She secretly hopes it’s the latter, because she’s exhausted from trying to get him to just look at her. She knew it was going to be weird. They wouldn’t be the same; couldn’t be the same. But she didn’t expect the abrupt cold shoulder he gave her. He was polite enough, would talk to her if she initiated conversation, but no eye contact and certainly no extra trips up to reception. By Wednesday afternoon, after he made sure to take his lunch just as she was getting back from hers, she stopped trying. Embarrassment, regret, self-preservation, whatever it was, he was obviously not interested in trying to move past it. She wasn’t going to force him.

But now she watches as he pulls down the back door of the truck and says goodbye to Mark. And, damn it, if he was going to leave, she at least deserved a goodbye.

She waits for Mark to get in his car and leave first then quickly gets out of her car. She doesn’t want to lose her nerve, but she also needs to make sure he doesn’t drive off before she loses her chance, either. She had just reached his driveway when he finally sees her, and she freezes. He’s looking at her like he’s not sure if she’s really there, but all she can focus on is that he’s looking at her. For the first time in over a week, their eyes lock and the rest of the world stands still.

It’s just the two of them in their little world for a minute, before Jim pops the bubble by asking, “What are you doing here?”

She crosses her arms over her chest and nods towards the truck, “You’re really leaving?”

“Yeah, I’m really leaving.”

Her eyebrows furrow just a little, “Why?”

He scoffs, “Because… I can’t—” she feels a twinge of guilt when she sees him flinch at his choice of words before sighing and continuing, “I can’t be here anymore.”

She takes a step forward, “Scranton isn’t that bad.”

He gives her a small, almost pitiful smile, “I have no future here.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He gives her a look, one that she has seen hundreds of times, but usually brought on by Michael or Dwight. One that screams, Really? Is this actually happening?

His face grows more serious and he takes a couple steps closer, slowly closing the gap between them. “Are you still going to marry him?”

She wants to sound sure, confident. She has made her decision and she’s sticking to it. But, as much as she wants that, her voice comes out shaky, “Yes.”

He studies her as he keeps walking towards her. Once he’s right in front of her, bodies almost touching, he stops. He’s silent, just looking into her eyes, as if trying to see if he should call her bluff. He slowly reaches up, pushing a curl behind her ear before gently cupping her cheek. She closes her eyes to his touch, and he pulls her chin up a little before asking, “Are you going to let me kiss you again?”

She opens her eyes and looks at him, her voice just barely above a whisper, “Yes.”

Don't wanna be there when it's over

Crying all alone cause

I'll be here and you'll be moving on

Don't wanna be there when I'm sober

Hoping that I over-dose on anything to keep me numb

Oh and I know I shouldn't need you

Know what this could lead to

And I know

And I know

That I'll be alright but I don't wanna be there when it's over

Don't wanna be there when it's over

The guilt she feels for kissing him again, this time both knowing the outcome, disappears the moment his lips touch hers. He starts off gentle, barely brushing his lips against hers. It’s even softer than their last kiss, which she wasn’t sure was possible. She could feel his hesitation, though, as if she was going to pull away and yell at him at any moment. But she wasn’t. She couldn’t. She needed this just as much as she thinks he does; this closure, this last goodbye, whatever they would end up calling it.

She steps onto her tip toes, so she is able to deepen the kiss. He moves his hands to her neck, his thumbs gently rubbing against her jawline. She loops two of her fingers into his belt loops, pulling him against her. Their bodies finally flushed against each other must have flipped a switch, as he turns them and makes her step back until she’s pressed up against the side of the moving truck. Her little grunt as she hits the truck has him opening his mouth over hers, seeking permission. She gives in willingly, reaching up to tangle her fingers in his hair. A quiet sigh escapes her the first time their tongues brush, and she pulls on his hair a little as she deepens the kiss even more.

He pulls back just enough to look at her, making sure to keep his body pressed up against hers. Both of their breaths are heavy, both weighted down with the knowledge of losing each other. His words are low and gravelly, and she was so focused on the timbre of his voice, it took her a second to realize he had asked her a question.

“Hmm?”

“You know why I’m not coming to the wedding, right?” His eyes are deep and dark as he pauses, watching her. “Why I can’t come to the wedding.”

“Australia.” The word is sour on her tongue for many reasons. The fact that he purposefully scheduled a vacation the week of her wedding. The fact that she didn’t question him more about it when he originally told her. The fact that he feels the need to be across the globe from her on her big day. The fact that she now knows why he booked that trip, why he needs to be as far away from her as possible on June tenth, but she still can’t seem to get herself to admit it out loud.

He sighs, “You and I both know that’s not the reason.”

She nods a little and breaths out, “I know,” before crashing her lips into his again. She doesn’t want to think about weddings or plane tickets or other countries or her best friend leaving. She ignores the stinging in her eyes and the lump in her throat, concentrates on his hands around her waist and his tongue against hers.  

