University of Chicago, May 1999

The weather was beautiful today.

It didn’t escape Jim Halpert’s notice that, after four years of living in Chicago, the day he left would of course be absolute perfection. As he pulled up in front of the Burton-Judson quad, however, he was grateful for it, because his AC had been on the fritz for a couple of weeks. It hadn’t particularly bothered him, but today he’d be having a passenger with him on his journey to New York. 

He’d never met Roy Anderson’s girlfriend before. When Roy had overheard Jim was heading to New York after graduation, he’d mentioned she was looking for a ride. They weren’t close, or even friendly, really, but the guy was his frat brother and there was a certain level of inherent respect and camaraderie that came along with that. Eager for the company, and for someone to handle some extra driving shifts, Jim had readily agreed.

Now he tapped the steering wheel anxiously and fiddled with the rearview mirror. His hair was a bit unruly but he looked presentable, and he was wearing a simple gray T-shirt with some athletic shorts. Comfortable driving attire, in his estimation. The dormitory courtyard was bustling with students moving out for the summer; some only going home for the next couple of months, some graduated and starting their next chapter as fully-fledged adults. As a member of the latter group, he was both nervous and excited to be headed to the greatest city in the world on this, the first day of the rest of his life.

He scanned the steps, looking for Roy. Eventually he spotted him, heavily engrossed in kissing a girl Jim could only assume was to be his driving buddy for the next thirteen hours.

He couldn’t see her face, as it was partially obscured by Roy’s head, but he took in the rest of what he could see. Her hair was a light auburn, probably fuller than it looked, seeing as it was kept at bay by a large clip. Even though she was already standing one step above Roy on the staircase, she stood on her tiptoes, revealing a tiny sliver of midriff.

He looked away quickly, trying to give them some privacy, but they weren’t really giving him much of a choice (or anyone else in a twenty yard radius, for that matter). After what he determined to be a sufficiently generous amount of time, he beeped the horn to get their attention and they finally disengaged. Jim looked at them with an apologetic smile, for the first time getting a good look at her.

She was pretty, he noticed that right away. Not conventionally so, but there was something about her he was instantly drawn to, even though he knew he shouldn’t be.

“Hey,” he said, addressing Roy.

“Oh, hey, man,” Roy replied. He gestured to her. “This is Pam. Pammy, that’s Halpert. Your new chauffeur.”

Pam rolled her eyes at his joke, then addressed Jim. “Hi, thanks so much for letting me tag along.” 

“No prob. Back’s open,” Jim said, popping the trunk.

She walked around to the back and threw her suitcase in, Roy following her with the rest of her stuff, then she slammed the trunk closed and slipped into the passenger seat.

Roy walked around to her open window and leaned down, his arms resting on the car door ledge. “Have a safe trip, babe,” he said, and kissed her again. She smiled while she kissed him, which was something Jim couldn’t help but notice. It gave him a pang inside; not for her, of course, but for someone. It had been awhile since he’d felt some kind of way about anyone.

Roy then peered around her, directly at Jim. “Hey, Halpert. Keep an eye on her, all right?” 

“Will do,” Jim replied.

“Call me when you get there,” Roy said to Pam. 

“I love you,” she said to him, and he responded in kind. Before they could make him uncomfortable again with their excessive public displays of affection, Jim shifted the Corolla into drive and they were off, Pam leaning out the window, waving like crazy.

“It’s Jim, actually,” he said, once Pam was folded back inside the car and Roy was completely out of view. “The Sigma guys call me Halpert but… you don’t have to.”

She turned to look at him, almost as if she were really noticing him for the first time. “Oh, okay,” she said. “Nice to meet you, Jim.”

He smiled at her, getting a good look at her face. She was pretty. Maybe too pretty.

“And you’re... Pammy?” 

“Pam is fine,” she said. 

“Pam it is.”

“And I fully intend on sharing the driving shifts, despite what Roy said.”

He nodded. “That’s good, because I’m already getting tired.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, and he shook his head to let her know he was kidding. 

Pam rested her head against the window, staring out of it. After a minute or so passed, Jim realized if he didn’t say something soon, things might get awkward and the last thing he wanted was to make this drive any more tedious than it already would be.

“If you get hungry, I made some ham and cheese sandwiches. They’re in the cooler in the back seat,” he said. 

“Thanks. Maybe a little later.” She fidgeted with her seat belt.

