Pam made it home, calling a cab. She needed to get it together. She hates how her mind and body reacts every every time “Jim’s “ name comes up. It’s like he has become her “Voldemort”. “Oh, he would have laughed at this thought. Him being ‘You-know-who” “. She smiled at the thought of sharing the joke before her heart pained that she couldn't anymore. No more jokes and dorking around. 

She thought of calling him many times throughout the week but dropped the idea, looking back at how they left things. His confession, her rejecting him and heartbreak written all over his face. God he seemed so, dismissive when she said that he is her best friend, how candidly he said he wanted more than that. And if that’s not enough, her kissing him and then doing it all over again to him by saying she will be marrying Roy. He must hate her now that he didn’t tell her about his move. And she has no right to call him, only to remind him how she misses her friend. 

She  took a cold shower and changed into her pajamas. She took out a pint of beer from the fridge, muttering to herself that Roy again forgot to bring a bottle of wine. She wanted to focus and took out her wedding book to look for Party favors ideas. She had dogeared a few pages she thought would work for her and Roy. There were shot glasses that could be customized with their names, also those scented candles with those metallic holders which she could get customized with their initials and also those miniature flower bouquet paper weights made of fake flowers, which could have lot of colorful mix of  roses and lilies, just like the what she has picked for their wedding venue. She was still going back and forth on the best one when something caught her eyes. She hadn’t paid attention to this one much before, it was a pair of white dove salt and pepper cellars. They looked very distinct from the rest of the colorful options in the rest of the page. The more she looked at them the more she realized that they reminded her of those paper doves she made during the Office Olympics. That was a good day. 

She wondered how Jim would have reacted if she would give him that as a memento of their good time together, like he did with his Christmas gift last winter. How much thought he had put into that gift, those little reminders of their friendship and time together. How meticulously he picked each of those memories to make a reminiscing Box for her. She knew if she would give Jim this pair of doves, he would know exactly what they are for.

She took out her pen and paper to write the number down the address and phone number of the seller when she looked back up at the page to realize what she was supposed to do with that page. She admonished herself for getting distracted again with another of Jim’s memories. It’s like everything these days is taking her to him. The thought scared her and she tore that page off and dropped it on the floor. She shouldn’t be thinking of Jim, it’s her and Roy’s time. The one she has been waiting for years now. She went back to her original ideas and thought of the party favors she had years back, each holding a meaning of their own. The shot glasses had a little drawing of a lake house, which has been her’s and Roy’s regular vacation place over the years. The candle she selected had a whiff of red velvet, something both Roy and Pam liked and then the bouquet from her Prom, which Roy asked her for. At the end she circled the Red Velvet Candles. Something they both like and something which is them, through and through. 

It was already 7 in the morning when she realized that she went to sleep on the couch last night. She cracked her neck, regretting to lounge on the sofa with each muscle in her neck tensing with slight movement. She  wondered if Roy came home at all, because she was out like a light and didn't think she could have heard anything if he did. And indeed he was in their bedroom, sleeping soundly. Pam felt a touch of irritation for his obvious ignorance to her absence in their bedroom. She told him many times in the past that she doesn’t do well with sleeping on the couch, because her neck and shoulders get strained with her weird angles, and has given him a free pass to wake her up to remind her to go to bed. 5 years back, he wouldn’t mind carrying her himself, and now.. Well he forgets. But he came late and probably too drunk to realize where Pam is..too drunk to care...Well she shouldn’t have slept there in the first place, reprimanding herself for the slip up and went back to get ready to go to her mom’s.

Roy was eating the eggs she had made when Pam asked him if he would place the order while she’ll be at her Mom’s and the store is on the other side of the town. He said he has planned a lazy weekend for himself and is not looking into doing anything. She reminded him that she has a lot to do and this is not going to take too long off his precious weekend hours. She was not ready for an argument today, especially when she is looking forward to having a relaxed weekend at her childhood home, but she is not going to let Roy get away with dodging another wedding errand.

“Could you at least have a look at what I have picked before I leave and then do it at some point today”

“Pammy I told you I am okay about anything you got there, doesn’t matter really. It’s just a day thing” he waved off. 

“Doesn’t matter, it’s for our wedding, I would say it matters” she was riling up.

Him sensing what’s going to happen, “Okay where is it, let me have a look”

She softened instantly and asked him to have a look at the page on the table while she was getting her overnight bag from the bedroom. 

 “This is pretty good. “

Pam smiled hearing “Thank you. Did you guess why I picked this one. It’s about us”

“Umm..yeah sure.. We could have one and maybe now your mom would have a pair for her table too. Her food lately has been pretty bland”

Pam ,puzzled by his remark, asked what he was talking about bringing the bag with her and getting the keys for the truck. When she saw him waving the page with the doves waving at her, from his position on the couch. 

When she walked to him, she noticed he had completely ignored the open magazine with a big circle and the notepad with the Candles description and must have picked up the page from the floor. Perhaps it was closer than the table. 

“Roy, It’s not what I picked. Have a look at the magazine, could you?” and took the page with doves, away from him.

He squinted down at the magazine , “The candles. Right. Sure that should be it”

“Really? And why is that “

“Well, candles mean sexy times and babe that’s the message we are sending out. Good one Pam”

“The shot glasses would have worked too, you know. Booze and booty, the wedding night tales”

She was too blank to say anything. While Roy was grinning at her, she felt too tired to react and massaged her forehead. Maybe he is still hungover from last night. 

‘Okay Roy, please take care of this today and tell them we would like it ready by Tuesday. Don’t tell them the wedding is on Saturday, we want them beforehand so I could hand wrap them myself.’

“Yeah sure. Aren’t you leaving now”.

She knew he was getting impatient. Roy hated being told what to do, especially step by step instructions but she wanted to make sure she tells him all of it. She has also written everything down on the paper too but in Roy’s case, the more reminders the better.

She waived him Bye from the door, still hurt from thoughtless remarks about the little presents and meaning they represented. Sometimes she doesn’t get him.

 He had no idea what she picked and why. It’s like she is marrying herself. Because he clearly doesn’t seem to be much into it. The same Roy who was so attentive when they first moved in together, offered to drive her around anywhere she wanted to,  bringing her those wings and burgers every other day because “greasy food” was what turned her on that time. She laughed at how crazy she was back then, she had switched to  healthier options years ago but Roy still preferred his zingers . She doesn’t remember the last time Roy took her anywhere she wanted to and just to the office. They didn’t go on dates anymore because “Pammy, we live together, what do we need these dates for” and would invite Kenny on everything. Even on the weekends they go to the lake. 

She heard her phone ringing and patted her jacket to find the device. She parked the car on the side and took out phone, and the magazine paper she tore off last night came along with it. It was her sister, asking Pam how long it is going for her to get there ? Pam told her it would be another 20, and she got late because she had to ask Roy to get things going for the favors order. Penny said she can’t wait to see their choice, how they serve as a little memento of one’s bond and Pam nodded along saying what makes them special is what it represents to the people involved and how it brings back the memory of their happy times, staring at the two doves.