He kissed her like he knew she wouldn’t be there in the morning. Probably because they both knew she wouldn’t be.

She feels wetness on her cheeks but she’s not sure if it’s from her tears or his and either way she doesn’t care because his kisses get more desperate and he holds onto her as if she would float away if he let go. She loses her fingers in his hair again and shudders as he slides his hands down her waist to her thighs, lifting her up. She wraps her legs around his waist, and he wraps one arm around her back and has his other hand up in her hair. She tightens her grip on him when he takes a step back from the truck. He starts walking and she’s not sure where he’s going until the hand in her hair disappears and she can hear the truck door opening. He struggles for a second, trying to keep his grip on her and climb up the step of the truck. She’s just about to pull back when he manages, letting go of her completely and letting her fall back onto the bench seat.

She looks up at him, her chest rising and falling quickly, cheeks stained with tears, her hands shaking. His hair is messed up, his t-shirt is now wrinkled, and he’s breathing just as heavily as she is. Her eyes follow his as he crawls over her, gently spreading apart her legs so he can settle himself between them. She closes her eyes and sighs when his chest is against hers again. He rests on his forearms, making sure he’s not putting all of his body weight on her, but wanting to be as close as possible.

She looks at him when he shifts onto one arm, lifting the other to trace a finger along her hairline. He looks at her and she can see the hundreds of questions in his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he kisses her lips once more before moving up her jaw to her ear, then down her neck. She grabs a fistful of the back of his shirt when he kisses the spot where her neck meets her shoulder, causing him to kiss her there again and she groans. He starts to kiss the exposed skin of her chest and slides his free hand down her side until it’s against her waist. She’s lost in his touch until his hand slips under her shirt and she can feel it slowly sliding up.

“Jim.”

Her voice is so quiet, he almost didn’t hear her. But he looks up at her and her eyes are full of concern and maybe guilt and so he removes his hand and whispers, “I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head and reaches up to bring his face back down to hers. She slows their pace this time, their lips moving together languidly. She catches them both off guard by taking his bottom lip between her teeth, biting down gently. When he accidentally bucks his hips forward and for just a second, she can really feel him against her, she suddenly realizes she may have taken this too far.

She pulls back and looks at him, her heart breaking a little more with every second that passes in silence. She brushes the hair off of his forehead with her fingers, something she has imagined doing countless times but never thought she’d be able to, before saying in a low voice, “I should go.”

He seems to study her, as if he’s trying to see if she is regretting anything. She smiles a little, trying to reassure him that she isn’t, but she’s gotten a little too carried away.

They both knew she wasn’t going to stay. She told him she is still going to marry Roy, and he brought it up again when he reminded her that that he won’t be at the wedding. But it doesn’t hurt any less when he says, “Okay,” and sits up, letting her get up as well. He helps her down from the truck and then they’re standing in his driveway, awkward and silent. She chews on her bottom lip, fidgets with her engagement ring. He looks away when he sees her fidgeting, runs a hand through his hair, so she hides her hands behind her back.

She looks up at him, but he’s still looking away. “Jim.” He looks at her, bruised and heartbroken and her voice breaks, “I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head, mirroring her reaction from his earlier apology. His mouth opens and closes a couple times as he debates on what to say before finally settling on a simple, “Bye, Pam.”

She looks down to hide her glossy eyes and nods, taking a step back. It comes out weak and broken but she forces out a “Goodbye, Jim” before turning and walking back to her car, not looking back.

She tells herself that her car starting on the first try is a sign that she's doing the right thing by leaving.

Fall break

I'm feeling alone

You call me

My parents aren't home

Suddenly it's you

Back in my bedroom

Tangled up in bed

One thought in my head

He could have waited until tomorrow. He could have texted Kevin. He could have done a hundred different things, but it’s almost six so no one should be at the office and this way Kevin will have Jim’s stats on voicemail so he can write it down once he’s back at work in the morning.

He was drawing a blank on Kevin’s extension, so he dials the main number, once again reassuring himself that no one will be there. It’s almost an hour after the building closes. He’ll leave a message and she will pass it along, and that will be the end of it.

He expected her voice, but a more mechanical, practiced version. Thank you for calling Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. We are currently closed, please leave a message with your name and request, or call back during our operating hours of Monday through Friday between nine a.m. and five p.m. Thank you. He had watched from his desk as she recorded the message a few years ago, and after every try she would look up at him and he would tell her to add something. Try it in an German accent. Say that we were all abducted by aliens, but we’ll get back to them as soon as possible. Maybe you should sing it. She would giggle and comply to every request, only to go back to the original at the end before she joined him for lunch.