He continued, somewhat nervously. “I was going to make PB&J, but I wasn’t sure if you were allergic or anything.”

She twisted her neck to look at him better, her head against the headrest. “That’s really thoughtful. But how do you know I’m not a vegetarian?” She narrowed her eyes a little at him and he couldn’t tell if she was bored or amused.

He sucked air through his teeth. “I, ah… didn’t think about that.”

“Well, I’m not.”

He sighed with relief. “Crisis averted, then. Ham and cheese is just my favorite.”

“Oh yeah?”  

“I’m really great at the small talk, in case you didn’t notice,” he grinned back awkwardly. 

“I can tell.”

“Just wanted to make sure to start off on a high note.”

She smiled, finally. She had a beautiful smile.

 He tried to look at the road while she turned away to look out the window again.

He didn’t want to stare. He actively told himself to stop staring. But she was really cute. 

He shifted a bit in his seat, nervously adjusted the rearview.

“This is weird, huh?” Pam said.

He was immediately struck with the horrifying possibility that this entire thing was a huge mistake. What had he been thinking, agreeing to spend so many hours with a total stranger? 

“Um. What’s weird?”

She shrugged. “Just, you know. Graduation. Leaving college behind, forever. Don’t you think it’s weird?”

“I guess so,” he said, relieved that she didn’t think he was weird. “I suppose I feel more grown up than I did yesterday.”

“Yeah. It was kind of nice having this routine all laid out for you, though. Now we’re going to have to do that part on our own. It’s a little scary.”

“Huh. I never thought about it that way,” he admitted. “I am going to miss school.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I liked it. I was a pretty good student, although one professor really screwed up my GPA because…” he trailed off, a little embarrassed.

“What?”

“It’s nothing.”

“No, tell me,” she urged.

Jim sighed. “Well, I used to pull these dumb pranks on him all the time. Just stupid stuff, like gluing his drawers shut, hiding all of his chalk. Although one time he left his computer on and while he was in the hallway talking to a student I set a macro that made his handouts say ‘fart’ instead of ‘Friday.’ I was pretty proud of that one.”

Pam laughed. “What was that you said before about feeling more grown up?”

He grinned. “I know, it’s pretty immature. But he couldn’t ever prove any of it was me, even though he had his suspicions. Anyway, one day he found this drawing someone did of him on one of the desks and finally had his opportunity to pin it on me.”

Pam’s jaw dropped slowly.

“It was my desk,” he explained, “but that one wasn’t me. I swore up and down it had to be someone from another class, but he didn’t believe me, so. Full letter grade.” He shook his head, annoyed, then noticed out of the corner of his eye Pam was still gaping at him.

“What?’ he asked.

“Do you mean... Professor Schrute? Econ?” she asked.

He glanced over at her. “Yeah, why?”

“The Sharpie drawing of him dressed as a farmer?”

He turned to her fully. “...Yeah?”

She grimaced. “I drew that.”

He nearly swerved off the road. “What? Are you kidding?”

“No! Oh my god, he was so annoying.”

Jim was amazed. The fact that he and Pam had shared a desk all semester without even knowing it was causing his brain to short-circuit all by itself, but the idea that she also apparently took great pleasure in getting a rise out of one Professor Schrute made him feel strangely connected to her. Even his frat buddies didn’t find his pranks funny.

“Wow,” he said. It was all he could summon. “That’s just… wow.”

She giggled. “He was just always going on and on about beets! Everything was in units of beets!”

“Right?” Jim said, looking at her excitedly. “What the hell? He had to be a farmer or something.”

“That’s what I thought!”

He turned towards the windshield again, a huge smile on his face. Then she looked over at him, biting her lip a little. ‘I’m sorry I messed up your GPA.”

He shook his head, a tiny, incredulous chuckle escaping his lips. “No, it’s not your fault. I’m sure I deserved it anyway. And it was a great drawing. The resemblance was uncanny. Well done.”

“I actually feel a little bad about it,” she said.

Jim cast her a knowing glance. “No, you don’t.” 

He smiled at her and, although he’d taken a leap in presuming, she returned his smile. It was strange; as if he somehow already knew her more intimately than he had a right to, than was even possible.

The air conditioning sputtered just then, and Jim had a brief moment of panic. He’d cared enough before, but now he really wanted to make sure Pam remained comfortable. 

“Oh no,” he moaned. He tapped it a couple of times.

