It wasn't really the same, he reasoned. Sometimes he actually believed himself, but sometimes... Sometimes he didn't.
It wasn't like the last time - the first time - they'd kissed. This was heated and impatient, not slow and careful, or tentative and nervous. They'd been hidden down in the parking lot, so far back that they could just about see up onto the roof of the building where Dwight was standing, perfectly visible in his bright orange ski cap, when Jim sent him a text message saying 'You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone.' It was less than a minute later that they heard a loud clattering noise somewhere in front of them as the phone was thrown from the roof.
"Ohhhh my god," Pam laughed in disbelief, hand over her mouth as she shook her head a little. "What did you send to him?"
Jim smiled innocently and replied, "Just that he'd been compromised, to abort the mission, and destroy his phone."
"Wow. That was amazing."
"Thanks," he said, smirking a little and perhaps looking a bit smug. "I thought it was pretty good, too."
She stared up at him with something akin to adoration on her face and Jim's smile faltered then faded. Her smile faded, too, but the look stayed in her eyes, which searched his for the same thing. For a split second, she thought she found it and, instead of waiting for it to disappear behind the mask that he'd been putting up since he'd come back, she took a step closer and kissed him. Just like that. Even she was surprised at herself. But, that melted away when the warmth passed from his lips to hers and his fingers walked underneath the heaviness of her winter coat to splay against her back. Later, she'd swear she had ten little ovals branded onto her skin.
She almost sighed in relief when he started to kiss her back, her fingers curling around his tie though she didn't need to pull him closer; he moved all on his own as he pulled her to him, their bodies pressed tightly together. His hands clutched at her sides, arms criss-crossed against her back now, as he bent down, tongue teasing her lips apart without patience.
She went home that night, feeling like she was walking on air, and he couldn't hide his smile when she finally ducked into her little blue car to drive away.
When Karen kissed him later on at her apartment, he tried to convince himself it was different than what had happened in the parking lot less than two hours before. And, it was, if you were speaking generally. Karen grinned against his lips, gently pulling him by his tie as she walked backwards towards her bedroom, and he actually chuckled, his hands roaming over the front of her button-down shirt as if someone else was pulling his limbs by strings attached to his wrists. By the time they made it to the bed, her shirt was off and so was his tie. She was working on the buttons of his shirt as she pushed him down against the rumpled sheets and as his fingers slip-slided down her ribs, he was thoroughly convinced that this was totally different. Because he'd never touched Pam like this and he couldn't imagine her whispering things into his ear the way Karen was.
Stretched out underneath the sheet in the dark, he wasn't so convinced, but he stayed, because she'd asked him to, her head against his chest and her hand softly pressed against his stomach. Because, surely, this had to be different. This was new and it was exciting. Karen was exotic and smart. She knew what she wanted and actually took it instead of just watching as opportunity after opportunity passed her by. Jim didn't feel like he needed to protect her or take care of her and that was definitely different.
He didn't tell her about what had happened with Pam in the parking lot after work. He'd already just chalked it up as another fluke, positive that Pam would act like had never happened when they returned to work the day after Christmas. Besides, this thing with Karen.. it was solid. That made it different to him.
They never talked about it, just like he'd expected. But, when he walked in on Tuesday morning, there was something in her eyes, in the look on her face.. Hope, maybe. He just offered her a smile and he looked away before he could witness how quickly her face fell.
She didn't try talking to him all morning. Not even about Dwight's involvement with the CIA. She stayed behind the safety of her desk until lunch and, even then, all she did was hurry into the break room to grab her yogurt before slipping out again to eat while taking messages and typing up memos.
It was sometime around two in the afternoon that Jim was distracted from a boring sales call by the ding of an instant message. 'Roof in ten minutes.' was all it said and when he turned around to look at her, she was already on her way out the door. He wrapped up the call in three minutes and started a game of solitaire. He made it through the cards twice before he realized he was too distracted to play and that he'd missed at least three good moves. It had only been another two minutes, but he couldn't wait any longer.
He avoided Karen's questioning look as he shrugged into his jacket and left the office, trying to take his time as he went. He climbed the ladder quickly, though, dreading the conversation that he imagined taking place. But, no conversation happened. Instead, he was blindsided three steps onto the roof. She hadn't bothered to grab her coat and her hands were freezing when they touched his cheek and fisted in his hair. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, tugging her close in an attempt to warm her. Their noses bumped against each other and their laughter erupted into small puffs of crystallized air between them.
"Come over tonight," she said, less a question and more a suggestive instruction. Before he could even think about it, he was agreeing, repeatedly in between kisses.
When Karen asked later if he wanted to meet for drinks, he gently declined, insisting the late meeting with Michael had given him a headache. Again, he ignored her look, walking her to her car and giving her a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth. "I'll see you tomorrow," he murmured, taking a large step back so she could open the door.
It was different. God, it was so different. And, he was definitely convinced now, hovering over her as they lay on the floor of her apartment. They were still mostly dressed, though his tie was gone and her shirt was open, and her hands were hesitating at his belt buckle. Even as she tugged it loose, one arm hooked over his shoulders and pulling him down against her; even when he slid the side zipper of her skirt down with painstaking slowness and she impatiently lifted her hips up from the floor to push it down to her ankles; even as she immediately wrapped her legs around his hips, taking him all in with a soft cry against his shoulder, he was sure it was different.
And, it was still different when they finally made it to her bedroom and curled up together. "Stay the night," she whispered in the dark as they pulled the sheets over their heads, effectively creating a bubble around them. He didn't respond, just shifted closer to hold her against his chest, pressing a kiss to her forehead and stroking his fingertips along her back.
They still hadn't talked and Jim didn't think they ever would, at this rate. But, he didn't want to ruin the moment by being the one to bring it up. He was still dating Karen and he was sure it was obvious by now. And yet, this had still happened. He'd let it happen. Because they were different, he explained to himself. The thing with Karen was one thing and this thing Pam had started was another. Two separate things and maybe he just planned to keep them that way.
Story Notes:
Thanks to Death Cab for the title. >>;; Also, thanks to Leah and Melly for being betas and serious encourage...ers. Or something. :D?
Disclaimer: The Office and it's respective characters do not belong to me. This is for fun, not profit.
sideviewhotel is the author of 7 other stories.
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