He felt like he was in a haze as he turned and saw Pam sitting beside him, a grin on her face. He wanted to reach over and pull her into a bone-crushing hug, but it had been so long, so long, and he wasn’t really sure he had ever even hugged her before. How could that be? How could he have been in love with someone for so long, and never even have hugged her? It seemed so ridiculous, but it seemed even more ridiculous to hug her now, after years of not even speaking to each other
So he was glad that the chairs prevented him from doing so.
But…he needed to do something.
So he reached over and took her hand and squeezed it probably a little too hard.
Somehow, though, doing that was even worse. Because he could’ve sworn he saw something in her eyes for just a minute, something really…familiar. But he made the mistake of blinking and in the next second Michael spotted her and rushed to hug her, awkward chairs and all.
He watched her as she talked and smiled with everyone, and he couldn’t help but think how typical it was of her to stay the same. She looked exactly the same. She dressed exactly the same. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that either. It was somewhat comforting that she hadn’t changed, but at the same time it saddened him. He suddenly hoped that he at least seemed a little different to her.
More than anything he just wanted to catch-up with her and find out what she’d been doing these past three years. But Michael was making another mind-numbing speech, so instead he just sat there next to her in silence.
“And now, without further ado, I present Greg Phillips…uh, boss of the cameras.”
Greg stood up and furrowed his eyebrows at Michael’s introduction. The group clapped politely, and Jim joined in at the last second, so out of it that the applause didn’t even register to him.
“Right. Thanks, Michael. I’m going to keep this short. Basically this is just a follow-up to the short series that aired a little over two years ago. Kind of like a “Where Are They Now?” except not so glamorous. Kidding. Um, I’m hoping this won’t take more than a week…I hate to do this, but Herb, we’re going to have to stick you in the back with Kelly and Toby, and Jim will take your desk...”
Jim glanced at the man who had seen sitting at his old desk earlier. Herb look a little disgruntled at Greg’s announcement. Jim folded his arms across his chest and sunk a little lower in his chair. He hated confrontation of any kind.
“…Pam will be taking over reception once again, and Ryan…well, you can just do what you always did. Okay, let’s get started.”
They were dismissed and Jim stood and faced Pam and said the first word that he had spoken to her in three years.
“Hey.”
How incredibly original of him.
“Hey,” she replied.
Jim shifted uncomfortably. This was not how it was supposed to be. What was it that he wanted to talk to her about earlier? His mind was drawing a blank. Something about her…or maybe not? He began to panic as he stood there wordlessly.
Luckily she broke the silence, “So how have you been?”
Awful. He’d been awful. “Fine. And yourself?”
“Fine.”
Silence again.
“You look, um, different, you know?” she said with a smile. “Your hair is a little shorter.”
He grinned at her, “Yeah, I figured I should probably grow up and get a haircut since I’m about to hit thirty and all.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me. Please.”
He made a face at her. “Oh come on, at least you’re younger than me.”
“That is true, old man,” she said with a laugh.
That laugh. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t heard it in so long. Standing with her in the conference room, it was almost like they had never even been apart. Like the whole thing had been a dream, and he had awoken to realize that things were exactly the same.
He felt a little giddy.
“Hey,” he began, “Do you want to—”
“Jim, can we see you for a moment?” Greg was sticking his head through the door, Dave, the camera guy standing patiently behind him.
“Uh, sure,” he answered, and he began to walk out of the room.
“Actually, in here is good. Pam, if you don’t mind waiting outside, we’ll get to you next.”
Pam raised her eyebrows and left the room a small half-smile playing on her lips.
Jim sat down in the chair that had been set-up for him, and was struck with that feeling of familiarity again. It really did seem like the past three years had been a dream, because here he was again in Scranton, in his suit and tie, waiting to be interviewed by the camera. What a nightmare.
But Pam had laughed and that made it immeasurably more bearable.
“How does it feel to be back?”
“Uh, kind of surreal. Didn’t really expect to come back here. Ever.”
“Is it good to see everyone again?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“Did you especially miss anyone in particular?”
And it was back to that again. The camera guys always dropping hints about Pam, trying to get him to say anything about her. He had made the mistake last time of obliging them—in what he had thought was a subtle way. But they were sneaky, those camera guys. They had recorded everything, moments when he had thought they were alone, moments that had seemed so innocent to him, and they had edited them with dialogue that had made him seem like a desperate fool in love.
Which was the truth, but still…
Jim never made the same mistakes twice.
“No,” he lied, and Greg raised his eyebrows in surprise.
--------
Being back at his old desk was a strange sensation. It was so familiar, the shape and feel of it. But there were pictures of teenagers smiling up at him, a weird stuffed parrot, and what seemed like hundreds of sticks of gum. Definitely not his stuff. When he had been in Stamford, he had pictured his old desk being a shrine to him. Pictures of him, candles burning constantly, Dwight weeping with a handkerchief. Jim smirked, but then felt sad.
Things changed. Time moved on without him. He was just a memory to this place. Some young kid that had worked there, and not even for very long. He had thought that he mattered, that he made Dunder-Mifflin Scranton a better place.
Obviously not.
He was sitting in the break room with Kevin, eating a sandwich, when Pam walked in and sat down. Jim swallowed quickly, nearly choking on the ham and cheese, and greeted her with a smile. They chatted about silly things, like the documentary, and how it felt to be back, until Kevin left and Jim felt like he could ask her some more personal things.
“So where have you been? What have you been up to?”
“Oh well, you know. Same old same old. I’ve been living in Philadelphia and um, doing secretary work, actually…”
Jim raised his eyebrows in surprise and Pam concentrated hard on tearing the crust off her sandwich. He had just assumed that because she had left Dunder-Mifflin, she had left secretary work for good. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling a little disappointed.
“But,” she continued, “It’s only temporary. I just need to save up some money and then…”
She sounded like she wasn’t sure what would happen after the saving money part.
“Well, that’s…good.” Jim was a terrible liar.
She waved her hand idly and forced a smile. “But what about you? What have you been up to?”
“Literally the same old same old. I’m still working in Stamford, so…”
He couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw her smile waver for a second.
“Well, that is…great.”
Her words sounded forced, just like he knew his had, and he suddenly realized something.
Maybe they were both just big disappointments to each other.
But he pushed that thought aside. Time for him to do some investigative work.
“Hey, so thanks for that message the other day.”
He saw a blush creep onto her face as she said, “Yeah, sorry about that. It was just—well, it was late and I was going through a box of stuff and I found the teapot you gave me for Christmas a few years back and well, I suddenly missed our friendship. Do you remember that teapot?”
Of course he did. But he wasn’t about to tell her he was crushed that she had been keeping it stored away in a box.
“Yeah,” he laughed, “Sorry I didn’t get you a real gift.”
“What? No, it was great,” she said, a huge smile on her face.
“Well, it’s no iPod.”
The smile left her face abruptly. She was silent for a moment, staring at him, before saying curtly, “I made my decision.”
They finished their meals in silence, and when Pam left the room, Jim felt like kicking himself. He had no reason for why he had said that, no valid reason, anyway. The only thing he could come up with as he left the break room was that she had wounded him first by saying she “found it in a box”. Even in his mind that sounded lame.
One thing was for sure though. As he headed to his desk he realized that time changes everything.
bright red shirt is the author of 6 other stories.
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