“I don’t think that’s going to do anything,” she said with a laugh.

“You never know.”

She rolled down her window. “At least it’s nice out.” 

She turned to look out the open window. The hiccup in the AC unit seemed to stall their conversation for a moment, and he didn’t want her to stop talking to him.

“So,” he said, switching topics. “New York, huh? What do you have going on out there?”

“A job offer, believe it or not,” she said. “At MoMA.”

“And that’s…” he squinted his eyes.

“Museum of Modern Art.”

“Oh, right.” He knew that. He felt really stupid. Probably distracted by her damn smile. “What are you going to be doing there?”

“Sort of a grunt to start… it’ll just be helping set up exhibits and that kind of thing. But I’m hoping to get into curating someday.”

“You mean like, deciding which pieces to display and stuff?”

“Pretty much,” she said. “Honestly, I just love being in museums. Surrounded by all of that amazing art. Keeps me inspired to work on my own.”

“That’s really cool,” he said, impressed. “I mean, I can barely draw a stick figure. What kind of art do you do? Other than beet farmer caricatures, of course.”

She smiled a bit shyly. “Um… mostly watercolor. Some oil pencil. I haven’t really found my niche, or specialty, or whatever.”

He nodded, idly wondering how on earth this girl had wound up with Roy Anderson, the guy who guzzled beer bongs at every party their house had ever hosted. Something didn’t quite fit. Then again, maybe there was a reason he’d never seen her at those parties. Before he could wonder too long, however, she turned to him.

“What about you?” she asked. “Why are you going to New York?”

“Well, I want to be a sports journalist. I got an internship at Sports Illustrated.”

“Oh, wow. And it pays?”

“Well, not exactly. I picked up a day job at a paper company to pay the bills.”

“A paper company?”

“It’s their corporate office. I’ll probably be getting coffee and bringing people their mail. Thrilling stuff.”

“Uh huh,” she nodded. “Well, paper company to sports writer actually seems like it’ll be a smooth transition.”

He laughed and crossed his fingers. “Let’s hope so. On a wing and a prayer.”

As if by some miracle, the air conditioning suddenly kicked on again. Pam noticed too, and Jim was so relieved he forgot himself for a moment.

“Yes!” he shouted, and held up his hand like a reflex. He immediately felt like an idiot, but she high fived him instantly. It was such a small thing, and he felt weird for making a big deal of it in his head, but it was the first time he’d touched her. Contact. 

Pam stretched her legs and adjusted her seat a bit, leaning it back slightly. Jim was relieved she seemed to be pretty comfortable with him. She had such an easy manner, it felt like they’d known each other a lot longer than they had. 

The air conditioning continued to keep them comfortable too, thankfully. The Corolla cruised east towards their destination, and they talked for hours about everything, about nothing. Jim found himself genuinely interested in everything she had to say. And despite her tendency to speed a little, she was a good driver, which he noticed whenever she offered to switch with him. 

He was, however, slightly alarmed by the crush he seemed to be developing on her. That would be extremely inappropriate, and considering Roy’s size, probably dangerous.

He’d battled internally with himself for hours on whether or not to get more personal with her, but about halfway through Pennsylvania his willpower finally ran out. 

“So, how did you and Roy meet?” he broached the subject. 

She looked over at him, maybe a little taken off guard. “Oh, in high school, actually.”

Ah. Things were starting to look a little clearer. “And you both ended up at the same college together? How’d that happen?”

Pam shrugged. “Well, he was recruited by the football team, and I really wasn’t sure where I wanted to go, so I applied there too. They have a great visual arts program.”

Jim shook his head. “So you followed your boyfriend to college? How very Felicity of you.”

Pam’s mouth opened in shock. “Shut up. You watch that show?”

“Guilty.” 

She grinned widely. “That… surprises me. Roy never watches it with me.”

He glanced over at her. “Hey, I have a sensitive side. You think because I’m in a frat I’m a big, dumb jock?” He cleared his throat. “No offense.”

Luckily, she let his comment slip by. “You just… don’t seem like someone I’d expect to be able to have a conversation about Felicity with, that’s all.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “Well, truth be told I was channel surfing and got sort of sucked in. A bunch of the guys came back to the house, caught me, and haven’t stopped giving me shit about it since. So I figured I may as well keep watching.”

She nodded, letting out a small chuckle. “It was the right decision.”

“Thanks.” He looked at her. “Now, speaking of decisions, who do you think she picked? Ben or Noel?”

