Living Arrangements (Space Expands)

It had become an ongoing discussion. In the car, on the way to work. While making dinner. Late at night in the dark, drifting off to sleep, drowsy voices muffled against each other’s skin.

So, when Pam mentioned going home for fresh clothes as they cleared the breakfast dishes that Sunday morning, Jim’s response came as no surprise.

‘See,’ he said, wearily, ‘this is exactly what I mean. Tell me it wouldn’t be easier if our stuff was in the same place?’

‘I know,’ she replied. ‘But, it still seems kind of soon. We’ve only been together what…a couple of months?’

‘I guess. If you don’t count the three or four years that you owned me…you know, before we were together.”

‘Okay, okay. But you really don’t worry it’s too much, too fast?’

‘Nope,’ he declared with confidence. ‘Besides, we spend every night together anyway, so … look, I feel like a broken record here, but you’ve got to admit it would be so much more convenient.’

‘That’s why? Because it would be convenient?’

‘C’mon, Pam,’ he grimaced slightly, his tone somewhere between bemused and exasperated. ‘You know that’s not it. I just want you here.’

‘You, me…and Mark,’ she added skeptically, referring to a recent suggestion he’d made.

‘Alright, so scratch that,’ he conceded, smiling now. ‘The Three’s Company fantasy doesn’t work with another guy anyway.’

‘We’ll find a new place,’ he went on. ‘But in the meantime, we can live at your apartment.’

‘Interesting, Halpert,’ she mused, refocusing on drying the wet dishes as he handed them to her.

‘How so?’

‘Just saying, not too long ago, the thought of your…. girlfriend…. moving two blocks away freaked you out.’

‘Ah, the truth comes out. That was completely different.’

‘Oh yeah?

‘Yeah,’ he imitated her, grabbing the dishtowel away and gently swiping her rear with it.

‘For starters, there’s the being in love with you thing…minor point, I know,’ he smirked. ‘And with… Karen, I don’t know…it was like a runaway train.’

‘I remember,’ Pam said quietly, an involuntary trace of residual sadness creeping into her voice.

‘Well, you’re the one who convinced me I was being stupid not to go along with it,’ he smiled ironically, obviously feeling the shift as well.

Jim was rarely so verbal about this subject. It wasn’t a particular favorite of hers either, but at least talking about it was better than all the months when the barely hidden hurt clouding his eyes and the sharp twisting in her chest were its only expression.

‘You know,’ he continued, being Jim, trying to lighten the mood, ‘you were supposed to be jealous and tell me what a bad idea it was.’

‘I was jealous. I cried on Dwight’s shoulder, for God’s sake,’ she told him. Again. This was one of the things she couldn’t repeat enough. ‘But, back then, I was still all about lying in the bed I’d made.’

‘Well, you totally missed your cue on that one, Beesly,’ he chuckled ruefully.

‘God, we were a communications disaster.’

‘Ya think?’

She rose on her tiptoes and kissed him hard, in reply. He pulled her against him, responding in kind. Message emphatically taken. The time warp closed and they were safely back in the present. And just about finished with the dishes.

Jim took Pam’s hand and led her into the living room, where he lied lazily back on the sofa and gestured for her to join him. As she sunk in, sprawled half on top of him, he closed his arms around her, one warm hand sliding under her tee shirt to stroke her back, the other tangling in her hair. Going home for clean clothes could wait.

There was no question that Pam wanted to live with him. Sometimes she thought she’d be happy living in his pocket, if she’d fit. It was just that everything had happened so fast, since they’d finally stopped constructing obstacle courses. Since they’d made the tacit decision to just…not. Yet, the memory of their disconnect remained excruciatingly vivid. They were still in the process of figuring out how this new order worked. She feared that any change could somehow unravel things all over again. It was irrational, but there it was.

‘Where am I going to go?’ Jim would ask reassuringly, whenever she’d confide her insecurities.

‘Oh, I dunno…. Connecticut? Australia?’

‘Not unless the wedding to Roy is back on,’ he’d smirk. ‘Anyway, how could I leave Dwight? It might kill him to lose me again.’

Pam nuzzled her face against Jim’s chest and inhaled, as if for confirmation. She trusted him implicitly. Bottom line was, she knew she needed to take the same leap he had and trust it.

‘I still can’t sleep without you,’ he murmured, softly kissing the top of her head.

God, he drove a hard bargain. No wonder he’s such a good salesman, she thought. The fact, however, was that she needed no persuasion in this regard. She couldn’t sleep without him either anymore. She didn’t even want to try.