So, when her voice was quieter, more tired, and just said, “Dunder Mifflin,” he froze for a second. He chokes out a “Hey” before she thinks it’s a crank call and hangs up, her response of “Oh my God” tells him that she’s just as surprised to hear his voice.

He rambles something about forgetting Kevin’s extension and fantasy football and she says she’s keeping a log of everything Michael did that day and he’s able to ask for a copy of it, dipping his toes back into the pool that is Pam Beesly. But then she asks what time it is, and he remembers that even though they’re in the same time zone, they’re three states away from each other, and he feels the distance just as much as she does. Her “It felt far” broke his heart more than he would ever admit out loud. So, he changes the topic to typing speeds then movies and then to three kitchens and suddenly he’s diving into the deep end of that very same pool, hoping he doesn’t drown.

He hears shuffling in the background and then Pam is saying bye. He’s not sure to who, but he can hear muffled talking, so he assumes she is saying goodbye to him because he doesn’t want to seem conceited; as if he knew she would prefer to keep talking to him over whoever had just walked in.

As much as he didn’t want to hang up, he reluctantly says that he should go too.

“What?”

“Oh, I just…”

“Do you have to go?”

“Do you?”

“No.”

He pauses, leaning back in his chair, “Okay. I don’t either.”

“Good.”

There’s a noticeable silence. He can hear the janitor down the hall, her light breaths, and his heart pounding, but that’s it. He’s about to ask if she’s okay when he hears her take a deep breath and ask, “Jim?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you have a roommate?”

His eyebrows furrow, having not expected that question, “Yes, why?”

“Are they home?”

“…No.”

“Can I come over?”

He chokes out a “what?” while sitting up. His mind is racing but his heart is going even faster.

Her voice is a little quieter, whether from nerves or not to be overheard, he’s not sure. “Can I?”

“You know I’m not in Scranton anymore, right?”

She sighs, “I know.”

He runs a hand through his hair and leans over, resting his elbows on his knees. “Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Pam.”

“I just—I just want to see you.”

“Tonight?”

“Yes.”

He tries to collect his thoughts. He had just called to give Kevin some stupid fantasy football numbers and now Pam Beesly is asking to drive almost three hours to see him tonight. He could say no, he’s not going to risk another heartbreak, he’s not sure he would survive another one. Talking to her on the phone is one thing, but seeing her in person only for her to turn him away again? He’s pretty sure it would be the end of him. But it’s Pam, he can’t say no.

“Okay.”

After giving her his address and rushing home, Jim finds himself pacing the living room. He has already straightened up and gotten changed into something a little more comfortable, and now he’s trying to kill the last thirty minutes before Pam arrives without going crazy.

Pam is coming over.

He had spent the past couple of months tirelessly placing bricks on top of each other, slowly building a wall that he had hoped would keep the very woman who is now approximately 23 minutes away from ever entering his life again. He thought he had built it tall enough, wide enough; there was no way she could climb over or break through. But then he heard her voice, and every giggle, every joke, every word that came out of her mouth made the bricks start to crumble, as if made out of sand instead of concrete. It wasn’t torn down, but if she tried hard enough now, she could find a way to get to the other side.

He’s pretty sure the wall will disintegrate when he sees her face, though.

The next twenty minutes passed excruciatingly slow but then he heard the small knock on the door and his world came to a screeching halt. For just a fraction of a second, his head tells him not to answer. This is a mistake. He had worked so hard to get over her, and now he’s going to ruin it all by letting her back in.

But Jim was never really one to listen to what his head thought. He ignored the warning about falling for the pretty, engaged, receptionist. He ignored the alarms that told him not to tell her he is in love with her. Maybe he was a romantic, maybe he was a sap, or maybe he was just stupid, but he tended to follow where his heart lead him instead.

So, he turns the knob and opens the door and then he’s looking down at the girl who has both given his life purpose and destroyed everything he was. Hair tied up in a bun on top of her head, a few strands of hair falling down near her face. Jeans and a fitted t-shirt he had never seen before. She smiles a little at him and, God, he missed her even more than he thought he did.

“Hey,” he breathes out, opening the door wider for her to come in.

Her smile grows a little bigger, “Hi.”

She steps around him and he closes the door behind her before turning back around to face her. He’s suddenly hyperaware that she’s here and he’s not really sure why and he doesn’t know what to do or say or even think. He feels awkward in his own apartment, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets while trying to think of something, anything, to say that isn’t, “I’ve thought about you every day since I left even though I’ve tried not to, and I’ve been waiting for this moment for years, but I also don’t know what this moment is, and what are we doing?”

He clears his throat and starts walking towards the kitchen because he’s not sure if he can be next to her without saying something even more stupid like I’m in love with you. “Um, do you want something to drink? I have water and orange juice and some beers, but I know you don’t usually like beer, but this one is pretty good, you might like—”

“Jim.”