“Well, it’s gotta be Ben, of course.”

“Hmm, interesting.”

Pam smirked. “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” Jim shrugged. “I should have guessed that’s what you’d say. The nice guys always get the shaft.”

She laughed. “Oh? And what, are you a nice guy, Jim?”

“I like to think so.”

“Standing up for all the nice guys out there?”

“We’re a rare breed.”

She smiled. “Noel is so sweet, and he’s a really great friend.”

He grinned tightly. “That’s sexy.”

“But there isn’t really any passion between them, you know? She’s just not feeling it.”

Jim shrugged, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “I disagree. I don’t think she’s really given him a proper chance.”

“Because she’s in love with Ben,” Pam replied, like duh.

“Is she?” he asked. “Passion is great, but it’s not the most important thing in a relationship. It... fades.”

Pam looked at him thoughtfully, perhaps wanting to dig, but deciding not to. 

“I suppose the best case scenario would be a sort of mashup of both of them, then,” she declared.

“Now you’re just cheating,” he said, and she made a playful face at him, putting the debate to rest.

“Well, anyway, it’s nothing like Felicity. Me and Roy. We both agreed it would be the best thing for our relationship, you know, otherwise…” she trailed off, then looked out the window again.

She didn’t have to finish the sentence. Jim knew most high school relationships didn’t survive college, and maybe it was a testament to theirs that they didn’t want to let that happen. On the other hand, there was a reason most of those relationships didn’t outlive high school in the first place. He wondered what exactly Pam had sacrificed of her own in order to tag along to college with her boyfriend.

“He must be a pretty great guy,” Jim said. From what he knew of Roy Anderson, it was hard to believe, but… he had to be. He had to be, somehow, if he had her.

“He is,” she said dreamily. “I’m going to miss him.”

Jim knew it was none of his business, but they’d been conversing so openly for hours. And he really didn’t understand what was going on. His curiosity won out.

“Why isn’t he going to New York with you now?”

Pam paused, as if deciding whether or not to reveal something. “Well, he hasn’t actually graduated yet.”

Jim had no idea. The status of most of his frat brothers’ graduations wasn’t really on his radar.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, it’s just so stupid. He changed majors sophomore year, and then… well, there was a huge game he was anxious about and he failed a couple of his Core requirements.” She twisted her neck to look at Jim, her eyes wide. She looked a little flustered. “Don’t tell him I told you this, okay? He’d be really mad.”

Jim shook his head. “No problem.” Having a conversation with Roy wasn’t something he was planning to ever do again anyway.

“Thanks,” she said, relieved. “Anyway, he’s coming out to New York next year. We’re just gonna be doing the long-distance thing for the time being.”

Jim nodded politely. He didn’t want to say it, and he felt cynical for even thinking it, but she seemed awfully confident in this arrangement considering she followed the guy to college so he wouldn’t break up with her. Part of him thought perhaps she was being a bit naive, and the other part of him was aware that he didn’t really know her, or Roy, or anything about their relationship. 

She must have taken his silence as judgment, because she kept talking somewhat nervously. 

“It’s going to be difficult, I know, but when you love someone, you just make it work.”

“I guess so. Long-distance relationships seem so hard, though,” he admitted. “I don’t think I could ever do it.”

“You don’t?”

He shrugged. “I guess it’s just a lot to ask of someone. It requires a lot of patience, a lot of trust.”

Pam eyed him closely. It unnerved him. 

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she shrugged. “It’s just… obviously you’ve never been in love before.”

He was dumbstruck by her audacity to say something like that after only a few hours of knowing him. He wasn’t sure whether to be offended or impressed. 

“You think so, huh?” he asked her quietly.

“Yeah, I do,” she affirmed. “Because when you love someone you would do anything for them.”

He suddenly felt defensive. “Even live a thousand miles away from each other for months on end?”

She pursed her lips and turned back towards the road, as if preparing something else to say, but before she could there was a loud bam! and Jim felt his grip loosening on the steering wheel as the driver’s side rear tire blew out beneath him.

“Shit,” he muttered, and pulled off carefully to the side of the road. Pam looked a bit distressed, but he wasn’t sure if it was the tire or the conversation that left her so.

‘You okay?” he asked when they stopped.

“I’m fine.”

