"Is, what am I going to do?" Pam wailed down the phone from her small bed in her dorm room as Isabel picked up her call.

"With what?" Isabel asked from the other end of the line.

"Jim's birthday present. It's like five weeks away," she whined as she got up and started to pace the small room with one hand on her forehead.

"What are you talking about? You got those Sixers tickets like months ago," Isabel replied, with the phone balancing on her shoulder as she pulled a Red Vine between her teeth.

Pam plopped herself down on the bed again. "Turns out, it was an away game."

"What? Didn't you know that when you bought them?"

"It didn't say anything on the ticket, how was I supposed to know?" Pam shrieked.

"I'm pretty sure," Isabel began but then stopped herself. "You know what, doesn't matter. So it's an away game, can't you go to wherever it is?"

"It's in Phoenix! I can't afford these stupid tickets and plane tickets and a stupid hotel and whatever else comes with going to a stupid basketball game on the other side of the freaking country. What am I going to do?" Pam moaned as she buried her head in her pillow, causing the end of her sentence to be somewhat muffled.

"Ok, just like take a breath and calm down," Isabel tried to reason.

"Calm down?" Pam exploded, sitting up on her bed. "My fiancé's 30th birthday is in a month and I have no present for him, and the present that I spent months saving for, I can't even give him. And nothing was going to beat that. Courtside seats to his team? I mean come on, that was like the best present ever for him."

"Yeah, it was pretty good. But I know you Pam, you'll think of something." Pam let out a big sigh through her nose in disagreement. "Look, I gotta go, but it's all gonna be ok, I promise."

"Yeah right," Pam sighed as she fell backwards onto her pillow.

"Love you."

"Love you too," she replied, before hanging up, throwing her phone on the floor and turning her head to scream into the pillow. After a few minutes more of sulking, Pam sighed again and pulled herself up to a sitting position. She grabbed her laptop and opened up a new browser window, quickly typing ‘fiance 30th birthday gift' into Google.

--

An hour and a half later, Pam was still deep in present search mode when suddenly there was a loud banging at her bedroom door. She glanced at the time in the corner of her laptop and muttered, "crap" under her breath. She closed her computer and climbed off of her bed as another bang came at the door. "Coming," Pam called as she walked over and opened the door.

"Why aren't you dressed?" Katie asked as she pushed her way past Pam and into the small room.

"Sorry, I got distracted. Where's Eric and Stacy?" Pam asked as she walked over to her closet and began rummaging through it for something to wear. 

"Eric is gonna meet us at the bar, Stacy is coming here. Here, drink this," Katie said as she thrust a bottle of rum at Pam. Pam looked at it with a raised eyebrow. "Come on, catch up. I've been drinking since 4pm."

"Katie!" Pam shrieked.

"What? We don't have class tomorrow. Drink up," Katie said, ushering Pam on with her hands to drink the liquor.

Pam looked at the bottle and paused for a moment, before shrugging and taking a swig of the bottle. "Yeugh," she gritted out, passing the bottle back to Katie, who happily accepted it and took another drink. Pam held up a floaty blue and white polka dot dress. "How's this?"

"Great. Put it on and let's go. But have another drink first," Katie said, pushing the bottle into Pam's hand. "So what've you been doing all afternoon? Why aren't you ready?" she asked Pam who had disappeared behind her closet door to change.

"Ugh, it's so stupid," Pam whined as she wrestled herself into her dress. "So you know my fiancé, Jim?"

"You mean the only thing you ever talk about?" Katie said with an eye roll.

"Shut up, I do not!" Pam exclaimed, stepping out from behind the door.

"Uh, yeah you do. Anyway, continue," Katie motioned with her hand.

Pam rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly. "So it's his birthday soon, and I bought him courtside seats for his team."

"And? What's the problem?"

"Turns out the tickets were for an away game, and I can't afford to fly us there and get a hotel and everything. So I'm trying to think of something else to get him, with basically no money. Ugh," she frowned down at her dress, "there's a stain, I need to change." She pulled her dress over her head and browsed through her clothes in her black lace bra and panties, hidden only partially behind the door.

"Just show up at the door wearing that and sit on his face," Katie said, gesturing to Pam's undressed state. "He'll love it."

"What? Oh my god! No!" Pam shrieked, pulling out a black shirt dress and pulling it on quickly.

