The sharp, staccato bleep of the alarm clock rouses Pam from a sleep she's only just fallen into. She stares at the ceiling, wishing the alarm would turn off on it's own, unable to summon the energy required to do it herself. Roy wakes up with a grunt and a grumble, reaching over her to do the job himself for what might be the first time ever. The annoyance on his face is evident, but quickly softens to concern when he looks at Pam.
"You okay baby? You look like crap."
Gee. Thanks.
"No. I have a terrible headache," she lies, knowing she needs an excuse for the way she looks - and feels - hoping this will do the trick. It does.
"You going to work today?"
Pam thinks about this. The thought of seeing Jim again makes her want to throw up and she thinks she might if she has to face him today. She needs time to figure things out before she talks to him. Before she looks at him. She doesn't know if she can handle it, that look. That Jim look. Part hurt, part confusion, part shell-shocked puppy dog. The look he reserves only for her, only for when she hurts or disappoints him. Like he can't believe that she would be capable of such a thing.
"No, I think I'm gonna rest. You know, in case this is gonna turn into something. Nip it in the bud."
Roy accepts this and leaves the room, promising to tell Michael that she wouldn't be in today. Pam listens as he moves around the kitchen and leaves. When she's sure he's gone, she gets up and heads to the kitchen, needing coffee and fighting the headache she now actually has, pretty sure she's lied it into existence.
Part of her hopes that Roy has left her some coffee. The other part of her knows this is unlikely, realizing she's not sure if he actually knows how to make it. Making the coffee has always been her responsibility in the morning.
She doesn't find coffee, but she does find a note, propped up against the coffee maker, Roy figuring it would be the first place she looked. She reads it as the coffee begins to brew, falling into the pot drop by drop.
P-
I'm going to Poor Richard's with Darryl tonight after work. Join us if you're feeling better.
-R
That's it. That's all it says.
She turns the note over, hoping to find a post script, hoping to find some indication of concern or sympathy or love. Even as an afterthought, it's something. Her breath catches as she sees the hastily scribbled writing on the back.
P.S. I booked a band. The one with that Kevin guy you work with. Scrantonicity.
Pam lays her head on the table and cries.
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Jim's heart is pounding as he leaves the elevator. There's a lump in his throat and his stomach is somewhere around his knees. He'd seen Roy's truck in the parking lot and expects to see Pam her desk when he walks into the office.
Instead, he sees Roy.
Roy is just leaving the office when Jim enters it, his palms sweaty, terror evident on his face. Jim stops before Roy gets to him, certain he's about to get punched. He hasn't been in a fight since grade school, when Bobby Ridgeway accused him of cheating at basketball during recess. He'd held is own then, but Roy was a lot bigger than Bobby had been, and Jim hopes getting beaten up doesn't hurt as much as he thinks it will.
"Hey Halpert." Roy smiles as he walks past Jim.
"Wh - Oh. Uh. Hey." Jim barely gets this out before the elevator doors close on Roy.
She didn't tell Roy. At least, he's pretty sure she hadn't told him. He figures that if Roy knew that Jim had told his fiance that he loved her, and then kissed her, that Roy wouldn't have smiled and said hello like it was a normal day. Because it's not a normal day. Only Roy doesn't know that. And Jim can't decide what it means that Roy doesn't know. He's pretty sure it doesn't mean anything good. At least not for him.
Jim lets out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding and makes it to his desk, eyes rooted firmly on the floor. Only when he's seated and has taken a deep, steadying breath, does he allow his eyes to flicker towards reception, expecting to see Pam.
Instead, it's Ryan who is settled into Pam's desk, a glum look on his face and a wary eye turned toward Michael, who is standing near Dwight.
Jim tenses as he listens to their conversation.
"Question. Can I head up the investigation into Pam's illness?" Dwight's eyes are alight with hope and excitement at the possibility of being chosen for the task.
"What? No! You did a terrible job with Oscar."
"Please? I've got experience. Trust me Michael, I know what I'm doing."
Jim can't take this. He knows why Pam is "sick" today. He'd almost taken the day off himself, dreading the idea of facing her rejection. Only the possibility of seeing her and trying to repair the shattered sense of normalcy in their friendship had gotten him out the door.
He can't listen to this.
"Why don't you just leave her alone? So she's sick on a Friday. People get sick." He is in no mood to deal with Dwight or Michael today.
"Yeah, and sometimes people take three day weekends." Dwight glares at Jim before turning a hopeful gaze back to Michael.
"Listen. Michael. As Assistant Regional Manager - "
"To the."
"Whatever. This is in my jurisdiction. This is why you have me around. Let me do this."
"God. Dwi - fine. Just don't screw it up this time, okay? I'm serious. Last chance."
Michael retreats into his office, leaving a delighted Dwight, an irritated Jim, and a relieved Ryan in his wake.
Jim sighs as he tries to block out the sounds of Dwight's first harassing phone call to Pam. He knows this day is going to be much more unbearable than he'd thought.
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Pam is still sitting at the kitchen table, coffee forgotten, clutching the note from Roy in her hand, when the phone rings. She rushes to answer it, thinking it could be her mom. She'd neglected to call her back last night and she needs to talk to her, to have her help figure this all out. Or to have her listen as she figures it out herself.
She rolls her eyes and lets out a sigh of defeat when she realizes it's Dwight. All she can do now is use the scratchy throat and sniffly nose she'd gotten from crying to get him off the phone as quickly as possible.