“Stay here, I’ll go check it out.” He unbuckled his seat belt and walked along the shoulder to check out the damage. Sure enough, he could see a shiny silver nail sticking out of the tire. Sighing with frustration, he walked carefully back to the driver’s side and quickly got back in, slamming the door.

“We ran over a nail, I’ll call Triple A,” he told Pam, pulling out his new cell phone.

“Well, don’t do that,” she said. “Don’t you have a spare?”

Jim blinked. He had never changed a tire in his life and really didn’t want to admit that to Pam. “I mean… yeah, but…” he scrambled. He held up the phone as if that were the answer.

Pam rolled her eyes. “Pop your trunk and put your hazards on,” she instructed. “I’ll do it. Save your free tows for another time.”

She got out of the car and slammed her door, and while he knew on some level he should be a little emasculated by this, he instead found himself getting weirdly turned on.

He did as she instructed, then hopped out of the car after her to help her unload all of the luggage to get to the spare and the tool kit. Then he stood and watched her work, which she did, like lightning. He hung back a couple of yards behind her with his hands shoved into his pockets, feeling slightly impotent but utterly impressed.

“Pam Beesly, pit crew chief extraordinaire. That’s really cool that you know how to do that,” he finally said. 

“My dad taught me everything I needed to know about car maintenance after I got my license,” she said as she tightened the final bolt and stood up to put the tools back into the trunk. “He never wanted me to be in a situation where I had to depend on a man.”

She smirked at him meaningfully, and he nodded, thoroughly chastened. 

“Your dad sounds like a smart guy.” 

They loaded the trunk back up and he slammed it shut. The sun was beginning to set and it made her hair glow, framing her face like a vibrant halo. Cars whizzed by behind her on the interstate causing her curls to blow in front of her face, and she tucked an unruly strand behind her ear. As she did so, she left a tiny smudge of grease on her cheek. It was so unbelievably adorable he once again found himself having thoughts about her he knew he shouldn’t.

Before he really knew what he was doing, he stepped towards her to point out the smudge, and she angled her face a bit, allowing him to wipe it gently off her cheek with his thumb.

“Thanks,” she said.

She didn’t say anything else, just smiled back at him. He couldn’t think of anything to say, either, suddenly finding himself completely tongue-tied by this specimen before him: this beautiful, smart, talented woman who knew how to fix his car and laughed at his stupid jokes. 

They stood there for what felt like an eternity, locked in a gaze he couldn’t seem to tear himself away from. Finally, she broke the spell.

“I’m cold,” she said, and he hadn’t noticed but indeed it was beginning to get a little chilly. “We should look up the nearest tire place before it closes.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he agreed, shaking whatever that was off, and they both got back into the car.

Jim opened his glove compartment and took out his Road Atlas, finding a tire repair shop a few miles down the road, but when they arrived the shop had only just closed. They’d missed it by seconds.

 Jim sighed heavily, leaning back in his seat. “Now what?”

“We find somewhere to stay until they open, I guess,” Pam suggested. 

There was a motel located across the interstate from the repair shop. It hadn’t been his plan to spend the night anywhere. Jim had figured if they switched places a few times they could drive through the night while the other slept, precluding the necessity of stopping along the way. 

He was beginning to suspect that the longer he spent with this woman the more his crush would inconveniently grow, and he briefly considered suggesting they attempt to make it the rest of the way on the spare. But somehow, putting both of their lives in actual danger wasn’t an appealing alternative. It seemed there was very little choice in the matter. So they drove to the motel. Pam waited in the car while he went to check in.

“Only one room available,” he said upon his return, holding up the key. “You take it. I’ll sleep in the car.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s fine,” she said, getting out and slamming the door. She went around to the back of the car to retrieve her suitcase.

“It is?”

She shrugged, looking at him like this was no big deal whatsoever. “Yeah.”

She took the key from him and began to walk towards the room, and while he was completely confused at her lack of reticence in what he interpreted to be a potentially highly charged situation, he also had no desire to actually sleep in the car. At the very least, he could check out the room situation before declining her offer altogether. So he followed her.

She unlocked the door and they walked into the room, Jim flicking the light switch. And he was greeted with a sight that, while not wholly unexpected, was unfortunately unwelcome: one single bed in the center of the room. 

Of course.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m definitely sleeping in the car. I really doubt your boyfriend would be okay with this.”

“Fiancé, actually,” she corrected distractedly, staring at the bed.

