“Dear Diary, I think she’s starting to notice me. We even sat at the same table at lunch today.”

Pam looked over from the kitchenette with a bemused smirk on her face. Jim was sitting on the futon near the fireplace. He had a magazine in his hand and was pretending to write in it while Pam washed their lunch dishes. Jim saw her grinning and kept up with his narration.

“We have study hall together later. I’ve heard she’s a really good artist. Maybe she can give me a few tips on how to clean up my own drawings. According to my science teacher, my doodles lack depth. Not my fault he’s so boring he could make paint dry seem exciting. I mean it’s chemistry! Show us how to make something explode or how to create our own backyard nuclear reactor! Something like that!”

The last line earned Jim a laugh from Pam as she walked over and plopped down on the couch next to him. She picked up a separate magazine and started her own journal entry.

“Hi Journal, it’s me Pam again. How are you? Still the strong silent type? Glad to hear it. That’s why I like confiding in you. You know the value of discretion. So, I’ve got to let you in on a secret, there’s this new guy at school. He’s kind of dorky looking.”

Next to her, Jim let out a gasp of fake astonishment and put a hand on his chest. Pam only smiled and kept writing.

“His clothes are a bit too baggy for him, his hair is kind of shaggy, and don’t even get me started on how big his ears are. But none of that’s important. You know what is important? He did the sweetest thing today. I forgot my lunch at home and didn’t have money to buy anything. He came over and offered to share his lunch with me. It was chicken nugget day in the cafeteria. He let me have three of the five he was given. I’ll have to make sure to do something nice for him in return.”

Pam set the magazine down and looked over to Jim. “Seriously though, thanks for making lunch. You’ve been taking really good care of me these past couple of days. It’s very sweet.”

A warm smile bloomed on Jim’s face. “You’re welcome. You’re worth it.”

“Awww, Jim,” Pam ducked her face as her cheeks flushed red. She leaned her head against his shoulder.

Jim draped an arm across her shoulders and was delighted to hear her let out a sigh of contentment. He looked around the small cabin. The storm hit two days prior and dumped over a foot of snow on the area. They’d made it to a local grocery store before the worst snow squalls came down. Between the two of them they had several days' worth of easy to make meals.

“So, what do you want to do now?” Jim asked. “Add cousins to the snowman family outside? Another game of Risk? Find some talk show on daytime TV?”

“Nah,” Pam said with a yawn. “I wouldn’t mind curling up for a nap though.”

“Sounds wonderful,” Jim said softly.

They adjusted themselves on the couch until Pam was essentially lying on top of him. Jim pulled a blanket over the two of them and wrapped his arms around her. Her head ended up resting on his chest. He reached up to start dragging his fingers across her scalp and through her hair.

“Mmmmm,” Pam hummed. “That feels wonderful.”

“Glad you like it,” Jim told her.

Before long the warmth of the blanket combined with the heat of the fire lulled her to sleep. Craning his neck, Jim watched her doze. He could feel every sensual curve of her body pressed against his. Her hands burned imprints of themselves where they rested over his heart. A sigh of serenity escaped Jim. For years he’d envisioned being with her like this. The reality was proving to be better than any dream he’d ever had. Her closeness also kick-started other reactions and he reached down to subtly adjust himself before the growing bulge in his jeans made things uncomfortable for either of them.

Time enough for that later, he thought to himself. She wanted time and it’s only been a few days since she broke things off with Roy. You’ve waited years, you can wait a little longer.

He wrapped one arm around the small of her back while his other hand returned to her hair. It was just one of the many fantasies he’d envisioned over the years. The reality was proving to be beyond anything he could have dreamt up. Starting at the top of her head, he let his fingernails graze lightly before the strands would curl themselves around the tips of his fingers as he moved his hand down across her neck and upper back. Soon, the press of her body gradually lulled him to sleep as well.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Pam woke up from her nap cocooned in warmth. The fire had burned down to embers, but the coals still glowed red. Outside the snow had finally tapered off. Amber blinking lights filtered through the window. Careful not to rouse Jim, she slipped off the couch and walked to the door. A snowplow was working to clear the parking lot. She walked back to the fireplace and added a couple logs. She prepared herself a mug of tea before sitting down at the table. She took a breath before turning her phone back on. As she suspected, her voicemail inbox was full once more. The first few messages were from Roy. His anger at being left at the jail hadn’t subsided. Anger turned to shock when he realized she’d left her ring on the table and its implications. Next came the calls from Roy’s mother. More anger that Pam had let both Roy and Kenny wallow in jail followed by disbelief that Pam had broken things off with her son. Demands that Pam call all of them back ended each message. It was the last message that surprised her. When Pam heard the voice of Roy’s sister, Hunter, she was taken slightly aback. Pam’s mind flashed back two summers prior to a Labor Day cookout where Hunter had viciously fought with Roy’s father before storming away vowing never to speak to the family again.

