There have been many times when he needs to remind himself that this is real. That he’s not dreaming, not imagining things. She’s really here, sleeping next to him, cooking him dinner, kissing him. That she said yes; to dinner, and then to marrying him. Some days he holds her a little closer than usual, because he can, and that’s all he had ever wanted since meeting her. 

When they found out she was pregnant, his world flipped. Of course, part of it was the normal nerves of becoming a dad and bringing a child into the world. But most of it was the fact that he had spent years hoping for this moment, for Pam to love him the way he does her and for one day creating a family together, and now it was suddenly in front of him. It may have happened quicker than planned, and out of order traditionally, but it was happening and he couldn’t wait. 

He went to every appointment, attended every class, interviewed every day care. He read books and articles, asked for and listened to advice from friends who already had a couple of kids. He wanted to be ready, not only because he had no idea what he was doing, but also because he wanted to make sure Pam didn’t feel alone in this. 

He was constantly amazed at her growing tummy. Found himself mindlessly running his hand over it as they laid in bed or watched a movie or waited in line at the grocery store. Even during the rougher patches, bad morning sickness or crazy mood swings, he was still always in awe of her. 

When it got closer to her due date, both of their nerves went up. She would ask him to triple check that the crib wouldn’t fall apart and he would insist she sit down and rest as much as possible. When she started having contractions, neither one of them felt ready. Both agreed to go to work that day, partially for the insurance deal but also for the distractions. And even though they didn’t make it to midnight, he was grateful that they had gone and that all of their coworkers were supporting them. It made the decision to finally go to the hospital much easier. 

And then, nineteen hours later, Cecelia Marie was born. He fell in love with her immediately, but what had surprised him was how much more he loved Pam right then. While nurses cleaned and checked on Cece, he kissed Pam’s head, held her hand, told her how amazing she was and is. He didn’t want to let go of her, even when the nurses offered his daughter to him. 

And then they went home and he’s pretty sure neither one of them slept for three whole days. The first week is mostly a blur to him, but then they started reaching milestones together. Cece’s first real bath, her first smile (even if it was just gas), the first time Jim was able to successfully give her a bottle. By the time she had turned a month old, he and Pam had mostly found their rhythm. 

And although he cherished these moments with Cece, what he especially loved was watching Pam figure out who she was as a new mom. Watch her quietly sing to Cece, or tell her stories, or rock her to sleep. They had expressed their concerns about becoming parents to each other a couple of times throughout the pregnancy, but now that Cece was here, Jim has no idea what they were so scared about. Pam was a natural carer, lover, mother. 

When it was time for him to go back to work, she teased him about trying to not miss Cece too much and he played along, but he wouldn’t tell her it was watching her with Cece that he’d miss even more.