Jim blinked. Not once had she mentioned to him their entire drive that she was engaged to Roy, and now that he thought about it, Roy hadn’t either. He’d only referred to his girlfriend on several occasions. But Jim glanced down at Pam’s hand and, sure enough, there was an engagement ring on her finger. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed it before, but considering the diminutive size of the diamond it wasn’t entirely surprising.

He felt disappointment settling in his stomach he didn’t want or need right now. 

Engaged. 

“Oh yeah? Congratulations.” 

“Thanks, but it’s been a few months now.”

She bit her lip and began to twirl her hair around her finger. He wondered why on earth this hadn’t come up all day long, but quickly realized from her body language she was clearly uncomfortable talking about it. Almost as if it were a sore spot, for some reason? 

“Okay then,” he said, attempting to move this along. “I’ll be out there-” he gestured to the parking lot with his thumb- “if you need me.”

“Jim, wait,” she said. “You don’t have to sleep in your car. I’m serious, that’s nuts.”

He stared at her. “No, what would be nuts is sharing a motel room with my frat brother’s fiancée.”

She shrugged. “He won’t mind. It’s fine.”

He cocked his head and raised a skeptical eyebrow, confused. “Can I ask why?” 

“Why what?”

His mouth hung open like a fish. He had no idea what to say. Did he have to spell it out for her? Or was he making this a bigger deal than it should be? 

“Why... it’s fine?” 

“I trust you,” she said simply, shrugging.

Jim felt relieved, but he was still a bit perplexed. “Well thanks, but… what about Roy?”

She looked around the room. “He must trust you too, or else he’d never have let me get into your car in the first place.”

“Huh,” Jim huffed. 

“What?”

“I just wonder why,” he said honestly. “We don’t really know each other all that well.”

Pam looked at him for a second. “I think I know why.”

He lifted his eyebrows expectantly, and she scrunched her face up a bit, as if hesitant to deliver the next bit of information. 

“Why?” he asked again.

“Roy… might think you’re gay.”

Jim felt his face morph into one of absolute confusion. “What?”

“Yeah.”

“He does?”

She nodded. 

“And... what about you?”

“Well, I had my suspicions. But somewhere around Cleveland when you talked about basketball for twenty minutes I decided against it.”

He grinned. “Way to stereotype, Beesly.” Her surname flew off his tongue as if he’d called her that for years.

“I was right, wasn’t I?” she asked innocently. 

He shook his head in disbelief, feeling his cheeks turn slightly pink. All this time he’d been sitting next to her thinking very inappropriate thoughts, and Roy was back in Chicago thinking his girlfriend -- no, his fiancée -- was off on a road trip with his gay frat brother.

“Yes, you’re right. And Roy is not. But what happens when he learns the truth?”

Pam pointed towards the phone. “He won’t. I can call him right now, and you can explain the plot of Felicity.”

They looked at each other for a moment, Jim crossing his arms and trying his best not to burst out laughing. Pam finally cracked first, letting out a huge laugh he hadn’t yet heard from her. It was so infectious he began laughing too. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed with anyone like this.

Finally, Pam wiped her eyes and settled down. “Anyway, it’s fine. If you’re weird about it, he doesn’t have to know.”

He grinned, and gave her a gentle nod. “You trust me.”

“I do.” She smiled back, and there was a sparkle in her eyes he couldn’t ignore.

Like most of the day, he couldn’t tell if she was flirting with him. Every male instinct within him wanted to interpret it as such; to believe she wanted him the way he knew deep down he wanted her. But he also knew nothing could ever happen between them anyway. And if he was being perfectly honest with himself, he didn’t really care if she was flirting with him or not. All he could think was she wants me here, she wants me to stay with her. She likes spending time with me. For some reason, that was all that mattered.

Spending more time with Pam was all he wanted to do. This new, special person had made a totally unexpected appearance in his life, and now they shared this secret. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but all he knew was that he felt more alive right now than he did this morning. 

“Okay.”

She gave him a shy smile, lifted an eyebrow and pointed at the loveseat next to the door. 

“Couch,” she said simply.

Jim nodded. “Got it.”

 ***

They ordered a pizza and chatted for the next several hours. Jim wasn’t even aware of how late it was until he started yawning.

“Do you need to call Roy?” he asked her, standing up and stretching.

“Hm? Oh, no, it’s okay. He isn’t expecting to hear from me until tomorrow anyway.” She opened her suitcase and pulled out her toiletries and some clothing. “Mind if I use the bathroom first?” 