“Hey Pam, it’s Hunter. Guess you’re probably not expecting to hear from me. I heard from Mom and Roy that you not only called things off but kind of disappeared on them. I’m sure you know how they are, so I won’t repeat anything you’ve probably heard already. I want to let you know that whatever your reasons for breaking things off with my brother, I support you. Regardless of what they may have told you, I do still care about my family. For a long time, I thought you were going to be part of that family which means I care about you too. That’s why I’m calling. If you want to talk about anything I’m here for you. If you don’t, that’s fine too. I get it. I’ve always seen a lot of potential in you. Hopefully you get to explore it. Take care.”

Unlike the other messages she’d deleted, Pam let Hunter’s voicemail linger. Wow! That’s not at all what I was expecting!

She sipped her tea and let Hunter’s words mull around in her mind. She was slightly startled when a gentle hand settled down on her shoulder.

“Jim!”

“Oh! Sorry,” he was instantly apologetic.

She shook her head to clear some of the cobwebs. “No, it’s fine.”

“You, okay?” Jim asked as he walked towards the door.

“Yeah, no, fine. It’s just that I opened my phone and got a bunch of voicemails from Roy and his mom, but also one from his sister saying she supported me.”

“I didn’t even know Roy had a sister,” Jim’s shocked face showed the truth of the revelation.

“No reason you should,” Pam shrugged. “She kind of disappeared from their family stuff a couple years ago. Also, let's face it, you were never really looking for a reason to be buddy-buddy with Roy and thus hear about any of his family drama.”

Jim nodded sagely while pulling on his coat. “You got me there Bees.”

“Going somewhere?”

“Yeah,” Jim looked out the window. “If the plows are finally getting through it must mean we’re on the tail end of the storm. It’s already kind of late, but I figure I’d get a head start on digging out the car for whenever we want to get out of here.”

“That’s a good idea. Thanks.”

Jim slid his hands into his gloves and pulled on his hat. “You’re welcome. Be back inside in a bit.” He slid his feet into his boots and walked outside. Pam stayed where she was at the table. The flicker of flames from the fireplace caused shadows to dance across the cabin. The messages she’d heard continued to bounce around in her mind. Other thoughts circled too. Thoughts of how Jim had insisted she take the bed and had curled up on the futon for the previous two nights. Memories of times with him and the fun they’d shared. Glancing out the window she saw him digging in with a small shovel to clear snow from her car. The memory of strolling through Santa’s village fueled the growing romantic feelings she was discovering for Jim. At once a sense of guilt also wormed its way into her heart. She’d simply left Roy in jail with only a note and her ring on the table. A glance at her phone reminded her of the way he’d taken those actions. She bit her lower lip lightly before flipping open her phone and making a call. It picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi Hunter, it’s me, Pam.”

“Pam! Hi!” Hunter’s voice sounded surprised through the earpiece. “How ya doin’?”

“I’m...good.” Pam started. “I got your voicemail. I’ve had my phone off for the most part that’s why I didn’t answer.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” Hunter assured her.

“That’s just the thing, I think I do. You were right because for a long time I thought I was going to be part of your family. I think I owe it to you all to explain why I did what I did. I’d call Roy directly, but I think he’s still pissed and I don’t really want to get screamed at some more.”

“I get that,” Hunter replied. “He and Kenny both have pretty nasty tempers.”

Pam told Hunter her version of the events leading up to Roy’s arrest and her decision to skip town. For her part Hunter listened patiently without interruption. She let out a whistle when Pam got to the end of her story.

“That’s something out of a movie right there. You’re right, he’s still upset. First about getting thrown in jail for the night and then when he found all your stuff gone and the ring on the table. It was the first time he’s called me since I walked out on everyone a couple years ago. That’s how I knew it was bad. But like I said, I support you in this, not him.”