He turns and she’s right there in front of him. His breath catches when he looks at her, her eyes wide and dark. He watches her eyes go from his own then down to his lips, lingering there for a second, before going back up to meet his gaze. She reaches up and then her lips are on his and he freezes while his mind tries to catch up. He feels her fingers slide through the hair at the nape of his neck, the shiver down his spine making him finally act on what’s happening.

He slides his hands around her waist, pulling her up against him. She grips the front of his sweatshirt with her free hand and deepens the kiss, trailing her tongue across his bottom lip. He gently bites down on her lip before giving her access, the quiet moan that escapes both of them when their tongues meet makes him feel electrified. He slides his hands up and underneath her shirt, feeling goosebumps wherever his fingers land.

She pulls back and he’s suddenly looking down at her in a moving truck, listening to her reject him once again. He’s about to pull away completely when she tightens her grip on his sweatshirt and kisses him once more before whispering, “Do you have a bedroom?”

He raises an eyebrow and smirks, “Do I have a bedroom?”

She rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling, “You know what I mean.”

He looks at her intently, studying her face and her eyes and trying to figure out how it is that Pam Beesly is standing in his arms, asking to go to his bedroom after making out with him in his kitchen. “Really?”

She nods and then steps back, sliding her hand down his chest to grab his hand and then motions for him to lead the way. He chuckles lightly and shakes his head, unable to fully comprehend the situation he has found himself in. Leading Pam to his bedroom was something he had only dreamed of doing, and this time she was asking him to go.

Her lips were back on his before his bedroom door finished latching, his hands once again sliding around her waist. He returns his hands to underneath her shirt, caressing her back, loving the feeling of making her shudder underneath his fingers.

She reaches in between them and zips down his sweatshirt, pushing it off of his arms. He reaches behind his neck and pulls off his t-shirt, her hands immediately going back to his chest. She smiles up at him and he’s never seen someone so beautiful.

He crashes his lips back onto hers as one of her hands finds his hair and the other stays planted over his heart. His puts his left hand over hers on his chest, and wraps the other around her waist, walking her backwards towards the bed.

When the back of her knees hit the mattress, she pulls back just enough to pull off her own shirt and take down her hair. He watches the curls fall, half of them falling over her now exposed chest and navy blue, lacy bra. He lets himself look for a moment before meeting her eyes, noticing her cheeks are flushed. He cups her face in his hands and kisses her, unable to form words that convey everything he is thinking. He feels her reach down and undo the button of his jeans and he kicks them off after she pushes them down. Left in only his boxer briefs, he lifts her up and all but throws her onto the bed, her giggles driving him crazy.

He crawls over top of her and the smile is still playing on her lips, but she’s looking at him like laughing is the last thing on her mind now. She leans up and pecks his lips before going to undo her own jeans button, but he places his hand over hers, stopping her. She looks at him confused, and he can’t help but grin because she is just so damn cute sometimes, and she doesn’t even realize it.

Those same five words he said to her in that parking lot back in May are on the tip of his tongue, but he keeps them there. He captures her lips with his instead, afraid they might spill out if he doesn’t distract himself. He slides his hand down her arm, then across her waist to her back before sliding it up to the back of her bra. She arches her back to give him better access and her chest just barely brushes across his, making him moan a little into her mouth. He quickly undoes the clasps and slowly pushes the bra away, tossing it to the floor with their other discarded clothes.

He moves to kissing down her neck as one hand goes to her chest, the other quickly undoing her pants button as she sighs. She lifts her hips so that he can pull them down, tossing them aside once they’re off.

He leans back and looks her over, and it hits him again just how surreal this all is. Twenty-four hours ago, he was drinking a cheap beer in a cheap bar and willing any and all memories of the girl who is now basically naked in his bed to disappear.

Her whispered “Jim,” brings him back and he smiles at her. He leans back down and gently runs his fingers through her curls that he loves so much. He watches her eyes close and listens to the soft hum that escapes her lips as he does so, and he lied before. Now he has never seen someone so beautiful.

She looks up at him and her smile is so small that anybody who didn’t pay such close attention to everything she does, like him, wouldn’t have noticed it. She bites her bottom lip and if he wasn’t concentrating on counting backwards from one hundred in his head, that would have done him over.

She reaches for his underwear the same time he reaches for hers, both sliding the other’s off and then they’re completely naked. He’s never felt so vulnerable in his life, including when he spilled his heart out to her five months ago. He doesn’t miss her glance downwards but then she’s looking in his eyes and brushing the hair off of his forehead before cupping his cheek and kissing him softly.