“Sure, go ahead.”

She went into the bathroom and Jim began to unzip his suitcase, looking for something to change into, grabbing a clean T-shirt and some dark boxers that could pass for a pair of shorts. After a few minutes she came out, her hair pulled up into a messy bun, wearing a pair of black shorts and a massive gray sweatshirt that he could only assume was Roy’s.

After his turn in the bathroom, he came out to see her already in bed with the covers over her, The Daily Show on the television, propped up against the headboard with her light turned out. 

“Is it okay if I leave the TV on for a bit?” she asked him. “It helps me fall asleep when I’m in a strange place.”

“It’s fine,” he said. He grabbed the pillow she wasn’t using and tossed it onto the couch, spreading out a spare blanket from the closet and crawling underneath it, attempting to get comfortable.

He was about eighteen inches too tall for this sleeping arrangement. 

He tried bending his knees, but in doing so, his butt kept sliding off the tiny couch. He turned on his stomach, his side, even scooted all the way down so that his legs were hanging over the armrest at a ninety degree angle. It was all no use.

Just when he was considering moving down to the floor he heard her voice from across the room.

“Jim.”

He cringed a bit, worried he was making too much noise. “Sorry, I just can’t get comfortable. I’ll be quiet.”

“Jim, shut up and get in the bed already.”

He felt all the blood drain from his face. 

“No, it’s really fine, I’m just gonna spread out on the floor.”

“We have more driving to do tomorrow, and I don’t want your back to get all messed up. Seriously, it’s okay.”

He couldn’t really believe this was happening, and he wanted it to, but he was also slightly terrified. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, just stay on your side, Mr. Nice Guy.”

Her tone sounded suggestive but her actions clearly set boundaries, and he found himself once again wondering what was going on inside her head. He stood and walked over to the bed, tossing his pillow next to hers, and she flattened the blankets out beside her, making a space.

“You stay on top of the covers, I stay underneath,” she instructed. “Okay?”

He stood for a few seconds before saying anything, perhaps waiting for her to change her mind, or basically do anything other than allow him to actually climb into the bed with her. But she didn’t.

“Roger that.”

He climbed onto the bed next to her, on top of the covers as instructed, and pulled his spare blanket on top of him. He wasn’t sure if he should watch TV with her for a little while or just go to sleep, so as a result he simply remained still, half-sitting against the headboard next to her with about five inches of space between them.

The TV was on very low, and he figured she wasn’t actually watching it, that it was probably just background noise for her. And as they lay next to each other, those five inches of space felt like they were on fire. The painful dichotomy of wanting to touch her so badly but knowing he never would was making it hard to function.

Guilt crept over him like a second skin; that she trusted him so implicitly and yet here he was, having decidedly non-friendly thoughts about her while lying next to her in bed. The entire situation was making his heart pound so loudly he worried she’d hear it. 

“Jim?” Pam suddenly said in a sleepy voice.

“Yeah?”

“I had a really good day today.” 

He wasn’t sure how to respond, how she wanted him to respond. So he just told the truth.

“Me too.”

She yawned. “I’m really happy I met you. You’re the only person I’ll know in New York.”

The possibility of seeing her again had crossed his mind a couple of times today, but he didn’t want to be presumptuous. 

He wanted to identify exactly what he was feeling for her. His first instinct was that this was a crush, plain and simple, and he could have written it off as such. But somehow it felt like more than that. It felt like he’d known her his entire life, not for mere hours. Like they should have met years ago but by some twist of fate it hadn’t happened. When their eyes connected it felt almost cosmic, like kismet or destiny. Like planets aligning; two celestial bodies suddenly in one another’s orbit, whirling around exactly as they were meant to.

And he didn’t even believe in that shit.

For the first time in his life a word drifted through his mind that he felt very strongly could apply in this situation: soulmates. The crude, tumbling circle with the crack in its side finally finding its missing piece. Jim wasn’t typically prone towards flights of fancy but he felt very certain that Pam Beesly was supposed to be in his life somehow. 

But how could that be possible? How, when her heart belonged to someone else?

He must have been quiet for too long, because she spoke again. “Do you think that we could still be friends, you know… when we get to New York?”

Friends. Of course they could only be friends. What else could they be? 