“Why?” Pam asked quietly.

Hunter took a deep breath before she continued. “Roy takes the easy way. He always has. The few times he really puts effort into things are when he’s already naturally gifted at them. Take football. He was just always fast and strong without putting a whole lot of time into it. Add in my dad basically telling him he was the golden child for doing so well on the field, it made him think a bit too highly of himself. Why work harder to become great when good enough gets him through? It’s probably why during his senior year there were a lot of scouts, but no scholarship offers to play in college. I remember sitting behind a few of them in the stands. They’d say things like, ‘if only he’d really commit, he’d be great,’ or stuff like, ‘all flash but no heart.’
“It’s why it took him so long to propose to you. He didn’t feel the need to do anything more serious because he was happy with the way things were. Same as to why he never took you seriously about setting a wedding date.
“I’ve tried telling him all this kind of stuff for years. He’d rather hang out with Kenny and his buddies. Mentally I don’t think he’s much different than the kid we knew back in high school. I told him all that when he called yesterday. It didn’t go well. He was also probably drunk at the time too, so that didn’t help. I tried calling him again this morning, but he didn’t answer.
“What really killed me was that he was dragging you down with him. I’ve seen some of the artwork you’ve done. Especially back when you were in college and really diving into it. It’s really good! If you had kept it up, I wonder where you’d be right now. But because Roy didn’t want to go anywhere, and you were loyal to Roy, you didn’t go anywhere.”

Hunter’s direct words caused a goiter to form in Pam’s throat. She tried to swallow it as Hunter went on.

“I’m not saying all this to be mean, but I also want to be direct. When Roy called and said you’d run off and left the ring, I was ecstatic! Again, not to be mean to either you or Roy, but finally something got shaken up and at least one of you pulled your head out of your ass to realize that you’d outgrown the other one. Maybe then you’d both get a chance to actually grow and mature, which is what I’ve always wanted for both of you!”

“You think Roy sees it that way?” Pam croaked out.

“Not right now. He’s still in shock.” Hunter told her. “But I do think there’s a good man somewhere in Roy. However, to become that good man he needs to focus on himself. So, you leaving him could be the best thing that’s ever happened to him. I know that sounds kind of  harsh, but it’s because I care about you that I don’t want to blow smoke up your ass.
“You’re free now too you know. Free from just tolerating my oaf of a brother to explore who you are. Find that art spark again and let it shine. Hopefully someday find a guy that will really support you like you deserve. I know it’s probably going to sting for a bit. You were with Roy for a long time and there’s a lot of history there. But there’s also a big wide-open future for you. I just hope you have the courage to grab it.”

Pam looked out the window again to see Jim arching his back after tossing a full load of snow off to one side. “Thanks Hunter. That was, it was a lot.”

“I know. But if this is the last time I ever talk to you, I wanted to make it count.”

“I don’t want it to be the last time I talk to you,” Pam told her. “I’ve always liked hanging out with you and don’t want to stop doing that. Even if I’m not going to marry Roy.”

“I’d like that, but let’s let things cool off for a bit before we head out for a ladies night or anything. Give everyone a chance to come to terms with things.”

“That sounds smart. Could you do me a favor though?”

“Sure.”

Pam swallowed. “If you do get a hold of Roy, let him know that I’ll come by the apartment sometime next week with my dad to get anything I missed and talk about leaving my key and stuff like that.”

“Not a problem. Let me know what day that is. I’ll try and be there too.”

Pam and Hunter chatted for a few minutes longer before hanging up the call. Feeling better for the discussion, Pam walked over to the kitchenette and pulled two TV dinners out of the freezer. She set the oven to pre-heat and put in the food when the oven was hot enough. Outside she could see Jim still bobbing up and down. He had finished clearing her car and was now working on the walkways the plow had missed. Darkness was falling quickly. The lights from the small Christmas tree seemed to burn a hole against the creeping blackness outside as if it were a miniature lighthouse, guiding her to safe harbor.

Find a guy that will really support me. Hunter’s words echoed in Pam’s mind. Well, there he is. Ever since the first day I’ve met him, Jim’s supported me. When Michael and Packer were acting insufferable, he got me out of there with that trip to Cuginos. He’s always wanted to see what I’m sketching. I don’t think there’s been any other guy who I’ve been able to talk to as easily as him. He’s made me look forward to showing up to work, just so I can tell him something. I don’t think I’ve ever looked forward to seeing Roy at the end of the day and telling him how it went. Is this what it’s supposed to be like? To really care for someone? To be cared for by someone else? It feels really good. It feels like...love.