The kiss at the Dundies was an unexpected but welcomed surprise. The kiss in their dark office was purposeful and everything he had ever imagined, but he still can’t think about it without also thinking about what happened next. Their moment on the day he moved was what got him through some of his darkest moments after leaving Scranton, even though those moments were caused by her not being there with him. The feeling of her allowing him to kiss her like he did with her body pressed up against his was what he had previously considered the best moment of his life.

But, right now, their lips barely touching while he’s hovering over top of her, nothing in between them except their mingled breath, this is his new best moment.

He pulls back and looks at her, twirls a curl around his finger as he studies her. Her leg slides against his thigh and he sighs, closing his eyes and giving her one more lingering kiss before looking at her again and whispering, “Are you sure?”

She takes his hand that isn’t in her hair and intertwines their fingers. She brings their hands to her lips and kisses the back of his before bringing them above her head, resting them on the pillow. She nods and whispers back, “Yes.”

Their moans come out simultaneously as he pushes into her. Her quiet gasps and whimpers as he finds a rhythm they’re both happy with is like listening to a private orchestra, playing his favorite song that he didn’t even know existed until this very moment.

He has to say her name to get her to look at him so he can find her lips with his once more. Those five words are dangerously close to spilling out for the second time tonight and he is doing everything in his power to keep them at bay.

He’s almost embarrassed at how close he already is, but he can’t focus on that embarrassment for long when he remembers it’s Pam who is in bed with him. He picks up his pace and she pulls back, rolling her head to the side and moaning into her elbow as she squeezes his hand that neither have even thought about letting go of. When he reaches down in between her legs, it’s only another minute or two more before she’s collapsing around him and he lets go as well.

He trails kisses down the side of her neck and then rests his forehead on her shoulder as he steadily slows his pace while they both come down from their highs. She reaches up and plays with his hair, her fingers slow and gentle as they go across his head. He takes a moment to take this all in, relish in the fact that she’s here and she’s in his bed and she just let him do everything he had ever dreamed of doing with her, before giving her shoulder one last kiss and rolling off of her, pulling the covers over them.

He’s on his side, facing her, and she rolls her head to the other side so she can look at him, their joined hands now resting on her chest. Her eyes are content, blissful, and he kisses her forehead because he just can’t seem to get enough of her.

Don't wanna be there when it's over

Crying all alone cause

I'll be here and you'll be moving on

Don't wanna be there when I'm sober

Hoping that I over-dose on anything to keep me numb

Oh and I know I shouldn't need you

Know what this could lead to

And I know

And I know

That I'll be alright but I don't wanna be there when it's over

Don't wanna be there when it's over

He props his head up with his free hand, releasing his other hand so he can run it through her hair. She smiles softly at him and lets out a relaxed sigh before turning on her side to face him completely.

For over three years he had dreamt of this moment. His hand sliding down to her bare waist while her fingers float across his bare chest. No sound except their quiet breathing and the occasional kiss. He loves her. He’s in love with her. Hasn’t stopped, will probably never be able to.

She scoots a little closer to him and rests her hand on his side before closing her eyes. He kisses the top of her head and just watches her as her chest starts to slowly rise and fall and her breathing gets deeper.

He still can’t believe that she’s here. After seeing her, kissing her, holding her, he’s still afraid he’s going to suddenly wake up alone in a cold bed. Or, even worse, wake up next to someone else who isn’t Pam, and his mind played some cruel, heartless trick on him. But her hand twitches a little against his waist and he smiles, knowing that he’s not that crazy.

He just can’t believe that she’s right in front of him after everything that happened. He poured his heart out to her. Kissed her, silently begging her to give him a chance. Kissed her again a week later, this time knowing there was no chance to give. He called Dunder Mifflin tonight to give Kevin a message, making sure to call after hours so no one would know until morning. He ended up talking to her for a little over an hour, quickly falling back into who they once were. And then she asked to come over and he cannot believe that she drove three hours, last minute, for him; for this.

Then it hits him.

She had driven all this way… for this.

“Do you have a roommate? Are they home?”

“Can I come over?”

“Do you want anything to drink?”

“Jim.”

His eyebrows knit together as he watches her sleep. She wouldn’t do that. There’s no way.

Right?

But she was single now. He’s not sure if she's seen anyone since breaking up with Roy. She knows how he feels about her; knew he wouldn’t be able to push her away. Who’s to say she wasn’t about to go try to pick up some guy at a bar and bring him home before he called, and she knew he couldn’t resist her?

Okay, maybe she’s not that cruel.

But she wasn’t in his apartment for any more than two minutes before she was all over him. She was probably lonely and when she heard his voice, wanted something, someone, familiar. Maybe she didn’t plan on kissing him or sleeping with him. Maybe she was just being impulsive and wasn’t thinking straight, too caught up in the moment. But does that mean she’s going to regret it in the morning when she wakes up and sees him next to her?

He doesn’t want to find out.