He thought about her proposition, imagined seeing the sights of the city with her. Walking through Central Park, going to museums and letting her tell him everything she knew. Laughing, mostly… he knew there would be a lot of laughing. And he also knew, without a doubt, that his feelings for her would only grow.

He wanted to tell her the truth, that he thought it would actually be very difficult for them to be friends when one of them had more-than-friendly thoughts about the other. Impossible, actually. But he also didn’t want to disappoint her. 

So he said the only thing he could think to say.

“Absolutely, I do.”

She didn’t reply but he could see her smile. He let his gaze linger on it for a few seconds more than he should, fully aware that he would probably not get to see it for much longer. 

He closed his eyes and thought about everything they’d done that day, everything they’d said, all the times she smiled at him and laughed, and he felt that pang again he’d felt this morning when he watched her kiss Roy. Only now he knew that pang was indeed for her, and starting tomorrow she’d be out of his life forever.

Just when he’d resigned himself to this probability, he felt her head drop against his shoulder, lighter than a feather. He glanced down, not daring to move, and could see the flickering light from the TV dancing across her sleeping face.

As he watched her, he thought about what she’d said to him in the car just before the tire had blown, just before the chain of events had begun that led them to this very moment, lying in bed next to one another.

Obviously you’ve never been in love before.

She was probably right. He wasn’t actually sure if he ever had been, and if he wasn’t sure, then he probably had his answer. But something new happened today. Being with her had stirred up a feeling inside him he’d certainly never experienced.

As if it were the universe’s duty to stifle these thoughts, however, the light from the television flickered, drawing his attention to the sparkling ring on her finger. 

It wasn’t going to happen. It couldn’t.

Jim shifted his body lower and lower until her head was level with her pillow, then gently rolled her off his shoulder so that she was lying comfortably. She moaned slightly in her sleep but didn’t awaken. He laid down next to her, mere inches from her face, and watched her for a few moments before closing his eyes.

He didn’t want to know if this was love. He didn’t know what to call it, but whatever it was, he knew he couldn’t let it continue.

***

The Corolla and its brand new tire finally reached their destination. It felt ten degrees hotter in the city, and Jim wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or just the excitement level in the car ticking up the moment they crossed over the George Washington Bridge. He also wasn’t sure which he enjoyed watching more: the sights around him or Pam’s delighted reaction to them.

They pulled up outside Pam’s building in the East Village, and Jim turned off the ignition, not really knowing what to say. He knew he should be happy to be here, to start this new adventure, but instead a melancholy feeling was settling over him that the moment she was out of his sight, his life would instantly be worse.

They climbed out of the car and he helped her carry her stuff upstairs. They were met by Pam’s new roommate, Kelly, who Pam had found online. Neither of them knew much about her but Kelly seemed extremely enthusiastic to meet them, hugging both of them immediately and talking so excitedly that she didn’t seem to draw a breath for two minutes straight.

When Jim and Pam finally escaped downstairs to grab Pam’s last bag, they found themselves standing on the curb together, alone once again. 

“Building looks decent,” she said, craning her neck to look at it. “Seems like a pretty quiet street, relatively speaking.”

“Well, I hope the street is quiet, because I have a feeling your apartment won’t be,” he winked.

“She seems very… friendly,” she chuckled.

He didn’t know how to say goodbye. He wanted to give her a hug more than anything but wasn’t sure it would be conducive to the self-care he was determined to preserve.

“Well,” he said with a sigh. “I guess this is it.”

“Yeah,” she said, pulling a receipt from her purse and scribbling her number on it, handing it to him. “If you do ever want to hang out, or just grab a coffee or something, give me a call.” She looked at him hopefully. 

He took the number, glanced down at it. Then back at her, taking in her face, her eyes. Her freckles. It broke his heart to think about never looking at her again.

He smiled a bit sadly. “Thanks. I’ll do that,” he lied.

They stood for a few moments, not uncomfortably, but unsure. She probably had no idea how to navigate this, either. Finally, he stuck out his hand, and she shook it. He could feel the cold metal of her engagement ring around her warm fingers. She took a step back and picked up her suitcase.

“Bye, Jim,” she said, giving him a little wave.

“Bye, Pam.”

She turned around and he watched her walk into the building, dragging her last suitcase behind her. 

As he drove away, he held the receipt out the window, feeling it whip and pull in its struggle to be free. After one last brief battle in his mind, he opened his fingers with purpose, letting it go. He watched the slip of paper in his rearview float away in the breeze.