Her ruminations were interrupted by Jim walking back inside and closing the door.

“Hey! Smells great!” he said with a smile while taking off his gloves. She looked over at the oven and saw it was time to take out the food. It was the work of a few moments to slide on oven mitts and pull them out.

Pam looked down at the steaming dinner trays. “They’re just TV dinners.”

“Yeah,” he acknowledged while taking off his boots. “But it’s always nice to come inside from the cold to a warm meal. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Pam smiled. “Do you want the Salsbury steaks or the fried chicken?”

“Salsbury steaks please.” Jim crossed over to the fridge and pulled out two cans of Coke. He set them down at the table while Pam set out the food. “As long as we don’t get to much more snow, we should be good to get out of here in the morning.”

“Sounds good,” Pam said while still looking down at her food.

“Hey, you okay over there?”

She looked up. “It’s just we, and more importantly I, am going to have to face everything when we get back. I called Hunter while you were outside.” She went on to tell Jim about the conversation she’d had with Hunter.

Jim listened quietly while she spoke. “Do you need a place to stay till you get a new apartment? You’re more than welcome to crash on the couch at my place,” he asked when she was done.

A brief smile flickered over her face. “That’s sweet, but my sister has already offered her spare bedroom. I think it might be prudent for me to stay there.”

“Sure, no problem.”

Pam reached over and grabbed his hand. “Please don’t think I’m rejecting you or anything. It’s just, I just ended one relationship. I do want to start something new with you, but being in the same house right now seems way to fast.”

It was as if she could see the tension melt from his shoulders. “Yeah, no, that’s a good idea. I just wanted to help in any way I could.”

Her earlier tentative smile made way for one that stretched from ear to ear. “I know. You always have. Thank you.”

Jim’s smile mirrored hers. “You’re welcome.”

They discussed plans for leaving and returning to Scranton while they ate. After the dishes were put away, they reclined together on the couch again to watch a back-to-back feature of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer.

The last movie came to an end, but neither one made a move to get the DVD out of the player. Instead, Pam shifted so she was able to look at Jim.

“I was doing some thinking while you were outside shoveling earlier.”

Jim cocked an eyebrow. “About what?”

“About you actually,” she admitted. “I was thinking about how you’ve always made me feel and how I feel when I’m around you.”

Jim had to take a deep breath before he was able to respond. “What are you saying Beesly?”

She looked deep into his eyes. “I love you too Jim. I think I have for a while now. I just couldn’t see it.”

Jim sat in shock for a moment while what she told him registered. When he did speak, his voice was barely above a whisper. “Come here.”

He forward to gather her in his arms and held on tightly. She leaned into his embrace to bury her face in the crook of his neck. It wasn’t enough for her though. She leaned slightly back to tilt her head towards his. He met her halfway and his lips met hers. The kiss deepened quickly, and she felt her heart start to race. One of his hands moved up from her back to entangle itself gently in her curls. She brought her own hands up to rest on either side of his face. It was only when he started to awkwardly try to roll over that she broke the kiss.

“Jim,” she managed to pant out.

“Yeah,” he breathed into her ear sending a ripple of goosebumps racing down her shoulder.

“There’s a lot more room on the bed.” Instantly he froze and backed up a touch. At once worry crept in. “What is it?”

“It’s just earlier, you said you didn’t want to move too fast. Then you say that. Forgive a guy for getting a little whiplash.”

Clarity dawned on her. “Oh.” She leaned forward to give him another brief kiss before she went on. “Then let me be clear. When we get back home, yes, I’ll want some space of my own. I’ve never had my own apartment before, and I want to have a space that’s just mine for now. It’s been a long time since I’ve known what I want and had the chance to reach out for it. I know there’s things we’ll still have to figure out when we get home, but those can wait for tomorrow. I want you, Jim. I love you, and I want you in my life. I don’t want to wait to start what I know will be an amazing life with you.”

Jim just smiled at her and leaned forward to kiss her once more before getting off the couch to help her up. Moments later they fell into bed with each other. Across the room the firelight slowly died. However, the lights of the little Christmas tree shone out across the cabin. Hope shining brightly against the dark.