On the surface, Kelly Kapoor seems like she would be the perfect candidate for my services. She LOVES love. I mean, she's basically my mascot. In kindergarten, she had her first boyfriend. Well, technically two boyfriends. Neither of them knew about the other OR that they were Kelly's boyfriends. Unfortunately, that trend seemed to continue for a while.
She craved attention. With four sisters, it was only natural. If a boy so much as commented on the tiniest aspect of her being, she clung on like a barnacle. Sometimes it worked naturally, sometimes it really didn't, and sometimes, mostly out of pity, I would nudge the guy in hopes he might be a good fit for her. And then one breaks up with her and she steals his dad's boat and ends up in a juvenile detention center and…it could get messy.
But, yeah, on paper she's my perfect candidate. Only she just does my job for me before I even have the chance to do anything. For the majority of her life, I didn't have to do a blasted thing. Not until later, at least.
After a brief stint in hair school and two years of college, she landed a job at Dunder Mifflin in customer service. At the time, she had attached herself to a guy named Chad. (I've never met a Chad I've liked and he's no different.) He was a controlling meathead that had Kelly wrapped around his stubby little steroid-infused finger. When she got the job, he told her she needed to tone down her personality if she wanted to keep it. Kelly, being knee-deep in credit card debt, really needed the job so she muted herself. Now, the real Kelly can be a little much, but it's never fun to see someone completely change themselves for "love", especially because of Chad.
Eventually Chad moved on, but Kelly still tried to maintain her "new self" at work. That is until the cameras showed up. For a while, she remained cool and collected, professional and poised. But the idea of fame got to her and little by little, the old Kelly began to emerge.
In full force.
Now I bring you back to that fateful night in February (that I can't remember). Somehow Ryan and Kelly got together. And boy, did Kelly cling. She's naturally very clingy, but I must have done something that night that intensified it. She showed up at work the next day, love guns a blazin'. Valentine's Day is already a headache for me because of everyone thinking they know better than me, but this was just icing on the cake.
I've already given you a brief rundown of her relationship with Ryan (and don't care to dive any deeper), but I can mention the few failed attempts to steer her clear of him.
First was Darryl. I thought he would be perfect for her because he didn't do drama, he didn't take any crap, and he said it like it was without being a Chad. She took the bait, but much to my dismay, she seemed to only do so to make Ryan jealous. Ultimately, she broke up with Darryl for, you guessed it! Ryan.
One guess how that went.
And finally, the big one. The one that stings the most and nearly made me turn in my proverbial badge. Ravi.
Ravi was the whole package. I sent sparrow after sparrow to them both trying desperately to get Kelly to finally drop Ryan. And it worked! She realized she could do better and finally left Ryan in the dust.
Then there was dating!
And an engagement!
And they left Pennsylvania!
I popped open a bottle of heavenly champagne!
…to drown my sorrows as I watched her run off with Ryan freaking Howard. Again.
I just...I...I can't.
I can't.
Let's move on. Please.
Chapter End Notes:
Sorry, Chads of the world.