He can feel the wall around his heart, which in fact did disintegrate the moment he saw her and all the debris got swept away the moment her lips met his, start to build up again. This time, he’s making sure that it’s built on solid ground and with no chance of it being knocked over.

He pulls off the covers and she opens her eyes as he gets out of the bed. He can see her yawning and slowly sitting up out of the corner of his eye while he pulls on his briefs.

He’s pulling on a pair of sweats when she finally speaks, her voice heavy with sleep. “What are you doing?”

He sighs, “I think you should go.”

“What?”

“I’ll pay for a hotel or something so you don’t have to drive all the way back, but I don’t think you can stay.”

“Jim—”

He looks at her and she doesn’t say anything else. It’s quiet for a moment and then he lets out a soft, “Please,” trying to hide the fact that there’s a lump in his throat that is only growing the more they look at each other.

She looks down and nods, covering herself with the comforter. He turns towards the door, giving her some privacy. He clears his throat, “I’ll, uh, let you get dressed. I’ll just… I’ll be in the living room.”

He slips out before she can respond, even though she’s pretty sure she wouldn’t have said anything anyway. He runs a hand through his hair and paces the same ten feet that he had earlier that evening until she comes out.

He hears the door slowly open a couple of minutes later and he looks up at her. She won’t meet his eyes, instead keeping them to the ground as she walks towards the door.

“Pam.”

She stops but she still doesn’t look at him. He takes her elbow and gently turns her around to face him. When she finally looks up at him, he can feel his heart rip in half. Her eyes are bloodshot, and her cheeks have tears running down them. He wants nothing more than to wipe them away, hold her close, tell her to stay. But, instead, he holds out a few twenty-dollar bills. “Please don’t drive home tonight, okay? If you need more, let me know, I’ll meet you wherever. Just… please.”

She looks down at the money and bites her lip, her forehead creasing a little. He thinks she’s trying to come up with something to say but then decides she can’t, instead just nodding and taking the bills. She chokes out a “Thanks” that he’s sure she meant to sound stronger than it did before turning back towards the door and walking out.

Yes, the tears in her eyes and the strain in her voice broke his heart more than he could ever describe. But he knows the look of regret and the sting of another rejection in the morning would have been even worse.

It’s not until he’s back in bed and can still smell her apricot shampoo that he lets the first tear fall.

Oh oh, got a new love

Best time of your life

Oh oh, got a new love

Seems just like your type

Oh oh, got a new love

Tell me what you find

Oh oh, got a new love

But you should know that I

If someone had asked her a month before the merger if she wanted Jim to come back to Scranton, she would have said yes in a heartbeat. But then she drove up to see him and he turned her away no more than ten minutes after sleeping with her, and she couldn’t have cared less if she never saw him again after that.

And as if having to work right next to him again wasn’t bad enough, he made it no secret that he had brought a new girlfriend back with him.

And it would be so easy to hate her if she wasn’t so damn nice. But she complimented Pam’s sweater when she walked in on her first day and she helped arrange a second Christmas party to get back at Angela, something Pam has wanted to do for years. She hates that Karen is so smart and she hates that Karen is so ambitious and she hates that Karen is so pretty, but she doesn’t hate Karen.

The fact of the matter is that even though she wants to, she really, really wants to, she doesn’t even hate Jim. She gets why he chose Karen over her. She pushes him onto bigger and better things, wants the best for him. While Pam asks him to stay in Scranton and watch her marry Roy. She wants to hate Jim, but she can’t.

She’s more upset, confused, heartbroken than anything else when she looks over at Jim. Upset that she ruined things, three times. Upset that she didn’t tell him how she felt while she was at his apartment. Upset that he was able to move on. Confused about what happened that night she drove to Stamford. Confused about how he feels about her now. Some days he is trying to still be friends, but the moment he starts to let go, and she can almost see Jim, he might as well not even know her name. Mostly, she’s heartbroken that he turned her away just when she got the courage to show him how she feels.

But today must be one of his “let’s be friends” days, because right before lunch he makes his way to her desk, something that used to be second nature and now feels like an event to be celebrated. He snags a couple jellybeans before asking if she wants to help him with a prank on Andy. Granted, she did see him ask Karen first and Kelly had told her that he also asked Ryan, but even if she was his third choice, she accepted his offer, if for nothing more than a distraction from work.

By the time Andy punches a sizable hole in the wall, she almost forgot about rejections and new girlfriends and third choices. Almost.

But his laugh when she tells him that they broke his brain is so close to his laugh, but not quite and suddenly he’s way too close and way too far away at the same time. She excuses herself, saying she’s going to the break room for coffee, which she’ll need if she wants to get through the rest of the party.

“Coffee? The party isn’t that bad.”

