“... they had an accident. And you know what. These two people, they're living together...And you know what, you can’t expect them to be careful every time.  Because frankly it’s a different sensation.”   

Pam never imagined that this could be happening.  At her rehearsal dinner. In front of her MeMaw.  But the most unimaginable thing of all: it was true.  They were living together. They were engaged. They weren’t careful. And it just felt-- 

--Okay let’s pretend this moment isn’t happening. She had always thought of herself and was known as a careful, sensible person. She was the friend with the ziploc of extra tampons; always kept a supply of aspirin, bandaids, contact solution, back-up glasses, granola bars, drawing pencils, an extra pair of socks, a sweater at her desk; she memorized the recycling pick up schedule.  She always liked feeling two steps ahead in her life. It made her feel secure.  In control where in many ways of her life she lacked. 

Back in high school, after her first time with Roy, he whined how sex feels “different” with condoms. She managed to get an appointment with the OBGYN the day after her 18th birthday without her parent’s knowledge and surprised Roy with the news the night of prom. She couldn’t tell the difference because Roy finished in under two minutes and promptly passed out.  

By the time they were engaged and living together, all of their friends (really, Roy’s friends) had kids shortly after high school.  Many before they got married.  Not that she saw a problem with it--she just knew she had things she wanted to do before kids.  And she also wanted to really know that Roy was marrying her for her, not because of an obligation.  

So every morning, without deviation, as soon as she opened her eyes she would roll over to her bedside table and pop the blue pill that rested on her bedside and washed it down with the glass of water she would fill up the night before specifically for that purpose. Never would Roy’s begging to have a quickie before work or a call from her mom from Stroudsburg would prevent her from swallowing that pill before she answered the phone. She would always refill her prescription before the previous one ran out.  (She timed it to the day so she wouldn’t have to pay out of pocket of course.  The pharmacist one day winked at her and said “I know I never have to give you the Morning-After…”  She grabbed her script and ran out of the store and then went to a pharmacy on the other side of town. 

“Why are you so worried about getting pregnant? It’s not like we’ll get in trouble with our parents?!” Roy would tease.  He found it amusing until she realized she had forgotten them on their way to the lake house one weekend.  She begged him to turn the truck around to get it from the house.

  “Are  you SERIOUS?”  Roy bemoaned reminding her that Kenny  was waiting at the dock with the jetskis. “Who cares?  We’re basically married.”  

That comment only infuriated her and she drove the truck herself back to their house.  When she procured the pills she took two instead of one.   

Maybe she was paranoid, but she just knew she never wanted to be in that position. 

Pam felt different with Jim. She still took the pill everyday.  But often she would kiss him and straddle him and lay in bed before she would take it.  Sometimes she would almost completely forget until later in the day.  As she gingerly snatched up her purse and brought it to the restroom, Jim would look up and give her a slight smirk. Though she knew she should be more worried and cautious, for some reason she felt it was right. She could tell that he was not so worried either.  They didn’t want to admit how certain they were about each other, but both felt that anything could happen and they would be okay. 

Jim had made her feel less inhibited for sure, but following Michael Scott out of Dunder MIfflin, was on another level of unpreparedness.One particularly important thing:  Health insurance.  Not that Dunder Mifflin’s health plan was that great--many thanks to Jim.  (She had jokingly pointed out that if he hadn’t declined to pick the plan for Michael then Michael wouldn’t have asked Dwight, so…) Now she was planning a wedding with her fiance, paying a mortgage and  in a new role as a salesman for a start-up under the command of Michael Gary Scott.  With no salary or benefits. 

The night the last of her prescription ran out she looked up at Jim.  “So my birth control has run out...can we use condoms?” 

In true Jim fashion, he was unphased and said “Sure!  Not a problem,” and pulled out the box of back-up condoms that had not been used.  He checked the expiration date and rolled one on.  He then resumed position on his forearms hovered above her and guided himself inside her. They both moaned at the contact- the feeling of his chest hair against her breasts, his mouth against hers.  But, as soon as Jim began thrusting a feeling of friction began to form. Pam’s eyebrows began to furrow and she tried not to squirm.  

Being attune to her signals, JIm paused “You’re alright?”  

“Yeah--uhh.  I’m fine--”

“Pam, it’s okay.  Does this feel alright?”  

“Um...it’s just a little dry.  Do you think....”   

“Yeah.”  Jim pulled out and pumped the lube from the nightstand drawer twice into his palm and stroked himself up and down.  He then rubbed himself coating her entrance.  

“Is that good?”  

“Mmm, yeah.  Come back inside me, baby.”  

He reentered her and thrust in a slow rhythm.  There was less condom friction for sure.  But it felt. Well, different. She missed the feeling of the skin on skin contact. 

Sweat was forming on Jim’s brow line and his eyes were furrowed in deep concentration, unlike his usual unworried demeanor. She knew he would never complain if he was uncomfortable, but they were going way longer than normal. 

.  

“You alright?”  She asked and moved a lock from his forehead.  

“Yeah.”  He said breathily.   “Is it okay?”  

“Yeah--” She said, concentrating.  “Is the condom comfortable?”  

Jim smiled and nodded “Yeah, it’s getting a bit tight. I’m sorry.”  He rolled off her and to the side.   Jim said “I’m sorry it just feels--”  

“--Different..”  She answered.  They stared at each other.  Reminded again how they speak the same language.  “Why don’t we just…” Moving to grasp his erection and pull him towards her.

“Uh--are you sure?”  

“Yes!”  She said as confidently as she said it when he asked her for dinner the first time. It then dawned on her.  “Oh my god--I mean--I don’t mean--”

“Oh!  Yeah, no..I thought, I mean I wouldn’t be--”  He didn’t want to seem like if it did happen that it wouldn’t be the worst thing.  

 “Actually I am not that worried about--” She didn’t even have to finish and he looked at her knowingly.  

 “Me too.”  He replied leaning in to kiss her deeply. She responded and hooked her leg over her hip.  He paused.  

It was not the right time.  They had a mortgage and a wedding to plan for all on Jim’s salary.  They would love a baby but they couldn’t afford it.  Practically, it made no sense. But both could not shake the feeling of possibility.  No matter how insensible it was at this moment in time. 

He steadily peeled the condom off him and her hand covered his erection. Steadily moving up and down. His eyes clenched shut as he shook and spilled over her hand.  He embraced her kissing her cheeks and nose, and reached down to stroke her clit with the pad of his third finger until she erupted quietly underneath him. 

They continued this method of condoms first and then finishing with hands and mouths for the next few months.  Then, with the buy-out of the Michael Scott Paper Company, Pam’s secured position as a salesman, things were looking up.  Then, the night of the Cafe Disco and the almost elopement, Pam and JIm drank too much of the special punch Kevin made and took a taxi home. They stumbled into the house and threw clothes on the floor.  

Jim was naked and stroking himself and opened his bedside drawer.  “Fuck!” He muttered.  

“What?!” Pam asked breathlessly.  

“We ran out of condoms.”  He sighed. 

“I don’t care, I miss the feel of you anyway and we never finish that way!”  She said pulling him on top of her.  

“Are you sure?”  He said.  

“Yeah, I just had my period and I need you!” 

He honestly didn’t really think twice about it.  It did not register how natural it felt when he lined up at her entrance and pushed inside.  They both made a collective sigh and he thrusted in and out.  Quickly she contracted around him and he followed and spilled inside. 

They were so certain about where they were, who they were with that it didn’t register what they had just made.  And when that not so surprise happened, it was a good sensation. 

She will never admit MIchael was right.