"Ok, then show up the door in the lingerie and sit on his big, meaty cock," Katie replied as she took another swig from the bottle of rum. 

"He does not have a," Pam looked around and lowered her voice, looking mortified, "big, meaty cock."

"That's not what you said last time we went out," Katie smirked. "You wouldn't stop going on about it. What was it? 10 inches long and 7 inches around?"

Pam flushed crimson remembering her drunken rant from last week about how much she loved Jim and how much she was missing him. All of him. She made a mental note to keep her mouth shut later on that evening. "I, um, uh, no," was all she managed to stutter. "Hoo boy." She took a breath and shook her head again. "No, I want to get him a proper present. But I don't have any money."

"What about the money you spent on the tickets?" Katie asked, confused.

"You just said it, I spent it on the tickets."

"No you idiot, sell the tickets, and then you'll have the money that you spent on them to buy a new present," Katie replied, holding out the bottle to Pam.

Pam shook her head, but then relented and took the bottle. "Oh yeah, I didn't think of that. I should definitely do that," she said, before knocking another glug back. "Craig's list?"

Katie answered with a nod, just as there was a knock at the door.  Pam walked over to answer it. "Whaddappp," Stacy shouted, clearly already a little tipsy.

"We're trying to think of what Pam can get for Jim's birthday present," Katie explained as she passed the bottle of rum to him.

"Oh god, we're not gonna be talking about how much you like his fancy dick all night again are we?" Stacy groaned as he took a sip.

Pam was bright red all over again. "What? No, I, I never said anything like that," she stammered with a shake of her head.

"I likka his fancy dickkk," Stacy and Katie chimed in together, before falling on Pam's bed in a fit of giggles 

All Pam could do was grab the bottle from Stacy, take a long drink to hide her embarrassment and hope that the rum would help her think of a present.

--

"So where are we meeting this guy?" Alex asked as he and Pam walked down Washington Avenue a few days later.

"Just down by Underwood Park. I think it's just down here a bit?" Pam replied as she pointed down the street to the right.

"Pam! That place is so sketchy, why would you meet him there?" he exclaimed, stopping on the sidewalk.

"What?" Pam asked as she stopped and turned to look at Alex a few paces behind. "Come on, it can't be that bad."

"Um, how long have you lived in New York?" he asked. Pam looked up to the sky and began to count silently on her fingers. "Exactly. I've been here for years. This isn't a safe place to meet."

"Alex, it's the middle of the day. There's people everywhere, it's gonna be ok. You're over-reacting." She started walking, but Alex still hadn't moved. "Come on, we're gonna be late."

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Alex said slowly as he began to walk again.

"It's gonna be ok. He's going to give me two hundred and fifty dollars, and I'm going to give him the tickets. And then you can come and help me find a new present for Jim," Pam said brightly.

"Great," he muttered quietly as he looked down and kicked a stone on the sidewalk. 

"Hmm?" 

"Oh, nothing. I'm sure it'll be ok, I'm just a bit, you know, cautious about this place."

"It's going to be fine," Pam said, linking her arm through Alex's. "I promise."

--

"Ok, so it wasn't exactly fine," Pam explained to Eric the following day as they walked to class.

"What happened?"

"Alex had warned me that the place we were meeting this guy was kind of sketchy, but I thought it would be ok," she began.

"Where were you meeting?" he asked.

"That park on Washington Avenue," she said a little shyly.

"Oh god, not Underwood Park?" he groaned.

"I didn't know it was gonna be so bad!" Pam shrieked. "And anyway, the place wasn't even the problem. It was the guy I was messaging. He seemed so nice."

"Mhmm," Eric murmured with a roll of his eyes.

"I feel so stupid," she said with a slump of her shoulders. "He said he had tried to get tickets for his parents for their anniversary and couldn't, and had this whole story about how they met at a Sixers game when they were kids and I totally fell for it."

"What, did he pull a gun on you or something?"

"I mean, that would have been less embarrassing." She took a breath. "We met and he seemed nice and normal, and I asked if he had the money. And he said yes, and started to get his wallet out. So I got the tickets out. And then when I thought he was about to get the cash out of his wallet, he threw his bottle of water in my face, snatched the tickets and ran away."

"Ohmigod," Eric guffawed, bursting into laughter.