She offers a small smile and s shrug, “Sometimes tea just doesn’t cut it when it comes to stuff like this.”

He opens his mouth to respond, but Karen walks up so she gives a small wave and heads towards the break room.

She sits in a chair near the back and enjoys the welcomed silence for all of twenty seconds before Kelly comes in, practically yelling, “Oh My God, Pam! Did you see that new Amanda Bynes movie?”

Pam’s pretty sure whether she said yes or no, Kelly still would have gone on about how Channing Tatum is sooo hot and how she would never dress up as a boy, even for her own twin brother. Unless she knew Channing Tatum would be her roommate, obviously.

Which then somehow turned into what kind of sunglasses would fit Pam’s face shape best. She thinks Kelly mentioned a pair one of the characters in the movie wore, which lead them here, but she’s not sure. Kelly offers to take her to the mall this weekend and they can shop for some Burberry or Luxottica frames. Pam agrees, though she’s already thinking of excuses not to go, especially since she knows those brands are way out of her price range for a pair of glasses she’ll lose within a week.

Kelly’s in the middle of explaining why the Gap is her absolute favorite store in the mall when Ryan walks into the annex and starts talking to Toby, which automatically makes Kelly start talking about him. Pam nods along to Kelly’s he’s just so perfect, Pam. I really think he’s going to propose soon. I keep asking him to, and the last time I asked he didn’t change the subject for another fifteen seconds, that’s five seconds longer than normal!

Ryan walks back out to the bullpen, so Kelly says bye to Pam, and she’ll see her this weekend before following behind him. Pam gets up and actually pours a cup of coffee, hoping no one else would come in.

As luck would have it, though, Phyllis and Angela come in just as Pam takes her first sip. She inwardly groans as Angela complains to Phyllis about not having enough food. Pam leaves the room before Angela can target in on her, heading back to the bullpen. She spots Karen and Jim sitting in the conference room and frowns a little when Karen puts a hand on his arm.

She remembers those arms leaning against her desk while he eats jellybeans and cracks jokes and how he always crosses them the same way every time he bickers with Dwight. She also remembers how those arms felt around her as he held her up against the moving truck and again as she laid beneath him.

She pulls her gaze away from them before they can notice her staring. She feels tears start to sting her eyes and she glances around the bullpen to see if she could leave unnoticed. Stanley is asleep at his desk, Kevin, Oscar, and Meredith are off talking in the corner, and everyone else seems preoccupied at their computers. She really shouldn’t be surprised that no one notices her walking out of the office, the only one that would is sitting in the conference room with his girlfriend.

She makes her way to the stairwell. It’s about half an hour before it’s time to leave, so she figures she has about twenty minutes before she needs to go back or else someone will realize she’s gone. She sits on the top step and places her face in her hands, trying to keep her tears at bay. The last thing she wants is to walk back into a crowded bullpen with tear-stained cheeks and everyone staring at her.

Really, she doesn’t want him to see her tear-stained cheeks and ask what’s wrong. He lost that right when he asked her to leave his apartment three months ago.

The door opening startles her, and she quickly looks over to see Jim looking down at her. “Pam?”

She clears her throat and wipes the few stray tears that had managed to escape, “Hey, uh, I was just heading back. I just needed a couple minutes alone.”

He raises an eyebrow, “It’s after five, everyone left like ten minutes ago.”

She looks back down at her lap, “Oh.”

She hears the door close and for a second she wonders if he left but then he asks, “Are you okay?”

She chuckles, though nothing about her situation is actually funny. She reaches up and starts fidgeting with her necklace, “I’m fine.”

“Clearly.”

She closes her eyes and takes a shaky breath. This is exactly what she wanted to avoid when she came to the stairwell; she’d honestly rather Michael finding her alone in the stairs than Jim. She stands up and goes to walk around him, “Just… thanks for checking up on me. See you tomorrow.”

“Pam.”

She flinches when he gently grabs her elbow, suddenly back in his entryway after he told her to leave his bed. He lets go of her when he sees her reaction and mumbles a “sorry” before taking a deep breath.

“C’mon, you can talk to me.”

She keeps her eyes locked on the door in front of her, “Can I?” She turns to look at him, “Yeah, maybe today I can, but what about tomorrow?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Ever since you came back from Stamford, you either act like I’m your best friend again or like I’m some crazy on the street you’re trying to avoid. There are days where you don’t even look at me.” She pauses and then turns around again, “I really can’t do this right now.”

He scoffs and grabs her elbow again, this time turning her to face him, “Just like how you can’t love me because you’re going to marry Roy, only to break up with him two weeks later?”

She glares, “At least I didn’t tell my best friend that I love him before running away when he said no.”

“No, but you made sure to stick your tongue down his throat before he could run away.”

“You kissed me.”

“Well, you sure as hell didn’t stop me.”