"Pam. Dwight Schrute here. Listen, I hear you're sick."
"Yes."
"Interesting. Then what are your symptoms?"
It's obvious from his tone that he doesn't believe she's sick, obvious that he expects to catch her in a lie. She considers hanging up on him. Instead, she rattles off anything that comes to mind and sounds halfway convincing.
"You have the chills and a fever? How is that even possible?"
Crap.
"I don't know. I'm not a doctor Dwight. I'm just sick."
"Mm hm. Question. Are you contagious? Because I have a Star Wars convention this weekend and I -"
She hangs up. She can understand why Jim gets so much pleasure from torturing him. She smiles as she remembers the first trick she'd been around to watch Jim play on Dwight.
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It was her first day at Dunder-Mifflin. She'd shown up early, hoping to make a good impression. Instead, she'd been greeted by Dwight's suspicious glare as she stood awkwardly near the door, waiting for Michael to get there. Dwight was the only one in the office.
"You don't work here."
She hadn't known what to say. She'd never had anyone so blatantly suspicious of her before. At least, not less than a minute after meeting her.
"I'm Pam. I'm the new receptionist."
"Oh. Fine. I'm Dwight K. Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager."
Hoping to make a friend, Pam had tried to get to know him better, even though she'd thought he was kind of weird.
"Oh, you are? Is that why you're here so early? What do you do?"
Dwight had stared at her for a good ten seconds before answering.
"I assist the regional manager and our boss, Michael Scott. He depends on me. And I'm here early to stop Jim from messing with my stuff."
She had been about to ask who Jim was and why he was messing with Dwight's stuff when Michael walked in. She'd never met him, having been interviewed by Toby while Michael was out of the office, but she'd known it was Michael because Dwight's enthusiastic and resounding, "Good morning, Michael!" had cut off the question forming on her lips. Then Michael had turned to her and she'd discovered what she had gotten herself into. She'd suddenly understood why it had been Toby who had interviewed her, and why he had chosen to do it while Michael was out of the office.
"You must be Pam. Pamalamadingdong! Pamelot!"
"Uh...Pam's fine." She remembers wondering if everyone was going to be as weird as the two people she'd already met. She'd wondered how long she was going to last at this job.
"I see you've met Dwayne, Assistant to the Regional Manager." Michael had said this with a gleam in his eye and a smirk on his face, both of which she would soon know well.
"Uh...he said his name was Dwi - "
"Actually, you know what Pam? There's something I need to show you outside before we get started."
Against her better judgment, she'd followed Michael in the direction of the elevators, leaving a protesting Dwight (Dwayne?) behind. That was when she'd met Jim. He'd been standing outside the elevator, catching people before they went into the office, a stack of five dollar bills in his hand and a grin on his face.
He'd been offering people money to call Dwight Dwayne for the day and they had all been eager to accept.
She remembers being surprised at how tall Jim was and thinking how pretty his eyes were, especially with the sparkle they'd held while he outlined his plan to torture Dwight for the day.
More than wondering the reason for the prank - she'd had boring jobs before - she'd wanted to know why Dwight was the target of this joke. Jim had just stared at her before answering.
"You have met Dwight, right?"
"Yeah. He seemed nice. A little...uptight maybe. But he's the Assistant Regional Manager. Won't you get in trouble?"
Michael had felt the need to speak up here.
"He's the Assistant to the Regional Manager."
"But he said - "
"I know what he said. Don't listen to him. He's...insane."
More confused than ever, Pam had just looked back and forth between Michael and Jim.
Jim had fixed her with a desperate look, seeing the chances of a successful prank dwindling before his eyes.
"Look, Pam. If you don't want to call him Dwayne, then just don't call him anything. Please? Just for today? Here. I'll even give you five dollars."
She'd laughed then and shaken her head. She hadn't wanted his money, but she also hadn't wanted to ruin his fun. It didn't seem as though taking a stand against the entire office on her first day would be the best way to start things off. She'd supposed it would be all right just to avoid calling Dwight anything for the day. After all, it was just one day.
And she that's what she did. She'd avoided calling him anything the entire day. That is, until just before she'd left. He'd spent the day glancing at her, as though he thought she might be up to something, and she'd felt the need for vindication. She hadn't done anything to deserve his mistrust. So, on her way out she'd taken a detour to the kitchen. On her way back towards the front of the office, when she'd gotten close to his desk, she'd managed a small, "It was nice meeting you, Dwayne."
She'd seen Jim crack a wide smile as Dwight let out a huff of indignation while she headed for the door.
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She smiles now, thinking about that day. She remembers how Jim had eaten lunch with her as he filled her in on what she could expect in the office. He hadn't gossiped - that had come later - but he'd made sure she knew what expect from Michael, Dwight, and Kevin, made sure she knew they were harmless. He'd warned her about Kelly's chattiness and Creed's inability to remember names, faces, or facts for more than a few seconds. He'd told her that Stanley was a hard worker but wouldn't stand in the way of anyone's fun, and that Phyllis was as sweet as they came. He'd made sure not to mention Toby's marriage problems or Meredith's alcohol abuse, not thinking it was their business to discuss.
She'd known that day that she had found a good friend in Jim.
Her smile fades as she thinks of the mess their friendship has become. She knows she needs to sort things out, but she's afraid of what she'll end up with. Afraid that she'll discover her life won't be what she'd thought it would. Even if she's dreaded parts of it at times, it's still her life and she's comfortable in it. What would she do if she realized it was no longer what she wanted?
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© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali
© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali