If we're speaking of desire, I think it's best we start with a man who definitely has desires.
A Mr. Kevin Malone.
In my line of work, it's frustrating when people can't seem to decipher between love and lust. I try very hard to steer people toward someone they can see themselves with for the rest of their lives.
But Kevin always seemed to just see their, um...physical assets. After a while I just kind of gave up and let him loose because a God like me can only handle so many headaches from someone constantly misinterpreting my nudges. The man proposed to four different women and I'm fairly certain three of them didn't even know his last name.
That being said, there have been a couple of successes with Kevin. Times where somehow, by the grace of Jupiter, he got it. Like Stacy. She was my first major win for Kevin. And bless his heart, he tried his best.
They met in line for the ice cream truck, of all places. Stacy was there with her daughter and Kevin was there with, well, Kevin. As he ordered something from each row on the menu, Stacy cocked her head with a smile and asked him if he had volunteered to buy ice cream for a group of kids or something. Kevin responded with a shifty "...yes", though we all know he simply couldn't narrow down the choices for himself.
Now listen. I don't get many chances with Kevin. So when I saw the look in Stacy's eyes, I took my chances and sent one of my happy little sparrows Kevin's way. Much to my delight (and surprise), he was able to begin a somewhat normal conversation with Stacy, and much to my delight (and surprise) she didn't even seem to notice that he ate all the ice cream by himself during the conversation.
Something to understand is that my job mainly consists of getting people together. Once they figure that part out, I tend to stop the meddling. Very rarely, and only for good reason, do I continue my work once a couple is together. I wasn't sure what to expect from Kevin and Stacy, but they made it work for nearly four years and were even engaged at one point. Now, I love Kevin, but I think Stacy slowly began to understand what forever with him would look like and ended up abruptly calling it off at the breakfast table one morning. I could have meddled here, but...Stacy kind of had a point.
I had one more notable success with Kevin. It was short-lived, this time it was not due to failure on Kevin's part. I know, I was shocked too. When Michael Scott threw his Lonely Hearts party, (which first of all, rude. I try so tirelessly to get these people with their perfect matches and they screw it up. No need to throw a pity party on my busiest day of the year when it's their own fault they don't listen) I had a hunch that Lynn would be good for Kevin. So I made sure she saw that flyer. Thankfully, she took the hint and showed up. With a little further nudging, she really seemed to see Kevin and they exchanged phone numbers. But then it was time to work on Kevin.
Instead of listening to MY hints, however, he went to one of the biggest pains in my perfectly toned ass. Andy Bernard. Thankfully, and quite remarkably, Kevin didn't follow his advice and asked Lynn out. But as happens sometimes with you mortals, she felt as if they should just be friends. I hate that phrase.
And I felt for Kevin. He was doing everything right for once. He treated her well. So I made an exception and did a little meddling. If I've learned anything about Kevin, the fastest way to his heart (and elsewhere) is a well-endowed woman and food. And while I can't nudge a woman to change her cup size, I can give a little sway about what she has for breakfast, as long as it aides in a connection. So, Lynn had bacon. Kevin smelled said bacon in the elevator. Next thing I know, he is asking her out again and they're locking lips at Michael's disco party.
A God's gotta do what a God's gotta do.
Unfortunately, it wasn't quite enough and the two only remained friends. But it made Kev happy for 15 minutes and that's okay with me.
From there, I tried a few more times to help him make a connection but sometimes you just have to humble yourself and accept defeat.
Simple man, simple pleasures.
It's just a shame that love is never simple.
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© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali
© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali