I can't. 

And his smile dropped just like that. His heart constricted, the words echoing too deep, the bruise in heart flaring up. 

The ringing in his ears reminded him how this is a mistake just like he dreaded. She is not interested in him, in a real relationship with him. She just wanted to be friends again. She just wishes to play pranks and smile and steal his heart with those warm eyes of hers. And rip it to shreds because she can't offer more. She can't be more.

Her amused smile turned into confusion looking at the myriad of emotions playing on his face. It took her a moment to realize that it's her words that have caused that heartbreak in his eyes, yet again. 

She can't screw this, not again. She quickly added “I have my art class at 8 tomorrow. There won't be any time for movies but could we have an early dinner ?” She looked up expectantly.

He was still struggling to keep his eyes from tearing up when her words rang back to him. She is asking him for dinner. She is not turning him down, not trampling his heart, not…. rejecting him….not this time.

When he didn't respond right away, she panicked more and held his hand. She was fishing for ways to somehow communicate to him that she needs his trust, that how much this chance means to her and she is going to do everything in her power to not lose it ...to not lose him.

Before he could respond, she blurted " I'll cook and I can work this out". Now it was his turn to be amused. His eyes enquired if she was baiting him, he could tell she is really trying. It was as if she knew what those words did to him and perhaps to her as well. Evidently, that night had not broken just one heart and not injured just one soul. The way her fingers are holding onto his hand for her dear life - She is as desperate for this to work as he is. The realization made him feel empowered. The weight in his heart was getting lighter when he responded that he would love to do that. 

Her heart soared hearing him agree to her offer. It's that feeling you have when you come down a slope in a roller coaster ride. It's exhilarating yet scary. It took her a really long time to admit to herself that he has that power on her. To make her feel everything so intensely, to make her and break her apart in a single moment.

She just smiled, half with relief and other half with fright- stakes are high, too high this time. They were silent when the check came, still absorbing the heavy weight of the moment, of the words and what it means to them.

She was still holding his hand when he signaled, raising his eyebrows that he may need it to get his card after failing to retrieve it from just one hand, ruffling through his wallet. That broke the spell and she grinned at his smiling face and let go. 

" So you have a class tomorrow, what's your schedule like?". She already saw a hope in his question. He wants to know when she would have time to see him, and she felt like a teenager ready to squeal.

She shared she has 7 classes in 2 weeks, Fridays, Saturdays, every other Sunday, and Mondays. He laughed that it's interesting how she got this social life killer timetable. "So it's true that being an artist means you have to feel miserable and tragic more than others. Who wouldn't if they are made to attend school on all good days of the week?!". She gave a nervous laugh and almost let him believe that. 

They started towards the door before Pam stopped and suggested they take a walk. With Jim’s winning smile they were ready to just stroll in the area aimlessly, enjoying the evening breeze.

“So Beesly, with your crazy schedule for these art classes, how did you take out time to hang out with your mum? Something you never liked missing?”

She knew she could throw a wit, winking that she has her ways. Or go nerdy at him saying how she is using Hermione's time turner to add money hours to her day. In the end she chose honesty.

“Actually I picked those days for classes. They also have a schedule which is more in the middle of the week than the weekend’’. 

"I chose to do Friday and Saturdays because they're the loneliest. At least they were until…. Today"

He went quiet at this. He knew the loneliness, courted it for a longer time than he would care to admit. While he had his share of distractions in Katy and Karen, the seclusion would often take over his heart, covering him in darkness where his feelings would take refuge. He is aware of the pain and the hurt, and how it triple folded when work couldn't offer him the false sense that he was okay.

He was traveling through his painful memories when he heard her still talking. " ….and timing was good enough that I could still go for poor Richard with others while having an easy escape in case they get too much" she laughed mischievously.

" Why Monday then"?

"Monday Michael" 

He nodded in understanding. Michael gets a little extra Michael on Mondays like he equally hated and loved the start of the week.. Either way, it would be insane and everybody needs a dose of ibuprofen at the end of the day or a glass of wine, sometimes both.

“So is there a way to change the schedule towards more in the middle than weekends?” He asked casually, failing to hide the hope underneath.

The urge to say yes to whatever Jim asks was really strong but she reminded herself - not this time. She gently shared “Actually, these ones are almost over and I’ll be signing up with new ones soon so maybe I could take a different schedule for those.” There was a promise hidden in those words, suggesting that they will be together then too and that was enough for Jim to respond with a satisfactory smile.

They made their way to the car when Pam started “.......so about tomorrow…”

“I am working tomorrow. I withdrew my leave. I think there is more interesting stuff at the office that I wouldn’t want to miss” he glanced at her softly.

“And Karen….?”