“And you sure as hell didn’t stop me from sleeping with you when you were only going to make me leave five minutes later. I’m sorry that I’m so lousy in bed that you couldn’t even keep me around afterwards.”

He stares at her bewildered, “What? You’re not serious, right?”

“I get it, Jim. You finally got what you wanted and when it wasn’t what you imagined, you were able to move on.”

“Do you… do you think I didn’t enjoy that night?”

“What else am I supposed to think, Jim?! You bring Karen back with you and you’ve been dating her for months now, but you couldn’t even let me stay until breakfast!”

He shakes his head, “Karen—”

“Is different, I know. She’s everything I’m not and more and she’s exactly your type. I just…” She sighs and looks up at the ceiling for a moment before looking down at her shoes, “I just… I thought you loved me. I thought you were in love with me, like you said.”

“I was.”

She lets out a choked sob and looks at him, though he’s blurry through her tears. “Yeah, my mistake for assuming you’d still feel the same way.”

“Pam, no, that’s not what I mean.”

I won't be there when it's over

When you're all alone cause

I'll be here and you'll be tryna move on

No, I won't be another shoulder

That you always go to

When you need a place for you to cry on

“Then what do you mean, Jim? Because these mixed signals are exhausting, and I can’t—”

He takes two steps forward, grabbing her face in his hands and kisses her. She gives in for a second before pulling back and shaking her head, “You have a girlfriend.”

“You had a fiancé, but that didn’t stop you.”

Her jaw drops and she steps back from him, “You know what? Screw you, Jim. I’m not doing this.”

“Pam, wait—”

“No, I’m done. I can’t keep kissing you or hooking up with you or whatever only to have us go separate ways again. I can’t. You’ll have to find someone else, because I’m not sticking around.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll quit, or maybe I’ll pull a Jim and transfer. I don’t know, but I can’t watch you be with Karen and hope that one day you’ll come back to me.”

She turns and walks out the door before he can stop her again. She’s not surprised when she hears the door open once more and his footsteps close behind her. She walks into the office and to her desk, opening the bottom drawer to get her purse. She can see him in her peripheral standing in between her desk and the coat rack, blocking her way. She stands up and faces him, “Just, go get Karen and go home, okay?”

“Karen left.”

Her eyebrows knit together, “Didn’t you guys drive here together this morning?”

He nods, “I’m getting a cab back home.”

“Why?”

“Karen and I broke up.”

“What?”

He shrugs, “She saw us pulling the prank on Andy and after you went to the break room, she asked if we could talk.”

“What?” He shrugs again and she groans, “I shouldn’t have done that stupid prank. I know you’re trying to evolve or whatever.” She looks at him, unable to hide the sympathy in her eyes, “I hated that she had you, but I didn’t want to break you two up.”

“You didn’t. We’ve been fighting for a while; this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.” He pauses before saying, “She also didn’t break up with me because of the prank.”

“Why did she break up with you?”

“She knows about what happened during that casino fundraiser. Well, she knows some of it anyway. She’s been a little insecure about it since I told her, but when she saw us together today, I don’t know. I guess something clicked for her. She asked if I still have feelings for you.”

She waits for him to go on but when he doesn’t, she asks, “And?”

“I told her yes.”

She looks at him, forehead creased and head tilted to the side a little, “Why, then?”

He mirrors her, eyebrows knitting together, “Why what?”

“Why did you tell me to leave?”

He sighs, “Honestly, I was scared. I hadn’t talked to you since that night and then you were suddenly at my place. We barely said anything to each other before we, well, you know.” He looks at her, makes sure she’s really listening, “Pam, that night was the best night of my life. But after you fell asleep, I couldn’t stop thinking that you would regret it in the morning. That this was some impulse decision because you were lonely, and I was available. I know that’s horrible, but I couldn’t risk it. I had to turn you away before you could do the same thing to me… again.”

“Why didn’t you let me try to explain myself first?”

“I didn’t want to hear excuses. I was wrong, I know that now, but you have no idea what you did to me. What you do to me. I love you.”

She bites her lip to try to hide her smile, “Really?”

He nods, grinning, “Really.”

“So, there’s nothing stopping us now?”

“Nothing.”

She takes a small step forward, “And you’re gonna let me stay until breakfast next time?”

“Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. In all three of my kitchens.”

She laughs, “Is this really it? Are we done being idiots?”

“I’m done if you’re done.”

She closes the gap in between them, throwing her arms around his neck as he wraps his around her waist, “God,” she kisses him soundly on the lips, running her hand through his hair once before pulling back and looking at him, “I’m so glad that’s over.”

Oh and you know you shouldn't leave me

Know you should just need me

And you know

And you know

That we can just make it right

So I'll be there when it's over

Yeah, I'll be there when it's over