Just the previous Friday night, she’d had to attend an art school event and Jim had been out with an old college friend who was in town. It had gotten late, they’d both been exhausted and ultimately decided it would just be simpler to spend the night separately. Turned out not to be such a great idea. She’d tossed restlessly for well over an hour before picking up the phone, feeling a little pathetic calling him at one in the morning.

‘Come over?’ she’d said simply when he’d answered.

‘Be right there,’ he’d replied without hesitation, sounding equally wide-awake and not the least bit surprised.

She’d gotten back into bed to wait. Just knowing he was on his way relaxed her. By the time he’d let himself in, no more than twenty minutes later, she was already half asleep. He’d quickly undressed and climbed in behind her.

‘Hey,’ she’d said, dreamily, as he gathered her to him.

‘I was just in the neighborhood,’ he’d whispered, his lips against the back of her neck, ‘thought I’d drop by.’

Within minutes of hearing his voice and feeling him all around her, she’d gone under.

The next morning, she’d woken up first, and alternated between dozing and watching Jim sleep. When he’d finally opened his eyes, he’d smiled hazily and reached for her. They’d made love slowly and simply, as they had many mornings. Barely awake, Jim holding her close against him, achingly deep deep inside her, moving just enough. Just right. Afterwards, they’d fallen back to sleep still wrapped around each other and when they’d awoken again it had been almost noon. And perfect. And, Christ, she loved him.

‘…So, what do you think?’ Jim was asking, reeling her back into their conversation.

‘Well, my apartment is so tiny, wouldn’t you feel crowded?’

‘No.’

‘I only have…one chair in my living room.’

‘So what? You can sit in my lap…or I’ll sit in yours.’

Laughing, she propped herself up so she could see his face.

‘Besides, don’t forget your sofa,’ he leaned forward to kiss her, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. ‘I have some very fond memories of that sofa.’

‘And I paint in there and make a big mess and it takes over half the room and I completely zone out on everything else,’ she said in one breath.

‘I love when you paint. Try again.’

This, Pam knew, was true. They’d spent entire afternoons together, barely speaking, while she drew or painted and he read or watched a game on television. He’d wait until she started putting away her supplies and then come over to see what she was doing. She didn’t recall Roy ever seeming content to just be with her like that. Much less show genuine interest in her work.

‘What about how small my bed is?’ she persisted.

They both had standard doubles, hardly big enough for two. Especially when one of them was Jim-size.

‘Remember Boston?’ he replied, not missing a beat.

They’d gone there to attend her cousin’s wedding a couple of weeks before and had spent two nights in a hotel. Their room had had a queen bed, yet they’d wound up occupying about a third of it. The second night, they’d even attempted to spread-out, somehow feeling obliged to take advantage of the rare luxury of room-to-move. It had been useless; within minutes they’d migrated towards the center. And each other. Reality was, they could practically sleep in a single bed together and it would be fine.

‘You’re always complaining about my shower.’

‘Only time I don’t like your shower is when you’re not in it with me,’ he retorted.

‘Well, what if I don’t happen to need a shower when you do?’

‘Then I’ll just have to get you dirty first,’ he smiled, seeing her blush a little. ‘Problem solved. What else you got?’

‘Okay,’ she pronounced, as if rising to a challenge, ‘need I remind you that I only have one kitchen?’

‘Now, that could be a deal breaker.’

‘Figures,’ she lightly bit his neck in feigned aggravation.

‘But, seriously, Jim…you’ve never lived with anyone before. You’re used to having your own space.’

‘Did you pay no attention in high school Physics, Pam?’ he asked. ‘Space expands.’

‘Ah, so you have an actual theory about the effects of cohabitation on space?’

‘Cohabitation? Are you channeling Angela? Cause, frankly, the whole living in sin thing is kind of hot.’

He pulled her mouth to his again, just in case she missed his point. When they broke apart, he went on.

‘Nope, no theory, just gut instinct. And aside from a couple of notable lapses,’ he cleared his throat for emphasis, ‘I happen to have excellent instincts about you, Pam.’

‘Yeah. You do,’ she said softly. He absolutely did.

‘So…?’

‘You’re not afraid you’d feel suffocated?’

‘You’re kidding right?’ he groaned. ‘Why, are you?’

‘God, no.’

Jim held her gaze more seriously now. With that look of slightly nervous and utterly defenseless longing that only he could manage. It was her undoing every time.

‘Live with me.’

‘You’re sure about this?’

‘Live with me.’

Pam paused for just a second. His certainty was infectious. There was only one thing left to say.

‘I thought you’d never ask.’

****************************

They spent the next few hours celebrating their decision in a way that made a change of clothes, any clothes for that matter, completely unnecessary. And when they finally did leave Jim’s house, it was to bring back packing boxes.

Space had already expanded. Rearranging it a little wasn’t going to make it fall apart.