I do not own The Office: U.S. version.

I do not strangle.

The Scranton Strangler

Accomplice

He shouldn't have enlisted Pam.

"Jim, what are you doing?"

But they'd always pranked together.

"Hey, Pam, what's up?"

Since he first started there.

"You, apparently."

It'd feel unnatural not to include her.

"What're we talking about?"

She is his wife, after all.

"You, Jim."

His helpmeet, his mate, his support.

"You."

And a damn decent actress.

"And your disturbing, unnatural needs."

Is Pamela Morgan Beesley Halpert.

"What are we talking about?"

Who now, eyebrow raised in disgruntled disbelief, tosses down the Times Tribune on the breakroom table between them.

Scranton Strangler Remains At Large.

And looks back up at her husband.

"Come on, Jim. You're going to freak Dwight out, he's going to catch on. He's going to put the pieces together. He's a volunteer sheriff's deputy on the weekends for god's sakes."

Jim furrows his brow.

"I thought he quit that."

Pam crosses her arms disappointed consternation.

"No. He's back. Last year. And I would have expected you to be more careful."

And Jim shrugs his skinny shoulders.

"Pam, Dwight's fine. He's not going to suspect a thing."

And Pam . . .

"Are you really willing to take that risk, Jim? I mean, it's a pretty big risk."

. . . presses on.

"Dwight's very perceptive about things like this."

Dwight, yes, Dwight.

Is closer than they realize.

For between the half-drawn blinds and Toby Flenderson's cramped office nook, Dunder Mifflin's Assistant (to the) Regional Manager, backs stealthily away from his hidden position . . .

"Dwight, watch out where you're going-"

. . . succeeding at the same time in tripping over the half-full wastebasket of . . .

"Shhh; shut up, Toby-"

. . . Michael Scott's Premier . . .

"You're just gonna leave it there?"

. . . Arch Nemesis . . .

"You never saw me-"

. . . in the History of Forever.

"What?"

As Jim and Pam Halpert remain . . .

". . . care about what happens to me or the baby . . ."

. . . unbelievably oblivious . . .

". . . if Dwight comes after you for this?"

. . . in the breakroom.

"Oh my god, Pam, that was amazing, that was brilliant, oh my god, you're brilliant, did you see his face, oh my god, how did you even hold it together, oh you're absolutely brilliant . . ."

Jim's complete and absolute fawning adoration of his prankster-partner-in-false-crime is only slightly dampened by the fact that she, the Queen of Office Prankdom . . .

"I don't know, Jim. I wonder if we're going too far this time."

. . . seems to be having the rarest . . .

"Maybe we should just let it go."

. . . of second thoughts.

"I mean, we've got CeCe now and . . ."

Jim Halpert shakes his head in casual dismissal.

"Come on, Dwight's not dumb enough to really-"