"Stop!" Pam whined, "it's not funny!"

"Oh honey, that is the funniest thing I've heard all week. Scratch that, all year."

"No it's not!" she shrieked, swatting Eric on the arm. "Because now I have absolutely no money, and no tickets. And I still have no present, and Jim's birthday is in less than a month. And obviously I can't tell him what happened with the mugging because he'll be so worried about me being here and stuff. What am I going to do?" she asked on the verge of tears.  

"Ok, just like cam down." He placed his hands on Pam's shoulders. "You know him better than anyone. What does he like?"

"Well, sport, which is why I bought him the tickets in the first place."

"So what about like a jersey with his name on?" he suggested. 

"With what money?" she whined. "I got robbed, remember?"

"Has he got any other hobbies? Does he like music?" Eric asked, ignoring Pam's petulant state. 

"Duh, who doesn't?" Pam replied with a roll of her eyes.  

"Don't get fresh with me, I'm the one trying to help you here sweetheart."

"Sorry, sorry, I'm just stressed," she said, running a hand through her hair. "Yes, he does like music. A lot."

"How about a mixtape? That's not gonna cost anything."

"Hmm." Pam chewed on her bottom lip in thought. On one hand it would be a nice callback to the one Jim had made her all those years ago, but on the other hand, it didn't really feel all that special. For a 30th birthday and all. 

"Or I don't know. Paint him a picture Ms. Artiste," Eric said in a fake French accent. 

"That's not a terrible idea," Pam replied. "But of what?"

"You're the one that knows him sweetie. All I know is the size of his dick," Eric said, causing Pam to stop still in the street and turn red with wide eyes. "Come on," he shouted, looking back at her, "we're going to be late."

--

"Hey mom," Pam said into her cellphone that evening as she answered the call to her mother that evening. 

"Pammy, I'm so mad," Helene growled down the phone. 

"What's dad done now?" Pam replied with a slight chuckle. She shoved the phone between her ear and shoulder and began to tidy up her desk. 

"Honestly it's so ridiculous. Your Meemaw bought us a photographer for our anniversary, and we went to take the photos today. I'd laid out matching outfits for us. You know, my lovely blue dress? And his grey suit, with the blue tie that matches my dress?" Helene huffed. Pam murmured her agreement as she leafed through a textbook. "So we arrived at the studio, and the photographer suggested a more relaxed shoot. So your father takes his jacket off, and he's wearing this just awful tie."

"I thought you picked out his tie for him?" Pam asked, slightly confused. 

"I had. And I thought he was wearing it," Helene gritted out, "but he'd switched it for one that had a bright orange fish at the bottom of it." Pam burst out laughing. "Pamela, it is not funny. My pictures are ruined. Do you think I want those god awful pictures hanging on my wall now?"

"It's kinda funny mom," Pam giggled. She heard a beeping on her phone and pulled her phone away from her ear so that she could see what it was. She smiled when she saw Jim's name flashing on the screen and walked over to her window. She leaned out of it slightly, looking around with her phone pressed back to her ear. She finally saw him trying to back into a space and waved at him, not that he was able to see. She shuffled around the floor, slipping on her sneakers as her mother carried on her tirade, and looked for her keys on her desk. "Hmm?" Pam murmured when she realised that Helene had asked her a question.

"I said, would you want to have to look at some stupid thing that Jim did for the rest of your life?" 

Pam's eyes grew wide at what her mom had just said, and her mind suddenly raced a thousand miles a minute. "Um, I gotta go mom, Jim just got here. I'll call you after the weekend. Love you, bye," she said, quickly hanging up the phone before Helene even had a chance to answer.

--

"What are you doing?" Jim groggily asked the next morning as he rolled over, almost falling out of the small bed.

Pam quickly snapped her notepad closed and stuffed it behind her back. She absolutely didn't want Jim to see the list that she had been making. "Um, nothing," she quickly said, although her flushing red face didn't quite agree with that statement. "Oh hey, they just opened a new smoothie place on the corner. Let's go try it." Pam stood up, still hiding the notebook behind her back, and somehow manoeuvred herself to slip it into her desk drawer. She walked over to the bed where Jim had pulled the covers up over his face. "Come on," she said, pulling them back down to reveal his bare chest.

"Smoothie later," he whispered, pulling her down on top of him, and the covers over her head.